The Slobacy Chapter 4.2: I ain’t saying she’s a gold digger

Oooh, second chapter of the fourth generation of the Slobacy legacy! Yay!  I finally got off my butt and posted it!

In the last chapter, Zion was introduced, married (eventually), and Gina had announced the coming of her first child.  We are almost halfway there!

Meanwhile, over at the S.L.O.B. hideout, Linda had finally gotten off her butt and declared how she was going to get back at my simself for killing off all the slob women and kicking her butt mercilessly when she threatened to rise against me.  I’m not too worried though.

“Oooh, HBO!  Why does it keep playing the weather movie though?  I haven’t seen Mime Cat in a whole twenty minutes!  What’s going on over there?!” ~Brittany

See what I mean?

“Alright Ganondorf!  It’s going to be your job to infiltrate Sabrina’s house and destroy her way of life!  You got it?!  You better obey me Ganondorf, or you will never see your beloved Zelda ever again!” ~Linda

“But, I’m dating Marsha!” ~Ganondorf

“I will destroy her too!” ~Linda

“Oh WAAAH!  Please, not my Marsha-Warsha-Pookie-Bear!  I’m nothing without my Marsha-Warsha-Pookie-Bear!!”~ Ganondorf

“Oh geez…. I guess I better come up with another plan.” ~Linda

“So how did going over the plan with Ganondorf go?” ~Brittany

“He pooped his pants so I kicked him out.  We have to come up with another plan.” ~Linda

“Well, what do you have in mind?” ~Brittany

“Trust me, I already know what I want to do now.” ~Linda

So yeah, Linda and Brittany think that they have something cooked up, but it’s probably going to end with them watching television and farting around until they lose the remote and run out of cheese puffs or something.  In the meantime, we go to our Slobacy household and continue the Legacy thus far.

First off, Roulette finally hit her LTW of becoming Captain Hero.  She is now Elder Woman, fighting crime like fraudy insurance scams targeted at old people, fighting criminals parked in handicapped spots when there is nothing wrong with them, and cheating bingo players.

Her pregnant daughter on the other hand is always trying to kill herself now that she’s pregnant.

What can I say, pregnant women and fire are pretty much synonymous.

“Don’t worry my daughter!  Elder Woman is here!  She will save you with her scream-at-the-fire technique!” ~Roulette

“THAT’S NOT WORKING MOM!” ~Gina

Zion, her husband, is pretty much useless now that he’s finally in the household.  He has yet to find his job in the culinary field, and sits on the couch all day, everyday, watching television, farting, and clapping at trivial matters.

“Yay!  The Weebo food bot is broken!  It brings stinkies into the house!  Hahahah!” ~Zion

And yes, Weebo broke and brought a whole bunch of plates to the lot that didn’t want to be deleted unless they were on a table and I had to delete the table with moveobjects on.

So she had to be turned off for a while.

“Hey!  I’m really impressed, sis!  The house is still spotless since I left!  I can’t believe you are managing to take such good care of it!  Congrats!” ~Charlotte

“Pfft, you think it’s clean now.  But wait until the baby is born.  It’s just going to be chaos all over again!” ~Gina

“Hey baby.” ~Andrew

“Oh!  Hey Andrew, long time no see.” ~Roulette

“Oh, well I’ve been around the house, doing this and that.  But I just have to say, you are looking great lately.  Congratulations on your promotion!  Your new suit matches your beautiful eyes.” ~Andrew

“Oh Andrew!  That’s so sweet.  And I forgot how lovely your mustache was and your rugged man scent could be.” ~Roulette

Andrew and Roulette was building their relationship back up slowly.  I thought it was really cute too.

“Hey mom?  Don’t you know that that stuff is bad and you are going to get sick if you keep eating that rotten fish!” ~Gina

“Doesn’t matter, Weebo is out for a while and we don’t have a whole lot to eat right now.  I’m too lazy to call grocery delivery, so just sit down and eat fish with your mother.” ~Roulette

“Forget that mom!  I’m not eating rotten fish!” ~Gina

“I’m going to eat some good old Chinese food!  Yum!” ~Gina

Would it surprise you if I told you that both Roulette and Gina caught food poisoning?  It wouldn’t?

“Oh hey!  I think that food is really, REALLY tearing my stomach up, because I’m feeling all kinds of sharp pains in my abdomen.” ~Gina

Nope, that’s labor!  Finally, generation five is coming!  I can’t wait!

“Oh… I can’t believe… I ran all the… way up here…” ~Zion

“Aren’t you excited about the birth of our new child, Zion?!” ~Gina

“Birth of… what?” ~Zion

Meet Anna Nicole, because I FINALLY have a naming scheme for my legacy (even though I’m probably four generations too late).  I’m going to name the girls after famous gold diggers and the like.  After all, Iama’s last name was Golddigger before Korey swooped in with his Collins and it stuck.  Besides, gold-diggers marrying slobs sounds about right to me!

As you all know, Anna Nicole is probably the most famous gold-digger of all, because she married a zillion year old man and inherited all his millions as soon as she whipped out her plastic boobies and gave the poor old guy a heart attack.  After she died and took over the news for the following three months, I have NO sympathy for her at ALL.  But there you have it, Anna Nicole Collins, with her fathers eyes and hair.

“Mother, wake up!  I had such a pretty little baby!” ~Gina

“Can’t you just keep it down, Gina?  I’m trying to get some shut eye here!” ~Roulette

“Mom, you are ALWAYS sleeping!  The first of your grandchildren are born, and you want to snooze it all away!” ~Gina

“Oh well.  Bye baby!  See you in two days!” ~Gina

“Gina!  That’s not how you are supposed to take care of a baby!  You are supposed to love and snuggle it-” ~Barnabas

“DAMMIT BARNABAS, get BACK to your coffin NOW!” ~Gina

Meanwhile, Andrew completed his LTW and is now TRON-I mean a game designer.  That’s two down, three to go!

“Hey Zion.  I’m almost 1-2 promotions away from completing my LTW.  What about you?  How’s the search for the job in the fast food industry?” ~Gina

“Going ok dear.  I haven’t found it yet, but I’m looking for it as we speak.” ~Zion

“Is that Simbook on there I see?!” ~Gina

“NO…maybe.” ~Zion

And Barnabas hasn’t even really put much effort into finding his LTW job (criminal career) but I’m not in a rush.  He’s a vampire after all, he’s got a while anyway.

Meanwhile, he spends every waking moment fighting his sister, or breaking things that don’t need to be broken, like the phone.

It’s started ringing nonstop after someone called for him or some crap.  D: I had to replace that.

But just when I thought that it couldn’t get worse or anything…

“I’m going to work guys, see you later!” ~Roulette

“I’m coming in guys!  It’s so nice to be home again!” ~Karl

DAMMIT KARL, I thought you were FINALLY GONE FOR GOOD DX<

“Hey little baby… what a sweet little… sigh, I can’t do this, I don’t WANT to do this!  I’m too important to be taking care of a baby!  I want a stay at home nanny!  Where’s that husband of mine, he should be doing this!” ~Gina

Stop being such a drama queen and take care of your child!

She didn’t and dumped it in the kitchen, just like every generation before her.

“Sigh…. not another one.  Now I will NEVER get to the trash compactor!” ~Remington

Then, while I was watching Andrew sleep or something, I heard a clanging noise, and searched outside for it.

Turns out Barnabas was playing with the telescope and was getting kidnapped by aliens!

“What?  I didn’t want this!  I DIDN’T WANT THIS!!” ~Barnabas

Trust me, Barnabas!  I didn’t want this either!  I just wanted your logic to go up!  Please don’t get impregnated!  As much as an alien baby is treasured in legacies, I don’t need one here and I don’t need one taking the last slot of the household that I was reserving for the spare!

Please don’t get pregnant Barnabas!!

“Hmmm, he’s a healthy strong member of the male specie-wait, what’s THAT?” ~Alien 1

“HOLY GURNAWF, HE’S ATTACKING US!  GET HIM OFF MY NECK, FOR THE LOVE OF SPLYTWUR, GET HIM OFF!!” ~Alien 2

“HIT HIM WITH THE BLASTERS!  OH GURNAWF, OPEN THE DOOR!” ~Alien 1

“OW!  That seriously HURT!” ~Barnabas

“What’s going on out here?” ~Roulette

“And don’t you DARE come back to this house, you alien monsters!” ~Barnabas

” D:” ~Aliens

“Woo!  Go aliens!  Molest that stupid *$&@^ vampire loser!” ~Roulette

“Oh mom!  That’s your own brother!” ~Gina

“Pfft, he’s no brother of mine!” ~Roulette

“Hey, Roulette, it’s 7 in the morning, do you mind getting out of my coffin now?!” ~Barnabas

“Um, I thought that the aliens killed you!” ~Roulette

“GET OUT.” ~Barnabas

He didn’t get pregnant, much to my pleasure, as strangely as that sounds, so now Gina can get her second child without any hassle.

Anna Nicole had her birthday the following night, and a small birthday was held for her.

“Woo!  Zion, you sexy beast!  Call me!” ~Marionette

“Hey Roulette!  How about them digits?!” ~Karl

“YOU!  Bleh!  Get out of my house!  You aren’t welcome here!” ~Barnabas

“What are you talking about!  I’m welcome anytime!  Roulette loves me, so I come over whenever I want!” ~Karl

And he does D:  I am most displeased.

“And YOU!  You aren’t welcome at all in my presence!  Take this you vile wench!” ~Barnabas

“Hey, you do know that my daughter grew up, right?  A happy healthy child with the cloned personality of her father?” ~Zion

“This is how much I care about your cloned daughter” ~Barnabas

*crunch*

But in all serious, Anna Nicole is just like her father personality wise and looks wise.  She’s still cute, but we shall see on her next birthday.

Meanwhile, her party is getting really good, thanks to her floozy grandmother.

“Jeez, that’s vile, even for me.” ~Ganondorf

Andrew, being Mr. Platinum hero that he is, got Anna a smart milk, because I was going to work on the children while they were still happy and had good stats.

Of course, that’s all Andrew was going to do.  The rest was up to Mr. OMG-I-Love-Snuggling-Babies.

“Okie dokie Annie Nicolie!  Here comes Uncle Barnabas to save the day!” ~Barnabas

“Hmm, what’s this?  I have been potty trained?  About time!” ~Barnabas

Well no, but Barnabas managed to potty train Anna in pretty much one go!  Then he taught her to walk and talk with the same one smart milk, and I thought I could never be more proud of Barnabas than I was then.

“What does the itsy bitsy spider do, Anna?” ~Barnabas

“It goes up da spout!” ~Anna

“Nooo, it’s sneaks up on you in your sleep and bites you on the neck!  you then get all woozy and probably die when the sun comes up! : D” ~Barnabas

“D:” ~Anna

“Oh, I popped!  Another baby?!  Oh goodness!  Children are my life!  Children are ALL of our lives!!” ~Gina

And that’s when the super glitch started.

“Oh my poor baby.  She’s fallen asleep on the floor!  I want to pick her up!  But I can’t!  But I want to!  But I can’t!  But I WANT TO!  BUT I CAN’T!!” ~Zion

So here’s the deal.  Everyone on the lot suddenly wanted to ‘hold youngster’  or however, but they wouldn’t pick her up, and would sometimes even complain about not being able to.  Two seconds later, after they cancel the action, or I cancel it for them, they WANT TO HOLD THE @*$^@*& YOUNGSTER ALL OVER AGAIN.

Nothing else was getting done and the kid was slowly starving and getting sleepy and stinky.

“I can’t pick her up! … I can’t pick her up!  … I can’t pick her up!  … I can’t pick her up!  … I can’t pic-” ~Roulette

OK I FREAKING GET IT!  You are ALL STUPID!

Eventually there was a magic moment, and someone managed to pick her up and put her in the crib.  Of course, they then all migrated to the bedroom… and waited.

“We can’t pick the baby up!  … We can’t pick the baby up!  … We can’t pick the baby up!  … We can’t pick the baby up!” ~Everyone

“Hey guys!  I’m BACK!  And you know what?!  I want to pick the baby up!  … I can’t pick the baby up!!” ~Karl

As if it couldn’t get worse…

“None of you losers know how to take care of a child!  Lemme in there and let me hold the child, I can take care of her better than you freaks!” ~Barnabas

NO YOU FREAKING CAN’T GET BACK TO YOUR $&@^&!^ COFFIN DAMMIT!

“Here baby!  I brought FOOD!  I brought FOOD!  I brought FOOD!  I brought FOOD!  I brought FOOD!  I brought FOOD!  I brought FOOD!  I brought FOOD!” ~Gina

Leave the fricking fracking child ALONE!  The one time she’s actually asleep and you want to FEED her!  GET OUT ALREADY!

Oh great, and now she’s glitched.

“No fear, Ansley the good witch is here!  I’m here to cure this house of all it’s ailments, and I lift the curse of the glitches off your precious child!  Toodaloo!” ~Ansley

ACTUALLY, after Ansley showed up, everyone finally left the child alone and went back to doing their own thing!  I thanked Ansley so much…

BUT THEN LIGHTING KNOCKED OUT THE POWER AND IT WENT OUT FOR FIVE HOURS.  I haven’t saved since the MIDDLE OF THE GLITCH.  And when I got back on the sims the following morning, it was back to bugging the piss out of the child again.

So we were back to this:

“I MUST HOLD BABY!  Why is the door to my box locked?  …I MUST HOLD BABY!  Why is the door to my box locked?  …I MUST HOLD BABY!  Why is the door to my box locked?” ~Barnabas

But by a miracle, the child survived to her next birthday, and a party was held for Anna.

Even I was invited even though I shouldn’t had, for at the time I had the FLU.

“Yay!  I grew up alive!  And very well indeed!” ~Anna

“Ew!  She’s so ugly!  Ick ick icky!” ~Ganondorf

“Don’t blame the poor child for the looks she got from her father, it’s his fault, not hers.” ~Gino

After some new clothes and hair extensions and a makeover, because sim children are not presentable until they start looking like fashion models at all times, Anna Nicole is actually pretty.

However, her party was far from perfect.  I blame myself.  I apologize.

“No!  Not again!  I don’t want to be in this much pain!  I’m too good for this kind of grunt work!” ~Gina

“Jeez Gina!  Do you have to go into labor right in front of the couch?!  I really have to watch tv now!” ~Zion

“Yay, you have a baby sister Anna!” ~Roulette

“Wee!  I’m so excited!” ~Anna

“GET OUT OF MY WAY!  NEED COUCH NOW!” ~Zion

Meet Scarlet!  This one could be technically named after two gold diggers.  Scarlette, from Gone with the Wind-such as in case when she marries her own sisters’s lover for his money (to pay her taxes, but married for the money nontheless) and so on and such, or Miss Scarlet from the Clue Board game, the hot skank that’s always the murderer whenever I play the game.

Scarlet has her father’s hair and eyes, like her sister.

“Yay!  Another baby!  Good for you dear.” ~Zion

“Another baby?  Well, that’s nice I guess.” ~Remington

On the inside however, he’s crying blood.

Meanwhile, Papaya, the family’s lovely doggie companion, is getting old.  It’s so sad to watch.  But at least it stopped her from chewing on the expensive statue.

“Hee hee, I farted sprinkles.” ~Papaya

Zion finally got his culinary job, FINALLY.  Just wanted to point that little miracle.

“OH NO!  BEES!  ZION!  DO SOMETHING ABOUT THE BEEEEEEES!!” ~Roulette

“I can’t, Roulette.  I’m just too tired.  Work was really, really hard.  I don’t even think I’m going to go in in the morning or ever again.  I’m going to go watch tv for a little while.” ~Zion

“YOU ARE SO USELESS!” ~Roulette

Scarlet’s birthday, yay and such.

So tired of birthdays.

She got her mother’s ears, yay, and isn’t a clone of her sister.  Her personality is 0/4/0/6/6, which is somewhat similar to her father’s and sister, but not really.  She’s most likely to be heir.

“Congrats dear, have a glowy green bottle.” ~Andrew

“Yay sissy!” ~Anna

Time for some baby training!

“Ok, sit on the pa-pa and go like a good little girl.” ~Barnabas

“But I wanna pway with pwetty puppy!” ~Scarlet

“NO!  *smack* Now sit straight and poo already, I’m not going to have to disobey me right now because you want fun!” ~Barnabas

Isn’t he a great baby trainer?

“Hey baby!  What’s cooking good looking?” ~Andrew

“Oh you bad boy you!” ~Roulette

“I love you Roulette, and I always had, even when you were fooling around with the homewrecker.” ~Andrew

“Oh and Andrew.  I love you too.  You have always been their for our children, and that’s good enough for me.” ~Roulette

So they fell back in love.  Aw.  But that’s it for this chapter.  Next time more stuff will happen!

I guess.

Let’s check on Linda and Brittany before we go though.

“So Turn-Ganondorf-Into-Your-Minion failed you Linda.  What exactly is your next big bad plan?” ~Brittany

“Well, I got the idea from Sabrina herself!  Remember when she died and they called her back to life with the resurrect phone?  Well, then I remembered that there are people in the graveyard that I could turn into my little army!  So with that, I promptly ordered my own phone, and I’m going to use it!” ~Linda

“But Linda!  Using the phone is expensive!  And our budget is tight enough as it is!  Besides, even if you resurrected the dead, how can you be so sure that they will follow you with your plan?” ~Brittany

“Don’t worry about the budget, and as for the followers, I have a very specific army in mind…” ~Linda

“Awaken!  Rise, my fallen minio-COUGH COUGH oh that red smoke crap STINKS!” ~Linda

“Oops, sorry.” ~Zombie

“Tara!  My beloved!  Welcome back from the dead!” ~Linda

“What’s going on?  What happened?  I stink!  Well, I always stunk, but…” ~Tara

“Hehehehehe.  With my growing army of zombie slobs, Sabrina won’t stand a chance against me!  She and that little dog of her’s are as good as mine now!  HA HA!  BWA HA HA HA HA!” ~Linda

“Hahahaha… what are we laughing at?” ~Tara