Welcome back to the legacy that has more trash, farts, and burps than any other legacy: the Slobacy. In this matriarchy, all we marry in are male slobs, and right now we are raising the third generation of mess makers and are just about to finally get out of diapers. Thank God.
In the last chapter, Marionette and Roulette grew up into children, and Barnabas became a toddler with the stats of 0/4/9/7/5. Which means that the slob stats are starting to come through.
“No, mama! Let me sit in my own feces, I like the smell! Don’t make me poop in the toilet!” ~Barnabas
Just like the children before him.
Guess who slept through her first day of school. GET UP, ROULETTE! YOU MISSED THE BUS!
And she’s not tired. She filled up her sleep bar at five last night! She has only been a child for half a day, yet she’s only been awake for a few minutes.
I think she has some sort of sleeping disorder.
Anyway, I had Barnabas set in his crip so he can sleep, and when he pooped himself, I sent Simon down there to change his diaper. Thing was, Barnabas wasn’t in his crib.
Where did my baby go?
Silhouette! Where the hell do you think you are going?!
“I’m going to work!” ~Silhouette
WITH THE BABY?!
“Yeah, it’s ‘Take Your Child To Work’ day. You didn’t know that? I’m going to show all those old biddies in the ballroom what it’s like to actually have children, then rub their noses in it!” ~Silhouette
I’m never going to see Barnabas again, am I?
“Mama? Where is daddy’s brother taking us?” ~Barnabas
“Well, Uncle George is taking us to work, where I’ll presumably forget you are there with me and let you starve while I work.” ~Silhouette
At least Barnabas was fed prior to this incident. Maybe he won’t come back starved and waiting for the Social Worker.
Marionette and Roulette came back from their first day of school together and what does Roulette do?
“I’m utterly exhausted, I’m going to take a few hours nap right here in the funeral hall.” ~Roulette
There is NO way you can be tired already! Get up and go do your homework! And preferable NOT in the funeral hall! Jeez!
Thankfully, Barnabas was brought back alive and still not hungry. His diaper was full, again, but did I really expect anything different?
“Hurry up, mom! Get out of the car! Uncle George is really creeping me out!” ~Barnabas
“OK, OK! No need to push me out!” ~Silhouette
Oh, joy. Iama is back from the dead, and meeting her grandchildren.
“Meeting them? No way in hell I will just MEET them! I’m trying to scare them to death so they won’t sleep in my bed!” ~Iama
“That’s not fun, grandma!” ~Marionette
“Wah! Grandma scared me! Now I can’t go to sleep!” ~Roulette
After she peed herself, and took a bath, I made her go get something from the fridge because she was about to starve. Guess who was in the kitchen.
“RAWRARARAWRDIEORGETTAKENAWAYYOUSTUPID BRAT!!” ~Iama
“NOOOO! NOT AGAIN GRANDMA!” ~Roulette
“BOOOOOO, NO SALAD FOR YOOOOOU!!” ~Iama
“Grandma! I’m all worn out from your hauntings!” ~Roulette
Again?!
Maybe she won’t get bothered by Iama here.
Meanwhile, Marionette spent the time working on her stupid fun. All night.
“Wow, five hours on the twirl-a-whirl makes everything all double!!” ~Marionette
“BLAARGGHMYINTESTINES!!” ~Marionette
That’s so gross, not on the carpet!
Roulette had to sleep with daddy because she is now scared of the dark, I guess. Thanks, Iama.
Maybe sleeping in the really nice bed will give her the energy to actually stay awake for once, though.
“No, mama! Not again! Just let me poop on the carpet! WAAAH!” ~Barnabas
You know what, I give up. Poop all you want, Barnabas. I’m not trying with you no more.
“Simon, I need to talk to you about our son pooping in his diaper.” ~Silhouette
“Not right now, dear. I’m talking to Boxy Brown.” ~Simon
“Boxy-?! But that’s a brick!” ~Silhouette
“I’m a WHAT, $#&%!!” ~Boxy
“She didn’t mean it, Boxy! You’re the Duke of New York!” ~Simon
I think that the brick Korey made looks like Boxy Brown is from Aqua Teen Hunger Force. Just without the afro. Then again, how do you put an afro on a brick?
HURRAY! One day Simon brought home a MALE slob from work! Killing off all those women actually worked! And he’s already in the house! Hurray for Simon’s slacker job!
“So, you are the man that will marry one of my daughters.” ~Simon
“Wait, aren’t your daughters 9 and 7 years old?” ~Slob
“Well, not anytime soon, obviously. When they grow up and one of them is declared the heiress to the house.” ~Simon
“What’s in it for me?” ~Slob
“Well, the house, of course, and a wife! What more do you want?” ~Simon
Note the new slob giving Simon the finger. What more do you want from him, man?!
“So it’s settled then! You marry into the house, and in exchange, we won’t have you killed off and buried in the slob graveyard. A toast on it, then!” ~Simon
It’s good to have someone already friends with him. Now we don’t have to wait a week for the heiress to befriend and move him in!
“So, you are the homewrecker I heard about from my sister-in-law. Glad to meet you!” ~Simon
“I can’t say the same about you, sicko.” ~Karl
“Peh, I didn’t ask for your friendship in the first place anyway.” ~Simon
“So that’s what I got to look forward to when I move in?!” ~Slob
“You bet! We men never stay clean at home! Everywhere you go, make sure there is a sink there!” ~Simon
“Why is she still asleep in my bed?! It’s two in the afternoon!” ~Simon
Chances are, she won’t get up until 6. I think she’s broken.
Close but no cigar.
Can his parents NOT find the crib or something?!
Eventually, they were given a pond because if I see another want for fishing again, I’m going to go insane!
“Check it out sis! I caught him on my first try! Am I good or what?!” ~Roulette
“Yeah yeah, good for you, go write a song about it.” ~Marionette
Dammit, Iama. Stop SNEAKING UP ON HER!
Everyone is showing up at the funeral hall. Which means there is a birthday party tonight!
Marionette survived childhood, which is great, because I nearly lost her about five times.
“I don’t even know this kid! Why am I here?!” ~Arron
“I have no idea either. I only know her dead grandfather.” ~George
“Hey, Roulette, where’s mama and daddy?” ~Marionette
“Mom’s working again. And dad… well…” ~Roulette
Simon would rather stay in bed and dream about himself than concern himself with his growing children.
I guess Marionette should consider herself lucky that Aunt Bayonette made it over and Roulette managed to pull herself off of the floor long enough to sleepwalk to the cake.
“Look! I’m pretty! I’m not the trainwreck everyone thought I would be!” ~Marionette
She rolled family and her LTW is to graduate three children from college. Sounds doable if she’s picked as heiress.
I’m glad that we now have a teen in the house because that means we no longer need the nanny until the next generation has kids.
Which is fine because Beth is starting to get slack on her job anyway.
And it’s not just Marionette’s birthday. Barnabas is growing up, with none of the skills needed from his toddler years. Which is just what I need, a child that can’t talk, walk, or go to the bathroom by himself. He’s worse off than Roulette!
“Yay! I grew up well! And in my PJs! And with my birthday guests this time! What a great birthday for me!” ~Barnabas
He looks so much like his father. He’s the one that’s going to get all of Simon’s looks I think.
“Here you go, Grandfather. An offering of cake so that you won’t haunt me when I start sleeping in your bed. Well, the cake plate anyway.” ~Barnabas
I hate the funeral hall.
“Sigh, I can’t sleep, and grandma won’t stop coming in our bathroom and turning the tub on. I hate this house.” ~Roulette
“Nooo grandma!! I’m starving again!” ~Roulette
“Goooooooood, DIIIIIIIIIE!!” ~Iama
Even in death, Iama continues to piss me off.
The next day, Barnabas brought home a new friend, Mauve!
This is Komei’s daughter with his wife, Hecate! She has a broader nose, but she looks a lot like Simon’s kids, of course.
Hey Mauve, stop smustling in front of the bus and get out of the way so Roulette can get out!
“And break my awesome dance line, I don’t think so. That little brat can just jump out the backdoor, that’s what it’s there for!” ~Mauve
“Look, little girl, I got to go get my cab and start driving sims to work, so you need to get out of the doorway and let the children that live here off the bus!” ~George
“Oh shut up, you stupid monkey! I can dance where I want and you nor Sabrina are goign to tell me where to go! And you may be my dad’s unwanted son, but I will never consider you as my brother!” ~Mauve
I think she actually has less nice points than Komei. Didn’t see that coming.
“Hey mom, hey mom! Check it out! I made an A+ in advanced trigonomnometry! But a B in spelling. Aren’t you proud of me, mom?!” ~Barnabas
“That noise in the background? I think it’s the TV, my husband never has it off.” ~Silhouette
“Mom, mom, look! I’m on the honor roll! I’m such a good student!” ~Roulette
“Forget it, Roulette. Take it from me, mom’s not going to pay attention to you. You might as well go show off to a wall. You might get more attention from it.” ~Barnabas
Time to mention the house. It’s gotten bigger and better since last time. In the back is the stupid funeral hall and it’s fancy doorway, and a new wing on the right that is the girls’ bedroom and bathroom. I think it’s a house finally worth living in.
However, the girls are the only ones able to use their own locked bathroom, so the main bathroom is always crowded like it is now. Time for some new rooms!
Barnabas got his own little bathroom on the second floor in his bedroom, and by his own little bathroom, I mean the fanciest room in the house! I worked hard on this one and I’m proud of it. I can honestly say I spoiled this child.
Ignore the trees reflecting in the mirror though. The walls are down. Ugh.
“Why is my old bedroom this sickening shade of blue?!” ~Korey
Because it’s a little boy’s room now. Your grandson’s room. You should be honored that your grandchild lives here now.
“Well I’m not! OOGA OOGA BOOGA!!” ~Korey
“NOOOO Grandpa! Not after I offered you my cake plate!!” ~Barnabas
“That’s the second time tonight you scared me, grandpa! I’m running out of pee to pee!” ~Barnabas
“You know what? I don’t think so!” ~Korey
“BOOOOOOOOoooooOOOOOOOooo!” ~Korey
“NOOOOO! Leave me alone!!” ~Barnabas
Sigh. Maybe now you will leave him alone Korey.
Yes, he is sleeping standing up. Stop staring and go somewhere else for a while.
Meanwhile, on the other side of the house:
IAMA!! &$^@ GO AWAY AND LEAVE THE CHILD ALONE!!
Besides the new bathroom, and the renovation of Barnaba’s room, there was a dining room made too. But there is a glitch in it. This block of gray is stuck in it and it isn’t a wall or something I can delete. It’s sits on the table and sims can ignore it and sit through it, but it blocks my view of everything!
*head desk*
“Hey, it’s getting late. I need to go home now.” ~Christopher
“Who are you again?” ~Barnabas
Barnabas is always bringing kids home, but never pays attention to them.
“I can’t get to the bush! The barrier that is used for decorative purposes is blocking my way to the bush that is a foot away from me!” ~Calista
The hired help is completely useless.
And it’s not just the gardener either.
“Oops, I broke your trash compactor. I guess one too many sequins fell off my shirt and clogged it up.” ~Remington
I’m not paying for that.
That’s IT! I’m taking down the whole frame and leaving it like that until someone dies!
Guests starting going through the front door again, and about time too. It was Roulette’s birthday, and I let Marionette invite the guests. Sadly, she only knows three people: Beth, Tyler, and Yuna, a little girl from who knows where.
“Mmm, that granny is smoking fine! But I won’t even think it because I’m too loyal to my wife!” ~Tyler
“Mmm, that Tyler is one sexy man! I’m going to think about him all day and maybe I’ll finally get over naked Korey!” ~Remington
Um…
As usual, Silhouette ran off to work, and Simon did too, so Roulette was welcomed into her teen years by her sister and a couple of invited strangers.
Note the stupid gardener back there who still is having a hard time with the bushes.
“Ooh! I’m pretty like my sister! I still have a chance at being heiress!” ~Roulette
“I heard that not a lot of sims would want to be the heirs to their legacies though…” ~Tyler
“WOOOO! You go sis, and win that heirship and the man father has picked for your hand in marriage!” ~Marionette
Roulette then celebrated her growing up with some concrete in her birthday cake.
And if you can’t tell, she fell asleep in it. Typical.
“I’ve spent way too much time here on this lot and have to go home now. I didn’t do anything but complain about your hard, but I’m going to charge you for my time anyway.” ~Calista
I hate you, Calista. I hope you know that.
“Ew, what did you do to my face? I was pretty enough!” ~Roulette
But I made you prettier! All I did was put on eyeshadow and lipstick.
The next day, the girls wanted to have their first kisses, and with Marionette getting close to the red, I thought that it was time to invite Nikki over to pimp out some boys to the girls.
“There you go, Marionette. This is Ricky. I give him out to every other sim girl that hires me, and he’s an OK townie kid.” ~Nikki
“I’m glad to mean you Marione-hey, what’s that going on over there?” ~Ricky
“What do you mean what’s going on ov-oh dear…” ~Marionette
“Oh man, I hate to be you people right now.” ~Nikki
“You people have money to go on dates, but you don’t have enough to pay us, so I’m here to take your stuff!” ~Repo man
B-b-but I PAID! I made Silhouette pay all the bills, even though she canceled on me the first four times and… she canceled on me the fifth time, didn’t she…
“Boo! This guy sucks! And this lot sucks for not paying it’s bills!” ~Ricky
“Hm, what should I take here? Something in the kitchen? No, that Simon guy is washing himself in the sink again.” ~Repo man
So he took Barnabas’ fancy bathroom sink. That’s OK, I guess. I won’t miss it terribly.
“What do you mean this date is terrible because of the repo man?! I can’t help it that he came at the same time we started our date, and it’s not my fault! Don’t blame me!” ~Marionette
Ugh, the date ended horribly because of the repo man and Ricky apparently took it out on Marionette and started poking on her.
“You know what? This date is over, get off my lawn!” ~Marionette
Meanwhile, Roulette got her date right after the repo man came, so the date didn’t start out badly. However, Roulette got Orlando, her mother’s date from when she was a teenager.
“Glad to meet you Orlan-NOOGIE TIME!!” ~Roulette
I don’t like where Orlando’s hand is. Too close boy, you better move it down.
“OK, Marionette. Let’s try this again! This time I got you a looker and-where are you going now?!” ~Nikki
“I can’t do this right now, I got to go pee and sleep!” ~Marionette
So this date ended as well, but not as bad as the first one, but still pretty lame.
Ricky then came over and dropped off a little gift for Marionette. Just what I needed, some poo.
What? I only left Roulette alone with Orlando for a few minutes and I come back to find him poking on her?! What a jerk! This date was going badly too…
Orlando had woken up a sleeping giant within Roulette, because I had long forgotten she only had four nice points.
“Why you little asscake!!” ~Roulette
“What?!” ~Orlando
“You listen to me, punk! I don’t need my mother’s hand-me-down boyfriend! Take THIS! Now get off my yard before I drag you down the sidewalk myself!” ~Roulette
Make that two horrible dates in one day. They are on a roll.
Meanwhile, from the safety of the porch…
“Kid, you know you are dancing in dog crap, right?” ~Christi
“I’m WHAT?!” ~Barnabas
“That Roulette thinks she can just hog tie me and throw me in the back of that maid’s van just as he’s leaving, but she has another thing coming to her! Hey, that woman looks familiar. I wonder if I know her from somewhere…” ~Orlando
And so we end this chapter with another bag of poo. How gross. In the next chapter: Who will I pick for heiress, Marionette or Roulette? Will Silhouette get her LTW?? Will Simon get his LTW (HAHAHAHAHA, that’s funny) and what will happen to Barnabas? Find out next time!
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