The Slobacy Chapter 3.6: Insanity University

1It’s time for the second half of the college saga in the Slobacy, a legacy of slobs!  And as you can see, their genes are already leaving a mark on their children.

“That’s what three years of macaroni and cheese will do to you!” ~Barnabas

In this chapter, the kids start graduating one by one, but not without some obstacles, aspirational re-rolling, and the announcement of who will be the heiress of the fourth generation!2First up for heirship is Charlotte, who is a romanti-CHARLOTTE!  Someone call an ambulance!

“Don’t be silly.  I’m not hurt!  This is how we have been entering and leaving this room for a couple of years now!” ~Charlotte

Ah, yes.  That doorway is broken.  Or maybe my sims are.  I just wonder why I’m now noticing that this late in the school year.3The second up for heirship is Gina, the girl in the bathing suit, dancing with her twin brother, Gino.

This is the first time I’ve seen the bonfire dance, considering the bonfire is on the other side of the lot.  Then again, they have been near the bar all night, so maybe it’s just safer to dance over here after all the drinks they have been consuming.4Dawson, the local SS member, has not only stalked Silhouette in college, but also has a new obsession with Charlotte, which has turned into a crush.  He then followed her on a date with Roland, and now he is mad as crap with her.

“Oh, Dawson!  I’m so sorry I dated Roland in front of you, but since you got a new appearance, I have gained another lighting bold for you (I’m not kidding, she did.  I think one of her turn ons might be facial hair anyway).  So, will you please forgive me and help me with my decaying gold aspiration bar?” ~Charlotte5“It’s ok, I forgive you!  I can’t stay mad at you forever.  You’re just too hot!” ~Dawson

“Oh, that’s great!  Catch me, then!” ~Charlotte6“OW!  Why didn’t you catch me?!” ~Charlotte

“Because I lied.  I don’t forgive you!  It’s going to take days for me to get over my emotional scarring!” ~Dawson

So then don’t tell her you forgive her then, liar!
7It was about that time that the poll for the next heiress wrapped up.  So, on the eve of their junior year, I would like to announce that the audience has decided.  And the new heiress shall be…

*Drum roll*8GINA!

“YES!  I KNEW IT!  I am the PERFECT sim for heir!  I have won over the world!” ~Gina

“NOOOOOOOO!!” ~Charlotte9“So, you are really serious?!  I’m heiress?!  This isn’t one of your dumb, cruel jokes, is it?!” ~Gina

Nope.  I’m serious.  You are heiress, as much as it pains me to say.  More people liked you for some reason.

Sob.10“Oh, I’m really REALLY heiress!  I… sniff… I feel like a PRINCESS!” ~Gina

~There she is!  Miss SimCity…~11~There she is, the ideal!~
~The dream of a million sim girls,
But a million sim girls would be too much laaaag…~

“NO!  WAAAH!  Not Gina!  Why Gina?!  WHY?!” ~Sabrina
12“I would like to thank everyone that voted for me to win this honor as heiress, and I would like to thank my sister for being such a good sport and playing along like she stood a chance against talent like me.” ~Gina13“Bite me, Gina.” ~Charlotte

“That’s great, sister!  After your acceptance speech, you want me to come up on stage and do your talent part of the show?  I got my dancing tights on!” ~Gino

“Uh, thanks everyone that’s all we have time for, that concludes our show now, bye!” ~Gina14Congrats, Gina.  You finally got what you wanted, so I guess after all this is said and done, you get to go home, marry a slob, and start popping out children that you probably do not want.

“Thanks and-wait.  THAT’S what an heiress does?!  I thought I was going to be, like, heiress to a throne or something.” ~Gina

Yep.  You will be queen of your own little trash heap.  Have fun with that!15Meanwhile, Barnabas has lost his teeth again, because he keeps having this off-again-on-again problem with his vampire fangs.

“There they are, right above my head!  Can you grab them and put them back in my mouth right here?  It will only take a second of your time!” ~Barnabas

No.  Get Nerissa, or Sunny, to do it for you.16Besides Barnabas, there is another vampire, Sunny, who for some magic reason isn’t affected by the sunlight during the day.  I guess that’s why her name is Sunny.

“Hey, look at me!  I can survive in the sunlight too!” ~Barnabas

No, you can’t.  Get in your coffin NOW.17There are a couple of theories popping up about why Bayonette hates Gina, mostly revolving around Bayonette being a neat freak and Gina being a slob.

I just like to think that Bayonette was on Team Charlotte with me.

“I voted for Charlotte, and your little spoiled butt got the vote anyway!  Prepare for your demise!” ~Bayonette
18Well, this was inevitable.19“HAh!  That’s what you get for winning the heirship!” ~Bayonette

“Ah, NO, help! My head is stuck in the stall wall!  Someone, anyone, call the fire department!” ~Gina20“Oh, that Gina is so fine!  I’m so glad she got the heirship!  She can pancake my omelettes all day!” ~Kari

I’m worried because she’s in the same house as my girls all day.  And it’s not just an attraction to Gina she has…21“Oh, Charlotte!  She’s so beautiful!  Macaroni my cheese and call me spaghetti!” ~Kari

And she’s not the only old lady that’s obsessed with her work and the girls.22“You!  You big fat tub of lard!  Drop and give me twenty!” ~Anna

Um, Anna, that’s a dresser.  Nobody has been in Charlotte’s room for about two hours now.

“If no one is in this room, then who’s standing over there in the big red dress?!  Now give me some jumping jacks, you lazy bag of bones!” ~Anna

Get some glasses.23Gina’s llama headed boyfriend came over one day, and I thought that it was time to award Gina for winning the heirship with her first woohoo.

“ALRIGHT!  Those guys over in the locker room told me I wouldn’t get lucky with this thing on!  Well, look at me now!” ~Simon

“Oh, stop talking and get over here and let’s vo our gerbits!” ~Gina

Ew.24So Gina had her first time with the llama mascot in random dormie Joy’s room.25This is the face of the man behind the llama’s head.  He kinda reminds me of Korey Collins.

“Oh great.  I just woohooed my great grandfather’s reincarnation.” ~Gina26“You see those blue things over there?” ~Bayonette

“Yeah, those are his fangs, and I’ve been trying to figure out why they are doing that.” ~Sabrina

“Do you think they will ever fix themselves permanently?” ~Bayonette

“Pfft, that’s why I’m here!  I’m going to stick them back in his mouth while he’s asleep!  Don’t worry about me, I’m a pro!” ~Sabrina
27“BLEEEH!” ~Barnabas

“AHH!  NO!  A vampire!” ~Sabrina

“Humph, a pro alright.” ~Bayonette28“Oh, my!  They are both in the room with me!  They are both so hot!  I can’t decide which one is better!  Ok, I pick Gina!” ~Kari

“Tch, you and many others.” ~Charlotte29And so, Junior year finally rolled around, and it was time to reroll everyone.  Barnabas rerolled Wealth, again, so I left him alone.  Charlotte also rolled Wealth, so she’s no longer after 20 lovers, but wants to be a city planner.  So go ahead, and go pick up all your date flowers off the porch.  We didn’t make your first LTW.

“So, what am I supposed to do with the six lovers I DO have?!” ~Charlotte
30And as for Gina… Sob!

This die is loaded!  Where’s the other die to this pair?!

“I can’t let my sister outdo me!  I may be heiress, but that doesn’t mean I can’t let her get better at an aspiration I would be better in!” ~Gina

Gina now wants to be the hand of Poseidon.
31I left Gino and Marionette alone, because I don’t care much about them, so Nerissa is the only one that I rolled something on other than leave her with her child stuck-state.  She’s now a Knowledge sim, and wants to be, uh, who remembers.  Changing her aspiration caused her to lose her perma-platinum mood, but now she also doesn’t have the metabolism of a three year old.

“Oh, pancakes!  Gina is still so hot!  I’m so happy to serve her!” ~Kari

At first I thought that Karl was just attracted to the girls because of their old romance aspiration, but she still fawns over them from time to time.  She’s just a wierd old woman.32At one point, I was watching Gina play darts or something and heard the I’m-in-love jingle and frantically searched the house for Barnabas and Sunny.

Turns out that Bayonette was in the kitchen flirting with the one eyed viking, Nery.  I had no idea they had a thing going on, or even had chemistry with each other in the first place.  Goes to show you how much I pay attention to spares.33So, for the first time in about half a century, at least, Bayonette got her first kiss.

Or her lips sucked off, I don’t know what this is.34And so they did it for the first time in the privacy of Joy’s room.

I’m sure that poor girl hates this place.35Bayonette is not the only one to find love when I’m not looking.

Charlotte and Dawson finally patched things up again, because Dawson can’t keep hating the girl he’s stalking forever, now can he?36“You! I don’t care if you are my brother, I’m so mad at you for something!” ~Marionette

“I just peed in the shower only a couple of times, I’m sorry about that!” ~Barnabas

“You did WHAT?!” ~Marionette37“Oh, boohoo!  I’m so sorry!  I’m such a bad brother!” ~Barnabas

“Good grief!  Is this wuss really crying?!  What a baby.” ~Marionette

The one time Marionette comes out of the woodwork and it’s just so she can be horrible to her dormmates.38“You!  Sleeping in your brother’s bed when your own is down the hall!  You have a lot of nerve, you brat!” ~Marionette

“What is the matter with you, Aunt Marionette?!  We were fine with each other just days ago!” ~Gina39But Gina isn’t going to be cornered and attacked by a bunch of dorm enemies, because one of them graduates today.

Bayonette, who has been here for college for a couple of generations now, is finally having her own party, and getting the hell out of here.40The only two people that came to her graduation party was her niece Roulette, and me, who just got off work or something.

Or maybe I’m the hired clown of the party.  I don’t know.
41“Way to go out with a big bang, best friend.” ~Nerissa

And so, Bayonette finally moves out and will be missed.  Bye, Bayonette.

No one else really cared.
42She grew up in the same thing, just a different color.

“What can I say, I love country music!” ~Bayonette

It was around this point that my brother accidentally ripped the power cord out of the wall, and I had to throw Bayonette the party all over again, where she grew up in the same skirt, with another color.

“Like I said. Now where’s the ranch I was promised?!” ~Bayonette43Skylar, the kid Bayonette was enemies with in her Freshman year, moved back in and took over her old room, with Sunny still sleeping in it.

Have fun with a pink room, Skylar!  You jerk.
44After Bayonette left, Anna the coach came back with a vengeance, and Charlotte was her most common victim.

“Do some push u-” ~Anna

“WAAAAH!  I don’t WANT to!” ~Charlotte45“What?!  I have never had a kid tell me NO before!  Why don’t you want to do some push ups, young lady?!” ~Anna46“Because I like being lazy and fat.” ~Charlotte

“That’s not a good lifestyle!  Now I want you to give me some sit ups right now or-” ~Anna

“HEY!  If Miss Charlotte wants to keep her sexy, curvy booty, let her!  If you don’t, I’ll spaghetti your pancake!” ~Kari

“OK, ok.” ~Anna47“Who is sitting here?!” ~Anna

“Uh, no one.” ~Marionette

“MAKE THEM DO SOME PUSH UPS!” ~Anna48“Ok.  If that chair doesn’t want to do a workout routine, then YOU do one!” ~Anna

“But, I have a doctor’s excuse not to!” ~Marionette

“No, you don’t!  You are perfectly healthy and capable to do sit ups!  Now let’s go!” ~Anna49“But WAAAH!  I don’t WANT to!” ~Marionette

“Don’t copy that fat Charlotte!  Ugh!  Why do these kids keep giving me a hard time?!” ~Anna50“Ack!  The sun!  The sun, it BURNS!” ~Barnabas

“Mmm, I could really go for something fancy right now, like lobster thermidor or something.” ~Sunny

Another fine example of the magical powers of staying alive that Sunny has.
51“Hey you two!  I want twenty jumping jacks by the time I blow this whistle!” ~Anna

“I can’t hear you.  My face is in a llama, la la la la!” ~Gina52“I got some action again today!  WOO!  Vo Gerbits!” ~Simon

“Why can’t I have some action?!  I’m unloved!  And so miserable!” ~Marionette

She failed to go on her final and had to be on academic suspension because halfway to class.  So, as angry as I was with her, I thought it was time to set her up with a man.53So she called Steffi and…

NOOOO.  Wrong sim, Steffi.

The new slob man is finally here.  After the hours I spent looking for him, he appears on their front doorstep.  Go figure.54“I can’t date this man, Steffi!” ~Marionette

“Er, why not?  You two have great chemistry together.  You’d be perfect!” ~Steffi

“Because this is going to be Gina’s man!  And as much as I hate Gina, I can’t take him!” ~Marionette

“I’m who’s man?!” ~Slob55I took the opportunity to try to set Gina up with the new slob, and meanwhile, set Marionette up on another date, with a man that has the same last name as the new slob.

“What do you fear the most, Charlie?” ~Marionette

“You know that Tara girl that recently died?  I’d be terrified if she came back as a zombie!” ~Charlie

…You would, wouldn’t you.56“I know what you fear, Marionette!  Bleh!  This is what you get for being mean and yelling at me earlier this week! BLEH!” ~Barnabas

“No, Barnabas!  Not while I’m on a date!” ~Marionette57“You’ve made me go wet myself!  I want my bottle!  Mommy!” ~Marionette

Not something you want to go do to yourself on your date, Marionette.  But Barnabas enjoys it.58Anyway, after that embarrassment, she went out with Charlie again.  They were perfect together, so they went to Googycoo’s, got engaged, and now Marionette’s all happy again.

Now shut up with your aspiration, Marionette, and let me get back to the kids that matter.59“Right now!  Drop and give me forty!  I don’t care if you are butt naked!  Obesity won’t wait while you put your clothes on!” ~Anna

Oh, come on, Anna!  Give Charlotte a break and stop following her everywhere!60“I hate you!  I had to give up on the one man that could have been my perfect soul mate and stick with his brother!  I don’t care how happy he makes me, I will never forgive you!” ~Marionette

Enjoy heirship, Gina.61“My word!  You have gotten as big as a house!  I want you to do jumping jacks, right NOW!” ~Anna

I see you forgot your glasses again, Anna.62Meanwhile, while I wasn’t looking or caring, Nerissa got into the SS.

I’m proud of her, yay.  Oh well.64“I just don’t understand it Gina.  I am nice to everyone and I’m the ideal sim.  Why does Marionette hate me so much?” ~Gina

“I think she’s just jealous, sister.  You get everything as heiress, and she’s going to be spare for the rest of her life.  I’d pity her.” ~Gino
65While watching Gina do a workout routine, I hear the boinging noise of a cheater getting caught, and desperately searched for Sunny and Barnabas again.

It was Charlotte, catching Dawson with the cow, and ruining their chances of true love forever.

“We just got over me being a cheater, and then you turn around and accept a flirt with the cow!  I hate you, Dawson!  Don’t you ever talk to me again!” ~Charlotte

Meanwhile the cow is as oblivious to her crime as always.  The few times she comes over, and she really messes everything up.66So annoying, perky cheerleader Katerina to the rescue!

“Take THIS, you homewrecker!” ~Katerina

“Yeaaahaha, tip that cow over, Katerina!” ~Charlotte

Hey, Katerina IS good for something.
67Finally, senior year comes to a close, and the first to graduate and have his party is Barnabas, because if I hear “AHH, the SUN, but first I must complement Sunny on her boobs” one more time, I’m just going to let him roast.68“I would like to toast Sabrina, because for four long years, she has kept me alive and in line and managed to keep my grades up, even though I was working long and hard on my nieces’ schoolwork in their places!  Thanks, Sabrina!” ~Barnabas

Yeah, you better thank me.  I’ve never had such a hard time keeping a sim from dying like I had with Barnabas69Afterwards?

“Ohmahgaw that guy STINKS!” ~Everyone

“Can you go take a bath, spare?  We are busy toasting myself, as you can see!” ~Sabrina70“Toast to us, Nerissa!  Because after forever, we are finally out of this crap hole and we are going to leave this stupid smelly legacy forever!” ~Barnabas

“Hear, hear!” ~Nerissa71“Mmm, not quite, Barnabas.  I want you to go back with Gina to the legacy house.” ~Sabrina

“WHAT?!  WHY?!” ~Barnabas

“Well, besides all the times you tried to kill yourself, you are actually my favorite sim to play with, also, her future kids might need a night time nanny.” ~Sabrina72“Sniff… it’s not fair.  I just wanted to move out with Sunny and finally start my life with her.” ~Barnabas

“Nerissa.  You are engaged to Nerissa.” ~Sabrina

“Whoever!” ~Barnabas

“Don’t worry!  One day, you will move out, I promise.  Just not right now.  So, if you will, stop trying to look down my shirt.” ~Sabrina73And so his party was good and he grew up thinking that 80’s Miami suit looks good on vampires.

HAHAHAHAHAHA!

We will fix that back at the house.74The next morning, right before Charlotte’s graduation party, Dawson took her in his arms and kissed her again, so now they are all happy and together again.  She then rolled the want to get engaged to Dawson.  Aww, but I forgot about it and went on with the party.  Oh well.  I’ll think about it.75Goodbye, my prodigy child!  Oh, sniff.  You were the only child that was good at anything, and I wish you will on your journey into adulthood.  Now stop juggling tumblers and get ready to move out.

Just one more thing before you go:76“Just one set of pull ups!  Right now, before you leave!” ~Anna

“NOOO!  WAAAH!  This is my graduation!  Leave me alone!” ~Charlotte77Nerissa graduated soon after, but I didn’t care about her graduation party and she moved out with Charlotte, awaiting the day for her love to finally move out of the legacy house and bla bla bla GET OUT OF HIS COFFIN.78Then finally, we have Gina

“PARTY!  WOO!  Heiress time HERE I COME!” ~Gina

Behold, my heiress.  Whether I want her to be or not.79So Gina said goodbye to her college boyfriend, who also thought he was graduating, ha ha, and moved out and back to the Collins’ household.80“Hey, the outfit that my mother grew up in during her birthday party!  Woo!” ~Gina

I’ll fix that at the house.81Gino didn’t do his final like Marionette, and is still stuck behind at the dorm, in the doorway.

“Yeah, you should really get this fixed.” ~Gino

So, with that, we end this chapter and finally go back to the legacy household to start the fifth generation.  Woo!  Until next time!

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The Slobacy Chapter 3.5: School is in Session

1Welcome back to the Slobacy, where slob men are the prize for all the lovely brides that have the honor of carrying on the family name.

Except for the spares like Bayonette here, who has been in college for two generations, making her at least 65 in real time, I’m presuming.  But hold on to your cowgirl hat, little missy!  Because you will soon have some new dormmates!2“It’s so boring around here.  All I ever get to do is sit around and watch other losers dance for my entertainment, never have to go to do school work for this university, and never age!  My life sucks!  Wait, did I just hear a taxi drive away outside?” ~Bayonette3You sure did, Bayonette!  Now go downstairs and welcome the new kids that are coming to school with you.

First up is the spare Gino, who bla bla bla, I don’t care too much about.  But I gave him a makeover because I was nice enough to not let him run around in a sweatsuit for the rest of his college career.  He was actually smart enough to get through college without my help and managed to get on the dean’s list a couple of times all on his own.  Good for you, Gino.  Goodbye, Gino.4Next, we have Barnabas… Um, Barnabas, you have something on your face.

“Yes, I got new piercings!  I’m trendy now!” ~Barnabas

Well, besides that.  His fangs glitched up and spend most of the time floating around his head while he attended college.  Oh, the powers of a vampire.5Barnabas’ girlfriend, Nerissa, was also dragged along for the ride, has very good skills for some reason, and is already permanently platinum, despite still having the Grow Up aspiration.

“I’m living a really fulfilling life with the mind of a child, thank you very much!” ~Nerissa

She also has the mannerisms of a child in my opinion.  She always needs to eat, or at least whine about it.  And it’s that, or sleeping.

Also, Marionette is here in the dorm as well, but she is so boring.  I couldn’t even take a picture of her without falling asleep on my own keyboard.6And finally, we have the two girls competing for heirship: Charlotte and Gina.

“Hey sis!  If I don’t win that heirship, I’m going to hit you in the head with a baseball bat.  Just saying.” ~Gina

“Um, that’s good to know…” ~Charlotte7Both are romantics, and desperately need to be rerolled in their junior year.  But until then, I will try to get as many lovers as Charlotte calls for, but I’m not going to reach her 20 lover criteria before junior year, I can see this now.

“Ok, Steffi.  I’m a big girl now, and I need you to give a big girl a man she can actually USE, you know what I mean?” ~Charlotte

“You bet!  Just pay me up front and I’ll see what I can summon for you.” ~Steffi8“Here is all of my brother’s scholarship money he worked so hard to get!” ~Charlotte

“That’s a good chunk of cash!  I think I can whip something up for you for a one night stand.” ~Steffi

Meanwhile, Gino tried to figure out why he had to cancel on his meal plan for the next four years already.9She got, uh, some waiter, Alon, or Abhjieet, or Ablabla what ever.  Just something to give her aspirational points.10“Pfft, I know, I’m hot.  If I could, I would make out with myself.” ~Charlotte

This is actually a popular subject for her.  It’s a little shallow that they kept talking about how hot she is, but if it makes everyone happy, I’m not complaining.11Meanwhile, Gina can’t stand to watch her sister get ahead of her in the dating scene already, so even before she got her own dorm room, she rolled a date want, and was hooked up with Simon, the llama mascot.

“I was just cheering in my bathroom and I suddenly got teleported to some dorm in the middle of the night!  This isn’t another trick played on me by the football players, is it?!” ~Simon12In order for the girls to get on with their love lives while doing good in school, Barnabas is back on homework duty for the two of them, pretty much eradicating his own life, and time he could be spending with his own girlfriend.

“I don’t know if I’m doing their homework right anyway, but I hope so.  If the answer to “Where was Lincoln born?” Isn’t “Transylvania”, Gina is going to hit me with the baseball bat again!” ~Barnabas
13Oh, yes, and he has to sleep outside next to the road in order for him to get to class everyday, like he had to do at home.  Because the walk from his claimed dorm room to school and back about kills him everyday.  It only takes a few extra seconds of my neglect for him to burn out in the front yard.14It was near his new coffin that Gina and Simon shared their first kiss.  Well, more like the first time the llama embedded its face into her brain, but Gina’s in the platinum, so if the head trauma gets her all excited, then so be it.15“Hey!  Get up!  Rise and shine, newbie!  You must pay attention to my frantic cheering!  After all, you paid attention to Simon’s!  Why not mine?!” ~Katerina

And so begins the escapade with the annoying, room invading cheerleader.

I love college.

Luckily, Gina is a heavy sleeper, so Katerina was ignored, pretty much just like she was for the remainder of the year.16“Alright, time to come and watch my sister sleep!” ~Gino

“And then, all three of us will be together and watch the sun rise!” ~Bayonette

“We are such a great family!” ~Gino17Meanwhile, Charlotte still hasn’t slept, thanks to all the boosts she gets from her dates.  Just like a druggie, her addiction to boys and romance kept her up for days on end.

“I need mah fix, Steffi!” ~Charlotte18“Just GIVE me that thing!  I need more!  MORE!” ~Charlotte

“I know that you’re giving me good business and all, but you need to be seeking help for this now, girl.  Now back off, and let go of the crystal ball before I stab you in the face with this sponge!” ~Steffi19“Barnabas, I have a date today, and I’ve noticed that my grades are getting slack, and I was wondering if you could go ahead and do two assignments for me right quick.  Barnabas?” ~Charlotte20“BLEH!  Do your OWN damn assignments for once!  I’ve been doing everyone else’s all night!” ~Barnabas

“AHH!  OK, OK!  I see you are busy, you can do it later!” ~Charlotte21Charlotte went on a date with her mother’s best friend from work, Abhjieet, the hookah-smoking cop.

“Oh, Charlotte!  You have no idea how long I’ve waited for you to become legal!” ~Abhjieet

They have a three bolt chemistry.  Then again, she had three bolts with two of her past three dates, making her extremely easy to please.  Or just extremely easy.22Gina wants to be a professional party guest, so I think Simon is all she needs to keep her happy.  But I got her a hobby in styling other people’s hair for the meantime.

“Don’t worry, Sunny!  I may not have done anyone’s hair before, but look at my own hair!  It’s great, right?!  I think it qualifies me to give you something better than those two head buns you call style.” ~Gina
23“I don’t know if I should be trusting a salon that’s taking place on a front porch.” ~Sunny

“Don’t worry!  I’m just going to take these scissors and lop off the bun thingies…” ~Gina

“You’re in good hands!  My sister also did my hair!” ~Gino

“Maybe this is a bad idea…” ~Sunny24“Ohmahgawd, wow!  I’m hot!  You did a great job for a first timer!” ~Sunny

“I really did, didn’t I?!  Then again, I’m a great sim; I’m going to be an heiress one day!  OF COURSE I would do a great job doing people’s hair!” ~Gina25“Then again, maybe not.” ~Gina26Sexy college co-eds, dancing close together in their undies to salsa on the radio, surely it can only get better from here.27“Pillow fight!” ~Nerissa

“Aw, no fair, Nerissa!  Hee hee, you’re my BEEEST friend ever!” ~Bayonette

“Yay, let’s kiss on it!” ~Nerissa

“No.” ~Bayonette28“I’m hot, like, so fine!  I know right, who wouldn’t want to be with a smoking hottie like me?!” ~Charlotte

What’s sad is that she’s talking to her own mother on the phone here.29“Ooooh, boobies…” ~Dawson

“Why, yes.  Yes, they are.” ~Charlotte30“And you aren’t that bad looking either.  I’m very, VERY attracted to you…” ~Charlotte

“Really?  You’re attracted to ME?!  I’ve fallen in love with a lot of girls, but you are the first one to give me the time of day!” ~Dawson

Then again, Dawson stalked her grandmother in college, and I’m saying this now, because he still stalks everyone off this lot, as we will find out later.31Later that night, one of her boyfriends wanted to take her on a date downtown, and where do they go?  A 24 hour motel.  Real classy, dude.32It is here and with this guy, she has her first woohoo.  Nothing says romance like having your first time with the pizza boy in a $10 motel.33On campus, Barnabas gets a well deserved break from homework, and constantly followed Sunny around, claiming that he just wants to admire her in her underwear and throw a football with her.

I can see those two lightning bolts, Barnabas.  You aren’t fooling me ! And you already have a lover, so quit it.
34“Oh, Barnabas!  You dance like a pro!” ~Sunny

“That’s right, baby!  Tsang footwork scholarship, all the way!” ~Barnabas

Go get back in your coffin now, lover boy.35Meanwhile, Charlotte had just gotten back to her dorm when another one of her suitors invites her back to the motel, then follows her into the dingy bathroom.  Because all dream dates should start out with some making out in a dirty shower stall.36Ah, I see Gina has gotten to you too, Dawson.37Really, Gino?  I go to put Bayonette to bed in her own room, and you are in here on her bike in ballet tights…

“You never know when I’ll be in the mood to DANCE!  I gotta be prepared for it!” ~Gino38Meanwhile, Nerissa is still shoveling down bowl after bowl of food.  I swear, this is all this girl does.  No matter what time of the day it is, almost every time I go to the kitchen, she’s in there starving to death.  Someone make this girl some blackened catfish or something filling for once!39“Hey, I’ve never met you before in my life!  Want to go upstairs and join me in my brother’s unused room on a double bed?” ~Charlotte

“I have a wife, but sure ! I would love to!” ~Gavin40Barnabas still has a room, but sleeping in the yard leaves this room open for a double bed.  Which many sims will find an attraction to with their dates and lovers.  Namely Charlotte here.41“Um, sis?  I’m kinda busy at the moment.  Can you look at uncle’s old poster some other time?” ~Charlotte

“And miss out on a chance to ruin my sister’s little romp and mess up her date?  I don’t think so. “~Gina42“Hey, Dawson.  Come in here and give me a second opinion on this poster.” ~Gina

“I think that it draws my eye along the paper surprisingly well, but it lacks depth and is unbalanced by the girl on the left of the photo.” ~Dawson

“Seriously, people?!” ~Charlotte43Oh, come on!  I’m trying to get a dream date going on in here, people!

“WHY do you care so much about Charlotte?!  You should be focusing on ME!  ME and MY llama boyfriend!  I’m the better option for heir here!” ~Gina

“Woo!  She is so hot!  Who knew she could bend that way?!” ~Dawson44“Oh no, baby!  The wall ate your face!  Should I call an ambulance?!” ~Simon

“No, I’m fine!  I’m just doing this so all the attention on Charlotte will go to me for once!” ~Gina

“That is awesome!  Pull her hair again!” ~Dawson

PLEASE, people!  Out!  Especially YOU, Dawson, you freak!45“I’m starving!  I know I only ate a couple hours ago, but I’m about to die here!  I need more macaroni, please!” ~Nerissa

I think she needs to be checked for worms.46“I’m looking for a more of a rich business man look.  Something where my potential employers will look at and say, ‘he’s the man for the job!'” ~Nery

“Considering you will never graduate and will never get hired by anyone, I got the perfect look for you!” ~Gina47“Oh, my gosh!  I love it!  It’s original and hip, but the viking helmet tells people I’m the man to talk to!  Thanks Gina!” ~Nery

“No prob!  Now all you need is my brother’s leotard and you will be a one man show.” ~Gina48Speaking of Gino, I just now realized I designed the wrong room for him.  Oops.49The only one I can’t design is Marionette’s, which for some reason I just now found out is empty.

Then I found out it was glitched.  There is something invisible taking up most of the room, but in the end I managed to stuff a bed in there.  However, it’s still being blocked from use by whatever is taking up the space in the back.

I guess it’s ok, though, since Marionette usually sleeps in Charlotte’s room, since Charlotte doesn’t ever sleep.50“Oh no, I’m so sorry!  I didn’t realize how long I left those chemicals in your hair!” ~Gina

“What?!  What did you do?!” ~Girl

“N-nothing, just a new trend I’m trying out.  Looks good on you, I think…” ~Gina51“Wowie, look at that, Dawson!  That Roland over there is one smoking stud!  Do you see me, Roland?!  I have a three bolt chemistry, just for you!” ~Charlotte

Jeez, Charlotte!  What DON’T you have a three bolt chemistry with?!52“Magnus is hot too!  I’m going to have a three bolter just for him too!” ~Charlotte

Wait, what were your turn ons again?  Simple existance and the ability to breathe??55“Hey!  I like this!  This is about to get sexy in a few minutes, isn’t it…” ~Barnabas

“Oh, shut it.  I don’t know why the secret society keeps picking pervs like you anyway.” ~Shanna

Because the whole Secret Society is run by pervs.  Have you even MET Dawson before, Shanna?56“Congratulations, Barnabas!  I managed to get you in because we are such good friends, even though you keep leaving love notes under my door when I sleep, but that’s ok!  Congrats, buddy!” ~Sunny57Barnabas then thanks his new friend by cursing her with immortality and the craving for human blood and glitchy fangs that float over your head.58“Shouldn’t we try to help Sunny from getting bitten by that vampire guy?” ~Dawson

“I don’t know.  I think we should be more concerned with what’s in the sky right now.  They look like floating blue fangs!” ~Heath59Actually, I think Sunny is quite adorable as a vampire!  I recommend everyone go out and bite their Sunny McAuley today!60“Yes!  I made her cry!  That’s right, little lady!  Your prince charming isn’t going to save you because I made him jump off a cliff!  Ha ha ha!  Game over for you!” ~Barnabas61Later on, Barnabas tried to hack his own grades because he wasn’t able to do his own assignments as often as he does the others, and because he only has two logic points, he got busted.

“Hey, he was over here a second ago, and now no one is over here!  Great, now this desk is in my way to get to him!” ~Shanna

Apparently, he has more logic points than this woman has.62“You did a very bad thing, hacking grades like that!  Why, in real life, some schools would expel you and… oh wow… it’s so… oooh…” ~Shanna

I DON’T want to know what caught your eye, Shanna.63“I’m sorry, I promise I will never get caught again and… hey, aren’t you the chick that brought me to the Secret Society in the first place?!” ~Barnabas

“Yes, but I also work as an undercover cop for the school and make sure boneheads like you kids in the SS don’t go around messing up their grades.  Now be good, and keep your fangs in your mouth, you hear me?!” ~Shanna64Eventually, the night at the SS came to an end, and as a vampire, Barnabas needed to go back to the dorm, and just in time too.

“Yeh, where ya’ goin’?  I wanted to EAT you!!” ~Cowplant

Don’t worry.  Some other doofus SS member will wonder by in a minute.65The first thing Barnabas does when he gets back to the dorm?  Congratulate Sunny for being so hot.66“Bleh!  You back off, fauxhawk boy!  She’s my girl!” ~Barnabas

“I hate to remind you, Barnabas, but you have a girlfriend already!  Remember Nerissa?  Down in the cafeteria?” ~Sunny67After a while, I started to worry about Sunny.  Being an uncontrollable sim in a dorm with only one coffin, that’s being used, I started to wonder if she was going to end up burning to death in the morning.68But morning came and… she completely ignored it.

“Don’t got time to worry about things like “sun” and “burning to death”.  I got two morning classes that aren’t going to attend themselves everyday, now don’t I?!” ~Sunny

So Sunny the vampire (kind of ironic name for her now, isn’t it) got away with living during the day, and didn’t even catch the displaced fang disorder Barnabas suffers from.
69“Come on, Dawson!  You have been wearing Mardi Gras on your face for about a week now.  Come to my chair on the porch, and I will fix that for you.” ~Gina

“I think I learned my lesson the last time I came to your front porch beauty salon, but it’s worth a shot.” ~Dawson70“Seriously, Gina?  Now I look worse!” ~Dawson

“I’m sorry!  I figured that since I now have a bronze badge in this, that this wouldn’t be so hard!” ~Gina
71“You’re suck an awesome chick!  And you gave me such an awesome hair style!  Tickle fight!” ~Joy

“No, I think I’ll pass on having to socialize with townie trash like you.  I am an heiress, so I’m better than this.” ~Gina72“Ugh, that’s IT!  I’m SICK of hearing you go on about ‘heiress this’ and heiress that’!  Who cares if you are in a legacy like I was?!  No one wants to hear about it!” ~Bayonette

“Oh, no!  Don’t fight because of me!” ~Joy73“WAH!  I just wanted to be heiress and have everyone like me!  Why does Aunt Bayonette have to be so mean and hurtful?” ~Gina

Actually, that’s a good question.  Bayonette has ten nice points, and so does Gina.  I have no idea what set them off on each other or why, but they hate each other and Bayonette is now completely furious with Gina.74“AH!  The sun!  I must flee!” ~Sunny

Meanwhile, Sunny just now found out that the sun hurts her.
75“Sike, just kidding!  I’m back, and the sun doesn’t do anything to me.” ~Sunny

After running off the lot, she comes right back like nothing is wrong.  Alrighty then.76The other house vampire, however, still can only come out at night, and I’ve been giving him more breaks from the girls’ homework by making Gino do all the assignments now, so he has been spending more time with Nerissa.  Well, when Sunny isn’t around anyway.

He likes to make out with Nerissa, in the cafe of course, and rolled the want to get engaged to her.  Aww.  His fangs wait patiently behind him as he ponders whether he wants to bite her and let her join his legion of the undead instead.
77He doesn’t, and instead takes her out on a date at The Restaurant on campus.

“Bleh!  Vaiter!  Get me a table for tvo or I vill suck your blood!” ~Barnabas

“Sigh.  This is the last time I work the graveyard shift.” ~Vyn

78“You sure you want to eat here?  I can just make scrambled eggs at home, and we don’t have to wait on this ass of a waiter.” ~Nerissa

“Don’t be silly.  This place is fine.  Yes, waiter, I would like your Graveyard Special, if you don’t mind.” ~Barnabas

“Bah!  I don’t WANT to get it!  Get it yourself!  I don’t have to put up with this!  NYAH NYAH NYAH!” ~Waiter

“Maybe I should take you up on your eggs offer.” ~Barnabas79“There is a special reason I wanted to take you out on this date, babe.  We have known each other since high school, and I think that even though Sunny is way, WAY hotter than you, I think you are the girl for me.” ~Barnabas80“So, will you marry me?” ~Barnabas

“Oh Barnabas!  For real?!  Are you serious?!” ~Nerissa81“Um, I don’t have to become a vampire if I say yes, do I?” ~Nerissa

“Oh, of course not!  You are fine the way you are!” ~Barnabas82“Well, in that case, of course I will say yes!  I love you so much, Barnabas!” ~Nerissa

“And I love you too, my sweet Nerissa.” ~Barnabas83“Ok.  Now why do places like this keep bringing you Mickey Dee cheeseburgers?” ~Nerissa

“I don’t know, but I asked for the Graveyard Special, so I’m going to complain.” ~Barnabas

“NO!  Get it yourself!” ~Waiter84Back at the dorm, Charlotte was getting kidnapped by the SS by Demi, the other cop chick I believe.

“Will there be guys where we are going?” ~Charlotte

“Shut it and keep walking.” ~Demi85“Thanks for getting me into your little club, Dawson!  You are getting some woohoo tonight!” ~Charlotte

“Not right now, Charlotte.  Something is happening over in the cowplant pen!” ~Dawson86“Oh, this is going to be a show.” ~Sharon87“Why eis everyone crying?  And who was that chick anyway?” ~Charlotte

Some people were friends with that girl, Charlotte.  None of my sims, of course, but some of the SS members.

“That kid with the bowl cut is really hot.” ~Charlotte

And of course that’s what you would be thinking of.
88Later on, I decided that Charlotte needed another date, so I got Roland and took them to the Battle of the Bands building.  Halfway on the loading screen, I remember that SS people are usually the first to arrive on community lots, and Dawson is a horrible stalker.  And of course, guess who beat them to the place…

“What?!  I get you into the SS and THIS is how you thank me?!  A floozy street date in your PJs with one of the school’s hottest hunks?!  Consider our cheap little relationship OVER!” ~Dawson89Charlotte quickly recovered (as if losing a boyfriend who looks like he faceplanted in a basket of flour is a real blow to her) and had a fabulous date with Roland.

“Oh, her singing is terrible.  I can’t believe I’m being seen with you guys.” ~Marmalade

Then go somewhere else.  This date doesn’t concern you.90Back at the dorm, she got another date going on with Magnus, bla bla bla, typical Charlotte.

“I can’t believe she cheated on me.  And now she’s dating another man on our own lot!  Why would she pick them over me?” ~Dawson

“I can think of a good reason, Dawson.  Their lack of foundation.” ~Sunny
91“Hey, Gina?  You think you can finally fix the mess you made on my face?” ~Dawson

“Sure!  I’m getting much better at this anyway!  Come and have a sit in my chair after this good gentleman.” ~Gina92“Ah, perfect!  Now I look great!  Thanks Gina, you are a real pal!” ~Dawson

“Don’t thank me!  Thank my excellent breeding and wonderful charm.” ~Gina93“Do you think your breeding and charm can suit me up with something nice for my date with Charlotte tonight?” ~Abhjieet

“Sure.  Hope in my chair!” ~Gina

“And the, you can hop in my lap!  You’re just as fine as your sister!” ~Abhjieet

“No.” ~Gina94Not far from the porch, Linda makes her first appearance since getting killed, for some reason, at five in the afternoon.  You are a bit early, you know.

“I don’t CARE!  I miss my toilet!  Where is my toilet?!” ~Linda

I know ghosts miss stupid things like beds, but a toilet?  Who gets attached to THAT?95“Oh no, Abhijeet, what did my sister do to you?!” ~Charlotte

“Well, I was getting a haircut, and I guess I shouldn’t have reached up and grabbed her fanny, because she hit me with her makeup kit.” ~Abhijeet96“This is ‘my’ extra love room, where I keep my fancy vibrating bed and-DAWSON!  Get OUT of my date room!” ~Charlotte97“Woo, that cop guy is hot!  Over here, baby, Alec has some lovin’ he’d like to give you.” ~Alec

“Um, that guy scares me.  Charlotte, move over.  Let me get on this side.” ~Abhjieet

“No, YOU get on that side!” ~Charlotte

Needless to say, no one moved to the other side, so out of frustration, I ended the date.98“Do the chicken with me!” ~Shanna

“Do WHAT now?!” ~Gina

“…Ok, then, I’m going to slap some handcuffs on you and you are coming with me to the limo outside.” ~Shanna

“Dammit, Shanna.  I was busy dancing with her here!” ~Dawson99And that rounds up all the sims I’m putting in the SS for this generation.  Like I really care of Gino, Marionette, and Nerissa get in the SS.

Now that you’re in the SS, Gina, what are you going to do?
100What.

“I think the way you survive out in the daytime like you do is really… hot.” ~Gina

And then she told a dirty joke and Sunny didn’t like it so they fell out of love.  That was interesting.101Back at the dorm, Barnabas and Nerissa finally have their first woohoo together, in the privacy of some random dormie room.  Poor Joy.102Because the bed in Barnaba’s room is now broken, and one side has “someone sleeping in it” apparently, and with Abhjieet relaxing on it for the past TWO NIGHTS, I can’t delete it.  At least until he moves.

“I’m still waiting for woohoo.  Charlotte wondered out and I haven’t seen her since.” ~Abhjieet103That’s because she’s in Joy’s room with her uncle, giving pointers on woohoo I’m guessing.

“Out!  I don’t need you in the room!” ~Barnabas

“Fine, but if you two have a bad woohoo, don’t say I didn’t try to give you tips on it.” ~Charlotte
104And that’s where we will leave you for now, with some naughty vampire lovin’, a broken bed, and Marionette, who is still as useless and boring as I told you she was at the beginning of this chapter.  You need to pick up the pace, girl.

Next time, generation three finally wraps up after six chapters, the kids graduate, and the heiress is finally revealed!  Thanks to everyone over at the Boolprop forums for voting!  Until next time!

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The Slobacy Chapter 3.4: Googycoo’s Place

1Another chapter in one night?!  I really have nothing better to do then!

This is the slobacy, where male slobs enter the matriarchy and none survive.  Just ask Andrew, who died in the kitchen last chapter after a string of crappy events.

“But I got better!” ~Andrew

2His sweet daughter Charlotte took pity on her dead old dad, and used the last wish from the genie lamp to bring him back.  The genie then poofed away in a ball of glitter that would make even Edward Cullen flinch.

“But that was the last wish!  Now I HAVE to work hard to get to the top of my LTW or I will never get platinum.” ~Andrew

Well, you better work hard then.3The twins, who the more I play with, the more I hate, don’t like anyone right now.  Except Karl.  Surprise surprise.

“What?  My sister is now my father’s favorite?  how dare she win him over by saving his life!  How do I one-up that?!” ~Gina

Gina, who seems to really want to beat Charlotte out for the title of heiress, doesn’t like her sister at all.  She won’t even sleep in the same bed with her.  And with as little room as the house has for beds, it is time for an expansion.
4The very top room was added on, and here is the house so far.  A little gazebo in the back next to the pond, a sweet garage, three stories and a walkway to another room with its own bathroom, and their own funeral hall.

I would live there.  You know, if it wasn’t for all the trash.5The box out front is Barnabas’.  He about kills himself everyday on the walk to and from the school buses, so I cut corners and gave him his own darkroom next to the road.  Now, I’m not scared that he won’t make it in time, because even a slow person such as himself can make the walk now.6The new top room is the girls’ new room, which is just a pair of beds, and a door to a new bathroom, which is nice, but too small to take a good photo of and no one really wants to hear about bathrooms right now anyway.  They get top quality beds, and now sleeping isn’t such a big hassle.7Gino got Barnabas’ old room while he’s living in the box out on the yard.

“You really expect me to sleep here?  You dumb or something?  I don’t want to sleep in this little bed, I want the big one where I can roll around and no one will sleep with me because we all hate each other.” ~Gino

Shut up.  You can sleep in it just fine, you little twerp.8Oh yes, and I guess it’s as good of a time as any to remind you of the glitch in the dining room that would never go away.  I found out what it was.

Oh, and ignore Charlotte.  This is an old photo.9I scrolled up rooms one day and found out that it aligned perfectly with the concrete steps in Barnabas’ bathroom.  So I finally found out what that stupid glitch was.  It was the bottom of the steps.  Now, it was get rid of the stupid glitchy pillar, and ruin the pretty bathroom, or just stick with the pillar.10So I build a wall around the pillar and TADA!  Glitch out of sight and out of mind.  And it gives the room a fun new shape!  Hurray for me!11“Hi everyone!  I’m BAAAAAACK!” ~Karl

And yes, despite the merciless ass whooping he got last chapter, Karl still won’t stay on his own lot.

“You really thought it was that easy to get rid of me?” ~Karl

Well, all I got to do is go on my simself’s son’s lot and boolprop you dead, which I might as well go do right now…12“NO!  Daddy Karl is the only one that can make me happy after the death of my father royally messed me up!  Karl is my only friend!  We play and have fun and he might as well be my real daddy after all the attention he gives me!  You can’t kill him!  I’m going to get it as a fear that he dies, so there!” ~Gina

And she does.  Little twerp always trying to use her spoiled bratty ways to get what she wants, and I keep wondering why I don’t just let her go for a midnight swim without a ladder.13“Hey, um, yeah.  She won’t stop screaming, and I’m really tired, so can you go ahead and get on with that whole drowning her you were just talking about?  Since she hasn’t stopped screaming and kept me awake since she was a baby, I would really appreciate that.” ~Gino

Poor Gino.  He can’t ever get to sleep, and it’s all because of Gina’s big mouth.  Scream, scream, scream, that’s all she does.14After everyone was finally happy again, and I was brave enough to take them back off to a community lot, I thought that a great family outing would be a brilliant idea.  I even took the spoiled brat and her brother with her.  Gino was too preoccupied with the pinball machine though to notice anything going on around him.  Stupid kid.  And Roulette just wasn’t invited because she was tired.  Naturally.15“Thanks so much for taking me out, daddy!” ~Charlotte

“And thank you for saving me, darling.  You are daddy’s favorite.” ~Andrew

“Where are we?” ~Gina

“Why, we are at Googycoo’s Place!” ~Barnabas16Welcome to Googycoo’s Place, the newest addition to the downtown area.  I had to make a new restaurant because the old one was one of the first things I ever made, so naturally it was really crappy.  And a kid’s restaurant was a cute idea, despite the fact that kids never come to downtown lots on their own.17I was going for an aquatic themed Chucky Cheese, which would be cool if you could hire the llama mascots or the cow mascots or even the social bunny (or any loser in a costume) to dance on a stage for a bunch of sim brats, but that would be way too much work for a restaurant.18Instead there is an arcade in the back, for the kids that are bored of eating, and forgot their gameboys.19In the back, there is a playground as well, and an adult playground, where the parents can sit and watch their little children run and play, or sit in the hot tub with the other adults, and chill and talk about how their kids ruined their dreams of happiness or whatever.20The only problem with the playground is that the play towers give kids easy access to the roof.  I’m glad sim kids don’t do that, but in real life, there would be so many law suits.21“Woo, that messy chick is HOT!” ~Andrew

I think slobs are just naturally attracted to each other.  But yeah, this slob chick is very very familiar…22“Aw, why does the stupid spare have to be here!  In the legacy, it’s all about the heir!  Me, me, me! Since when do we care about Charlotte?!” ~Gina

HEY.  Charlotte is my smart and good child.  And don’t you think you are the heiress just because you have pointy ears, young lady.  Even I don’t know who my heiress is gonna be.23“Dad, Googycoo’s is nice and all, but I think it’s misleading how they say it’s aquatically themed when there is a good bit of stuff that is space themed, like the back and front doors.” ~Charlotte24“Oh, stop whining.  Did you see the giant scuba man out front?  That surely makes up for all the space stuff floating around in here.” ~Gina25“That’s enough arguing, girls.  Now eat your food and be nice with each other.” ~Andrew

“Um, excuse me, waiter.  When we got the chef’s choice, why did everyone get good filling meals and all you brought me was a Mickey Dee cheeseburger?” ~Barnabas26“Oh, awesome.  The other vampire guy!  Who thought I would see you at a kid’s restaurant?” ~Barnabas

“Oh, great.  What do you want?!  Can’t a guy get one night in of relaxation, even if it’s at Googycoo’s?!” ~Colby

“I guess you don’t want me to sit next to you?” ~Barnabas

“Grr!” ~Colby27“Oops, I’m falling off again!  Tee hee, this is so much fun!” ~Gina

To be honest, I’m scared of monkey bars.  I once saw a girl get her face slashed open by jagged metal on a set when I was in elementary school when she fell off of it.  I don’t know why, but I keep imagining it happening to one of my girls here…28“Hey, sis!  Come over here!  Come play with me!  We will have fun together!” ~Charlotte29“Pfft, I will have fun, alright!  You, get off now!  I don’t want your fat butt making this thing any slower for me!” ~Gina

“Um… ok…” ~Charlotte
30“Hey, bro!  Glad I finally found you.  I’m starting to stink, so can I join you and the other grey dude?” ~Andrew

“I would prefer you NOT.” ~Barnabas31And of course, we can’t go anywhere and have fun anymore without Joy, the evil witch, showing up and advertising witchcraft by summoning cockroaches and making everyone upset.

“I’m here to promote evil witchiness and OH GOD THE PHONEBOOTH *splat*” ~Joy

Just like those little Halloween lawn ornaments of witch legs stuck in a tree or on the side of a house.  I love those things.
32“Hey, I’m tired.  Time to go now.” ~Charlotte

Ok, let me just find your sister, dad, and uncle…33“Hey, Andrew.  I know you’re mad at Roulette for seeing Karl, but that doesn’t mean you can go sticking your hand through other women’s dresses once you meet them on the street!” ~Barnabas

“I’m not groping her.  I’m trying to kill these cockroaches that that stupid witch left on the lot!” ~Andrew34I’m sure that ALL you’re doing, Andrew.

“SHUT UP!  That’s all I’m doing, she moved here on her own!” ~Andrew35“I’ll take care of those roaches for you, Andrew.  Just stand still.  Hey.  You have a really nice butt!” ~Barnabas

“Thanks, I work out.” ~Andrew36“Hey, Barnabas.  Watch where you aim that stuff!  I’m not the cockroaches!” ~Andrew

“Well, maybe if you got off of them, then I wouldn’t have to spray you so they won’t crawl up and into your swim trunks!” ~Barnabas

“Hurry up so I can have a turn at complaining about the roaches!” ~Gina37“Ok, my turn to stomp and cry about the bugs.” ~Gina

“Nope, sorry dear.  I just killed them all off.” ~Barnabas38“WHAT?!  That’s no fair!  I wanted to stomp on the roaches!  I wanted to destroy them like I want to destroy Charlotte and you took that away from me!  I hate you, Uncle Barnabas!  I hate you and I hate this family!” ~Gina

I think someone is cranky and ready to go home and go to bed.39Oh yes, and she had to contract the flu, by the way.  Not from the roaches, but from Marionette, who stopped by earlier for I don’t remember.

Ok, I don’t care what you want to do now, go to bed.40Oh, and Andrew build Weebo from Flubber- I mean a munchie bot.  I don’t ever want another sim to starve to death again without at least trying to avoid the problem with this little wonder.41I am also going to try the cleaning bot again.  Andrew has gotten better at robot building, but if this one messes up as bad as the last one, I’m just going to stick with the maid.42I’m actually just used to Karl around now.  It’s sad, actually, but he’s just background noise to me at this point.  Well, when he isn’t breaking anything or clogging the toilets like he is here.43Barnabas has few friends, being in a coffin all day and all.  Stinky, the wonderfully named werewolf dog, is his best friend, besides his girlfriend Nerissa.  Sadly, because werewolves are hardheaded, he has yet to bite Barnabas.

And Barnabas hasn’t bitten Roulette.  She’s pale from freezing to death outside because she is dumb.
44Anway, party time, and guess which door the guests go into this time?!

That’s right, Barnabas’ dark room.

“Hey, Nerissa!  I didn’t know you were coming to the party tonight, baby!” ~Barnabas

“I thought there was going to BE a party!  I can’t see anything in here!” ~Nerissa45But while the party was going on, I decided that the birthday girl, Charlotte, deserved a little side party at Googycoo’s.  I know I can’t have an actual party here, or grow her up here, as far as I know, but I thought it would be cute for her, and she needed to have one for being so good.

“Party of five, please.” ~Roulette

“Hold on.  This is an important call I have to take, as far as you know.” ~That Lady46I have a table in the back that can sit up to eight sims.  The dipwad showing us our table gave us a four seater.  Lazy old broad.  There is no one else in the restaurant at the time and you give us this?!  They are so not tipping.47Charlotte was taken to the restaurant by her mother, father, uncle’s girlfriend, and Abhjieet, the cop friend that comes home everyday with her mama.  He would be considered a stalker like Michelle was for Iama if it wasn’t for the fact that he’s pretty much behind the scenes all the time, like on the bubble blower or watching TV.  I actually like him a bit.

Poor Andrew though back there.  He’s forced to sit at another table all by himself.  Stupid restaurant.48“Hey, can I come in?  Can someone open the door for me too?  I would really like to eat here.” ~Nikki

No, now go away and be useless on another community lot.49“OOOH YEAH!  I really like the adult playground!” ~Andrew

How often do you go to children’s restaurants with a hot tub, much less one with naked women sitting in it?  Only at Googycoo’s!  Come today!50Meanwhile, at the house, Gina is freezing to death, and wants to play with the kite that everyone has ignored since Korey made it.

“Well, this is what you get for ignoring me on my sister’s birthday!  You don’t let the spare go eat out at Googycoo’s for her birthday!  That’s such a waste of money!  You should have taken me!” ~Gina

Shut up and go take a bath before you fall over!
51“Hey!  I’m too tired to do this!  Can’t I just do this tomorrow?” ~Charlotte

NO.  And don’t pass out on the floor to get out of it either.52“Aw, man!  I just went all over myself, and at a party too!” ~Andrew

Just go to bed.  You really don’t have to be here for this, Andrew.  Roulette knows this.  That’s why she completely ignored it too.53Yeah, that’s great and all, but you better not turn out to be another clone of your mother.  I’m getting tired of them all being virtual clones.

She rolled romantic, who would have guessed.  With the way she skilled, I was hoping knowledge, but that would be too easy.  She wants to have an LTW of twenty lovers.  That’s going to be rerolled in college, just watch.

Now go change out of that eyesore or something.54Oh, and her party sucked.  So much for Googycoo’s.55“You know, that party would have been awesome if it was a party for us.” ~Gino

“Yeah, tell me about it.  All that gusto gone to Googycoo’s, only to come back and find out everyone is tired from the trip, and the party fails.  And all because Charlotte got all of the attention.” ~Gina56“Don’t tell anyone, Gino, but I want to strap our sister to a rocket and shoot her in space so that the vacuum of the universe kills her and I will have a straight shot to heirship.” ~Gina

For someone who has 1o nice points, you sure are a brat.  I’m sure the points are probably a facade too, because you are spoiled and whiny.  And she’s still mad about her father’s death, even though he’s farting around the house as we speak.57The next morning, he’s out proving how much better at robots he is and built us a sentry bot, despite the fact that no one steals newspapers from us anymore, as Ganondorf has been long gone from our yard.

Maybe one day it will get used, and despite all the smoke there, it’s a good robot.58“Hey dad!  Look!  I made an A on my report card!  You are proud of me, aren’t you?!” ~Gino

“Um… to be honest, son, I could really care less about grades.” ~Andrew59“Dad!  Look at all my As!  I’m so smart.” ~Gina

“Yeah, I still don’t care.” ~Andrew

“But I worked so hard on these grades!  I’m a smart and studious student!” ~Gina

And here she lies again.  BARNABAS has been doing all the children’s homework, and sometimes even Charlotte’s, because the kids come home too miserable and want fun, so poor Barnabas sacrifices his time to keep their grades up.  And you think you are going to pass by with telling your dad that you are so smart, Gina?  PFFT.60“Will you at least acknowledge how smart I am?” ~Gina

“You couldn’t pay me enough.” ~Remington
61Meanwhile, Charlotte wanted to start her, sigh, romantic pursuits, despite it all still being all wrong for her.  So Steffi was called in, since I think Nikki is still starving over at Googycoo’s, just begging for someone to let her in.

“I’m the neighborhood’s new pimp-uh, escort servic-er, matchmaker.  Yeah.  I’m here to have you pay me thousands of dollars for a one night stand.  What’s your aspiration?” ~Steffi

“I’m a romantic.” ~Charlotte

“Oh, we are going to be best friends!” ~Steffi
62“This is my finest boy town that I can offer for the $5k you gave me.  His name is Jack and he is totally not a Benjamin Long rip off.  Have fun, and thanks again for picking Steffi’s Love Boys.” ~Steffi63“You want me to do what with him?!”~ Charlotte

I want you to flirt with him.

“But I don’t like flirting!” ~Charlotte

Another good reason you shouldn’t have the romantic aspiration!  Sigh.64“Yes, yes.  I am very aware of how hot I am.  I would love to date myself if I could.” ~Charlotte65But she got her first kiss, so everyone say aww.  Now she’s all platinum and happy and I’m happy she’s happy and now she’s tired.66“Ha, ha!  WAKE UP, CHARLOTTE!  Listen to my LOVELY PIANO PLAYING!  Be miserable!  BE MISERABLE!” ~Gina

“Seriously, Gina?!  I’m trying to get some sleep in time for school!  I’ll fail if I don’t!” ~Charlotte

“THAT’S THE POINT!” ~Gina
67“There you go, weird vampire dude.  Do my homework now.” ~Gino

How rude.  How about you do it yourself for once!68“I can’t.  I have to go to bed now and then play pinba-WHAT THE CRAP, GRANDMA!” ~Gino

“Ha ha!  That’s RIGHT!  PEE!  PEEEEEEE!” ~Silhouette69“Ok.  I’m taking over the bathroom in here, so uh, you have to get out of here.  Now.” ~Gina

“But… it’s my bathroom.  She has her own upstairs…” ~Gino

I know, how rude of her.  And the uppity way she is shooing you out?!  If I were you, I’d start letting the fur fly.70This is the first time I’ve seen Weebo in action on her own.  I think it’s awesome that she left the lot on her own, all cute and stuff, and comes back with free food!  Of course, I wonder why it’s free, and what chinese delivery boy she had to beat off his bike to steal it from.  But I’m not complaining.  She’s cute!71“Oh, hell no!  Who’s that?!  It’s an undercover cop, isn’t she?!  You set me up, didn’t you?!  Why I outta-” ~Steffi

“Calm down, Steffi!  That’s just my aunt from college!  She isn’t going to do anything!” ~Charlotte

“Oh, that’s good.  For a second I thought I was going to have to… well can I set you up with one of my fine boys today?” ~Steffi
72“This one is named Armando.  He’s fairly new, and sometimes I have to knock him around to get my money, but he’s a good kid.” ~Steffi

“Get your money?  But I pay you up front!” ~Charlotte

“Did I say that?  What I meant to say was… uh… have a good date!” ~Steffi73I think two boyfriends are good enough for her right now.  I can’t do 20 of them while she’s a teen, but she can get plenty of aspiration points from just two, and that’s all I ask for right now.

“Psst, remember Armando… my money.” ~Steffi

“Y-yes, Pimp Mama.” ~Armando74“Look at me!  I’m skilling all on my own!  And with my mom!  I’m a good girl, and I’ll make a great heiress!” ~Gina

Still sucking up I see.  How bored were you to wonder out here to the gazebo to get to the ballet bar?

“Not much.  I was out here to complain about the new pot of flowers you added to the yard.” ~Gina

Of course.
75I haven’t mentioned a lot about Papaya lately.  She spends most of her time taking care of herself, washing in the octopus sprinkler, chewing on her toy, and looking out the window between the cactus and the football, wondering what she did in her previous life that caused her to live with a bunch of nasty slobs.76But when she isn’t doing her own thing, she is actually growling at strangers, and sometimes, her own owners.

“Nice doggie… good doggie… daddy, the dog is threatening to bite me again!” ~Gina

“Ok.  You two have fun, dear.” ~Andrew77How about you go upstairs, and play with the toys in your brother’s room, and forget about that mean little dog.

“You want me to play in HERE?!  Do you not SEE the floating operating table in the back there?!  Do you think it’s really safe for me to play in here??” ~Gina

It’s perfectly fine.  Just meet your new playmate…78“GRANDPA SIMON?!  NOOO!” ~Gina

“BOOOOO little girl!  Ha ha, you peed yourself.” ~Simon

Ah, I just get a kick out of the game every time this happens to Gina.79One Sunday, out of the blue, Nerissa came up to Barnabas’ front door and rang his doorbell, and I thought that was so cute.

I figured she missed him since they haven’t been able to do anything a whole lot together since he got turned into a vampire unless she came over for a party or something.  And she just walked in off the street and rang the bell on her own.80Of course, for some reason, that gave Barnabas the idea that it was ok to just wander out and go wherever he felt like going.  Stupid vampire.

Then again, who installed a doorbell on his dark box?81Later people started coming in and standing in the corner of the black box, and that can only mean one thing…

“Where’s the party in here?” ~Sabrina82Yes, the twins are finally growing up, and I wasn’t expecting them to last this long either.  I don’t think a pair of sims bugged me more than these two have, especially whiny little Gina.  They only got a party because mommy and daddy wanted to throw them a party.

Of course, as you can see by where Andrew is, it’s not really as important as he claims it to be.
83Even I’m not really paying attention to the kids.  I’m more focused on Barnabas and Nerissa right now.  There are just some things in their relationship that haven’t happened yet, and their romantic first kiss is one of them.84So, on Barnabas’ niece’s and nephew’s birthday, they finally kissed under Ganondorf’s hateful glare and surrounded by many hearts and stink fumes.

How romantic.
85“So, yep.  This is me, your sweet little Gino!” ~Gino

He rolled, sigh, wealth, of course.  His LTW is to become a prestidigitator.

“OH, who cares and who remembers?!  He’s a spare!  BLA BLA BLA, where’s your stupid sister?”~Sabrina
86“I’m too tired to care right now.  We will have my birthday tomorrow morning.  Oh, and since it’s my birthday, I don’t want this crap, front door, two lights, one table party.  I want a radio and a keg and a…” ~Gina

GET OFF YOUR LAZY SPOILED BUTT AND COME GET YOUR CAKE OR GET NOTHING AT ALL.87“Woo, go little sis!  I’m glad you’re growing up really well this time!” ~Charlotte

“Oh, SHUT IT.  You shouldn’t be cheering because you are going to get really jealous in a minute!” ~Gina88“SEE?!  I’m so hot!  I’m going to get that spot as heiress now, aren’t I?!” ~Gina

She rolls romance, just like her sister.

“Well, I can’t let that hussy outdo me!  I’m going to be an even bigger, nastier skank than she is!” ~Gina

And yet, her LTW is the easiest one ever:  to be a professional party guest.

“Damn straight!  It’s easy so you have no CHOICE but to pick me!  My uniqueness, my pointy ears, and my easy LTW?!  Why are you having a hard time deciding this?!” ~Gina

Because I still hate you, that’s why!89“Ugh!  She is so spoiled and stuck up.  I can’t believe I’m actually considering her to be the heiress.” ~Sabrina

“Your hair, it is just so soft…” ~Gino

“Don’t &$%#@* touch me.” ~Sabrina90So now that there are four teens in the house, I’m just going to go ahead and ship them all to college, and they can all right on Charlotte’s and Barnabas’ many many scholarships, and so that’s where this chapter pretty much wraps up at.

“Yes, taxi!  Come to the Collin’s residence right away!  I’m finally going to go to COLLEGE!” ~Barnabas91“Ok, people.  This party is too loud and your neighbors are compla-hey… isn’t there supposed to be a party in here?” ~Shanna

Don’t bother, lady.
92So while they are in college, I’m going to open a pool at forums.boolprop.com, so that you, the readers, can help me with my decision for the heiress.  I gave them new looks to even out the battlefield between them.  First up is Charlotte Collins!

My prodigy child and the only one with all the toddler skills and a crapload of other skills, she is a romantic with the LTW of twenty lovers.  She will get rerolled later, of course.  She doesn’t have her mother’s pointy ears, a genetic trait that goes all the way back to the founder, and that’s really her only downside.93Second up is Gina Collins!  The spoiled, whiny child that was sure she was going to be automatically heiress, she is also a romantic with the LTW of a professional party guest.  Chances are, she will also be rerolled because that is too easy, Gina.  Give me a challenge here.  She has her mother’s ears.

Remember to vote, and to vote quickly.  I start school in a couple of weeks, and will be forced to go on a sim hiatus during that time, so the polls will probably only be open a couple of days.  Thanks for reading, and until next time!94BUT FIRST, we go to a secret hideout on a small lot nestled between four rocks and a nuclear reactor…95“Welcome to the first meeting of S.L.O.B.  The Slob Ladies of Badness!  Today, we are going to talk about how to destroy Sabrina where it hurts for killing off so many of our kind.  Ok, team.  What do you all think we should do first?” ~Linda96“Well, first off, I think we actually need to get a team together, Linda.  I’m excited and all to be part of this fun evil club, but don’t you think that there should be more than, you know, just the two of us?” ~Brittany97“Don’t worry about that right now!  We will get new members the more people we find that hate Sabrina!  It’s only a matter of time before our fliers that we hung around town really catch on!” ~Linda98“Ok, but do I really have to be the evil scientist of the group?  I flunked out of chemistry in high school, and I really don’t like this metal hand you forced me to get.” ~Brittany

“Well, do you really want to be the person in the stereotypical villain outfit with the red face makeup?  I’m just too lazy to download something new and different to wear!” ~Linda

“You are right.  I’ll just stick with my metal hand and monocle.” ~Brittany99“So, now that that’s out in the open, we can talk about taking out Sabrina.  What do you have on her so far?” ~Linda

“Well, we just got done moving the furniture into this new place, so nothing right now.  But I think that we need to find out what she’s weak against, and use it to destroy her.  I have to do some research about doing stuff like this, you know, when I get around to it, but it shouldn’t take me very long if I use Google.” ~Brittany100“Excellent.  We will finally hurt her like she has hurt me, and the rest of Slob-kind.” ~Linda

Has Linda actually constructed an evil lair with the intent to discover my weaknesses?  Seriously doubt it, since you know, I’m the player and all.  I hope they at least have fun trying.  To find out what they are up to, tune in next time to the next chapter of the Slobacy.

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The Slobacy Chapter 3.3: An Icky Few Days

1It’s that time again!  The Sloback family is back, and after last chapter’s little fiasco with the cleaning bot, they finally try to move on and be a regular family.  Well, as regular as they bathe anyway, which isn’t often.2But first guys, I have some bad news.  This looks like the last chapter ever.  Because everyone started starving and dropping like flies and no one could save each other, and well, you get the point…3NAH, I’m just pulling your leg.  My sims are safe.  For the most part anyway.4But I’m serious.  There was a bleak moment where everything looked hopeless and I thought the end was near.

And it all starts with a certain cross dressing ex…
5In the last chapter, Andrew’s cleaning bot had to be deleted because it sucked-er, rather it didn’t suck actually.  Everyone was miserable and the flu quickly spread because you can’t get these people to pick up anything around here.

“NOOOO!  I had another nightmare I had to make another robot… it was terrible.” ~Andrew6Gina and Gino were born and ever since then, they haven’t stopped crying.

“What’s wrong with her?  She’s fed, she’s clean, and I’m giving her attention!  Is it my breath?” ~Barnabas

I don’t know, but the more they cry and the more I do for them, the more miserable and whiny they seem to get.  It’s times like this I wish one of the sims studied parenting.7“Hey!  GET OUT OF MY WAY, OLD LADY DRIVERS!” ~Exterminator

“Well, stop riding my bumper you assface, before I stick a screwdriver in your eye!” ~Repairwoman

This is an accident waiting to happen.8“I didn’t find anything broken in here.  Maybe there is something in the main house?” ~Repairwoman

Gee, you think?

“With all the dead bodies buried in here though, you’d think there would be bugs in this place.  I guess not.” ~Exterminator

The exterminator never found any cockroaches despite the fact that I KNOW there were bugs.  Unless someone killed them while I wasn’t looking or the house actually got so nasty they left on their own.9“Uh, Barnabas.  Do you know what time it is?

“Time to clean the baby!  And then I will snuggle her and give her love.” ~Barnabas

Not only is it daytime, you dolt, but you missed the buss.  PUT.  THE.  BABY.  DOWN.10Anyway, it was time to get the twin’s birthdays started, and about seven, after all the guests were invited and cakes were set up, I send Silhouette down to get her grandchildren, when an uninvited guest crashes the party.

“Um, this baby is in my way.  I can’t harvest her soul if I’m blocked by an infant.” ~Death

Good, come again tomorrow.11“HAH!  I defeated the obstacle by going around the child.  Ok, Silhouette, your time is up!” ~Death

“Hey, mom.  I know it sucks you’re dying and all, but did you have to set your suitcase down on Gina?  Are you TRYING to kill her and take her with you?!” ~Roulette12“Who are these half naked bimbos and what are they doing in my kitchen?  GET OUT!  I have children in this house!” ~Roulette

So Silhouette’s death goes rather unnoticed.13But with death comes celebration (not for the death, of course).

Gina and Gino finally get to the cake, and behold!14

“Uh, the cake didn’t work.  You got me a broken cake!” ~Roulette

GAH!  Fine, I’ll delete it and get a new one.15But let’s try with Gino first.  Surely his cake can’t be broken either.16“Ok, the candles are out.  And now, let me show you my newest belly button piercing!  Trendy, eh?” ~Roulette

Not only is this cake broken too, but they both glitched up and now everyone is too miserable to hold another baby to another cake, so fine, Gina and Gino, you two can grow up tomorrow on your own!17ANDREW!  Just because you didn’t get your toddlers, doesn’t mean you can take your anger out on Gino!  Get off of his head!  You’re going to give him brain damage!

“Ow, my eye!  Daddy, wasn’t I a good baby for you?!” ~Gino18After the party comes Silhouette’s funeral, and the only one that wasn’t too miserable to go to the service was Barnabas, who I think is the only one that noticed her gone anyway.

“I miss my mother so much.  She was the only smart one in the house.” ~Barnabas20She was laid to rest in the tomb next to Simon and will be missed. R.I.P. Silhouette.  You completed your LTW, and was the only one in the house that actually did anything besides sit on your butt all day.  I hope your good decisions and personality get inherited in the future generations.21“Ok.  Hey, Sabrina, can I talk to you right quick?” ~Charlotte

Sure, must be important enough for you to break the fourth wall so obviously.  What is it?

“Well, the death of grandma hit me really hard, but I have these wants that will pull me out of it.  I want a puppy, a kitten, or a puppy or kitten.  I also want to make an A+ in school, but I already did that and for some reason want it again.  So you know, hint hint, make with the baby animal.” ~Charlotte

Trust me, dear.  You people can’t take care of yourselves.  And after Sugar, do you really think this lot is capable of taking care of a pet?22“NO!  I want my PET!  I’m your prodigy child, dammit!  I’m the only one that learned how to walk, talk, AND poop in the can, and I can’t have a PET?! $&%^!!! $&#@^%*$^!!!” ~Charlotte

Whoa, dial it back there with the screaming, small child, you’re seven.

“NO!  I WANT MY PET NOW!” ~Charlotte23“Hello?  Pet adoption place?  Yes, my little niece is going through a really hard time about the death of her grandmother, and I was thinking that a nice little puppy will be good for her to get over this hard time in her life.  Yes, that sounds good, send her over right away.  Thank you!” ~Barnabas24And so, Charlotte got her puppy and instantly went from the bottom of the bottom to super happy platinum, and I’m glad to see my little prodigy child get her wish.

“Uuugh!  Can I eat it?” ~Andrew

Go inside and in the kitchen, Andrew.  There will be food there.25“Ok, now taht I have my puppy, uh, what do I do with it?” ~Charlotte

You take care of it and feed it of course.

“Care and feed… that’s something my parents will do for me, right?” ~Charlotte

UGH!!26Luckily, the dog grew up almost right after she arrived, so it won’t end up starving in the yard overnight.  Meet, Papaya, my own dog’s simself’s grandbaby.  She looks nothing like W.D., but that’s what makes her special.27The house is still trashy here and there, and it still gets on everyone’s nerves.

“That trash is so disgusting!  Grr!  Get off my lot!” ~Papaya

Even the dog is mad about it’s environment.  Good sign.28“The smell… OH, the smell… BLARRRGHHH!” ~Papaya

Don’t worry.  Remington is on his way to finish the job.  I think.29No, wait.  That’s not Remington.  That’s… ugh… Karl.

He dated Roulette (and Iama way back in the day), and now he’s back, and here’s the kicker: No one invited him.  And he’s not just walking by or up to the porch to read the newspaper, oh, no.  That would be too simple.
30He walked into the house, ungreeted, and goes straight into the kitchen…31And starts picking up on the babies.

“It’s ok, little one.  Daddy Karl is here to help you out of that stinky diaper.” ~Karl

It was pretty out of the blue.  Oddly enough, he’s done this before on another lot, involving my simself’s daughter.  And based on that experience, this isn’t going to be a one time occurrence either…32“Karl!  What are you doing in my house, after all these years of never hearing from you again?!” ~Roulette

“That’s the thing, I haven’t heard from you.  I figured I’d come see my old girlfriend, and even though you are married, it won’t stop me from being with the only love in my life.” ~Karl33A little while later, Karl and Roulette were gossiping in the living room, and Andrew canceled out something I was making him do just so he could fart behind Karl’s back.

“Haha, take this one, you weirdo.  I’m pinching off a fresh one, just for you!” ~Andrew34“Oh Karl!  I know I’m married and my husband is still in the room, but when I look in your eyes, I only see love!” ~Roulette

“I love you too, dear!  Be with me forever!” ~Karl

“Whaaaat?!” ~Andrew
35“How could you cheat on me, after all I’ve done for you, Roulette?!” ~Andrew

“Like what?!” ~Roulette

In the middle of the fighting, Gino decided that he hated his sister.  Or himself.  I can’t tell right now.36“Grr!  You homewrecker!  Get lost, no one wants you here!” ~Papaya

Good dog!  Bite him!  Go for the ankles!37“Your dog doesn’t like me!  I don’t know why!  Why is the dog so mean to me!” ~Karl

I don’t think your relationship with the dog is what you need to be concerned with right now…
38“Take this you wife stealer!” ~Andrew

“Guys, don’t fight over me!  I’m too hungry for you two to be arguing in front of the fridge anyway!” ~Roulette39“Hah!  Take that!  Six body points!  Who’s the man now?!” ~Andrew

“Boo Andrew!  He’s too pretty for you to be beating up on!” ~Remington

“Oh, shut up, Remington!” ~Andrew40“Shoo.  Go away.  I don’t have time to be growled at by an ill behaved dog.” ~Karl

She’s not ill behaved!  She’s a great dog!  I love little Papaya!  Never have I been happy with a dog with an aggressive streak like I am with her!

41Later, the birthday that should have happened the day before finally god underway, starting with little Gina.

“Look!  I have my mother’s pointy ears and I even grew up in custom hair!  I know I’m going to be the heiress, I can just feel it!” ~Gina

Sadly, she’s probably right.  Charlotte doesn’t have the ears.  Gina is 1/10/4/8/10, nice, slobby, and a little bit lazy but super outgoing and playful.
42Gino on the other hand… well, he just wanted to give me a hard time about growing up.

“Hey, sexy hot chick, check me out!  I’m going to grow up this baby!  Watch me!” ~Barnabas

“…I don’t think that’s growing up.” ~Venus

“Uh, no.  But I think he’s possessed.  He won’t stop floating when he wiggles.  Go call a priest, will you?” ~Barnabas43“Sigh, I stink, my wife is furious with me, she’s cheating on me with a guy in a permanent sundress, and I just got fired from my job.  Can my day get any worse?” ~Andrew44“Oh, no!  That… that’s not my sister’s husband!  That’s not even a good dress combo with those shoes!  Oh, the scandal!” ~Barnabas

“Barnabas, can you please be quiet for a minute while he seduces me?  Jeez, why does everyone in the house get riled up over my affair?!” ~Roulette

Maybe because it’s WRONG IN THE FIRST PLACE, much less with your GRANDMOTHER’S OLD BOYFRIEND.45“That is so wrong!  I thought you were better than that, Roulette!  Cheating on a good man like Andrew!” ~Barnabas46“I know, and there’s nothing I can do about it you know… oh, sniff… “~Andrew

“Yes, there is, dude!  You can go over there and start kicking some ass!” ~Barnabas

“You know what, I will!” ~Andrew47“I was talking about Karl’s!  Not your wife’s!” ~Barnabas48Who didn’t see this coming.

“Yay!  She’s all mine now!” ~Karl

After that, Karl finally went home.  Now only if he’d stay there…
49Four hours after 6, someone finally remembered that Gino was still a baby, and grew him up.

“I’m a pretty baby like my sister!  Custom hair and pointy ears!  Love me!” ~Gino

You’re a boy, therefore you’re hardly a spare, so no.  You will be kept alive to avoid the social workers from getting bent out of shape about my parenting.  Sorry you had to be born into a matriarchy, kid.50The next morning, guess why decides to stroll his unwanted, uninvited butt back in the house.

“Hey, it’s the vampire kid!  You must be going to school on that bus, huh?  Let me block your way a bit so you about die in the sun, is that cool with you?” ~Karl

I think the game knows I don’t like this guy, so it’s gonna keep bugging him out so he keeps bugging me as long as it possibly can, like it did with my simself’s kid’s lot.  If it’s anything like last time, he’ll only leave the lot for a few minutes, come back, stay until he stinks enough, leave, and start all over again.  I wish for death.51Meanwhile, HOLY CRAP.

Who opened a window and let the horse flies in here?

“They are in my eyes!  FOR ALL THAT IS HOLY, THEY ARE IN MY EYES!” ~Gina52“Please help me, Mr. Maid!  I stinky!” ~Gina

“I’m so tired over here, I need assistance too!”~ Gino

“Do I look like a friggin’ nanny?  Where is Beth anyway?!” ~Remington

Good question.  She was rehired but hasn’t shown up.I knew she had been getting slack lately, but this is too much.53And if you think it’s the parents place to be taking care of the children, let me put it to you this way.

Everyone is miserable.  Even the vampire with the static needs, because he’s up all day avoiding commands to stay in the coffin because the kids are too miserable for his liking.  Roulette has her fancy quick-draining energy bar and needs constant sleep, and the dad can’t do anything without, well, pretty much this.54I think this is the only time Roulette has actually paid attention to her own child without me doing something about it.

“Look mom!  My A dropped, but it’s back up!  I’m so awesome!” ~Roulette

“Yes, you are, honey!  Woo!  Now if you don’t mind, I’m going to pass out in the street, ok?” ~Roulette55“The one rare time one of us is actually happy enough to pacify the whiny brats and you want to waste it all by playing PIANO!” ~Roulette

“Bleh.  You’d be happy too if you weren’t out doing the icky with your nasty little boy toy!” ~Barnabas

Oh yes.  Everyone in the house hates each other because Karl ruined all the happy relationships in the house.  It was just begging to be the foreshadowing of something bad.56“I’m so worried about Gina.  She’s never happy about anything.  At this rate, she won’t even be able to even talk until she becomes a child.  The poor baby.” ~Barnabas

“Ugh, I just want to get my hands on that whiny brat.  When the social worker DOES come, they won’t find anything left of the screaming little-” ~Roulette

ROULETTE.

Barnabas strikes up good points though.  No matter what happens, the toddlers stay miserable.  Maybe it’s the lack of care their parents give and/or the lack of care the parents give themselves, because they spend their few precious happy seconds helping the children, but it’s not good enough, and the babies won’t shut up their whining.  It’s a vicious cycle, and is why I don’t like toddlers.
57“UGH!  I’m tired and miserable, and I can’t sleep because the babies won’t stop screaming.  And my brother is the only one with the willpower to care for them right now and when they need him the most, he’s too stupid to notice!” ~Roulette

“BLEEEH!! *Snap* OW, my arm!” ~Barnabas58“Hey babe.  I went home, took a bath, and now I’m back.  I hope you didn’t miss me in the five minutes I was gone.” ~Karl

“Are you kidding?  With the screaming kids, I didn’t even notice you leave.” ~Roulette

Um, why are you even playing chess right now, Roulette?  Your husband is passed out in the floor somewhere with two screaming kids and you want to PLAY?!  Stop it!!59“Ok!  That’s IT!  I’m sick of your broken dead need for attention!  NO, I won’t change your stupid diaper!  I’m putting you in the crip, and you and I are going to SLEEP!” ~Andrew

Oh, but it won’t be that easy, Andrew.  Once one falls asleep, the other one will scream until the sleeping one wakes up.  Then the screamer goes to sleep and the woken one will start it all over again.  I only wish I was kidding.
60“DADDY!  I pooped myself and I can’t wait for you to change it!  GIVE ME ATTENTION!  CHANGE THE DIAPER!” ~Gino

“Sigh… can’t I just push the crib into the pond?” ~Andrew

NO!!61And it’s not just the parents and the babies that are miserable.  Charlotte can take care of herself on her own.

But she’s just as miserable, and Simon isn’t helping!

“Grandpa, how could you?!  I liked you!  You taught me to walk and talk and poo!  I hate you grandpa!” ~Charlotte
62“Don’t you come any closer to me, you little buckets of crap!  I may be small, but I’ll clamp onto you so fast you’ll wonder if you ever had all 10 fingers to begin with!” ~Papaya

You might as well give it up, Papaya.  They have you cornered.  Let them hug and strangle you and get it over with.63“Oh, crap!  I peed myself.  I’m dyiiiiiing, Mrs. Beth!” ~Barnabas

“I can’t believe they called me, AGAIN.  I thought I would never have to come back to this nasty house ever again…” ~Beth

FINALLY, Beth is back, and this may be her greatest challenge ever.  I’m homing she can pacify the kids long enough for Barnabas to actually STAY in his coffin.64I’m not kidding.  All his need bars are solid red.  I didn’t think he’d last more than a few seconds in the game.65“Noooo, Remington!  Don’t throw that away!  You never know when I might need it!” ~Karl

“For the love of- JUST LET ME DO MY JOB!” ~Remington

Meanwhile, Karl is thinking about how he’s going to tap that when she gets older and ruin her life as well.66This isn’t the first time one of my children has lost their eyes thanks to glasses.  And I’m sure it won’t be the last.  But you can help a child that has lost its vision thanks to glasses by picking up the phone and making a call to Eyes for Kids.  It will only take a minute to make a donation, and then we can get rid of the world of eye-eating bifocals for good.  Please, help a child like Charlotte here, and make the call.67“MOMMY!  Sleepy time over!  My attention now!  WAKE UP I STINK!” ~Gino

“For the love of all that is holy, you crapped your diaper ALREADY?!  I JUST CHANGED IT!” ~Roulette68In the end, the baby was just moved into the living room.  Roulette wasn’t about to get out of bed for him.69Now this is intresting, if not annoying.  Barnabas here is still horribly miserable, and I was half expecting him to roll out of his coffin already dead or something.  He’s starved, smelly, uncomfortable, bored, and about to pee himself.  What’s the first thing he does?

Help the baby and change his diaper.  He’s either very devoted to the happiness of children or insanely stupid.
70“Um, yes.  This stupid thing is sleeping in my bed.  Either get it out, or I will eat it.” ~Papaya

Just go to sleep on someone’s bed, Papaya.  This is the first time in forever he’s fallen asleep without his stupid sister screaming and waking him up.  Maybe this is the breakthrough I’ve been waiting for.71Or maybe not.  The day of the twin’s birthday, and Karl, of COURSE, is over.  He decides that he’s going to ruin everything Beth and Barnabas worked for the night before, and after the kids were finally somewhat happy with crap, he was going to go and pick them up and snuggle and play with them, and NEVER put them down.  I couldn’t hate Karl anymore now if I could.72“Why is new daddy sucking on mommy’s face like that?” ~Gino

“I don’t know, but I’m actually glad he finally put me down and did something else for a while.” ~Gina73“BLEH!  The sun!  Did I hear Gina cry for a diaper change?  I better go attend to that.” ~Barnabas

NO, Barnabas!  Coffin!  Now!74“Hm.  Should I put all of Karl’s mail in here too?  He does seem to live here now, I think.” ~Pao

You might as well.  *Cries* He’s never going to stay in his tower.75After 6, the guests were invited and everyone came, except me, having the flu and all still.

I’d just be happy when the twins get older.  I thought I was tired of bottles and diapers before.76“Ow!  Why did you poke me?  So what if I slept with your mother and now I’m sleeping with your niece?  We can’t be friends because of THAT?” ~Karl

No, you can’t.  Poke him again, Bayonette!77They both stink, they both are starving, let’s just get this over with.78“Yay!  I grew up badly!” ~Gino

“Yay for you ki-aww.” ~Marionette

Wow.  Did not see that coming at all.  Now did I.79“I grew up badly too!  But look at me!  I’m a shoe-in for the spot for heiress!  I’m different but cute, and even though I grew up badly, Charlotte doesn’t stand a chance against me!” ~Gina

Yeah, right. Like to see that.  After the hell you put us through for the past four days, I’m wondering why I can’t just give you up for adoption already.

80Oh yes, and to wrap up the party, the FLU is back!

Everyone circle around Auntie Bayonette and get your present of H1N1 and all the fun things that come with it!
81Ah, yes.  Marionette is also serving a nice helping of disease!  It’s not too late to get your flu today guys!  Come one, come all!  We NEED the flu here!

Sob.82I was trying to focus a bit more on the relationship between Nerissa and Barnabas on this day a bit, because it was pretty much behind the scenes while the kids were being born, but you know…83My attention has to go somewhere else for the time being.

“Hey, HEY!  I can’t sleep because Karl won’t get off the piano.  My daughter is wanting to sleep in here too and I don’t want to sleep with her either!  We hate each other right now!” ~Roulette
84And it’s not just Roulette’s lack of love for her own child, it’s the night that three ghosts decided that they wanted to join in on the birthday party, two hours too late, and suddenly a spook fest was started.

Just what I need.  As if they weren’t miserable enough.
85“Hey!  Out, out, out!  I got to pee, bathe, sleep, and I’m starving!  The more I spend fighting over a bathroom, the more life is sucked out of me, now get!” ~Andrew86“But dad, you don’t understand!  We HAVE to sleep in here!  The ghosts upstairs are scaring us!  We can’t sleep there!  This is the only safe haven in the house right now!” Gino

Note Karl back there giving his thumbs up at Gina before going home, just so he will be back before morning.  I hate him so much.87I sent them back to their room and they didn’t even get close to the bed when Simon and Silhouette jumped on them almost simultaneously.88“Haha!  You peed yourself.” ~Gina

“Shut up!  You did too!  Heck, Grandpa is standing in yours!” ~Gino

Opening Barnabas’ room to them didn’t help.89“Great grandpa too?!  Since when did I live in the haunted house on the hill?!” ~Gino90“BOOOOO! Sleeeeeepiiiiiing with a hoooooomeeeewreakeeeeerrr!” ~Korey

“GRANDPA!  That’s none of your business!” ~Roulette

“It uuuuuuuuuused to beeeeeeeeee….” ~Korey
91“Oooga boooga boooga!” ~Korey

“Please, no more!  I’m exhausted and starving!  You are making it worse!” ~Andrew

“Good, because I’m going to do this two more times to you! Bwa ha ha!” ~Korey

Must not delete, must not delete…92Alright, so lets review this scenario real quick.  This was the night that everyone was absolutely miserable, even more so than usual.  They weren’t all in the red but they were all close to it.  Gina kept whining about starving and being tired and that she was going to leave with a social worker if she had to keep putting up with it.93It was the same with Gino.  He was starving more than anything, pretty much because he wanted to play with the pinball machine and I had to store it away in Roulette’s inventory just so he would stay in the kitchen long enough to even look at the fridge.94Charlotte wasn’t as miserable, but she was still smelly and bored.95The only one that wasn’t miserable, was, of course, Barnabas.  Lucky ass.96Roulette was, well, the usual.  Passed out somewhere, and for once, out of my way.97However, the worst of all was Andrew.  Scared three times in a row by Korey while stinky, exhausted, and starved to death.  He wouldn’t wake up fast enough, and he ignored the first command I gave him to feed himself just so he could complain about being hungry…98“DAD!  Get out of the way!  I’m starving too, and I thought I heard the social worker start up her van from the orphanage!  You have to move now!” ~Gino

“Ok.  Just let me put down this life saving Slim Fast and you can drink it in my place.” ~Andrew

No, Andrew!  NO!99“I don’t want your crappy Slim Fast now!  I’m too tired!  I want to sleep instead now!” ~Gino

“You know what, Gino?  I’m sleepy too.  And very cold…” ~Andrew100“Goodbye.  I’m dying!” ~Andrew

“No daddy!  Don’t die on me!  I’ll drink your stupid Slim Fast!  Just don’t die!” ~Gino101It was a miracle that Roulette actually got up in time to plead for Andrew’s life, even though suddenly that wasn’t my prime concern…

“I CALLED THE SOCIAL WORKER, YOU LITTLE BRAT!  STARVE TO DEATH!  STAAAARVE!!” ~Korey

KOREY!!  DSKAGHJSKGA%&#@*%*!!102“Please, death!  I’m the only one who wasn’t sorta mad at him for something and since the kids can’t beg for his life, I’m the only one that can do it!  Please spare him and bring him back to care for the kids so that I can go back to sleep!  Am I doing this right?” ~Roulette

Don’t look at me when you do it!  Like I know how to plead with death!103“Um, well, you couldn’t guess which hand his soul was in, so no, he doesn’t come back.  Tough break, woman.  Maybe next time, when Sabrina kills Karl off by pushing him into a spike pit or something, you’ll have better luck.” ~Death

“Why, mommy?!  Why didn’t you just love daddy enough?!” ~Charlotte104“Well, if that’s that, I’m going back to bed.  Maybe this time I can marry Karl instead.” ~Roulette

So Andrew dies and Gino in the background finally found his stupid way to his daddy’s drink.  I hope he enjoys every bitter drop of it.
105“Hm.  My clipboard has turned into my scythe for some reason.  I might not be on the ball tonight.” ~Death106“I don’t want to sleep with mom!  I hate her!  She let dad die!” ~Gino

After that night, everyone finally seemed to be on the rebound, and was finally getting happier for once.  But without Andrew, I was too sad to play the game.107AND IT’S ALL YOUR FAULT, KARL!!

“You called my name?” ~Karl

If you would have left the kids alone on the day of their birthday, they would have been easier to take care of.  BUT NO!  You held them until they were miserable and when the ghosts came, it was just a downward spiral until Andrew’s death!  I HATE YOU!

“Hmm…. okay!!!” ~Karl108“I’m so sad again.  I just wish daddy was back home.” ~Charlotte

Sigh… I guess this is one of those emergencies I was talking about last time…109“Hello, master, even though my master keeps changing on me.  You have one last wish.  What do you wish for?” ~Genie110“My father is dead, Mr. Genie.  Can you please spare a sad little girl’s heart and bring him back to life for me?” ~Charlotte111“I will!  But let me remind you, that it’s the last wish you can make, for I will leave you after I make this wish true.” ~Genie112“Poof!  There, bye.” ~Genie

And so, Andrew returned, and sadly the only one to notice was Charlotte.  But that’s ok because I’m happy he’s back too.  What are you going to do now that you are back from the dead, Andrew?

“Something I should have done a long time ago.” ~Andrew113“PREPARE TO DIEEEE$&#@^!!” ~Andrew

“WHAT?!  But my plan to have you killed off was FLAWLESS!” ~Karl114“As flawless as that ass-whooping was I’m sure!  Take THAT!  Now get OFF of our property and never come back!” ~Andrew115“$&#@.” ~Karl

What a terrible string of events.  But it only gets better from here.  Stay tuned next time, as the kids start growing up, and the house finally gets a much needed expansion.

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The Slobacy 3.2: An Epic Trash Adventure

1Welcome back to another chapter of the Slobacy, and in this chapter, we get even sicker than ever.  Here, we focus on the slob men, and trust me, it’s not pretty.  In the last chapter, the fourth generation got underway, so you know what that means, Silhouette and Simon?  You are grandparents!

“We have kids?” ~Simon2But first, we check up on the Tree House, where the two remaining slob women have found out that the room in the backyard is a death room, and Linda is just one Scooby Doo antic away from ripping someone’s face off.  Namely mine.

“I TOLD you that that Sabrina has been killing off our kind!  So what if she spared us because she likes us!  One day she may get tired of us and kill us off as well!” ~Linda3“Linda, think clearly!  Sabrina is a good girl, and I don’t think that just because she’s been wanting to get rid of us doesn’t mean she’s been offing the other girls!” ~Brittany

“What’s wrong with you?!  Think logically here!” ~Linda4“Peh, you are ridiculous!  Sabrina, tell her yourself!  Have you been killing off the other girls?!” ~Brittany

“Huh?  Oh, that?  Yeah, that was me!” ~Sabrina

“………” ~Brittany
5Ooh, bad answer on my part.  Let’s go back to the legacy, and find out what’s been going down lately.  Silhouette has fulfilled her LTW of being a world class ballet dancer, and Simon, well, keeps getting demoted and promoted back and forth in his slacker career.  Which doesn’t matter because he hasn’t fulfilled his LTW anyway.  He’s only platinum thanks to the genie.  They spend most of their days now stocking up the fridge with fish together.  Aww, how sweet.6“Hey, baby.  How about we get working on that spare, right here, right now!” ~Andrew

“With your goggles on?” ~Roulette

“You KNOW you love it when I leave them on!” ~Andrew7A spare is fine and all, but really?  Right in front of little Charlotte over there?8Andrew found his calling in robotics, and I have had him working on a cleaning bot for four days now.9Ah, perfect.  Because with the new baby, they are REALLY going to need this.10“It was so nice of Andrew to give us this great new machine!  This new age we live in is wonderful!  Even though I had to repair it first before I turned it on.” ~Silhouette

Oh, how that will come back and bite me on the butt.11Iama and Korey, but mostly Iama, spend most of the nights that they are up in their tomb complaining about their beds.  I don’t know why they are so uppity about where they sleep, because really?  Like they are actually going to use it again now that they are dead.12“Since when was there a baby here?” ~Barnabas

“Holy crap, since when was there a vampire here?!  I think I just pooped myself!” ~Charlotte

This is the first time they have ever formally met.  Kinda nice, actually.13JESUS WHAT IS WITH YOU MEN BATHING IN THE SINK WHERE THE BABIES CAN SEE YOU?!?

“Nooooooo!  Grandpa’s naked butt will scar me for years!!” ~Charlotte14“Don’t worry, I’ll take care of the mess!” ~Cleanbot

“Oh, no!  That thing is going to eat the baby!” ~Simon

And yet, he doesn’t do anything about it.  Simon went straight to bed right after this.15“Baby… jammed up container… does not compute!  DOES NOT COMPUTE!” ~Cleanbot

“Don’t worry, baby Charlotte!  I will pull you out of the robot!” ~Andrew16“Damn you, machine!  Trying to eat my daughter and ruining my moodlet by destroying the environment in the kitchen!  OFF!!  OFF I SAY!!” ~Andrew17“Screw you guys, I am OUT OF HERE!” ~Cleanbot

“GET BACK HERE AND CUT OFF NOW SO I CAN FIX YOU!” ~Andrew18“Oh, boo hoo!  I can’t build helpful robots and the ones I do build break and eat my infant child, and worst off, my moodlet is shot!  My life is just a wreck!” ~Andrew

Everyone in this house is getting miserable, well, the ones that aren’t perma-plat anyway.19To fix his aspiration meter, and to make up for how much I’ve been ignoring him lately (and because I feel bad for forgetting him in the pool until the sun came up the day before), I took Barnabas out for a night on the town.

“You took me dancing… at the dollar store.  Yeah, a night on the town alright.” ~Barnbas

Stop complaining and enjoy your time in the sun for a change.  Er, or not the sun, whatever you prefer.
20“Well, if you insist…” ~Barnabas

“Woo!  Look at the vampire boy get down with it!” ~Christy

“Shake that thing, boy!” ~Bethany

“Oh my God, I just want to touch his hair!” ~Edward

21“Ah, that steak sure messed up my insides.  I’m going to be smelling that for a week!” ~Barnabas

Thanks for sharing that with us, Barnabas.  We really wanted to know that.22Enchidna’s bag brought by another gift, with means another date with Simon.  Yes, they are still seeing each other.  Poor Silhouette, can’t figure out why a ghost bag is bringing them so many gifts.23Yes, Simon.  That is a cake.  I don’t care how depressed it makes you.  It’s for your infant grandchild.  So stop complaining about it.24Another birthday, oh happy days!  Come on Silhouette, spin the baby and let’s see what we got!25“Hey, I just woke up to tell you I’m pregnant again!” ~Roulette

You took my attention away from Charlotte, Shut up, Roulette, and let me get back to my party!26Charlotte grew up all cute and 0/10/0/6/10.  Which means here comes the slob genes.

“Ok, now that my niece has had her attention, everyone out.  I got to bathe in the sink.” ~Barnabas

Then again, they’ve already made an impact.27Awww, walking together in the yard!  Isn’t that sweeeeeet?!

“Actually, I’m fused to him because it’s my punishment for cheating on him with Karl in life, courtesy of the devil himself.  This is how I have to spend an eternity.” ~Iama

Poor Korey then, sucks to be him.28Oh no!  The pregnant woman is asleep in the dining room!

Oh, wait.  That’s just how Roulette always is.  Carry on.29“Roulette, when is your mother going to die off?” ~Andrew

“ANDREW!  You don’t say things like that!” ~Roulette

“I know, but she’s been sleeping in our bed for two days now.  I haven’t!  Can she not get her lazy butt to her own room?!” ~Andrew

“I heard that.” ~Silhouette

Silhouette and Andrew aren’t the greatest of friends.  Yet, Silhouette is always following them around.  I’m just waiting for someone to snap.30“Bleh, I’m here to hold and love on Charlottte!” ~Barnabas

“You do know it’s 7:30 in the morning, right?” ~Andrew

Since they met, Barnabas has had this thing about ignoring me and getting out of his coffin, just so he can “wash Charlotte”. Seriously, son.  That’s what her grandparents are for.31“Hee hee!  I farted on my baby!  Smell that, Charlotte!  That’s a burrito!” ~Andrew

“Oh, COME ON, daddy!  That’s disgusting!” ~Charlotte32“Give me that baby.  You don’t know what you’re doing.” ~Simon

“And you do?” ~Andrew

“Just watch me.” ~Simon33Simon managed to teach her to talk the day before, and with a smart milk, he actually got her to learn to walk in no time!  Maybe I’ll finally have a child that will learn all three of the toddler skills!34It is!  It IS!  GOOOOAL!  The first baby to learn how to POOP IN THE TOILET!  IT’s a MIRACLE!  Thank you so MUCH, Simon!  Too bad you couldn’t do that last generation, but all is forgiven!35Uncle Barnabas loves to hold and snuggle and bug the crap out of me about Charlotte.  He has tried to kill himself over this child almost every morning just because he wants to “play and wash the baby”.  Jeez, get some friends!36And then, one day, the zombie hula Bellas showed up in Simon’s and Silhouette’s bedroom, and I knew someone had finally kicked the bucket.37“Aw, man.  I’m dead now?!  But I didn’t get to watch Charlotte grow up and tell everyone about what an awesome grandpa I was!” ~Simon

“Don’t worry.  You can watch her from your tomb.” ~Death

“Doesn’t matter by then because the only thing I’m going to be concerned about is my bed!” ~Simon
38“Oh hush.  Here, have some alcohol and let’s go to the other side already.” ~Death

“A piña colata?!  Alright, let’s go!” ~Simon39And so, grandpa died and the only one that really seemed to care about it was Charlotte, because after all the hard work to get her some aspirational points by teaching her the skills, she goes and has an aspirational failure on me.40Anyone else notice Simon dead?  No?

Roulette is out with her narcolepsy, and Andrew is just being lazy.

41And his dear wife, Silhouette?  I don’t think she noticed until his insurance started cashing in.

“He may not have been the rich sim I wanted to marry, but he sure cashed in a good sum of money in the end anyway!” ~Silhouette42“Ah, no!  A clone of me in my house!  I will not allow it!” ~Roulette43“What do you mean, “clone”?  I look more like my mother, Meadow, than you.  We just have similar hair!” ~Rena44“Well, in that case, let’s be best friends!” ~Roulette

Have I ever mentioned she’s a popularity sim?45“Oh no, new best friend!  My baby is coming!  Help me, please!” ~Roulette

“Is that why all these people are lined up and complaining?” ~Rena

“YES!” ~Roulette46“Sup, world.  I’m a babeh.” ~Gina

This one has daddy’s hair and eyes too.  Good for her then, I guess.47“Mom, I walked all the way to the other side of the property just to give you Gina because I don’t want to hold her right now.” ~Roulette

“I don’t want to hold your smelly bag of poo!  Can’t you see I was fishing?!” ~Roulette

“Come on, mom!  I thought you loved me!” ~Roulette
48“Oh well, there you go, Gina.  Enjoy the view of the pond while lying dangerously close to the water.  Oh wait, the afterbirth is coming!  NO, it has arms and a head!” ~Roulette

It CAN’T be!
49“Sup, mama.  I’m your babeh.” ~Gino

Both Gino and Gina have daddy’s eyes and hair.  Andrew really has some dominant genes, doesn’t he.50“Here you go, little Gino.  Lay here with your sister.  I’m going to bed before I end up passing out near the water.  Nighty night.  See you on your birthdays!” ~Roulette51“Good for you, Roulette!  We had twins!” ~Andrew

“Who are you calling Roulette?!  I’m Rena!” ~Rena

“Uh.  Anyway team, it’s up to us three to take care of these babies, because their mother won’t remember them in the morning.  Barnabas, you’re on night duty.  Obviously.  Bayonette, we will call on you when we really need you.  And I will be there for their every need in between!” ~Andrew

Farting on them doesn’t count as a need, Andrew.52After the babies were born and put out of the away (away from the pond), Simon finally had his funeral, which I had to wait until Barnabas was up and out of his coffin the following day.

“I would like to say, as Simon’s wife for a zillion years, that Simon was a good man.  Forgetful, but he was good with his manners.  For the most part.  Kinda.  Ok, not really.  But he was better than this ball of gas over here.” ~Silhouette53“So I was thinking that my wedding party was the greatest party ever!  That was totally awesome!  Remember when that Sabrina chick kept wailing on Simon?!” ~Andrew

“Dude, REALLY not the time to be talking about that kind of stuff!” ~Barnabas

“Oh, come on, mom!  Dad always smelled like fish, even when he wasn’t fishing!  But don’t tell me that he smelled better than Andrew.  Andrew stinks, but they were about even!” ~Roulette
54“I wrote this song for my father, it’s called ‘Bleh in the Night’.  AHEM…

Oh bleh, bleh bleh, I never got to bite yoooou…

And then you diiiied…

Remember to tip me.” ~Barnabas55“Um… thanks for that… lovely song, Barnabas.” ~Silhouette

“Can I go now?  I got a baby with a smell diaper I want to stand around and complain about.” ~Andrew

“Fine.  I didn’t invite you here anyway.” ~Silhouette56R.I.P. Simon.  You never got your LTW of 50 first dates, tch, I didn’t even try, but you were still platinum.  You were a great grandpa, even though you were a terrible father.  You are farting with the angels now.57Anyway, morning rolls around and all the funeral goes return to the house to find, ugh, this.

“Why does the house smell so badly today?  Did something go bad in the fridge?!” ~Roulette58Poor Charlotte is passed out in the garbage and everyone stinks in this photo.  It’s so sad.59“Andrew, will you please fix the cleaning bot again?  It just broke and went all over the floor!” ~Roulette

“Ugh, but why me?  I’ll just call a repairman… eventually.” ~Andrew60“I’m too miserable from all this trash, but I’m going to stand in here and complain about it for a few hours.  I have to stand here and smell each and every pile of garbage before I do anything.” ~Andrew

61You are going to have a lot of fun today, Remington!

“Oh, God.  What did they do?!” ~Remington

62“Oh HELL no!  You people are on your own with this one!  I’m going to go to the other rooms and make up some beds instead!” ~Remington

“REMINGTON! Get your butt back here and DO YOUR DAMN JOB!!” ~Roulette

63“Ewwwww, why did I think it was a good idea to be invited in from the street by a bunch of people who smelled like raw sewage?!” ~Apollo

You have good neat skills, Apollo!  I figured you would help around the house, but I guess not.

“I’d rather lick my own butt than smell this room any longer.” ~Grimalkin
64To make things worse, the broken cleaning bot is back on!  WHO TURNED IT BACK ON?!  Did it turn ITSELF back on?!  HOW CAN IT DO THAT?!65“Ew, I think I’m standing on a wet brown diaper.” ~Andrew

ANDREW!! DO SOMETHING!

“Ok, ok.  Sheesh.” ~Andrew
66“ACK!  No!  Not in front of the couch!  I’m probably going to sleep there in a minute!  Off you piece of crap!  And stay off!” ~Andrew67

“Someone!  Anyone!  Please open this window and let some air in!  I’m dying in here!” ~Grimalkin

“Oh, man.  This is too much work for me.  I knew I should have gone to school and become a doctor.” ~Remington68“Jeez, is my neice cleaning the house today?” ~Bayonette

Can Remington NOT find the trash can or something?  Or is there just so much trash that it’s actually overflowing?!  So much for the black hole that was the sim trash can.69“This is too much for me!  It’s five in the afternoon!  I got to go home!  Peace out!” ~Remington

REMINGTON!  DON’T YOU DARE LEAVE ME ALONE WITH THESE NASTY PEOPLE!  GET YOUR BUTT BACK HERE NOW!70To make things better, I come over with Sugar and I find cockroaches!  Oh, happy JOY!

*Sobs*71“I’m going to make more garbage out of your homework!  Yay!” ~Sugar

NO!  BOO! BAD CAT!72“Gah, NO, who turned the stupid cleaning bot BACK ON?!” ~Silhouette

And just when the living room was starting to look half decent…73In the midst of the chaos and stink, Charlotte has her birthday party, and everyone of the guests are miserable.

“Come on, sis!  How can you let your children live this way?!” ~Marionette

“I’m seriously not in the mood to be arguing with you right now, Marionette, so shut up about my house.” ~Roulette74OH, YAY PEOPLE!  Thanks for giving me the FLU!!

AKJFGASJFDK%&#*@#!!!!75

Ok, the first cake didn’t work so here’s a second try at the cake!

76Oh &#^$ this.  Grow up on your own, Charlotte.77“Who turned the cleaning bot back on AGAIN?!” ~Roulette

You have got to be KIDDING me!!78“Mom!  Turn that thing off!  It’s spewing Gino and Gina’s diapers everywhere!” ~Charlotte

“I’m trying dear!  I really am!” ~Roulette

“Then try faster!” ~Marionette79“Fine, let the decrepit old aging woman fix the stupid thing that the “house mechanic” won’t.” ~Silhouette

And she did.  Good for you, Silhouette.80Since Charlotte was poorly introduced, here she is, all cute and sweet.  My prodigy child, the only one with all the skills needed as a toddler.  She’s so smart and cute and I was going to give her the dark framed glasses, but they broke and the mesh looks like it’s shattering everywhere.

So here, have some Harry Potter frames.

81“This party was great, despite everything smelling like a wet dog’s butt.  So here, have some FLU!!” ~Sabrina

“Oh… um, thanks?” ~Roulette

Just what we need, a pandemic to start.82Finally, the cleaning bot is back on track and doing its job.

“Look at me!  I’m a good bo now!  I do my work and make everyone all happy again!” ~Cleanbot
83“Alright!  The living room looks all nice again!  Time to boogie!” ~Barnabas84“SIKE!  I LIE!  BARRRRF!  HAVE SOME GARBAGE, JERK!” ~Cleanbot

Dammit!  The bot wasn’t even fixed but for about an HOUR!85“Aw, COME ON!  Why does the universe hate me so much, Charlotte?!” ~Barnabas86In the end, we got rid of the cleaning bot.  It just wasn’t worth it.87So we wrap up this chapter with my little Charlotte who, despite being sloppy and lazy like her old man, is eager to clean up the house as fast as she can!

“It’s because I’m a good girl!  Look at me!  I’m your little prodigy!  Aren’t I the best little girl you have ever seen?!” ~Charlotte

Yes you are, sweetie.  And so, find out what happens next in the next chapter:  How will the twins grow up?  Will Barnabas cling to them like he did Charlotte?  Will the flu ravage my family and end up spreading to every sim I have in the neighborhood like it usually does?!

But before we go, let’s go back to the Tree House and see what is going on…88“Look!  So, yeah, I killed them!  But I had to!  For the sake of my legacy!  I’m NOT going to fail at the first generation like the quitter I thought I was!  So some people had to be sacrificed in a death shack in my backyard, it just had to be done!” ~Sabrina
89“But you took my Tara away from me!  You ass!  You’re a heartless witch and I will have my revenge!” ~Linda

“So what?  You also had Korey for your love, and you have a crush on some random townie I forgot about!  You can move on and get over it!  Gosh!” ~Sabrina90“HOW DARE YOU! FIGHT’S ON!” ~Linda91“HAH! Ten body points!  What?!  Gonna cry about it now?” ~Sabrina

“I swear, I will get my revenge!” ~Linda92“What are we going to do now, Linda?” ~Brittany

“We are going to move out, that’s what we are going to do, Brittany.  Find out own place, and get away from here, and then, I will avenge our fallen slob comrades!” ~Linda
93“Aren’t you happy, Sabrina?!  The house finally belongs to us again!  The last of those smelly women are out of our house!  This is a day to celebrate!  Let’s play red hands!” ~Whitney

“I’m happy they are gone too, but that stupid Linda didn’t have to go and put a virus on my computer that does nothing but show naked Koreys!  Dammit!” ~Sabrina

So the house is ours again, but at what cost?  What does Linda have in mind?  Find out next time with the Slobacy!

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The Slobacy Chapter 3.1: Moving On

1Welcome back to another chapter of the Slobacy, where fun and farts are the same thing!  At least, to these guys.

“I enjoy my own farts, thank you very much!” ~Simon

In this legacy, we marry male slobs and try to see what ten generations of slobs do to a family.  As for women slobs?  I kill them off.  Of course I’m the only one who knows that right now…2“Brittany, I need to talk to you right quick.” ~Linda

“Right now?  But I just got back from Brooke’s funeral.” ~Brittany

“That’s the thing!  I need to talk to you about all the deaths that have been going on around here!” ~Linda3“Are you still going on about that tangent?!  We’ve already talked about this!  There’s no way Sabrina would go on killing all those slobs!  You know that slobs are clumsy and tend to wander into pools and fires and die!” ~Brittany

“But we don’t have a pool!  Or a memory of a fire!  That last death involved hail, and it hasn’t been stormy all week!” ~Linda4“Listen to yourself, Linda!  You are thinking too hard on this.  I know the death of your lover Tara was hard and all, but she would want you to move on and not blame the woman that took us in!” ~Brittany

“I still think something is fishy about the new room out in the woods, that’s all.  I want you to come with me when the coast is clear and we are going to check out that new room you told me about.” ~Linda5“Fine, I will go with you, but I promise you aren’t going to find anything!  It’s just an old storage room out in the woods.  I mean, there is nothing suspicious about that.” ~Brittany

“Humph!  We will see about that!” ~Linda6While Linda and Brittany start snooping around in my backyard, let’s move on to the stars of the show, the Collins family!

In the last chapter, Roulette was declared heiress, and we left off with her growing up to be a pretty clone of her mother, much to my surprise.  But whatever, I thought, now she can go call the new male slob, invite him over and get working on the next generation!7But instantly, this tool walks up from the street and won’t leave Roulette alone.

“Hey baby, can I have that number?” ~Phil

Stupid uninvited party crashers.8“I just think you are so pretty, Miss Roulette!” ~Phil

“Why thank you, Phil, but I better get going.  I have to invite some guy my father introduced to me when I was five and I need to set up some wedding plans.” ~Roulette9“I understand all that.  But first, let me set you up on a blind date!  I know a guy that would be great for you!” ~Phil

“A blind date?  Sure, I guess there will be no harm done.  This is the last night of my single life…” ~Roulette10…KARL?!

“Oh wow, she looks so much like her grandmother!” ~Karl

Of all the dozens and dozens of sims out there, they HAD to pick him.11“Wah!  I can’t believe I didn’t go to college like my sister did!” ~Roulette

You never rolled the want for it.

“I can’t believe I’m still being forced to wear this stupid dress where ever I go!  I miss my pants!” ~Karl12“Well, let’s get out of here.  We will go on a date in town, and while we are there, we will get you some new pants!” ~Roulette

“Sure, little lady!” ~Karl13And on their way to town, they were stalked by Bayonette all the way across the yard.

“Don’t go out with HIM, Roulette!  That man is a homewrecker!  Heed my warning!” ~Bayonette
14“Oh, you are such a pretty lady, miss!” ~Cole

“Oh shucks, am I really?” ~Karl

“Dude, there is something you need to know about this lady…” ~Count Colby15“Wait, that hot chick is a DUDE?!” ~Cole

You know you hit a new low when you have your first kiss with your grandmother’s dress wearing homewrecker in a dollar store.16It’s even sadder when you have your first woohoo with said homewrecker in the photo booth of the dollar store, and there is an audience.17“Ew, that is so wrong!  I can’t believe that just happened.  Where’s the eye bleach?!” ~Midna18“Thanks for the splendid night on the town, Karl.  This was the best birthday ever, even after you nearly got bit by that vampire or when that psycho blue lady tried to insult me about the woohoo with you!  I hope I see you again!” ~Roulette

“Oh don’t worry, baby.  You will!” ~Karl19“So, I’m glad you had a great birthday and all, but when are you going to settle down with that nice man your father picked out for you and start giving us grandchildren?” ~Silhouette20“You know what, mom?  I think I already found a man that’s right for me, and it’s not a slob!  But I’m happy about that, and I want to marry him instead, if that’s ok with you and papa.” ~Roulette

21“A… another man?!  Roulette, that’s not possible.  Unless it’s a slob, you can’t marry in some other man you found on the street!  That’s not how it goes in this family.” ~Silhouette22“Let me move to this seat over here, mom.  I can’t hear you when I have that concrete pillar in my face.” ~Roulette

“Ugh!  When is your father going to haul this thing to the dump?!” ~Silhouette
23“But mom!  I really like this guy, and even though he wears a dress all the time and lives in an isolated punishment tower, I think I can make it work!  Will you please agree to just meet him at least?!” ~Roulette

“A guy… in a dress… I think I have already met him once, and NO you will NOT marry THAT man!  Forget about him now!  Your father is already inviting the new slob over tomorrow and that’s gonna be that.” ~Silhouette24Roulette was surely sad that her mother was forbidding Karl from ever coming over again, but Roulette got started on her job in the law enforcement and soon forgot last night’s discussion.25She was at work when Simon brought home the new slob.

“I’m glad you moved me in, Simon!  You’re such a great friend!” ~Slob

“I know, but don’t you have any shoes you could have brought with you?” ~Simon

“Dude, with $14, I can’t even afford Bobos at sim prices!” ~Slob26“Dude, what are we watching on TV?” ~Simon

“Why, I turned it to Mime Cat.  It’s a great movie, don’t you think?” ~Slob

“You’re going to fit in nicely!” ~Simon27“Honey, come in here!  There is someone I want you to meet!” ~Simon

“Dad, I don’t want to meet him, I want you to talk to mom about letting Karl come over and being with me instea-” ~Roulette28“Hello, what do we have here?!” ~Roulette

Yay!  She has an attraction to him!  And it’s higher than her’s with Karl!  That’s all I ever wanted.

So I guess it’s time to introduce the new man of the house…29Andrew Bruty, introduce yourself.

“Huh?  Oh, well I’m a pleasure sim, naturally, and I want to grow up to be a game designer!  My personality is 0/6/0/6/6, and my favorite pastime?  Farting.” ~Andrew

What a treasure.30Roulette knew him since childhood, so a romance wasn’t hard to do.  Their first kiss together was in their bathing suits in her parent’s bedroom.  How romantic!
31Anyway, Andrew settle into your new house, and meet the maid that comes in everyday.

“Get OUT of the bathroom, I got to take a bath!” ~Andrew

“Oh!  Please Mr. Bruty, please be gentle with me!  I was such a bad boy, it won’t happen again!  Ooh!” ~Remington

Uh…32“Sleeping disorder… coming back… don’t have time for date…” ~Roulette

I let two days go by because she would be too tired when she got off of work, but Roulette is going to be tired no matter what I do, so let’s just get this special date over with already!

33“Whistling contest!  I can whistle better than you!” ~Andrew

“No, I can!  It’s on, poor guy!” ~Philipe

“Andrew, stop clowning around and get over here before I pass out on the floor!” ~Roulette34“There is something I have been meaning to ask you since we got here…” ~Roulette

“Why yes, we do have the little umbrellas in the alcoholic drinks!  I think…” ~Sand

“Not YOU, waitress!” ~Roulette35“Andrew, my parents want their grandbabies, and that means I have to give this to you, and I hope you accept it with all my love and affection!” ~Roulette36“Wow, you got me a Gameboy SP?!  You mean I’m really going to work in the gaming career?!  This is the greatest day of my life!” ~Andrew

Well, it’s too fat to be a Gameboy, so take a closer look at it, Andrew.37“Oh, it’s a wedding ring.  That’s ok too!  I will marry you, Roulette, and this will be the greatest day of my life anyway!” ~Andrew

“After I fine you for littering in this restaurant by throwing the box away like that, Andrew.  I’m still a cop after all.” ~Roulette38“Hee hee, I farted on her head.  That’s what she gets for fining her own fiance!” ~Andrew39“Hey, mom!  Over here, it’s me, your daughter, Silhouette!  I haven’t see in you in a while!  How have you been?!”~ Silhouette40“I’m pissed off!  My bed was moved!  I hate everything right now!” ~Iama

I didn’t get rid of the bed.  I put it in Roulette’s inventory so I could give the new coupld a double bed.  But apparently putting it there is the same thing as selling it, so Iama is mad.  As usual.

41A whole bunch of people are smustling on the porch in their forma, which can only mean one thing:

Wedding day!42I thought a nice little gazebo wedding would be cute, with chairs leading up to the gazebo steps and the bride and groom on the gazebo overlooking the audience.

Too bad the sims had other ideas in mind.  They all wanted to be in the two chairs ON the gazebo, which were supposed to be reserved for her parents, but are filled in with the sister and yours truly instead.4311 chairs sat out on the lawn, COMPLETELY ignored.  Of course they would be.44I tried cramming some more chairs on the gazebo at the last minute, but it was too late.  Everyone wanted to fight over one chair in the corner, and the wedding went to crap.

“HEY!  That fat lard is in my way!  I hate Simon!  Can’t I just pummel him and go home?!” ~Sabrina

“Not everything is about you, Sabrina!” ~Roulette

*Sob*45So the couple got married and the audience ignored them because I was too busy having a breakdown over chairs and why I hate Simon.46In the end, Simon, who has never really been there for his children’s parties, is the only one to give a crap about his daughter’s happy day.  Good for him.  At least someone cared about Roulette at the last minute.47“Another party?  Well, sure, I can help myself to some party favors!” ~Phil

“You again?!  You weren’t invited to this party either!  Why are you back?!” ~Roulette

“I was wondering by, and heard there was a wedding going on.  Checking out the bridesmaids, as usual…” ~Phil48For entertainment, I offered to kick Simon’s butt for the pleasure of the audience.  The party was pretty good.49Congratulations to the happy couple.50Time for baby making!  I put it off for a couple of days for no good reason so it’s time to get started on the next generation!51“Homework is such a drag.  I can’t believe my grades are dropping.  What’s the square root of… what’s that fire truck doing here?!” ~Barnabas52Barnabas has a lovely habit of cooking something, and then doing something else automatically.  This time may have been my fault, because he needed to do his homework, but usually, this is his doing on his own.53“Aw, man!  I burnt my TV dinner again?!  Can’t I just order a pizza or something?!” ~Barnabas54Don’t worry, Barnabas.  You aren’t the worst cook in the house.  When Andy tried the next day, he instantly caught fire.  There was no beforehand stove fire or anything.

“That’s strange, I don’t remember wearing orange today…” ~Andrew55“Help!  Oh, HELP!  Where’s that fireman when I need him?!  It’s been ten minutes since the alarm went off!” ~Andrew56“Hurrrdy durr, I wonder what I was called here for again?” ~Mitch

He came and then just stood there like a moron.  I was sure Andrew was going to die before he ever really had a chance to do anything!57“There you are you slow $&#@!  About time you came to save me!  I’m not tipping you for this!” ~Andrew

“Don’t worry about that.  I never get tipped…” ~Mitch

Who tips a fireman anyway?  Besides the ones that come to dance half naked in your living room.  You saved me from that burning building, Mr. Fireman, here, let me stick a $20 in your pants.58“You got that sleeping disorder too?  You and my daughter were meant to be.” ~Silhouette59Oh, great.  Not you again.  Why do all my sims cancel on paying the bills?!  What do they have better to do than walk to the mailbox for two minutes?!60He took the chair that had been in the family since Iama was around.

61“Nooo!  I sat in that chair once!” ~Simon62Anyway, that night Roulette twirled around and put on her maternity outfit and lost her hair in the process.

“My daughter has the same disease I had when I was her age.  You know, the one where we have to take off our fancy wigs when we get knocked up.” ~Silhouette

Well put, Silhouette63Finally, I got fed up with the concrete pillar, so I extended the dining room and moved the table down.

“About time you did something with that stupid thing smashed through our table.  Now I can eat my food in peace.” ~Silhouette
64Meanwhile, I tried to switch Andrew’s look up a bit, because he was boring.

“Oh wow, I look smart and good in mechanical now!  This is great!” ~Andrew65Afterwards, I took Andrew downtown for a new wardrobe.

“Your hair smells so nice…” ~Pao

“Oh, my God!  I did NOT need to see that!” ~Melissa66My brother helped me pick out the outfit, because he thought that he looked like an old air force pilot and started calling him Vietnam Johnny.

“Alright!  I’m badass now!  I’m off to find the Red Baron!” ~Viet- I mean Andrew

I think you got the wrong war, but ok.
67Since when was Contessa your friend, Andrew?

“She’s always been my best friend!  We eat together, take photos like these, and she smells my neck…” ~Andrew

What was that last part?

“What, about the cotton candy?” ~Andrew68After getting his new look down, I thought he would be the perfect person to work on the robot bench.  After all, a cleaning robot would be PERFECT for this family.69This is Roulette’s best friend in the world, Abhjieet Deppiesse.  He comes over every day and hops on their bubble blowing hookah.  What a fine cop he is.70And because I’ve ignored Barnabas a lot lately, here he is playing with Stinky, the neighborhood werewolf.

“I love this dog!  I want to befriend him!  I want to ADOPT him!  His name is STINKY for Pete’s sake!  He would be perfect for this family!” ~Barnabas

Needless to say, he has a hard time befriending Stinky.  I’m so glad I already have sim werewolves in my game.71Barnabas had a girlfriend at this point, but I hadn’t heard a lot from Nerissa until today.

“Who’s that chick?” ~Andrew

“Who’s the aviator nerd?” ~Nerissa72“Did you hear about what happened to Barnabas the last time I was here?” ~Nerissa

“No, what?” ~Roulette

“He peed himself!” ~Nerissa

“Haha, no way!” ~Roulette

Then again, no one in this family has been successfully potty trained yet.  Roulette, you do the same thing all the time.73“Hey Nerissa!” ~Barnabas

“Oh hey, Barnabas!  I was not just talking bad about you!” ~Nerissa

It’s hard to get their relationship off the ground, because when he gets up, she goes home.  Sucks for him, really.74“Since when was my sister pregnant?!” ~Barnbas

For two days so far!  What rock have you been under?

“I’ve been in a coffin!” ~Barnabas

Touche.75I tried to decorate the concrete pillar to keep it from looking so awkward and out of place but it’s hard when you know it’s not supposed to be there.  Now it’s all nice and pretty, watch it poof away now.76Are we going to keep having problems with people who can’t find their own beds?!77I had long given up on keeping Simon up and happy.  Pleasure sims suck.  So I did what I could with Korey and had him wish for peace of mind.

Now I only have one wish left.  I need to hold onto it for an important one.
78“What’s wrong with mom?” ~Roulette

“Your husband slept with me last night, and your mother was forced to sleep on the couch.  Can you pass the butter?” ~Simon

That’s not a strange sentence at all…79Simon, you have been staring at that family photo for three hours now.  What is wrong with you?

“I was staring?” ~Simon

I can tell from here that he’s gotten fat.  He looks like a little green butterball.80“Oh no, mom!  I’m having my baby!” ~Roulette

“Hold on, dear!  I’m coming!” ~Silhouette

“You aren’t helping me!” ~Roulette

“I’m cheering you on and complaining about it!  What more help can I give you?!”~ Silhouette81“Well hello there, mother dearest!  I’m your baby and my word, you look a lot like grandma!” ~Charlotte

Meet Charlotte.  I’m trying to use other names other than ones that end with -ette and I guess I’m slowly weaning myself off of those names.  It’s -otte for her.  Whatever.

She has her father’s skin, hair, and eyes.  Finally, a change from all the blondes we have!82“I’m going to be a great mother.  I’m going to love you and take care of you, unlike my own parents did.  I even got you a crib in my room, where you will sleep with me.” ~Roulette83“But, eh, the crib is too far away from the kitchen here. I’ll just put you in front of the fridge, you will be fine here.  Ok, then.  See you on your next birthday.” ~Roulette

And that’s pretty much what she did for the rest of Charlotte’s baby years.

So that’s where I stop for now.  In the next chapter: What will Charlotte look like on her birthday?  How is Andrew doing with the robot bench?  What will I ever do with Barnabas?  Find out next time with the Slobacy!84But first, let’s check in on our meddling slobs back at the Tree House:

“Come on, Linda.  It’s just a shack in the back yard.  Sabrina isn’t hiding anything!” ~Brittany

“If she wasn’t hiding anything, she wouldn’t put an iron gate in front of this thing!” ~Linda85“A-HA!  I KNEW it!  Ashes everywhere!  There was a major fire in here at some point!  Why would there be a fire in a shed, Brittany?!” ~Linda

“I… I don’t know…” ~Brittany86“I’m looking this up right quick.  Oh my God, Linda.  This says that these ashes are human remains!” ~Brittany

“See, Brittany?!  I knew that Sabrina was involved in this!” ~Linda

Looks like the girls are close to a conclusion on the deaths of the slob women!  But did I really do it?!  Well… yeah, but what will they do about it?!  Find out next time!

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The Slobacy Chapter 2.4: Golden Years

1“Oh come on!  That wasn’t fair!  I had an extra ball!” ~Simon

Welcome back to another exciting chapter of the Slobacy!  Well as exciting as farting can be anyway.  In the last chapter, the two girls grew up into teenagers, the new male slob was found to marry one of them, and there has been more poop added to the front porch than what Simon and Korey have made put together.2We start with… uh, Simon, what’s going on?

“Well this guy is setting me up for a blind date.  You thought he was just giving me a number but, oh no, I get the whole person this time!” ~Simon

What?  But your wife is going to be home at any minute!
3“Exactly!  So what do you say, Enchidna?  How about we get out of here before the old ball and chain comes barreling through the door?” ~Simon

“Oh, I would love to, Komei!” ~Enchidna

“Simon.”

“Whatever.”4“Oh Simon!  This sidewalk date is the best!  I had no idea you were such a good kisser!” ~Enchidna

“Oh if you think this sidewalk date is good, wait until we go inside!” ~Simon

“Oh you naughty boy!” ~Enchidna5And for the supernatural date with the witch, we have a supernatural setting of werewolves and vampire chicks that bite stupid random sims like Tyler back there.

Then again, how supernatural of a setting can you have at a roller rink?

6After that fun little trip, Simon goes home, and Enchidna drops, uh, by to deliver a potted palm tree.

Well, her bag drops by anyway.  Then again, she’s a witch, it could be like Fantasia, but instead of bringing brooms to do her dirty work, she did it with bags.7Ok.  So maybe a broom was involved anyway.  Somehow the magical bag has to get home on its own!8Let’s stop caring about Simon’s life for a minute, and focus on the heiresses of the house.  First is Roulette, who, if she isn’t passed out somewhere because of her narcolepsy, she’s in her parent’s bedroom, not practicing her charisma like I told her to and is instead checking out her butt.9Then we have Marionette, who is, sigh, also ignoring me and checking herself out.

“How can I not check myself out!  I’m hot!  And I was so scared I would grow up and look like my father!  Ha ha ha!” ~Marionette
10Last but not least, we have Barnabas, who spends most of his time alone with his toys.

11With special appearances by ATHF’s Boxy Brown’s son, Bricky Brown.

“He peed on me!” ~Bricky

Hey, I wouldn’t doubt it.  Barnabas was never really potty trained.12What are you painting today, Silhouette?

“It’s an abstract!  It’s that vampire Tyler, but instead of where his face should be, I drew a hand!  Museum curators are going to line up around the block for this one!” ~Silhouette

They might, but whenever that photo was taken, I hope you called the ambulance right after.  Tyler looks like he’s in pain. 13“I’m so tired.  I can’t play piano right now because I’m just not in the mood.” ~Roulette

“But you haven’t been up for a few hours!  You really need to see a specialist about that.” ~Marionette
14And it’s Sugar, who has come to make her appearance and remind me of how much heartbreak she has caused this family.

“Yeah yeah, I’m a bad cat.  I only came today because I was invited to Barnabas’ birthday and I only came because he was the only one I liked.  Or didn’t know, whatever.  Then again, since when could you invite pets to a birthday party?  Are you THAT desperate for guests?!” ~Sugar15The second guest was Tyler, who since got bitten, shouldn’t really be out here in the sun like this.

“Derp!” ~Tyler

Don’t you mean ‘bleh’?

“No.” ~Tyler16And the final guest is… the matchmaker?

Since when was a NPC service sim like her invitable to parties?17“Who invited these people?” ~Barnabas

“Your sister, Marionette!” ~Nikki

That explains it.

“This is NOT the kind of party I wanted!” ~Barnabas
18Oh wait, Barnabas.  It gets better.

“My name is Brooke!” ~Brooke

Another tombstone for my collection.19As usual, the parents didn’t care, and Marionette is the only family member to give a crap about her little brother at the time.20And Sugar, where are you going already?!

“This party blows.  You really think I’m going to hang out with a vampire and a lame matchmaker all night for some kid?  I’m going home and I’m going to scratch out your eyes some more.” ~Sugar

21Not bad, not bad.  I think I see a little bit of Korey coming through!

He rolled Wealth, great, more of them in the house.  His LTW is to be a criminal mastermind.

His mother was at work, as usual.  Guess where his dumb father was though…22“A toast, to really messing up this legacy family!” ~Simon

“Here here!” ~Enchidna

Why don’t you two get a room already?!23“Did you hear about my sister, dude?” ~Barnabas

“No, what?!” ~Tyler

“She has narcolepsy!  Ha!  And she peed herself!” ~Barnabas

Be nice, Barnabas.  She can’t help that!24Fine, fine, break up the party.  It was going downhill anyway.

But seriously, who would complain?  The witches next door?

“Hey, it wasn’t me! I don’t live over there!  And I’m not complaining, if you know what I mean!” ~Enchidna

Ew.25“Ooh, that Tyler is so hot!  I foresee him going on a blind date with me sometime soon!” ~Nikki

Just get off the porch.28UGH!  OK, YOU WIN!  The fence will come down!29“So, you’re a part of that icky legacy family, right?” ~Nerissa

“Yep, you bet I am!” ~Barnabas30“Hey, you aren’t that bad, coming from a legacy!” ~Nerissa

“Well aren’t you just a little sweetheart!” ~Barnabas

Maybe these two would be cute together.  And maybe for once someone can have a childhood romance in this family.

31Aw, swimming together, how cute.

“I think your hair is going into the wall.” ~Nerissa

“It is… um, can you call my mom out here and tell her to bring the scissors?” ~Barnabas32I’m here, which can only mean one thing.

“I wasn’t spying on you with the telescope this time, I swear it!” ~Simon

Uh, no, this time it means it’s someone’s birthday!
33“How can this be?! My twin sister is getting old, and yet I’m still a freshman in college!  What in the name of crap is happening?!” ~Bayonette

It’s maxis magic, dear.  You are probably going to be young for several generations more.34“Ah, kitty!  You are back for Silhouette’s birthday!” ~Simon

“For her?  OH, NO.  She’s the one that let me starve on the sidewalk when I needed her.  I’m only here for Sabrina.” ~Sugar35

Goodbye, pretty young Silhouette, and hello Depends and walkers.36“Hmm, should I blow in this party favor or beat the crap out of my arch nemesis?” ~Sabrina

If I make this party crap, so help me…37“Woo!  Sexy grandma!” ~Simon

“Woo!  I’m still young and hot!” ~Bayonette

“I grew up in the horse rider’s outfit?!  What, am I supposed to help my sister open that ranch?!” ~Silhouette38“TIME TO DEFEAT MY ARCH NEMESIS!  RAAAH!” ~Sabrina

“Boo, Grandma Sabrina!  You suck!” ~Arron

“Where are you going, Bayonette?!  They are just playing!” ~Silhouette39“Hey, you know that my brother Barnabas was named after a vampire, but isn’t one?” ~Marionette

“So, what are you saying?”~ Tyler

“I’m saying you should go over there and fix that little problem, if you know what I mean.” ~Marionette40“What are you doing?” ~Barnabas

“Nothing.  Just look at the little sparkles!” ~Tyler

“Real vampires don’t sparkle, dude.” ~Barnabas

“Shut up and pay attention!” ~Tyler

41“HICKEY TIME!” ~Tyler

No, Tyler, just no.42“B-bleh.” ~Barnabas

“Dude, that was weak.  You’re such a wimpy vampire.” ~Tyler

And so now Barnabas lives up to his name.  Yay for him.43“Bleh!  This chick is in the bathtub! I can’t crap in here while she’s in here!” ~Tyler

Not only are you being rude by being in the bathroom with a young girl, Tyler, but you are being rude by bathing in someone else’s tub uninvited, Nerissa!  So what if you are Barnabas’ love interest, OUT!44Of course, the party-pooping witches next door had to complain, and Demi had to come over and ruin this dud of a birthday party.

“That’s what I do.  Then again, that’s all I do pretty much.” ~Demi45“I can’t go break up the party while that guy is naked though.” ~Demi

What??46TYLER!  Out of the tub, NOW!47“That was a great party!  I kicked so much ass!” ~Sabrina

“Tell me about it, and I never got old tonight!” ~Bayonette

Ok, Bayonette, and uh, me, time to go home, the party ended half an hour ago!
48“Hey, how am I supposed to buy a new outfit so I don’t look like I play polo if this loser won’t let me to the clothes rack?!” ~Silhouette

“Hey baby!  You lookin’ fight tonight!  Call me sometime!” ~Midas49“I wonder if anyone is around to see me in here with my wife?” ~Simon

Just about everyone in town including two of your children, Simon.50“Oh my gaw, that is so, like, gross!” ~Calista

“Exactly!  Hey, get a room!  No one wants to hear that!” ~Trish

51“you two are terrible people!  Woohooing in public while your children are in the room!  Why, back in my day, you never woohooed, not unless you WANTED to have those two children!” ~Crumplebottom

“Woo!  That’s hilarious!  Hit him again!” ~Midas52“What’s in the filet mignon?” ~Barnabas

“Well, we roast the meat in daisies that gives it a distinct bitter taste that everyone loves!” ~Waitress

“How are you doing over there, sweetie?” ~Simon53“I’m fine, dad.  Don’t worry about me.” ~Roulette

I decided to send them to a restaurant and have quality family time, but Roulette didn’t want to join the casual group!  Something about not liking her father, or something.  So she got her own seat at a table with 8 chairs.  What a waste of space.54I have brought your invisible dinner!  Enjoy!” ~Waiter

I’m so tired all of a sudden.” ~Roulette

Ugh, just when I thought she was finally over her sleeping problem.
55“I’m going home.  That stupid waiter didn’t bring me my food like he said he did, and I’m starving to death and I’m tired as usual.  I’ll be outside, you guys!” ~Roulette

Way to ruin the family outing, Roulette.  I just wanted family time from you guys (considering Marionette didn’t want to get off the couch and come in the first place) and your sleeping disorder had to ruin everything!56She was about to starve, and passed out in the kitchen.  Typical Roulette.57“This food makes a great pillow…” ~Roulette

I’ll just leave her alone for a while.  She got some food in her, so maybe she won’t die right now.

Oh, and the stone wall glitch still isn’t gone.  I’m filled with so much hate right now.
58“Hey, mom.  I’m about to pee myself, help?” ~Barnabas

“That whiny noise?  I think that’s my son talking about peas or something.” ~Silhouette59“Oops, there goes my static vampire bladder, all over the carpet!  Why oh why didn’t I just go before the sun came up?!” ~Barnabas60“Barnabas, that is so gross and uncalled for.  You are in so much trouble young man for peeing on your mother’s shoes and the carpet!  When you are done dying from the sunlight, you clean your mess up, young man!” ~Simon

61I built a garage for the unused car, and put a patio door on it.  But when the party guests for Simon’s birthday came over, they went through that door instead of the front door.  So that door got deleted rather quickly.  Again.62“I’m turning 60 today, I wonder what I should wish for.” ~Simon

“How about you wish about my foot in your ass, because that’s about to come true!” ~Sabrina

“Please, Sabrina!  Can my husband have one good party where you don’t beat him into a bloody pulp?!”~ Silhouette63“Waah!  I’m starving and I peed myself last night!  And there are too many people at this party, including the new slob guy!” ~Barnabas

Stop complaining, you whiny brat.  And yes, sneak peek at the new male slob Simon found last chapter!64“Yay!  I’m old and check out my awesome new look!” ~Simon

Nah.65“Hey, can you weirdos get out of my kitchen now?  I’m starving to death here!” ~Barnabas

“Look at who’s calling us weirdos!” ~Zim66“Hey, baby.  Want my number?” ~Barnabas

“Creepy.” ~Zim67“Dad, you really can’t think you are going to be allowed to wear that ugly get-up, do you?” ~Roulette

“Hey, I like this outfit!  I like my shorts!  And there’s nothing your mother or that asshat Sabrina is going to do to make me change my mind!” ~Simon68“Nevermind then, dad.  Off topic, when are we going to get rid of this concrete pillar?” ~Roulette

“That pillar is still here?” ~Simon69I made him at leasat get the green shirt Korey grew old in.  Now at least he’s color coordinated.  I was just too lazy to take him to a community lot and buy a new outfit at the time.
70Barnabas keeps rolling wants for private schools.  Stupid wealth sim.  But his aspiration meter was low, so come on in, Mr. Headmaster, sir!  Remington just finished cleaning up!

71“And this is the best room in the house!  I had my brother unlock the door to here just so I can show off how well built this bathroom is.” ~Roulette

“Eh, not the best room I’ve seen.” ~Korey, I think.  Small world.

What do you MEAN, this isn’t the best room you’ve see?!  I spent a long time on this stupid bathroom and all you can say is ‘EH’?!  Go fall in a toilet.72“So, you are the kid that wanted to go to my private school?” ~Korey

“Bleh!  And this is my friend, Bricky Brown!” ~Barnabas

Don’t show the nice man your collection of friends, Barnabas.

“But I also wanted him to meet this apple and toilet paper tube!” ~Barnabas
73“This dinner is great!  But I think being kissed would really put this dinner over the top for me!” ~Korey

“Uhhh.” ~Nerissa74“Ok, I’m here!  Bricky Brown couldn’t make it to dinner, so it’s just me and you and my girlfriend tonight!” ~Barnabas

“Oh, so this is YOUR girlfriend?” ~Korey
75“Psst, Barnabas.  I don’t like this guy, all he wants to do is talk about kissing to me.  I’m really creeped out right now.” ~Nerissa76“Did you say something, Nerissa, I can’t hear you over the fact that my head is stuck in the concrete pillar.” ~Barnabas

“I SAID THIS CREEP KEEPS TALKING ABOUT KISS- oh never mind.” ~Nerissa
77We didn’t even have to suck up to him, because the dinner and the tour of most of the house won him over, even though I can’t believe he hates Barnabas’ bathroom.  Now the kids go to the pervert’s school, and Barnabas is happy.78“Nice boobies there!” ~Jess

“WHAT?!  Who are you?!” ~Roulette

“Not while your mother is sleeping, kids.” ~Simon79“Hu, no, so whoever you are, please go away now.” ~Roulette

“Come on, baby.  I came home with you on the bus today.  And I can tell you were totally into me.” ~Jess

I can tell this kid is a romantic horn dog.  He seriously wouldn’t leave Roulette alone.
80“Sir, I don’t think your daughter likes me too much.  What can I do to win her heart?” ~Jess

“Honestly, kid, I don’t care.  Can you please leave so I can go to sleep?” ~Simon

81Oh, and if you haven’t already figured it out from all the attention I give her, Roulette is the heir.

“You have got to be kidding me.” ~Roulette

I thought Marionette would be a good heir, pretty much because I wanted a change in hair color, but Roulette is the only one to inherit her mother’s pointy ears.82And another plus, she has more personality than Marionette anyway.  Playing with Marionette is like playing with drywall.  She virtually never leaves her bedroom and bathroom anyway.

Ok, Marionette, you can go to college now.

“Um… Ok…” ~Marionette83Roulette started her LTW to become Captain Hero early, to avoid any more incidents where she won’t find the job until she hits her mid life crisis like her mother and grandmother did.

“Ok, Uncle George.  Let’s get out of here before that Jess kid realizes I’m still around.” ~Roulette
84Finally, Roulette’s birthday rolled around, and she didn’t seem too excited to grow up to be heir.

“I got to pee again, sis!” ~Barnabas

“You think YOU have problems?!  I got to grow up before I pass out on this lawn, so I don’t want to hear about your bladder issues.” ~Roulette85And so generation three is off to a great start.  The new slob is already friends with everyone in the family, and Roulette survived starvation and the many blows to the head from hitting the floor every time she passed out, and Marionette didn’t invite the guest list!

“Can we get a move on this, I’m tired here.” ~Roulette86“Look at this, Roulette!  Your father pulled himself out of bed long enough to come see you grow up!” ~Silhouette

Now it’s a great party!  Ok, Roulette.  Spin around and let’s see the final result!87“I’m so hot!  I think I’m a clone of my mother now that I think about it!” ~Roulette

Most likely.  But we will end this chapter here for now.  Come back next time to find out who the new slob is!  And will Roulette change out of that soccer mom outfit?!  Is her narcolepsy finally over?  Until next time, folks!

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