The Slobacy Chapter 7.4: Spooking

“I don’t get it!  We are absolutely loaded by now, we are millionaires, and I still feel empty.  Well, considering I AM empty.  I’m just a figment of imagination in the form of a nonexixtant gas that looks like my living self.  But still!  All this money and nothing to do with it!  We need a makeover in this house!” ~Gina

And I slightly agree!  We’ve gone a long time with this orange colored house, and I think it’s time for a new look.  HOWEVER, I’m unmotivated to redo the whole thing, so some add-ons would be nice.

Above the garage, a game room was added and the old pinball machine from the front porch finally has a home.  Since moved to this room, however, no one has played on it, and I honestly think that since it was moved, no one knew where it went, and didn’t bother to get off their lazy butts to go look for it.

“Something should really be done about this bar room.  Yeah, sometimes we have parties and stuff, but other than the alcoholics in this family, it never really gets used.  I should do a complete make over to this room!  Add some new wallpaper, something that will make this place stand out!  New drapes, a water slide, this is going to be awesome!” ~Barnabas

*Five minutes later*

“I bought a karaoke machine.  Good enough.  Whew, renovation is a lot of work!” ~Barnabas

Barnabas’ room also got a facelift.  I can’t recall why I never changed his room since he was 4, but he finally got something that matches him.  I gave it a cemetary vault feel, absolutely perfect for a vampire such as himself.

And the best thing about the makeover?  Since I redid this room, Barnabas now goes into his coffin, and actually STAYS in his coffin ALL DAY LONG!  The first day he did it, I thought it was a fluke, but a week and a half has gone by so far and HE STAYS ASLEEP NOW!  WOO!

Who knew all we had to do was treat him to a mature room he probably needed.

Since Barnabas now sleeps in his coffin, the bathroom next to his room is finally open to the rest of the house now, now that I don’t have to keep his room and bathroom locked up to keep him from killing himself!

“All these years that I lived here, I didn’t know we had a fourth bathroom!  WOOT!” ~Sharon

However, after the renovations, Barbie started getting all whiny and pitiful about her aspiration meter.  Being a sim with the fortune aspiration, as I eventually figured out, you would think she would have profited with happiness from the new stuff.  It just didn’t happen to be that way.

“All this new stuff, I used to want new things, but that all got ignored, I want my money back, despite the fact that we are still loaded and happen to be the richest family in town!  But I’m so miserable.  I need to go do something, something big to get my mind off this terrible feeling!” ~Barbie

She rolled to make a wish with the genie, so I gave it to her since it had a lot of aspiration points attached to it.

“Such a beautiful light!  I hope he bursts out into song and dances around me like he did in the movie!” ~Barbie

“You ain’t never had a friend like– oh darn, I’ve spawned without the lower half of my torso again.  Half a millennia in there without a bathroom and the one time I’m free I forget to bring that part of me that I need the most.” ~Robin Williams Genie
“So what is it lady.  What do you want?  Wealth?  Power?  Something to take care of that odor that you can’t seem to find a bathtub for?” ~Genie

“Nah, I got all that covered.  What DO I want?  What does a girl like me, who has everything she could ever want, want more than to just “make a wish” for fun?” ~Barbie

“What if I gave you some suggestions-” ~Genie

“I want to live a while longer!  Can I have that wish? Give me more years on this earth!” ~Barbie

“I would have said that you could have wished for me to grow a pelvis and legs out of the goodness of your heart but that’s ok.  That wish is good too I suppose.  Sigh.” ~Genie

Barbie was so thrilled about getting to live an extra four or so days as an adult, that she went and flipped the gnome an ungodly amount of times before I told her to freaking stop.

“Being given a few extra days in my life has made me magical!  Behold!  I’m now flinging this gnome around so hard it’s tearing a hole in the space time-continuum, and he can’t keep up with himself!  I’m creating multiple gnomes with just one!” ~Barbie

Please stop breaking time and space and do something useful.

“Thanks for coming out here and helping me take the weeds out of the last strawberry plant, Amin.  You know, after I spent the whole night out here BY MYSELF taking the weeds out of all the other plants.” ~Barnabas

“No problem my man!  Whew!  This is hard work.  I’m exhausted!  I might have to take a break from doing this tomorrow night and resting, you think you can take care of this on your own next time?” ~Amin

“Sigh…” ~Barnabas

“Looking great sis!  Hold still, and I’ll take a photo of you!” ~Barbie

“Remember to capture my good side, Barbie!  If you get my stink lines in this photo, I don’t want it going up on the wall!” ~Sharon

When the photo was taken though, it took a pic of the pic I last took of Barbie taking the pic of just Sharon.

“Picture taking is hard!” ~Sharon

Today we are out here in the great Collin Stadium, Mike, and it’s the match of the century!  Sister Vs. Sister!  Who will come out on top and steal the title, it all comes down to this match!

That’s correct Tom, this is the moment we have all been waiting for!  It’s jaw dropping, knuckle whitening action that you will only get here today folks!

And this is it!  They’re both going for the kick off!  Who will get the goal?!  Will it be Kanye, or is Jaime going to catch up to the ball for the perfect finish!  Oh, I can hardly watch!

Well I can tell you one thing, Tom.  Stepping out like that and snapping her ankle in two steps doesn’t look good for Kanye!  She can’t kick the ball with a floppy foot!  And here comes Jaime for the kill!

IT’S GOOD!  Jaime wins!  Kanye cries!  And the crowd had already gone home for the evening, what a match ladies and gentlemen.

Tom, remember?  Everyone already went home.

I would have gone home too if my wife hadn’t locked me out again.

Why haven’t you gotten a copy of that key made, Tom?

“Ain’t nothing like getting fired!  Seriously, that’s the last time I release all the dolphins at SeaWorld into the ocean again.  Good thing I ended up with a demotion somehow.  Finding this career track in the computer or the newspaper again is hard as crap.” ~Barbie

Why are you so bad at your job?

It’s only monday, Kim!  We don’t have time for you to be taking a nap right now.

“Yeah I know, but can someone turn off that radio all the way in the backyard?  I can’t properly break my arm to get out of doing my homework while it’s blaring salsa music everywhere.” ~Kim

“Mommy look!  I made good grades!  And I’m ahead of all my other classmates at school!  Be proud of me!” ~Jaime

“Good job sweetheart!  Woo!  You never cease to make me so proud!” ~Barbie

“Mommy look!  I made good grades!  And I’m ahead of all my other classmates at school!  Be proud of me!” ~Kanye

“No, I can’t do it again!  I already cheered one of my kids today, I don’t have it in me to do it again!  Go away Kanye and do this later, mommy needs her happy pills and adult apple juice over here!” ~Barbie

“I pull and pull and pull weeds, and what do I get?  A crazy plant lady spawns in my garden.  And she doesn’t even help me with the weeds either.” ~Barnabas

“Yeah, as much as I’m proud of you for loving nature by killing plants you condemn as weeds, you have been invited to our club house! Yeah, come visit!” ~Naenae

Nah, we’re good.

“BOOOOAWWWGH!  WAS THIS HOW THE GHOST KILLED YOU COURTNEY?!  IS THIS HOW THEY CAUSED YOU TO DIE?!” ~Amin I

“No you diptard.  I died of natural starvation, this was determined ages ago.  Maybe if you did your investigation a little more thoroughly  you would have realized by now that it was YOU that was killed by a ghost, not me.” ~Courtney

“Oh yeah, that’s right, I am the one that’s Scare-Death-Hot-Pink, not Pale-Bullcrap-Purple in comparison, like you Courtney!” ~Amin I

“That’s one way to put it.” ~Courtney

So wait… Amin DIDN’T starve to death as well?!  He was scared to death?!  Really?!

“SO I BLAME ANDREW.” ~Amin I

I personally blame Gina, since she is the only ghost I know that was out that night.  I think.  I don’t know, ghosts are assholes.

“Well, I don’t know about dad killing me, but I’m dying alright!  Was so hungry… why did I go to bed so early before dinner…” ~Barbie

NO DAMMIT!  NOT AGAIN, WHY DO YOU KEEP TRYING TO STARVE YOURSELF ON ME BARBIE?!  YOU WERE NO WHERE THAT HUNGRY, I KNOW YOU WEREN’T

“*Sob*… tell my daughter that I’m so sorry… I… punched a hole in her bed with my head while dying… I didn’t mean it…” ~Barbie

NO DAMMIT, STOP SCREWING AROUND AND GET BACK UP

NOOOO

“Death, I’m so sorry my stupid idiot husband killed our child and brought you here a little early for her.  I think he’s so obsessed now with haunting people to death that he’s become the moron he so despises.” ~Courtney

“Yeah, Barbie!  Take that!  Now I’m not the only ghost that died from a spooking!  I won’t be alone anymore now!  Yeah!” ~Amin I

“You dumb@$$, she didn’t die from your haunting, you caused our daughter to starve to death!  What did I see in you when we were alive?” ~Courtney

Hoping Amin II would come and save her like he did the last time she fell over dead for unexplained starving reasons, I sent him up to save her.  Unfortunately, the idiot was in the garden, and she had to die on the third floor.  And Amin is in NO RUSH to go save her either.

“I’m coming to try to save her too!  But there’s no way in hell you are making me run up three flights of stairs.  * leisurely stroll*” ~Barnabas

YOU ARE BOTH IDIOTS

“It’s ok, I’m here, and I will try to save my sister!” ~Sharon

“Look lady, I don’t just come to the world of the living for fun and games.  If I come here, someone is coming with me, and it’s going to have to be your sister this time.” ~Death

“I did so good!  Yeah.” ~Amin I

GO FALL IN A HOLE AMIN, I’M MAD AT YOU RIGHT NOW

“PLEASE!  LET ME SAVE MY SISTER!    Kanye!  Come over here and help me save your mother’s soul!” ~Sharon

“Does this pink bathroom match my look, wife?” ~Amin I

“I swear, when I get back to the mausoleum, I’m moving my urn away from yours, Amin.” ~Courtney

“SHE HAS TWO KIDS WITH NO FATHER THAT SHE HAS TO TAKE CARE OF!  PLEASE, LOOK INTO THE EYES OF THIS POOR FORSAKEN CHILD, A CHILD WITH NO FATHER, A MAN THAT NO ONE HERE HAS EVER MET, AND TELL ME WHY YOU HAVE TO TAKE AWAY HER ONLY PARENT” ~Sharon

“Oh WOW!  That is one cool scythe, man!  Can I hold it?” ~Kanye

“PLEASE!  DON’T MAKE ME HAVE TO RAISE MY SISTER’S KIDS!  I DON’T WANT TO” ~Sharon

“PLEASE!  I WANNA HOLD THE SCYTHE!  YOU AREN’T BEING FAIR, YOU NEED TO LEARN TO SHARE!!” ~Kanye

“FINE!  I’ll let you play a game for your sister’s soul, if you win, you get her soul but if you lose, she comes with me and you won’t ever get to see her ag-DAMMIT AMIN, STOP SCARING PEOPLE AND LET ME DO MY JOB!  GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE AND GO BACK TO YOUR URN WHERE YOU BELONG, NOW!” ~Death

“Alright, in one of my hands, I have her soul.  And the other hand, if you pick it, is just a fist that I will use to just punch you in the face.  Now, choose carefully, which hand is it in, and please stop looking at my butt that Amin has torn my deathly robes away to reveal.   I’m going to throttle him in the afterlife later on for this.” ~Death

“Hee hee.  It’s so flat.” ~Sharon

“Uuuuuuum… I don’t know, this is so much pressure.  There’s only a 50/50 chance I’ll get this right… I don’t… I guess I’ll have to pick… the hand on the leeeeeft, maybe…” ~Sharon

“PSST, no, it’s this one on the right *pulls Sharon’s hand over to the right hand*” ~Sunny

“Oh, ok the right one then.  Let’s go with the right one.” ~Sharon

“Hah, well the joke’s on you, because it’s, OH, the soul IS in my right hand.  Darn, I lost the game.” ~Death

“WOOOOOO!  Thanks a lot Sunny!  I would have lost her if it weren’t for you!  How did you know that it was the hand on the right?” ~Sharon

“Sniff sniff… mmmm, I smell bones!” ~Leroy

“Shoo dog.” ~Death

“Being a vampire, I can sense the supernatural stuff such as this!  Call it a vampire’s intuition!” ~Sunny

“That’s cool, either way, WOOOOO, MY SISTER IS BACK!” ~Sharon

“Darn, I guess now I can’t hold the scythe.  That’s not fair.  Sunny, you think you can use your vampire’s intuition stuff to let me hold that scythe?” ~Kanye

“THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!  I WOULD HAVE GOTTTEN AWAY WITH TAKING THAT SOUL, IF IT WEREN’T FOR YOU MEDDLING VAMPIRES!  DIE YOU VILE WOMAN!” ~Death

“Now that just isn’t nice!  What I did doesn’t merit for you sticking your scythe through my chest like this!  This hurts!” ~Sunny

“Psst… get it… lemme hold it…” ~Kanye

“Ah, this is getting funnier and funnier all the time.” ~Amin I

“RAAAH LITTLE GIRL!  IF I CAN’T KILL MY DAUGHTER AND MAKE HER MY HAUNTING BUDDY, I’LL TAKE YOU INSTEAD” ~Amin I

“Hold on guys, I’m about to haul him out by his ghostly collar and beat him from now to the rest of eternity.” ~Courtney

“Oh, ok mom, have fun.” ~Barbie

“I guess I better go back downstairs and see what Barnabas is doing.  Yeah.” ~Sunny

“Sister!  You saved my life!  How could I ever repay you!” ~Barbie

“By getting out of  my way and letting me wash these flies off of me.  But you are very much welcome, Barbie!” ~Sharon

“I have the best big sister anyone could ask for!  We are going to be the bestest of friends from here until the end of time!  You can bet on that!” ~Barbie

“You loser, you don’t even know how to do it right!  You are supposed to make a scary wailing noise when you haunt anyway!  Not cough and fart at the same time and hope they start screaming!  That’s not scary!” ~Courtney

“Well what do you expect from a man that thought that even HE died of starvation.  My unlife has been flipped upside down from this news, you know.” ~Amin I

“I need a hug.” ~Amin I

Well at least the bear cares.

“I finally completed all of my skills, and am now the perfect human being, even though it took almost 5 whole generations to get this far.  About time I finished learning everything there was to know about cleaning, even though I highly doubt I’ll ever get to use this knowledge.  That’s what we got the maid for!” ~Barnabas

Sure.

“Oh goody gumdrops, Barbie!  You are alive!  And sexy as ever!  Looking good in that bathing suit, hot stuff!” ~Barnabas

“Well it sounds like SOMEONE invited me over here for no real reason other than to get a beatdown.” ~Sunny

“I sorry baby!  I didn’t mean that in a romantic way!  She’s my super great-grand niece anyway!  Come to daddy for some snoggin’!” ~Barnabas

“Humph, you BETTER be snogging me you asshat.” ~Sunny

*Eating like her life depends on it, because apparently it probably does* ~Barbie

“Check it out!  I made good grades!  I’m still doing good in school!  You proud of me, you proud of me?!” ~Kanye

I swear kid, if you wake Barnabas up with your screaming hopping crap, I’m locking you in the mausoleum with the ghosts for a night.

“Nooo, I’m showing my grades to Bricky Brown, since he’s the only one in the house that seems to care!” ~Kanye

Oh, well that’s more like it then.

“Mom, I’m also making good grades!  Check me out!  I’m a genius, my teacher says!” ~Kim

“Nope.  talk to the hand, Kim.  Mommy’s relaxin‘ like a Kraken…”

“Do you mean you’re chillin’ like a villain?  What… what does that even mean?” ~Kim

“Oh no… my breathing, stopping, going down, goodbye everything…” ~Kanye

WHAT

“Not caring, Kanye, stop being a drama queen…” ~Kim

“But I’m going down, Kim!  Help me!  Help someone!  Goodbye cruel world…” ~Kanye

STOP SCARING ME KANYE

“Yeah, stop scaring the stupid narrator  Kanye.  Gosh.  If you are going to teach the dog how to play dead, at least stop trying to cash it in to some imaginary camera.” ~Kim

“First the master, and how the little master.  Sigh.  At this rate, no one is going to get around to feeding me.” ~Leroy

“Ta da!  I’m not dead, Leroy!  Am I a great actress or what?” ~Kanye

“I almost thought you were dead, Kanye.  I almost ate you.  You are not funny.” ~Leroy

And now, it’s about time to wrap this chapter up.  We will end it with Barnabas, who is currently bird watching at 2 in the morning.

“The perfect time to go bird watching.  It’s the time when they are most likely out to be feeding, and you can approach them and pet them and love them and ask them if they’ve accepted Will Wright into their hearts yet.” ~Barnabas

“Ah, why it’s the Blue Jay, a beautiful bird native to eastern North America.  A very territorial bird, if you step up into his yard, he ain’t afraid to pop a cap in someone for it.” ~Barnabas“And why I’ll be, there’s a robin, America’s sweetheart.  I once saw a robin and a blue jay get into a fight once.  It was horrible.  Death, saddness, and gang wars throughout the neighborhood.  Never again.” ~Barnabas

“Look!  Inside our house we have a Canada goose as well!  They are migratory and territorial at the same time.  Ever had one charge you before?  I have.  It charged me right out of the house, and that’s why I’m out here watching it, because I can’t get back in the house right now…” ~Barnabas

“Also one of our beloved natives, it’s the cockatoo, known primarily for their skills in accounting, and they make excellent party magicians.” ~Barnabas

I think he’s getting his facts mixed up again…“And now I see a little canary on the television, and there’s a wood duck, and a penguin, and oh, bird watching is fun.” ~Barnabas

I would be a lot funner, Barnabas, if you were actually watching birds in real life and stop trying to watch the television from the yard with binoculars.

“I can’t go in and watch tv, remember?  The goose is still in the house… look out for the goose…” ~Barnabas

“Barnabas is crazy, isn’t he little guy?!  What a crazy-wazy old Uncle Barnabas, yes he is!” ~Sharon

“Please… get your hand out of my butt.” ~Aybolt