The Slobacy Chapter 1.1: A Cruddy Start

Alright, my first legacy!  Welcome to the Slobacy, a legacy that deals around the dateable slobs that came in Nightlife.

Sorry that the title cover isn’t as fancy as everyone else’s.  I’m not good with Photoshop or whatever, so enjoy Kory Collins burping in a field of flowers.  Nice.

Sorry if my simself butts in every now and then.  That’s what I do.

I will be narrating from my Tree House and telling the story like the nosy, annoying person you will come to realize I am.  But that’s OK. Someone has to do this, might as well be my simself.

First off, I got the idea to do a legacy based around the slobs because of this guy, Alvin Greaves.  He is the replacement of Mr. Big that appeared after I moved Geoffery Goss into Antionette’s house.

The newly generated rich sim gave me the idea for a legacy.  But I can’t use Mr. Big and the Divas without breaking legacy rules, and besides Geoffery is used up already.  But what about the slobs?  Every time a male slob is used, he should get a replacement, at least for 10 generations, right?  And so a legacy idea was born!

My only rule is that I wanted to focus on only the male slobs, and try to get as many different male slobs as possible, pretty much making this a matriarch.  Which causes problems later on, as you will see.

I decided on a founder immediately.  I remembered Iama Golddigger, from a chapter a while back.  She only moved into that house for ten minutes, so she’s basically brand new and would make a great founder for a legacy.  It would be a perfect punishment for the last story she was in, and ironic that a gold digger like her will be forced to live with slobs for the rest of her life!

Alright!  Enough rambling!  Let the train wreck commence!

First, I decided to move her to a downtown lot.  that’s not illegal in legacy living, right?  This way, she would be closer to her target husband of choice!

“Do I really have to live in an empty lot down here in the dead of winter!?  What did I do to deserve this?!” ~Iama

Lots of lost reasons, Iama.  But it’s in the past.  How do you like your new place?!

“There’s no roof!  And it’s freezing out here!  And I wanted an environmental piece!  You call this art?!  I did better in my coloring books when I was five!” ~Iama

I think the rules of legacy living state that you put them on a 5×5 lot, but I forgot and stuck her on a 5×6 lot, so now she doesn’t have a shower, or after this picture, a stove because I replaced it for a phone.  Oops, my bad.  But that’s ok, more of a challenge, right?!

Besides, Iama is going to get a computer in a second, because with Mr. Humble, EVERYONE is granted a computer, taking the challenge out of getting one!  Thanks, Mr. Humble.

“Peh, I hate this job!  If I knew I was going to be handing out everyone on the census a free computer for nothing in return, I would have just stayed home.” ~Mr. Humble

Stop belly aching and give us the new computer.

“I don’t know if I should have done that.  Is it alright to give a legacy founder a computer?  That’s not against the rules, is it?” ~Humble

I don’t know.  But she doesn’t have the money for a desk or chair so she won’t be using it any time soon.  I will stick it in her inventory until she does.

Speaking of money, time for this gold digger to get a job.  Can’t put a roof over your head without one!

And while I’m at it, I guess I better tell everyone about her, as it seems custom to do so.

Iama Golddigger

6/10/6/3/0, because the mean ones are the most fun!

She wants to be a Chief of Staff, but that job wasn’t available at the time, so she joined the criminal career that was available.

After getting a job, I sent her downtown right away to look for her future husband.  the male slob on my game is named Korey Collins, and he usually hangs out at the dollar store downtown, so that was the first place I went.

“Wow!  Now he’s hot!  How about we forget this whole Slob-whatever, and let me talk to THAT guy!” ~Iama

Sigh, of course you would be attracted to Mr. Big.  You are a gold digger after all.

“Pfft, this broad is ugly!  She reminds me of that old Diva broad before she became a fuddy duddy housewife!” ~Iama

“Why, HOW DARE YOU!! I AM the “old” Diva!  And at least I can afford to live in my big house as a housewife, you common thief!” ~Jennifer

“Whoa, wait, this IS the diva?  Um… she still is ugly.” ~Iama

She made an enemy out of the Diva and swooned over Mr. Big.  You wouldn’t think she would settle down with someone like a slob…

Anyway, it took about an hour to find Kory, and then I didn’t recognize him because he was wearing an overcoat.  For someone who doesn’t put shoes on, he has really nice outerwear.

I thought, yay, I found him, this isn’t so hard.  Then I tried to get Iama to talk to him…

“Um, I don’t think I can.  There is a two foot drop in front of me!” ~Iama

Are you kidding me, Iama?!  Walk around the other guy!  Is it that hard?!

“Great, now she is in MY way!” ~Korey

Just scream in her ear if you have to!  Tell her your number and leave!  This isn’t rocket science!!

“Ew, this guy is gross!  And he looks poor!  I don’t want to even be seen with him!” ~Iama

Great, the founder doesn’t want anything to do with the man I have picked out for her.  Too bad, Iama, I already made my decision on how this legacy is going to go and I’m not changing my mind because you want to be picky.

“Whoa, lady, you stink really bad.” ~Alon

“Oh, shut it, paper boy.  I can’t afford a shower right now, so give me my paper and get off my yard!” ~Iama

“Hello?  Korey?  Yeah, this is Iama, the girl from the ice rink from last night.  For some reason I was compelled to call you and invite you over, so you think you can make it?!  Ok, sure, gussy up and come over.  Like YOU will really gussy up…” ~Iama

“Sigh, I don’t have enough money for my bills, it’s raining, and I’m stinky and cold.  I really don’t deserve this kind of fate.” ~Iama

“Um, hey Iama, what died?” ~Korey

“Ok, I get it, I stink!  Like this guy is any better!” ~Iama

Just stop complaining for once and start talking to the guy.  The faster he moves in the better it will get, I promise.

“Look, I’m sorry Iama, but you stink and I’m NOT attracted to smelly people.  Either hit the showers or hit the road!” ~Korey

“But, that’s not my fault!  I can’t afford a shower!” ~Iama

“Then you are just out of luck!” ~Korey

“OH, COME ON!  He’s turned off by my stink, then he goes right around and FARTS!  I HATE This guy!  Where’s Alvin Greaves already?!” ~Iama

Whine whine whine.  Just keep talking to him.  Eventually something’s bound to break through, Iama.

“Not only does he fart, he goes through my trash!  That’s really, really rude and sick!  I don’t WANT to flirt with this guy!” ~Iama

Either flirt with him or get deleted.  We aren’t that far in the legacy for me to change my mind.

“So, uh, Korey, I was thinking, you aren’t that bad looking on the eyes.  I mean, at least you are employed, I will give you that.” ~Iama

“Well, thanks Iama!  Besides the fumes radiating from your armpits, you are pretty hot yourself!” ~Korey

“I was just wondering, Korey dear, just how much money DO you have? I mean, you are a slob, not poor, you have to have some cash, right?” ~Iama

“Well, I don’t like to brag, but I have enough to claim two dollar signs in my speech bubble!” ~Korey

“You don’t say! That’s not bad! I mean, it’s not four, but it’s better than nothing!” ~Iama

No longer even looking at Korey, Iama only has one thing on her mind right now.  Too bad this isn’t a rich-type legacy, or else we would be sending the kids off to college already!

Korey didn’t move in today, but they are almost friends.  Iama went to bed that night alone, and Korey spent the remaining time farting around in the yard.

Ten whole generations of fart fumes.  I’m looking forward to this already.

Finally, despite the constant lack of promotions,  caused probably by her lack of hygiene, Iama finally started climbing up her career ladder, and now she has more money, do you know what that means?

“That I’m actually going to get a job in medicine already?!” ~Iama

No, but I’m still looking for that!  Something better!

A SHOWER!

“YES! Never in my life has a bare shower in an open area in freezing weather looked so good!” ~Iama

Maybe Korey will actually become attracted to you now!

“Please Korey!  It’s cold, I’m alone, there is no roof, and I have no money!  I can’t kill myself, so pleace, just move in with me and let’s get this over with!” ~Iama

“Look, I really don’t want to move in with you right now.  I just got a job making children’s toys and a lot of people actually LIKE me, so I’m not really ready to give all that up yet!” ~Korey

“COME ON, KOREY!  Look!  You are killing me here!  Do you see this snow in my yard?!  I need your money or I’m going to FREEZE and die!  I mean, I need your love or I will freeze and die!  Screw it, I NEED YOUR MONEY!” ~Iama

Needless to say, she slept alone that night again.

That can’t be good for you, Iama.  At least put some shoes on.  Or better yet, get today’s paper!  You aren’t going to find that job as a nurse in yesterday’s paper!

“Shut it.  I slept under four inches of snow last night.  I can do what I want!” ~Iama

Finally!  About four days after Iama met him, they finally know each other enough to fall in love!  And Iama isn’t repulsed by him anymore!  She doesn’t have any lightning bolts on him, but at least she’s willing to work with him!

And look!  Finally, the plumbob is over someone else’s head for once!

Welcome to the family Korey Collins!

“Wh-wh-what is THIS?!  FOURTEEN DOLLARS?!  You brought FOURTEEN DOLLARS into the family?!  I thought you said you had enough money to claim two dollar signs worth of cash!” ~Iama

“Well, fourteen dollars is a lot to me, dear!  You know how long I had to play the guitar on the corner for people to put that much in my hat?  A LOT!” ~Korey

“This isn’t a slobacy!  This is a pooracy!  I STILL don’t have enough to put a roof over my head!” ~Iama

SIGH, it hasn’t been a week since I started this legacy, and I’m already getting robbed!

Someone, hurry up and get up and call a cop or something!

Um, what are you doing?

“They don’t even have a front door, you really think they have anything worth stealing?!” ~Russ

Sigh, even the robbers don’t want to steal from them and their FOURTEEN DOLLARS.

“I can’t believe we were BROKEN into, dear!” ~Iama

“I can’t either!  I don’t feel safe and secure anymore!  But you know what?  that Chiron guy is really hot!” ~Korey

Great, the founding father has a man crush.  Add that on the list of relationship problems you two have.

The next day, Iama got a promotion, and we finally had enough to build ONE room!  It may look like a backwoods tool shed, but at least there’s a door on it!

And it comes with some nice decor!

This decor sucks!” ~Korey

A typical scene at this lovely household.  he gets water all over the floor and she mops.

It’s going to be a long generation for sure.

“Baby, I know this isn’t the right time and this DEFINITELY isn’t the right place!  But I want you to marry me!  After all, we aren’t getting any younger!” ~Korey

“Oh, WOW!  Is that a real diamond?  You got me a REAL diamond?!” ~Iama

“Actually no, I got it out of a vending machine!  ACTUALLY, I got it from a kid that got it out of a vending machine!  She broke it, threw it away, and I dug it out of the trash and glued it together!  But that changes nothing, right babe?” ~Korey

“Is it too late for me to say no?” ~Iama

So Korey and Iama had a nice little front yard wedding in the front of the door, and now the legacy is offically underway!

Originally, I was going to marry him to her, and keep the Golddigger name for as long as I can, but I forgot how it worked and I saved long before I realized that I married her to HIM.  so now she’s Iama Collins.  Great.

“Thanks, now I’m married to this farting dumpster diver.  If only my parents could see me now.” ~Iama

Oh nice, Korey.  That is exactly what Iama needs when she gets off work tonight.

I can already see this is going to be a big problem.

“I totally agree with you!  That Chiron guy is totally one smoking stud!” ~Lichen

“I know, right?!  Why can’t my wife see that?!” ~Korey

I think Chiron is growing a fanbase out there among his fellow men.  Maybe he needs to rebuild that wall around his house.

“You want to woohoo in the presence of a plantsim?!  Are you crazy?!” ~Iama

“Of course I am!  It’s always been a fetish of mine!” ~Korey

Besides having an audience, I decided that it was time for the next generation to get underway.

Impregnating Iama was the easy part.  Keeping her away from the toilet long enough for her to clean it was the hard part.

“When you are done mopping over there, I just slung some more water near the door for you to get.” ~Korey

“How long is she going to be in there?” ~Candice

“I don’t know, but this is the second time she has thrown up since I started mopping in here about two hours ago!” ~Guin

“Wow, pregnancy has actually made me THINNER!” ~Iama

Actually, no.  Wait another half second, Iama.  You are going to start hating everything when I click that play button.

“Hey, I know I may look like a biker hooker, but I don’t want to hear you say ANYTHING else about my revealing wardrobe after seeing her!” ~Danielle

Besides wondering around without clothes on, another pastime of Iama’s to do while pregnant was starve.  Especially now that there isn’t food in the fridge.

“I’m so hungry…” ~Iama

I know, go order a pizza right now!

“HEY LADY!  I’m STARVING!  Stop looking at the little flower stickers on the wall like it’s art or something and FEED ME!” ~Iama

The legacy was about to end before it began!  She was so far in the red!  Please don’t die on me Iama…

“Hey, I can’t eat this pizza, the stove is in my way over here!” ~Iama

Is it really that hard to eat the pizza, Iama?!  You didn’t even have to move so that the townie could get a slice, just eat were you stood!  Jeez!

But she didn’t die and about five in the morning, her water broke in the kitchen!

“Korey!  Korey, get in here!  The baby is coming!” ~Iama

“Really?  That’s good dear, keep pushing, I just came in here for a snack.” ~Korey

“ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!  Get over here and help me with this thing, you wanted it!” ~Iama

Unless I canceled the action out, usually the father doesn’t do anything else but panic when the mother of his child is having a baby on the lot.  To Korey, the birth of his child didn’t even cross his mind.

Really Korey? You are that dim-witted?

“Oh Korey, she is beautiful!  You have a little girl!” ~Iama

“Oh really, that’s great.” ~Korey

“Here, hold her, I have something else for you…” ~Iama

“Twins!  We had twins!” ~Iama

“Oh yay, I’m a happy father of three!” ~Korey

“Sigh…” ~Iama

What?! TWINS?!  It’s too early in the legacy for me to be taking care of two kids!  Oh, crud.

Their names are Bayonette, after Bayonetta, a video game character that I never even gotten around to playing, and Silhouette, just because it’s the same length in letters and ends with -ette, so it matches.

I’m lame when it comes to names.  I need a theme.

Meanwhile, I hired a nanny and got Beth Walter, the best nanny in the game.  If she can save Chiron’s and Meadow’s hide when they had their six children, I don’t think two babies in a legacy will give her much trouble!

“Honey, can you go fart somewhere else for once?!  I’m still looking for that medicine job!” ~Iama

“I’m sorry to break it to you Iama, but you are almost halfway done with your adult stage.  I don’t think you are going to make it to Chief of Staff at this rate.” ~Korey

I think he’s right.  She’s getting too close to elder, and she hasn’t found her career yet.  I think she’s going to be stuck as a criminal for the rest of her life.

I sent Korey out to the dollar store to get some things, and lo and behold, there was a new female slob in town.  With custom hair none the less!  Her name was Brittany, and I was wondering why the game needed two female slobs, but I pushed it out of my mind until much later…

Because I was tired of watching Korey run around with those ugly, dirty PJs on  and his stinking socks, I made him get a new wardrobe.  Something that would make him look more like the father he is now, and less like the dirty lazy bum he was.

HEY!  I said a more fatherly look!  You are NOT an open shirt type of guy!

“But the whole idea was to clean me up!  I think I look pretty frickin’ sweet!” ~Korey

Fine, then.

“What is this?” ~Korey

That is an exercise machine.  You have been obtuse for a while now.  It will probably do you some good to get into shape.

I have to admit though.  Korey is a decent father, better than Iama is a mother, that’s for sure.  Iama hasn’t held her children once since she had them, and Korey drops everything every few minutes to be with them.  Probably just to get out of doing stuff.

The babies finally grew up, but didn’t have birthdays because they were too broke to even afford cakes at the time.  So daddy Korey grew them up in their bedroom.

“Ouch, Bayonette, you are squeezing my neck too tight!” ~Silhouette

So here are my twins, Bayonette and Silhouette.

Yes, Silhouette has pointy ears.  You might not be able to see it through Iama’s hair, but she has the face structure that gives her the pointy ears.  Silhouette was the only one to inherit them too.

Let’s just say that Iama was less enthused about her children growing up than Korey and I were.

“EW, what are these things doing in my bathroom?!” ~Iama

“NO, I DON’T want to give you any attention you little TWERP!  Get OUT of my bathroom!” ~Iama

Jeez, Iama.  Even I’m not that mean.

Not only is this a shot to show how far the house is coming along, it’s also to show that Iama FINALLY got a job in medicine.  Maybe she has a chance at Chief of Staff after all.

“Mama, mama!” ~Silhouette

“What have I told you before?!  Stay OUT of my bathroom and keep it in your diaper until your father comes home!  Don’t make me repeat myself!” ~Iama

“Whimper…” ~Silhouette

Ugh, what’s wrong with you?  And where did that portrait of your husband I was making you paint go?

“I didn’t like it, so I scrapped it.  I’m too bored to work on it anyway!” ~Iama

GAH, you are so dumb!  Go clean a diaper or something!

Eventually, Silhouette did find a friend in Neditkyli because Korey brought her home almost everyday (there are not that many other people in the gaming career).

if it weren’t for her, these kids would keep stinking everywhere they go!  I hate it when she leaves.

Teaching them how to walk, talk and poop in a can was virtually impossible.  If the kids weren’t miserable all the time, the parents were.  I was just counting the days until they grew up into kids.“I’m so sorry baby!  Daddy’s too tired to be holding you right now, I have to go watch TV for a bit and go to bed, but I will change your diaper in the morning, I promise!” ~Korey

At least Korey was paying attention to the child…

“UGH!  What’s that crappy smell that I’ve been smelling for the past three days?!  It’s coming in here!  I swear, when I find the source…” ~Iama

Bayonette, stand very still!  Maybe if you don’t move, she won’t see you!

“Mama, I hungry!” ~Silhouette

“Ugh, this thing is whining again!  This is worse than having to sleep in the yard in the snow!” ~Iama

“I sorry mama!  I promise I won’t beg for food again!  Please don’t kick me!” ~Silhouette

Jesus, someone call child welfare.

If it weren’t for Beth, I don’t think I would have a legacy.  If I could take you somewhere, Beth, and make you playable, I would, but then you wouldn’t be the glorious babysitter I have now.  Keep up the good work!

Meanwhile, I lost track of the days already, and the children started growing up on me!

“Hey daddy!  You surprised that it was my birthday?!” ~Bayonette

“No, I’m shocked you grew up bad!  But then again, with your mother, how CAN I be shocked?!” ~Korey

“Yeah, this is going to be a long childhood, isn’t it dad?” ~Bayonette

Sigh, I fail at raising children.

Anyway, time to wrap up this first chapter of my legacy.  I don’t know how long this one is right now, but at the rate this is going, it’s going to be forever to get through this.  I hope you enjoyed it so far.  Until next time, happy simming!

“Hey Beth, I can’t thank you enough for taking care of my kids while I watch TV!” ~Korey

“Don’t mention it.  By the way, I took your computer chair over there because you can’t pay me right now.” ~Beth

Ugh, fail.