Oh heeeeeeeeey! It’s meeeeeee! After over four months in procrastination production, the Collins are back and I forgot everything that has happened are better than ever! A good bit has happened since last chapter, and as I’m sure many of you are aware, the original sims 2 site closed down forever, and took with it many great stories, sims and messed up CC uploads.
And of course, the first thirteen chapters and three generations were posted on this site, and a couple of people have asked me what became of those chapters. Don’t worry my friends, they were saved by the gracious BigLenny over at boolprop for me (thank you so much!), so I still have them, and when I’m done being useless and up to actually getting some work done, they will be added to this blog as well.
And now, back to the Collins for the time being.
“I can’t believe it! This is where I died! I died right here, and I didn’t get my Grim reaper’s paradise animation or hula Bellas or martini or nothing! All those LTWs I completed! My perma-plat status I had since high school! And for what, to die here in front of a stupid stove because… I don’t really know.” ~Courtney
I am 92% sure that now, seeing her ghost, she starved to death instead of stupid Andrew, but after looking it up, sims that died of fright are pinkish while starved sims are purplish. WELL THAT’S JUST GREAT. Two deaths that could happen either way when you aren’t paying attention and the ghost colors are more or less hanging out in the same side of the spectrum. I’m going to say that’s purple. She starved. Andrew is free from his vindication and the jury finds him not guilty of murder.
“Soooo, that’s purple? I’m sorry, I’m slightly colorblind, that’s $&#^ing pink if I’ve ever seen pink.” ~Gina
“Oh stop your squawking Gina. We’re moving on. She was stupid and wouldn’t make a sandwich, just sit down and watch the movie with me already.” ~Barnabas
“Isn’t being a parent a wonderful thing, Amin?” ~Barbie
“What the hell is wrong with you, woman.” ~Amin
When Sharon isn’t looking, Barbie makes Amin pitch in and be a parent. Someone has to do it (in the daylight hours).
“I don’t know, I might retire from babykeeper this generation.” ~Barnabas
“What… where does he think he’s going?! I got a diaper fill of rash and a bottle need of sucking! Get your booty back in here, Barnabas!” ~Jamie
“Well, it’s not so bad sis… I mean, the maid man did come in earlier and pick a few stinky bottles up, of course not before crying about where his life is going and contributing to that puddle of what I’m most certainly is completely made up of his tears.” ~Kanye
Also last chapter, Shanon also got knocked up by Amin, much to her sister’s obliviousness, as she was oblivious to Barbie’s pregnancy, and her baby is due any second now.
“I just… couldn’t undo my pants in time…” ~Shanon
But you were right there… I just, oh forget it.
“Ok so, Shanon, I was reading some of the old chapters in the past generation or so, and did you know we’ve been swapping your name around with Sharon a lot and using both kind of interchangeably Haha, now that’s something that’s awkward. Nope, you’re Shanon, after Shannon Price, how could anyone confuse you for a Sharon?! Maybe Sharon Stone or something. But she’s not a gold digger, right?” ~Barnabas
“NOW’S NOT THE TIME FOR CONFUSION, BARNABAS, UUUHG, HELP I’M HAVING A BABY!” ~Shanon
“Hmmm… I think Sharon Stone is hot, personally.” ~Barnabas
“Oh! Push it, Sharon! Come on, you can get this baby out!” ~Barbie
“DIDN’T YOU JUST HEAR UNCLE BARNABAS?! IT’S NOT SHARON! GET IT THROUGH YOUR HEAD AND STOP SWICTHING MY NAME! #SMH!!” ~Shanon
“I’ve seen enough births in my lifetime to not really give a damn.” *Continues reading* ~Barnabas
Meet Kim Collins, named after Kanye’s girlfriend baby mama thing, Kim Kardashian. Technically she’s not a gold digger and at the same time she’s the unofficial reigning queen of gold diggers. Our little Kim was actually born around the same time Kanye and Kim started going out or something, and now that I’m posting it, she’s pregnant with Kanye’s baby! That Kanye, not our Kanye, of course. Kanye is a really hard word to type. I keep wanting to type Kaney.
“Another baby? Which one are you again? Kanye? Jamie? Kim? I don’t know, I just live in the walls these days really.” ~Amin
*Gives up on keeping up with the trash* ~Remington
Remember last chapter when Kevin popped out of the woodwork and cheered the babies while they were lying on the ground? He still comes around frequently, uninvited, and comes in and, strangely enough, takes care of the babies, especially at night, when Barnabas usually does but hasn’t been doing lately.
“What can I say, I love my nieces. That and it gets me out of that apartment and away from Gino. He cries a lot and watches the Notebook on endless loop. What a loser really.” ~Kevin
“I guess I better head on back to the apartment. Left long enough and Gino gets in the liquor cabinet and I’m not pulling his naked drunk butt out of the mailbox again tonight. Take your baby and have a good day, sis!” ~Kevin
“But… I haven’t held her since I birthed her, I don’t know what to do!” ~Shanon
Wait a minute…
I’m pretty sure you shouldn’t be growing a mustache while taking care of a baby, Shanon.
“Well I’m at wit’s end, tell me what to do, she’s screaming!” ~Shanon
“La la la, doesn’t that feel good?” ~Barbie
Barbie, what are you doing?
“Washing the baby, what does it look like?” ~Barbie
Er, what baby?
“This baby!” ~Barbie
UH, WHAT BABY?!
“Oh, Kanye, you still have a stinky! And after I gave you a bath in the sink too. You little stinker.” ~Barbie
“I’ll be honest. I DON’T LIKE BEING HELD UP THIS HIGH. Can you PLEASE hold me like a normal sim and with BOTH hands before I fall, ok, thanks!” ~Kanye
“Don’t worry, I’m being perfectly safe! Look, if foreign women can carry stuff on their heads, I can surely carry my baby and be safe! If it wasn’t possible then it wouldn’t be safe, now would it?” ~Barbie
“Wait, NO NO! STOP WOMAN! I DON’T WANT TO DIIEEEE” ~Kanye
Oh dear.
“Oops, I accidentally threw my baby across the room. I also dislocated my shoulder doing so, what a klutz I am!” ~Barbie
Something tells me you shouldn’t have bred, Barbie.
“No one panic, because I caught the baby! All the way in the bathroom! At least SOMEONE in this house is responsible for once!” ~Shanon
“That’s a good thing, because I might need a doctor. I don’t think the human skeleton allows for my shoulder to be this far twisted behind my head.” ~Barbie
“Ah forget it. I am to impatient to wait on a doctor to see my arm. I just cut it off to save time. Oh well. Time for my children’s birthday!” ~Barbie
I’m starting to think she’s just in a crappy mood today.
“Daddy, look at my baby. Jamie is now my new chestplate. Very stylish, but I just punched out my own intestine for this new accessory.” ~Barbie
“So what, is your daughter stupid or something? Was there a mental condition you people didn’t tell me about before I moved in or what?!” ~Amin
*Quits caring halfway through the caking* ~Barbie
“I believe I can fly….” ~Jamie/Kanye
“Wrong singer, kid.” ~Barbie
I’ll be honest, I forgot which kid was which during toddlerhood. My bad. They’ll just have to both be the same names until I figure out which is which. Like Janye. Or Kamie. Or Jamye.
“It’s alright sweetheart, I’ll make sure your birthday isn’t full of danger and woe. I’ll actually not hurl you across the room and miss catching you on your way back down from your caking.” ~Amin
I think this one is Jamie. I don’t knoooooow.
But I do know their stats, because I wrote them down because I knew I would forget. I was prepared for that at least. Alright, so Jamie’s got her personality set to 1/10/10/5/9 and Kanye is set to 10/6/1/10/7.
…Do you see that?
Jamie is ACTIVE. and Kanye is a NEAT FREAK. Where… WHERE DID THAT COME FROM? Those traits have been set at 0 for GENERATIONS now! I don’t…
“Do I really have to skill the kids? I’m so burnt out on children right now that it’s not even funny anymore.” ~Barnabas
Well fine then, get out of the way and let the actual father of the children do something for them for once.
“No! Too hard! Kid too stupid! I too stupid! I want to go do something that isn’t this right now!” ~ Amin
Oh, forget you, you idiot.
“Fine. I’ll try to wrap this up as quickly as I can.” ~Barnabas
That’s the spirit.
I tried to get other Amin to help with the kid rearing, trying to lighten the load on Barnabas. It’s not going to work really.
“How do I feed baby?” ~Amin
I swear Amin, you’ve done this before without hang ups, don’t be a screwball now.
“Alright, I managed to potty train the kid! Yay, I did something!” ~Amin
“Back in the house, glad to see you guys are still alright without me! You sure you guys are alright without me? Because, I’m not alright with Uncle Gino…” ~Kevin
“Whua?” ~Barbie
“Bwa ha ha, scare them when they are nice and vulnerable. And naked! That adds on to the fun factor. I really do have a heart of ice. The heart of an ice box as a matter of fact.” ~Gina
“Dammit, now I have to bathe in the kitchen sink all over again!” ~Barbie
“Yeah! Potty trained the other baby! I think we can actually manage this without Barnabas! We got this under control!” ~Barbie
“If we have this under control, why do we keep him around anymore anyway?” ~Amin
“Sex appeal I think.” ~Barbie
It sure isn’t for his brains.
“How do I sleep in coffin? Coffin not here! Why coffin not here in front of me! I don’t have to sleep if coffin not here!” ~Barnabas
Whatever.
“Wait, didn’t I just grow up all the kids? Why do I still have another one left? Which one is this one again?” ~Amin
“Oh hey babe, didn’t see you there! Watch our daughter while I’m out at work, ok! Cool, later sweetheart!” ~Shanon
“Dammit.” ~Amin
Skip to the afternoon, Kim is still alive in the custody of her father, and she got to have her birthday.
“I don’t know what’s going on anymore. I just wanted to take a nap all day long.” ~Old Amin
And here she is, Kim Collins, and also, her stats are 10/7/1/10/7, meaning she is also, a NEAT FREAK AS WELL! Seriously where the hell did these points come from?!
“Waaaaah! Daddy, I need a bathie! I feel the microbes crawling on my skin and I feel so grimy!” ~Kim
“I have no idea what you are talking about, baby! Microwaves crawling on you?! Dear, microwaves don’t crawl! And that grimy feeling is a healthy layer of nature! Trust me, it will be good for you!” ~Amin
Also, she’s the only baby this generation with the pointy ears going on. So I can’t not confuse her for another child, she is definitely Shanon’s.
You would think by now that the women would have caught on, or Amin would have screwed himself over already and gotten in trouble for being such a player, but he’s actually really good at ignoring Barbie and Shanon and staying out of the way. Anytime he was ever in a photo before was because I made him interact with the kids. He won’t socialize with anyone other than Leroy if he can help it. Not that it’s a bad thing. Besides, Leroy needs a friend too.
I’d say this was where I finally caught up with the legacy, but after the last few months, I still have no real clue on what happens in some of the photos.
“I think I’ve been sitting on this chair in this freezing weather for 6 months now.” ~Amin
You probably have.
“Mmm, yes, splatter me in the face with your delicious chinese goodness…” ~Barnabas
“Uuuuguhhgg, that makes me sick to look at.” ~Kanye and Kim (oh my god.)
“Alright, I’m still working on my LTW, I’m aware of that. Leroy, can you leave me be for a second while I try my damnest to skill for a little bit?” ~Amin
“But this puddle feel soo goooood…” ~Leroy
“Honestly, you biting me in the back of the leg to play in a puddle isn’t helping me make these pancakes.” ~Amin
“That’s fine, I have to go tinkle anyway. I haven’t peed on this couch in a mighty long time. Besides, I’m trying to turn this whole living room into a sea of Leroy piss. I’m starting to make some leeway with this goal in my life too!”
“If I am Kanye, this living room will make me scream in disgust and pass out over here. If I’m Jamie though, I might do a few laps around the couch. I don’t know.” ~Jamye
“Good lord, my thighs feel gooooood.” ~Barnabas
This is actually his stance when he looks out of windows. He’s got too much free time on his hands these days I think.
“Skilling my daughter, I’m actually doing a good mother deed! I don’t need Amin to help me raise her, he can stay in the yard and play fetch with the stupid dog for the rest of his life if he wants.” ~Shanon
“Does anyone hear else here frantic dog barking like someone was trapped in a hole full of underground water?” ~Shanon
“Well, not a well, but the dog is definitely trapped in the wall. I should do something about that.” ~Amin
“Don’t worry about me right now! The thing! It’s going crazy! Do something about the thing!” ~Leroy
“OH! The Weebo is broken! Not the Weebo! Stop Weebo! We don’t want chinese food!” ~Amin
“Oh thank goodness that’s over with. Now. Someone get me a sledgehammer.” ~Leroy
“Back upstairs, I swear one of these kids are mine. Why are two of the toddlers dressed in pink PJs and that stupid bob cut?” ~Shanon
“Because some lazy heifer somewhere didn’t get around to getting toddlers more CC. It’s ok! It’s not like we’ve confused babies before! I will help teach this one to walk! I’m sure this one is Kim! Maybe Kanye. Jamye? Jimyem? Just crush all three of the toddlers names together and leave it at that for now.” ~Barnabas
“Sounds like a fine name for all three children!” ~Shanon
Leroy is now an old dog now. Which is strange, because he’s been around for a while, but it feels too soon for this.
“Considering I never got a job. Or achieved my dreams. My life is a lie. I’m going to go hit the sauce now.” ~Leroy
“Ok Jimyem. I’m tired of skilling you right now, so here, go to your mother/aunt. And don’t look up, I don’t want you scarred for life.” ~Amin
“Dad?! Really?!” ~Shanon
“Why can’t I keep my bladder in control?! Whyyyyyyyyyyy?!” ~Barnabas
“Why can’t you stay in your coffin, you freak? Whyyyyyyyyyyy?” ~Aybolt
“Daw, you are so cute Aybolt! I love you so much little piggie! You are my only real friend these days… *tries to become the pig*” ~Barnabas
“How am I still alive.” ~Aybolt
“Dad! I got good news! I’m getting fat again! Which means I’m getting my big badonkadonk back! My big booty will surely get Amin to finally get his crap together and give me a wedding ring!” ~Shanon
“I’m going to continue pretending to sleep walk and ignore what you said, dear.” ~Amin
“Another birthday? Can’t we just eat the cake now and watch the kid later? I’m starting to get pretty hungry right now.” ~Amin
“No daddy, Jimyem needs her birthday, and then we can snack on cake to your heart’s content.” ~Barbie
And here is Jimyem in all her glory, complete with her patchy side beard growing in!
I gave her some face paint to differentiate her from her sister better, but I already forgot which Jimyem this is.
“Yeah. I’m confused. I’m going to go back to sleep walking guys, later.” ~Amin
“Wait grandpa, weren’t you complaining earlier about being hungry? Shouldn’t you go eat?” ~Jimyem
*Continues to ignore, sleepwalks all the way to the bedroom* ~Amin
“Alright, everyone back into the kitchen, we have one more birthday to endure through… please Jimyem, can you move out of my way. I’m trying to get your sister, Jimyem, to her cake.” ~Barnabas
“Can’t we just start calling us by our real names already?” ~Jimyem
“As soon as I remember which child you are, Jimyem.” ~Shanon
Hey look, suddenly no one else cared.
“I’m trying to care. Can’t you look me in the face and tell me I am really enthused about this? #FML.” ~Shanon
“Hold up, wait a minute, something really is going down. I’m not growing up until I find out where everyone bounced off to. It’s my birthday, can’t anyone get their butts in here and watch me grow up?” ~Jimyem
“Oh, here everyone is! All mourning the sudden death of grandpa, well isn’t that something else.” ~Jimyem
WHAT
“Apparently he starved to death. Unlike the confusion that surrounded Courtney’s death, this idiot, was officially hungry, and died. Now that’s just poor sim maintenance if I’ve ever seen it.” ~Death
“Haha, grandpa failed. Should have made a sandwich or something instead of ruining my birthday, but whatever.” ~Jimyem
“I can’t believe your kid just said that, dude!” ~Leroy
“Neither can I! Who the hell taught her to talk?!” ~Amin
“Rest in peace grandfather, Requiescat in pace and all that yadda yadda…” ~Jimyem
“Alright, everyone get their butts back into the living room! I got a birthday cake to attend too and growing up to do and this old corpse is taking up time!” ~Jimyem
“I can’t believe my baby just said that! Oh lord, even I’m not that horrible! Must be all those neat and/or active genes I swear I didn’t give her!” ~Amin
RIP Amin. You died before you were supposed to too, and I don’t know why, I don’t remember you starving that badly. I would give you a funeral, but some egghead left some salmon at the funeral altar in some sort of fish offering/Cthulhu ritual, so you don’t get one.
You now join your wife with your crappy urn in the funeral hall. You were a good sim, you just had a crappy death.
And here are the twins, Kanye and Jamie, next chapter I will reveal which is which… you know, after I figure that out myself.
“And here I thought grandpa would die peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like the passengers in his car! Beep beep! Screeeeeech! Did I mess that joke up?” ~Red dressed Jimyem
“I don’t… I’m not going to think anything. I’m not associated with this little psychopath at all, I swear!” ~Monkey shirt Jimyem
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