The Slobacy Chapter 7.1: Who’s Yo Baby Daddy

I’m having the hardest time bringing myself to actually be in the mood to write this one out.  Of course, by the time you read this, I have, of course, already got off my butt to work on this… yeah.

So…

Barbie and Shanon are back from college, since both of them won heirship because the voters are crazy.  Anyway, they return to the house in the exact same condition they left it in.

“My COURTNEY! WHYYYY!  It was MURDER I say!  MURDER!” ~Amin

“It’s ok Amin, I’m gonna go get your old people medicine for you, ok?” ~Barnabas

It’s been a billion years since last chapter, and I don’t think I mentioned what their new aspirations were.  Bah I don’t remember.  That’s what I get for taking my sweet ass time updating anything.  But I do know that Shanon’s LTW is to be Captain Hero, and Barbie wants to be the Right Hand of Poseidon.  Let the skill drilling begin.

At least for Shanon.  Barbie couldn’t find her job at the time.

“So both you girls are moving back into the house?  Not that I don’t mind though *caresses Barbie’s arm*” ~Barnabas

“Uncle Barnabas, besides being creepily attracted to my sister, aren’t you supposed to be asleep right now?” ~Shanon

“Yeah, but since when has a box in an old child’s room ever stopped me?” ~Barnabas

Sigh, true.

“But I just got here!  What do you mean I have to go to work the day after I return home from college?!” ~Shanon

It was just a roll of luck your LTW was available as soon as you got back, Shanon.

“#FML.” ~Shanon

While Sharon was out of the way and at school, Barbie got busy getting the new baby daddy ready to settle into the house.

*Gross greeting slobber* ~Barbie and Amin 2.0

“Oh yeah, it’s going to be THAT kind of outing 😀 ” ~Gilbert

“Really, why did you invite him over as a friend, Amin?  Do you even know him?” ~Barbie

Amin pretty much instantly moved in since he’s known the girls since they were kids.  Easy peasy lemon squeezy.

“I’m about to get so much booty, aren’t I?” ~Amin

“You bet your sweet bippy.” ~Barbie

Amin moves in with average slob stats of 0/4/0/3/5, and his LTW is to be a celebrity chef, just like Zion and Old Amin was.  UGH.  However, unlike the last Amin that moved in, he has virtually no skills, so it’s back to that old grindstone.

“Wait, who are you again?” ~Old Amin

“Um, I’m the new Amin that’s here for your daughters?  I MEAN… ok, I can’t think of anything to mean.  Yeah.  I’m here for them.” ~New Amin

“Ah well.  I approve.  I’ve always approved.  After the whole incident with the Andrews I vowed to never fight with people with the same name as me.  It was rediculous.  Even if they’re boinking both my daughters.  Eh.” ~Old Amin

“Party up in HUZZAH” ~Gilbert

“Speaking of things I don’t seem to unapprove of, Barnabas, it’s 12 in the afternoon?” ~Amin

“And your point is?  *Sniff sniff* mmm, what smells burnt?” ~Barnabas

“Well EEEEEEEEEY SEXY LADY” ~Gilbert

“What the hell is wrong with you, sir?!  Why the hell did we let you in the house again?” ~Barbie

“I will appreciate you not try to grind all up on my chick, Gilbert.” ~Amin

“Wait a minute, who the frick is you?” ~Gilbert

“It’s me, the new Amin!  The guy who you begged on the side of the street to take you to my friend’s house because you have no friends yourself!” ~Amin

“Way to make me feel suddenly depressed, dude.” ~Gilbert

“Hey Amin, you do know we are alone in this house right… my sister is at work, Barnabas is in his coffin locked up in his room until 7, and dad is out in the mausoleum bawling about mother being dead and stuff… want to see one of our bedrooms and where you will be sleeping for the night?” ~Barbie

“Would I ever!” ~Amin

“Ooooh, can I-” ~Gilbert

“NO YOU CAN’T COME GILBERT” ~Amin

Time for some awkward baby making 😀

Wait

“I heard some boinking from the other side of the house and wondered if they would work up an appetite, so I thought I’d make dinner” ~Barnabas

He is getting worse.  I swear to god, he is getting worse at staying in that damn coffin.

“Hey Baby-Mama, now that I chased that burning vampire out of the kitchen, I made this dinner for us!  I want you to tell me how it is, as I’m an aspiring world-reknown chef, you know!” ~Amin

“I THINK I’M DYING” ~Barbie

“Why, it’s not that bad!  Did I put too much salt in it?” ~Amin

Um…..

“Goodbye cruel world, and all the people that loved me and adored me…DAMMIT CHAIR, get OUT of my way, I’m dying here!” ~Barbie

WHY IS SHE DYING?!  She wasn’t THAT BAD off hungry!  I swear!!

“Hardly two days into heiress-hood and she’s already dead.  My word.” ~Death

“Well I thought my cooking was excellent :(” ~Amin

“I guess that makes you the new baby daddy for this generation?  Well you screwed up big time, buster, congratulations.” ~Death

“Oh come on now Death… you don’t REALLY want to take Barbie away from us…” ~Amin

“And why do you say that?” ~Death

“Look at me Death… do you really want to take her?  …Huh?” ~Amin

“Oh… uh…” ~Death

Amin managed to beg for Barbie’s life back, THANK GOD, but I missed it because of something else wanting to die on me…

“Well I came down to show my sympathies for Barbie dying, buuut… I’m out now, so I guess I better go pee myself and complain about dying somewhere else now!” ~Barnabas

I’m about to give up on him, seriously.

DAMMIT BARNABAS, YOU WEREN’T IN YOUR COFFIN 10 MINUTES!

“I know, but LOOOK!  Bricky Brown learned a new trick!  Well, it’s the same trick, but still, it’s so cool!” ~Barnabas

“Dying here… why am I still alive… guh…” ~Aybolt

“Oh!  It’s so nice to be alive and with child and inherit the weird hair gene passed from my previous ancestors.” ~Barbie

“I could have sworn I just saw Barbie with maternity on just now… didn’t know she had a baby daddy… huh.  Anyway, I’m back from work, Amin baby!  You wanna get jiggy wid it NAHNAHNAH NAH NAHNAHNAH” ~Sharon

“Ah, a two for one deal, I’m the luckiest man in this legacy…” ~Amin

I never get tired of this broke-back baby making.

“Amin!  There you are!  You smell like woohoo and pride!  Anyway!  Guess what?!” ~Barbie

“YOU’RE PREGNANT!” ~Amin

“Aren’t you excited!  I am!” ~Barbie

“No…NO, not really!” ~Amin

“Um… but you had called me baby mama earlier and seemed more excited about being a daddy then…” ~Barbie

“That was before I thought I had a chance keeping my affair under wrapsWAIT A MINUTE, I MEANT I changed my mind!  I don’t think kids are a good idea!  I changed my mind!  Yeah!” ~Amin

“Oh… I’m sorry Amin…” ~Barbie

“How are we going to explain this to your sisterOH CRAP I MEANT your father!  Or that vampire uncle of yours!” ~Amin

“I’m so confused, dad wanted grandkids and Barnabas just wants babies all the time…” ~Barbie

“Well if anyone asks, I am not involved.” ~Amin

Because he’s a useless player, definitely.

“Oh just ignore me, over here maxing out all my skills, la la de da…” ~Barnabas

“Don’t worry, I won’t mind at all!” ~Leroy

Really, dog?

“This is the face of someone who doesn’t give a #%&@.” ~Leroy

Alright then.  Carry on.

“GAH, the dog cursed me!  When he peed on me, he affected my bladder as well!” ~Barnabas

No, you affected your own bladder by getting out of that coffin.  Stupid head.

“Hey sis!  What’s the matter, what’s got you all down?” ~Sharon

“Oh… nothing.  It’s just… I’m pregnant and my baby daddy is being… weird.” ~Barbie

“Oh?  Who’s your baby daddy?  Anyone I know?” ~Sharon

“Eh, no, no one at all, just uh… a back alley… waiter I met at Googycoo’s!  Yeah that’s it.  Some… guy, eh, no one at all!” ~Barbie

“Oh!  Ok then…” ~Sharon

“It’s going to be all ok, Barbie. I promise.  Trust me, your big sister is here for you and your little “skanky-back alley- funny time” baby.  Me and Amin will take care of you, sis!” ~Sharon

“Uh… thanks, Sharon.”  ~Barbie

“Hello little nephew or niece!  I am your auntie Sharon!  Have you told Amin yet!  I mean, we aren’t married yet but he’s going to be thrilled to be a uncle as well!” ~Sharon

“Uh…” ~Barbie

“Sigh, my daughters are both stupid.” ~Amin

“I have done my job for the legacy *goes to the backburner*” ~Amin

Atta’ boy.

“Heeey, I’m oddly pregnant at the same time my sister is!  How odd.  We are going to be baby buddies!  Actually now that I think about it, it’s all oddly coincidental… maybe I should go have a talk right quick with Barbie…” ~Sharon

Sigh Barnabas.  It’s like you are trying to die.

“I know.  But so many generations in that coffin, I am getting tired of that damn box.  It makes me antsy and it’s stuffy… there’s got to be an easier way about this.” ~Barnabas

I’ll see what I can do.

“It was so nice of you to get some dessert to share.  I haven’t had dessert in forever, or ever.  I really don’t think I’ve ever even seen anything other than a birthday cake.” ~Barbie

“Eh… yeah…” ~Sharon

“So I was thinking, Barbie… about your little back alley baby daddy story.  I mean.  I would like to know who this guy is… he is the father of your kid and all.  You have to know his name, right?” ~Sharon

“Ugh… I feel funny Sharon.  What’s in this cheesecake, Sharon?  It tasted oddly… odd.” ~Barbie

“Come on, you can tell me, Barbie…” ~Sharon

“Tell me…  who exactly is your little baby daddy, Barbie?” ~Sharon

*SPLAT* ~Barbie

“Damn, I guess Nyquil and high grade-roofies aren’t good substitutes for truth serum.  Ugh, I’ll work on this later.” ~Sharon

*Later, which didn’t involve more drug-involving interrogations*

“UUUUUGH BABY HAPPENING IN THE BATHROOM HERE GUYS, HALP” ~Barbie

Bam.  Generation 8 baby.  Yep, 8.  Damn.

This is baby Kanye, who sung the Gold Digger song, so I guess it counts.  That and I’m running out of gold diggers.  She is a girl actually.  I like to think Kanye can be a bi-gendered name, so anyway…
“Look at your little baby neice, Sharon.  Sweet little baby, isn’t she?” ~Barbie

“She won’t be as cute as my baby, but sure!  She’s sweet!” ~Sharon

“AND LOOK, SHE’S GETTING A SIBLING, LOOK OUT” ~Barbie

“Oh dear…” ~Sharon

“And this will be Jamie, after Jamie Foxx, co-singer in that same song! And she is also a girl!  What luck, two twin girls in one go in a matriarch!” ~Barbie

“Well yeah Barbie, but they can’t be heiress if their baby daddy isn’t a slob man, remember… those are the rules… RIGHT?!” ~Sharon

“OH, yeah… slob man…” ~Barbie

And of course, they were both dumped on the floor.  Welcome to the legacy, Kanye and Jamie.

“WOOOO!  I LOVE YOUR MUSIC MR. WEST” ~Kevin

How did you get in the house again, you weren’t invited, Kevin.

The Slobacy Chapter 6.10: Chopped Liver

“Your music is really good, Kevin!  Have another $400 bucks from me!” ~Lexie

What a nice girl.

This is the last chapter for college this generation, and it’s probably the longest one yet.  What can I say, things happened this chapter.

“Yeah!  COLLEGE!” ~All these losers

Yeah.  Lawn living.

Luckily, that comes to an end now.  There is finally enough money to get a small shack.

“Good because I can’t really stay clean bathing outside like this… *scratches butt*” ~Kevin

You can’t stay clean anywhere, dummy.

Ta da.

It’s just two rooms with their lawn crap in it.  But it works.

“Nice try at the polls sis, but maybe one day in another life, you’ll be lucky enough to win your own poll!” ~Shanon

“What?  What is she talking about, I won the heir poll!” ~Barbie

Yes well… you both did.  Shanon and Barbie tied 11/11.   So it’s a double heirship.  I… I don’t know… crap… but I think I can do this without killing everyone in a blind rage, sure…

“WOOO!  HEIRESS!  SPOUSEY AMIN!” ~Barbie

“I’m just happy I have a roof over my head.  And no spousey Amin.” ~Kevin

“Sunny!  How about you join our dinky little greek house already!  It will bring you one step closer to escaping your college freshman limbo!” ~Shanon

“Oh sure!” ~Sunny

“Lexie!  You seem to like my brother and his music a lot!  How about you join our little greek house and you can hear him all you want?” ~Barbie

“Why sure, I’d love to!” ~Lexie

The greek house started getting some members finally.

“Hey.  My aspiration is failing badly now… I kinda want to do things now as an abled bodied adult and stuff…” ~Barbie

Yes yes, I see that want… fine then.

“Oh Amin!  No this is her sister, Barbie!  No, wait, don’t hang up!  I’m very much available and intrested, and as a matter of fact, I am heiress, so you kinda have to be my boyfriend now anyway… oh don’t SIGH like that, I’m not that bad… look, let’s go on a date tonight, and see where it goes from there, alright?” ~Barbie

And they go to the 24 hour motel.  Classy.

“I found you!  What are you doing silly, hiding in the bathroom from me like this?” ~Barbie

“Well now that I think about it, with you wearing that tiny little nightie, you’re right, what AM I doing hiding in this bathroom?” ~Amin

“WHOA Amin!  Moving a little TOO fast, aren’t ‘cha?” ~Barbie

“Sorry, I tend to jump the gun when I’m too excited >_>” ~Amin

And so, while Sharon got the first “In Love”, Barbie got the first woohoo.  Let the games begin.

“Oh Amin!  Those are so beautiful!  You must really think a lot about me, sweetheart ;)” ~Shanon

“Uh, yeah, these are for you!  Sure!  Just uh, forget I was here and let these remain a little anonymous surprise for tomorrow morning, ok?” ~Amin

“Are you kidding, after I destroy this pizza with my face I won’t even remember what today’s class lecture was.” ~Shanon

Barbie was the first to get into the SS.

“What is this?!  The chicken dance?!  We don’t do the chicken dance in OUR greek house, mister!  This is a classy greek house, you are going to have to do that cheesy little white boy dance in the supply closet with all the other little terrible dancers!” ~Barbie

“Wait, this was a classy greek house?” ~Shanon

“As the newest member of our esteemed SS, you must go through our hazing ritual!  We must observe you on our porcelain Member Throne for all of two hours.” ~SS

“What, all I wanted to do was take a potty break!” ~Barbie

“Oh come on lil’ Sunny!  I see that way you eye my chalkboard in class!  Just one little kiss, just one, no one will have to know!” ~Professor Creepypasta

“I already told you sir, I’m ENGAGED!” ~Sunny

“Welcome to our house Sunny!  Make yourself at home!  You are one of us now!” ~Kevin

“Thank you Kevin!  Barnabas will be thrilled to hear you accept me.” ~Sunny

“Speaking of Barnabas, ain’t your uncle a fox?!  I mean he has a really, big-” ~Sunny

“Wallet size?  Yeah, we Collins have gotten really rich!  A few more thousand and we will hit the big million 😀 “~Barnabas

“Oh BB!  I didn’t know you were here tonight!  My big sweet man!” ~Sunny

“It’s fine, I just came by to see how my little Sunny-bear was doing!” ~Barnabas

“Too traumatized to care.” ~Kevin

Of course with the case of Sunny, I knew as soon as I added her to the house, she would most likely lose her daywalking powers, and I was right.  That still didn’t prevent me from forgetting to get her a coffin for the house.

“That’s ok!  I can get used to this new painful burning!  Barnabas says that after 200 or so years of it, you get accustomed to it!” ~Sunny

For the first day I tried to adapt to keeping her alive in the day, but she walks everywhere SO SLOWLY, and doesn’t like staying in her bed.

However, keeping her alive for one whole day wasn’t nearly as hard as keeping Barnabas in his coffin for several generations.

That very night, Shanon was accepted into the hall of the SS.

“Welcome to the SS, Shanon Collins!  We have a wide array of things, form video games, to dirty plates, to broken toilets!” ~I don’t remember his name still

“Yeah yeah, all that jazz.  Hey, where do you keep all your funds?” ~Shanon

And that’s how we got Sunny her little coffin.

“Congrats on the new coffin, Sunny!  You know this is a gift from the SS, and I considered getting this for you when I went the other day!” ~Barbie

“You did not.” ~Shanon

And of course Kevin got in too.

“You and I both know you really don’t care.” ~Kevin

True.

I came back though to find that, instead of returning to the house from a campus trip with a pizza, Barbie brought back a radio this time.

“WOO!  Free STUFF!” ~Barbie

Goodie, the sims have resorted to stealing I suppose.

Well might as well.  Barbie still can’t stop blowing money away.

“But I’m contributing… oh damn, that was our last $15!” ~Barbie

Idiot.

“What am I doing at this frat house again, Professor Wilsonoff?” ~Professor Zhang

“We are PARTYING!  I love visiting these kids, they are just so much fun!” ~Professor Wilsonoff

“Please back away from my body, professor.” ~Kevin

“Wilsonoff, please be professional!” ~Professor Zhang

“Rah rah ra-oh my GOD!  WHO is that BEAUTIFUL creature that just walked into the room?!” ~Kevin

“Who?” ~Barbie

“What?” ~Joy

“Sharon!  Tell me about this beautiful vixen that you invited to today’s party?” ~Kevin

“He invites his old high school girlfriend and then fawns over this rocker chick?!  What am I, chopped liver?!” ~Jill

“Well, he didn’t win an award for “most inconsiderate” in high school for nothing.” ~Shanon

“They say your name is Joy, correct!  Well it is nice to have you at our party, you really are a ‘joy’ to behold!” ~Kevin

“Um, sure.” ~Joy

“I just noticed that we have a three bolt chemistry going on, I MEAN I have a thing for you, I MEAN we have an opening at our greek house, if you want to join us!” ~Kevin

“Well, that does sound interesting.  Sure, I’d love to join!” ~Joy

“BOOTY BUTT, BOOTY BUTT, BOOTY BUTT CHEEKS” ~Professor Wilsonoff

“Oh, how embarrassing…” ~Kevin

“WILSONOFF!  Remain PROFESSIONAL!” ~Professor Zhang

“Oh, don’t be such a party pooper Zhang.  I’m not letting you tag along with me again, I know that for sure.” ~Professor Wilsonoff

I put Sunny’s coffin at the edge of the lot, because of her slow movements, she’d never make it to class.  And her bat form is the quickest way she can even get to her coffin.

And sometimes it glitches.

“OH LORD NO!  THAT BAT EATING BOOK IS CHASING ME AGAIN!  SOMEONE HELP!  BRING ME A BROOM!” ~Sunny

“Hey look!  More stolen merchandise!  And this TV picks up Mime Cat with so much more clarity.” ~Barbie

Well, I think this is the only piece I didn’t sell straight away.

“Work work work!  All that pizza and not enough movement!  You’ll get slow and flabby and that’s not healthy!” ~Coach

“Oh come back later Coach!  I got a headache, I can’t work out today.” ~Shanon

“You say you have a headache every time I come over though!” ~Coach

That’s because no one cares, dude.

“Yo uncle Barnabas!  Congrats on gettin’ with that, man!  Nice catch!” ~Kevin

“Yeah, I know.  I am so damn awesome.” ~Barnabas

Stereotypical men saying stereotypical things.  Moving on.

“But YOU.  Cow.  Lay one finger on my precious Sunny and I’ll drain you dryer than one of Amin’s Thanksgiving turkeys.  I mean it!” ~Barnabas

“.____.” ~Remington Cow

“Joy!  What a ‘joy’ this is!” ~Kevin

“Ok, the pun jokes got old when I was in elementary school, Kevin.” ~Joy

“But it is still great to see you.” ~Kevin

*SMOOCH* ~Kevin

“O___o” ~Joy

Apparently, he takes notes from his uncle Barnabas.

Later, he asked her back and went on a sidewalk date.  They kissed “for the first time” making what happened earlier look like chopped liver.

“WHAT WHAT WHAT?!  What are you DOING SMOOCHING ON ANOTHER GIRL, HUH?!  What about US?!  What about what WE HAD?!” ~Lexie

“WHAT?!  HUH?!  I am so lost!” ~Kevin

Yeah, me too… I didn’t know you two had a thing going on!

“I give you $800 and a hay penny, and for WHAT?!  You to run off with the sad little punk girl!  You TRAMP!  I thought you LOVED ME!” ~Lexie

“But I thought we were just friends!  I don’t remember any flirting with you!  I just thought you liked my music!” ~Kevin

“Maybe… I should just go now…” ~Joy

Their date sucked by the way.

“Grab your partner, dosey doe, swing them to the left, to and fro!” ~Sunny

“Now knee them in the butt and punch them in the head, not to hard or they’ll be dead!” ~Sunny

“What are you dancing to, Sunny?  This is classical music!” ~Shanon

“Now pull them in close, stare at their chest…” ~Sunny

“Sunny, you are starting to make me very uncomfortable…” ~Shanon

“Oh, trust me, I can make it even more awkward…” ~Sunny

“I…I think I have to go stand, like, over in that corner for a little while now.  Yeah.” ~Shanon

“Welcome to the family Joy!  You don’t know what a jo-” ~Kevin

“Say it’s a joy for me to be here and I’ll knee you in the happy spot.” ~Joy

“Fine.  But it is great for you to be living with us!  And to show our appreciation, we got together, and got you a gift.” ~Kevin

“A bed?” ~Joy

“Yeah!  Your own room, and your own bed!  I heard how you a romantic (irony) and wanted a double bed, but I also heard about all those horrible past experiences with people woohooing in your room.  Well, here, it’s just a simple room, it won’t be used as a “brothel hangout”, nothing in here vibrates, just a simple, simple room.” ~Kevin

“Oh Kevie, I love it!  I really do.” ~Joy

“And you know what I want you to do for me now?” ~Joy

“What’s that, Joy?” ~Kevin

“I want you to help me break it in for the first time…” ~Joy

And they did, in Joy’s new room.  The only finished and furnished room in the second building on the lot thus far.

“HAHA!  You have gotten so fat!” ~Barnabas

“Really?  I guess Coach was right, I should have done some palettes or something.” ~Shanon

I don’t find her really all that fat, just a little bit of booty.  I think it’s her skinny little bird legs above everything else.

“Yo Joy!  Congratulations on gettin’ some!  About time you got laid and cooled the hell down about it!” ~Barbie

“That’s… what??” ~Joy

“OH NO OH NO OH NO!  THAT CARNIVOROUS BOOK IS BACK AGAIN!  PLEASE! I DON’T LIKE VAMPIRE TEEN NOVELS!” ~Sunny

“Oh hey, it’s actually not that bad once you catch it and read it.” ~Sunny

How can you read it through all that purple smog crap?

“Exactly.” ~Sunny

“YOU!  I’m tired of this being the laziest house on the campus!  You are going to work work work if you want to see that soccer trophy and scholarship by the end of the season!” ~Coach

“But I don’t even play sports!  Can’t you just fail me for your class and let me go back to napping?!” ~Kevin

“NO!  You have to get up and pump it!  You don’t want to end up like your skinny legged thunder thighed sister now do you?!” ~Coach

*Starts ignoring* “Gee, I really liked my headmaster at my private school.  I’m going to have to remember to send him a Christmas card this year.” ~Kevin

“Kevin, look… I wanted to apologize for lashing out at you on your date and ruining it, it was just a weird infatuation I had for a couple of days, but I’m over it… I just wanted to say sorry and hope we can still be friends…” ~Lexie

“I guess I can forgive you.  You did give me a lot of your rich girl money.” ~Kevin

I don’t know, I found it strange how she asked for Kevin’s forgiveness on free will like that…

“Oh dear NO, Sharon!  That’s terrible!  You want me to call an ambulance for you?” ~Kevin

“What are you talking about?” ~Shanon

I think her weird fatness finally realized it was weird, because she broke at the torso.  Poor Shanon.  Maybe it’ll heal before she notices.

“Arise, dark mistress!  ARIIIIIIIISSSSSEE!” ~Cheerleader

NO.

“YOU DOG!  How could you do this to me, I thought I could trust you!!” ~Joy

“WHAT?!  WHAT?!” ~Kevin

I thought there was something sinister in Lexie’s apology!  I didn’t see the interaction, but now Joy’s upset, and they are angry with each other.

“Hee hee hee…” ~Lexie

“Ok *snicker* out you two~ especially you, silly little Kevie, wanting a sneak peek at my body like that, you cheeky little thing *hee hee* ” ~Lexie

“Bitch, I know where you sleep.” ~Joy

“I don’t know what’s going on.” ~Kevin

I don’t either really.

“Joy, I’m so confused!  I don’t remember having a Crush relationship with Lexie!  This is so strange, confusing, and stupid!  You have to believe me when I say I love only you!” ~Kevin

“I woohoo with you, and you do this to me Kev.  I don’t know.  I’ll try to forgive you because I’m such a nice person, but you’re going to have to stay away from Lexie.  Promise?” ~Joy

“Look Joy.  I’m sorry.  I am.  I don’t like being the bad guy, and I don’t like losing a friend like you.  Can’t you and Kevin forgive me?” ~Lexie

“Oh, I guess so if you learned your lesson…” ~Joy

“Don’t fall for it Joy…” ~Barbie

“I LIED!  POW!  How’d you like THAT, you hussy?!  We were never friends!” ~Lexie

“Owchie…” ~Joy

“She’s a known liar when it comes to being sorry, and you still fell for it Joy.  Tsk tsk.” ~Barbie

“Oooh.  Dat’s some hot girl-on-girl wrestling!  Oh yeah!” ~Kevin

KEVIN YOU ARE NOT HELPING.

The majority of the end of the year was spent keeping these three apart.  It wasn’t easy really.

“I love YOU Joy!  My three bolt chemistry determined it a long time ago!  I actually have negative chemistry with Lexie, so WTF” ~Kevin

“I love you too, even when I’m angry at you, my silly little Kevie.” ~Joy

“This isn’t RIGHT!  I complement him on his music and he does this to me!  That jerk!” ~Lexie

“I don’t know how’d that affect me, but complaining about that is low and I don’t like you for it.  And I’m the cow mascot for corn’s sake.” ~Remington Cow

“I hate it when that skank Lexie makes a move on my man, but I’m strangely fine with the cow mascot sweet talking him and accepting it.  Probably because I just hate Lexie.  Yeah.” ~Joy

Whatever floats your boat dear.

“I thought my bathroom trap was sure and set!  I thought Kevin would be with me forever!  I’m so shocked and heartbroken that I dislocated my jaw!  How could he leave me for HER?!  What am I, chopped liver?!” ~Lexie

Ok, we already made that joke already.

“My turn for some off lot want rolling 😀 😀 :D” ~Shanon

Oh no…

“Amin!  What you doing in the bathroom, you silly man!” ~Shanon

“Ooooh, is this a kissing booth?!  So it’s THIS kind of hotel, huh ;)” ~Gilbert

Get lost you peeping tom.

“Wait, THIS bed again?!  Why’d we get this same hotel room, huh?!” ~Amin

“What do you mean, love?  This bed again?  The same room?” ~Shanon

“Oh… never mind!  It’s nothing!” ~Amin

And that’s how Amin bagged his second Collins girl.

Playa playa.

Of course the date went downhill when Crumplebutt came in and didn’t want to leave.

“How the crap did you get our hotel room key, lady?!” ~Amin

“I was watching from the window and I came in from the window, you disgusting people!” ~Crumplebottom

“You guys want me in your SS?!  Wow!  I didn’t know I had that many friends!  I’m honored.” ~Joy

As honored as she was, she went back home straight away.

I let her celebrate a little with some more stolen stuff.

Um…

“Oh never mind that.  It’s just my imaginary rabbit, seeing as no one on this lot is talking to me since the relationship incident.” ~Lexie

Hell Lexie.  I don’t even think this rabbit wants to talk to you either.

“You dirty boy!  I’m still mad at you for this affair going on with Lexie!  It’s going to take a long time for me to get over this!” ~Joy

“Oh come on baby.  You know you can’t really resist this.” ~Kevin

“Oh, you are right.  I do love you, Kevin!” ~Joy

Well that didn’t take long.

On the last day of Kevin’s college career, on the day of his graduation party, the matchmaker comes by to give them, all miserable sims, a genie lamp.  Gee.  That could have been useful before today.

“Guys, Steffi and her pimp bag are out in the yard again!  Someone go get the pepper spray, please?” ~Kevin

“I can think of a hundred different scenarios we could have used this thing for a billion school days ago.” ~Kevin

Yeah.  And of course we get it on the last day for you Kev.  Maybe next generation can use it.

“But I want to make WISHES D:” ~Kevin

Go be whiny somewhere else.

“Joy, I’m graduating today!  And since we might not be seeing each other for a while, I want you to know, I do love you, forget Lexie, and I want you to know that you are my whole world!  Will you marry me?” ~Kevin

“Oh KEVIN!  Really?!  I never thought I’d see the day where someone would see me more as a room to have woohoo in!” ~Joy

“Of course I will marry you!  Yes, Kevin!” ~Joy

“You think you are going to be fine here with Lexie for a few more years though?” ~Kevin

“Please.  I’ll knock her teeth out.” ~Joy

“Hm?  Did someone say engagement?” ~Professor Wilsonoff

“How lovely.” ~Professor Wilsonoff

I really got to stop inviting you to things.

“GRRR” ~Lexie

Just admit it, Lexie.  You lost.

The next day was Shanon’s graduation, and she was the first of the two heirs to finally get out of here.

“You are NOT leaving this campus until you work that flab off, girl!” ~Coach

“Oh, call it a day, already…” ~Shanon

“Speaking of calling, call me Barnabas!  WOO!  Sexy, even after all these years!  Still the fox I taught in class 125 years ago!” ~Professor Wilsonoff

I wouldn’t be surprised that she had been teaching for that long.

And finally, late because of her one academic probation, is Barbie.  Who is very enthused.  I’m sure.

“Hey, I’m still sorry for failing and putting me back, I swear!” ~Barbie

Sure.

“Whoa whoa WHOA!  Dang!  Since when did my great-whatever grandniece get so smoking HOT?!” ~Barnabas

“Oh dear.” ~Barbie

Oh dear is right.  Because with both girls back home, we’ll see how long this goes on before I lock Barnabas in his own special basement for the rest of the legacy.  Next time, we will see how I handle two heirs and see how long that lasts…

The Slobacy Chapter 6.9: Survivor… College Edition

Three chapters?!  In one week eight days?!

This is MADNESS!

SPARTA

Ok, so all the kids were sent to college soon after the sudden and still unexplained death of Courtney, and that’s where this, and next chapter will take place at.

We start with the kids laughing at each other’s ridiculous randomized looks on the side of the road.

“Jeez sis!  You look ridiculous like that!” ~Kevin

“Speak for yourself, General Buzzcut.” ~Sharon

“So, where exactly are we, my cosmetically messed up siblings?  This looks nothing like the dorm our past generations had attended school in.” ~Barbie

“She’s right, what’s this place?” ~Kevin

In case no one remembers or read the last college chapters, I decided that I didn’t want to use the dorm again.  I just got tired of looking at it, so we are going back to square one with an empty lot and nothing but the scholarship money in their pockets… which when I last checked, apparently the girls somehow lost about $1000 bucks each before college.

“I blame my sister no doing my homework for me in the last few days.” ~Barbie

“Same here, Kevin left and all my homework stopped getting done too.” ~Sharon

So after all the bare minimum items were added, they had about $5.

BEGIN COLLEGE.

We start with the girls tearing up the only pillows they can afford, and a cheerleader cheering to herself in a temporary mirror.

Oh and this.

“WOO, living on an empty lot is so FREE and EXHILERATING!  WOOOO!” ~Barbie

“Oh NO!  My only good suit!” ~Kevin

Well that’s your fault for inciting a water balloon fight in the only nice thing you can afford right now!

“Hello?  Yes, we managed to scrap up enough cash to list ourselves onto your Greek house roster?  Why, we are going to be one of the biggest names in Greek before this college year is over!” ~Kevin

Somehow I don’t doubt it, seeing as the first day alone was my entire college career in a nutshell <_<

“Hey!  I was looking in the tidbit section and apparently we can sleep on the floor now!  I guess we don’t need beds after all!” ~Sharon

*A few minutes later*

However, by the next day, they were complaining about comfort, so instead of getting the beds back like I probably should have, they got a lawn couch.

“Good thing mom died recently and we got inheritance for this couch!  It’s literally kissing my butt!” ~Kevin

“What do you mean inheritance?!  If we had our hands on mom’s death money, we wouldn’t be sitting in a yard like this, needs slowly but surely decaying and at the risk of starving to death!” ~Sharon

“Guys!  Hurry up with that couch!  I need to sit and be lazy too over here!” ~Barbie

Their comfort goes down really fast actually.  I guess it’s because their slobs, of course.

“We need money, and our grants and scholarship renewals next semester aren’t coming in fast enough!” ~Sharon

“Then we go to get some barista jobs or something, they’re always hiring.” ~Kevin

“Nah, too lazy!  We need quick and easy cash!  And I have an idea!  Quick, pass me your cell phone, the one you pryed out of mom’s inventory before you went to college!” ~Sharon

And so, Sharon invited some guests to a party… the only one on the list that showed up was Remington though.

“All my friends suck.” ~Sharon

“What… the hell… is our sister doing?  Have we resorted to stripper dancing for cash now?!” ~Barbie

“She’s, ugh, freestyling for tips.  And sadly this is a toga party, but since we aren’t going to mess up our good, and only sheets, she’s resorting to sexy lingerie…” ~Kevin

“Come on guys!  Don’t leave me doing this embarassing skit by myself!  We need money, help me!” ~Sharon

“Ok, I’m helping!  I’m assisting to the cause!” ~Barbie

“Barbie, what the… NOT LIKE THAT you idiot!  He’s going to give us money, not you!” ~Sharon

Oh jeez, this was a terrible idea.

“Is he giving us any money yet?” ~Kevin

“I don’t think so.  Where did Remington go?” ~Barbie

“He walked off somewhere, with a look of shame in his eyes.” ~Sharon

“Ugh, this is the stupidest and most awkward strip show I have ever attended. *continues eating*” ~Remington

This is NOT what you were invited over for, Remington.

The Collin kids got no money that day, and still very much needed it.

See, there is a reason I really hate the showers.  They create the worst environment ever.

“Hello?  Who’s this?  Amin?!  Oh man, I haven’t heard from you in a while!  How have you been?  Another outing?  Really?  Ok, but remember the rules, we have to invite my sister too… oh don’t get all huffy about it, she’s not that talkative.” ~Sharon

Ah, good, both girls find the next potential male attractive.  This should save me a lot of trouble.

“I just find his tush so adorable!” ~Sharon

“I find everything attractive about Amin!  His hair, his face, his eyes, his arms, his chest, his booty, his thighs, his ears, his nose, his toes, his middle finger cuticles, his left eyebrow-” ~Barbie

Point made, dear.

Of course they spent the whole outing complaining about needs and cockroaches outside, so the outing sucked.

“This isn’t fair! I want to hang out with Amin, b-but… those DAMN COCKROACHES!  I can hear them outside, CALLING me, insulting me!  I just want to stop on them D:” ~Barbie

“Oh shut up about those damn cockroaches, Barbie!  Can’t you see I’m exhausted all to no end?!  This sucks, this whole outing sucks and I HATE AUNT NERISSA’S STORE’S CEILING!” ~Sharon

“Hee hee, buying a lamp, oblivious to everything :D” ~Amin

“Oh sister.  This outing was terrible.  Let’s go back to college and just focus on getting our Greek house up for the time being.  Then we can come back and enjoy our next outing, ok?” ~Barbie

“That makes a lot of sense, Barbie.  Ok!” ~Sharon

There’s no Greek house to really focus on right now though.  I fail at this so hard.

“What kind of house are you running here?!  This is terrible!  And if what you have going on over here is your idea of creative hazing, then I’ll make sure you are out on your butt before you can even say DROP AND GIVE ME 20” ~Coach

“Oh poor Barbie’s ovaries!  Now she’s surely out of the heirship running!” ~George

Oh, NOW he finds a mop.

“Just be happy I’m cleaning for you or something!” ~Remington

You aren’t a maid here though, I don’t know why you’d even care.

Then the mini fridge ran out of food and I didn’t realize until last minute.

“Great, now we REALLY are going to die.” ~Barbie

Good thing the slobs automatically do this.

“Mmm!  There was nothing wrong with that three week old salad Kevin threw away!  What was he thinking?!” ~Barbie

They took turns doing this until I realized I had just enough money for a pizza.

“Pizza Parlor delivery!  Which one of you hobos needs to sign this receipt?” ~Pizza girl

“If you hold on one second, I’ll try to find you a tip :D” ~Barbie

“Oh HAPPY DAY!” ~Sharon

The following day, they decided that party people suck and took their rapping to the streets.  Just like true gangstas.

“Alright, Kev.  Let’s see if we can make our goal this time and make at least a dollar today!  You ready?” ~Sharon

“I’m ready, but where did Barbie go?  Isn’t she going to help us with this?” ~Kevin

“Oh forget that stupid bitch, she’s made me mad now, running off and spending about $20 so far in COFFEE.” ~Sharon

Matter of fact, she’s STILL SPENDING money on coffee.

“Look, I was told that coffee makes all the sleepies I feel go away.  But I’ve had several of these things and all I want to do is go pee it back out.  I’ve had no visible change in my need to sleep, and it irritates me to no end that this is a pointless beverage, a beverage that is apparently made just for me to flush out my system!  Now, I’m going to ask you again, give me the strongest thing you got, my money isn’t a problem!” ~Barbie

“Whatever you say ma’am.  Just please shut up for more than half a second.” ~Coffee Guy

“Hold on, gotta pee again.” ~Barbie

“Um…” ~Coffee Guy

PLEASE tell me she didn’t already pay for that drink…

Meanwhile, the other two that are clearly more worried about their finances rap back to back like the bosses they are.

“Oh no, Kevin!  Class is starting soon and we haven’t made a dollar!  You are on your own Kev!  Good luck!” ~Sharon

“Err’body in the house tonight?! What it be do yo?  I’m Kev
here to rev
up yo needs for sick rhymes
all the times
I’m quick, and slick as a farting tick
layin’ it like bricks, cuz I ain’t no prick!
Need a dollar to become a scholar,
hollar that I’m a rhyme mauler
so I can drag Barbie out by her collar,
blowin’ all my money like some big baller!” ~Kevin

“WOOO!  That was good for a couple of nickles!” ~Zim

“Oooh I’m in love!  I have a hay-penny here for you, sir!” ~Lexie

“Jeez, what’s all that crappy racket outside for?  It’s keeping me from falling asleep on the floor and buying more coffee!” ~Barbie

Just… just go to class or something.

“Yes!  Let the sky open up on me and let the heavens know that I made a solid $100 from this!! *sound of angels singing and stuff*” ~Kevin

“What?” ~Carmen

Suddenly I had a smarter idea and sent Kevin over to the Battle of the Bands hut lot and made him play drums for tips, seeing as he played a guitar all throughout his teen years, this would be smarter.

There was a guitar on lot, but I think it’s broken :I

He made $400, from Lexie alone I think 😀 😀 😀

I like that girl.  She’s rich.

And back at the lot, Barbie was so sad that she didn’t go to final exams and failed.

FAILURE

WLJIAOJGAJEWOGALWAS

I’m SORRY you’re misery was justice enough to not go to YOUR final exam.  PLEASE.  Cry about it some more will you.

“What did you say?  About me being awesome and walking off somewhere and bringing back a whole free pizza I managed to bum off of someone?  For free?  Since we are broke?  Bummed pizza anyone?” ~Barbie

Nevermind, she’s cool (taken lightly) again.

A pottery wheel was invested for Sharon, and a decent income started coming in finally.

“Which is great, since I think that free pizza did something to Barbie.  She’s out of it again.” ~Sharon

Actually, since they figured out how to get free pizza, that’s all they do in their free time.

Ok. Stop hoboing for free food and actually eat it before it goes bad, guys!

“Please help us sir!  We are broke college students living in a pasture, and our rent just ate us for the rest of our money!  We need groceries and school supplies!” ~Kevin

“Get a job you bum!  We are all broke college students here!” ~Gordan

“Well if not for me, for my sisters!  They are dying and fusing to each others feet as we speak!” ~Kevin

“Well that is pretty sad!  If I really cared I’d give you some money, I swear :(” ~Gordan

Alright, seriously cut back on the free pizza guys.  We really don’t need two pizzas for every person on the lot…

A guitar was invested in for Kevin to play for money at charity toga parties, and of course it doesn’t want to go as I want it to.

“I’m helping the cause still :D” ~Barbie

NO YOU AREN’T!!

“Now that I’m on the guitar, anyone going to donate to my playing?

…Anyone?” ~Kevin

“Hmmm…” ~Barbie

“Contributing :D” ~Barbie

I’m locking you in a box, Barbie.

“Oh son, you don’t have to play that guitar for me!  I’ll just give you the money.” ~Amin

“Really dad?!  Thanks!  Can I have more?” ~Kevin

Pfft, I wish.

“Sis, I didn’t know you hired yourself a mascot for company!  You didn’t have to, we already have Remington the Cow here!  You’ve met this Remington haven’t you?  He comes by at least once a day now!” ~Kevin

“But I don’t like this Remington, he doesn’t mop while I shower.” ~Barbie

“Well I do like watching you shower if that makes up for anything.” ~Remington

“…” ~Social Bunny

“Well… if I had known you Collins were having a fetish party, I would have just stayed home tonight.” ~Professor Chloe

“I’m sorry Professor, I’ll make sure we get flyers out next time :(” ~Kevin

“Amin?  How come you only seem to call me after I take a shower?” ~Sharon

I think he’s watching or something.  Anyway, he asks for another outing again, and as usual, I make sure Barbie tags along.

“Dayum Amin!  Lookin’ fine today!” ~Sharon

“But not as fine as me, eh Amin?!  I mean, look at this booty!  I bet you won’t see a booty like this on any of your movies!” ~Barbie

“I can’t argue with that there, that is a nice booty :)” ~Amin

“>:(” ~Sharon

“What’s taking you so long to take my money?  I just want to buy one kite because I saw Amin looking at it for a second and I figured that if I bought one that I can gift it or go on a fun kite related date with him or something and if you are going to take my well earned money for your over expenive kite at a snail’s pace, then I’ll just have one shipped from my house back home or something!” ~Barbie

“I’m trying lady, if you’d shut up long enough to let me figure this out, it will get done faster!” ~Cashier

And then the harp sound of love happened.

And I find this in the bathroom.  I don’t really want to know what exactly happened in the bathroom for this to happen, considering the last known action I know Sharon was doing up here was spongebathing herself in the sink… ok, I have some suspection.

“Like I’m going to let Barbie get a headstart for his affections with her little butt comments!  This relationship is going on my Simbook!  #BF4Lyfe!” ~Sharon

“Come ON already lady!  Every second I waste here is one less baby I could be having with Amin!” ~Barbie

Poor Barbie.  If she even wins, of course.

MATTER OF FACT, let’s go ahead and have our little heir poll while I’m thinking about it!

Our first contestant is Sharon Collins, 0/10/0/8/10, aspiration pending on junior year still.  She’s the one with pointy ears.

Second is Barbie Collins, 0/10/0/10/10, aspiration also pending on junior year.

And here is Kevin, who is not running for heirship.

“Good.  Didn’t want to marry Amin anyway.  And really didn’t want to put on my nice pants for a photo.” ~Kevin

The heir poll will be here, so vote!

Next time we might wrap up college and move new Amin in!  But I don’t know really yet myself!  So later!

The Slobacy Chapter 6.8: Puddles

Alright, another chapter!

I’ve got a lot of free time on my hands.

This chapter is kind of “short”, taken into consideration for the following chain of events.

Last chapter ended with the death of our 5th generation spouse, and no one was happy enough to come to his funeral.

So he didn’t have one.

RIP Andrew and Anna.

No one really grieved.  Other than Sharon sticking to the sprinkler that Anna died at for an ungodly amount of time.  Maybe they’re getting good at covering their sorrows from me or something.

New Amin dropped by a couple of nights after the outing to drop off a gnome, that he will no doubtingly try to steal if I don’t put it in an unaccessable area with the other gnome.   Other than this, this is his only appearance this chapter.

“Mama!  Mama!  I got all A’s on my report card!  I’m so proud of me!  I studied so hard, and did so great on my last math test that I was so sure I was going to fail!  But Sharon helped me, actually she ended up doing it all herself because I’m so easily bored, but I passed because of it!  I’m awesome right?!  Mama, wake up and tell me how awesome I am!” ~Barbie

“No.  Out.  Sleeping.” ~Courtney

An expected reaction at this point, I’m sure.

I sent Barnabas and Amin out for some bro bonding.  They didn’t do a whole lot of bonding, really.

“This is going to be so much fun!  I finally have someone to watch me model clothes and tell me if I look hot or not!” ~Barnabas

“How exactly is this fun for me again?” ~Amin

“Bam, what do you think about this outfit?  Does it make my butt look big or anything?” ~Barnabas

“UM, well, yeah… I mean NO… I mean… That’s a trick question, isn’t it?” ~Amin

“Well you’re gonna have to tell me how I look, because I can’t tell at all!” ~Barnabas

“Oh right, vampire and all that…” ~Amin

“Hey look at what I found!  Karl’s dress in the back of the dressing room!  He must have vaporized out of it or dissappeared through a door to Narnia or something…” ~Barnabas

“…” ~ Unfortunate walkerby

“It’s best if you keep moving on sir and ignore this.” ~Amin

“ARR, now I’m a pirate!  Sexy huh?!  Bet I give Jack Sparrow a run for his money, right?!  Damn, I’m channeling so much Johnny Depp lately!” ~Barnabas

“Dude, you do know that the sun came up almost half an hour or so ago, right?” ~Amin

I eventually sent Kevin to college.  Poor guy wasn’t doing anything at this point anyway but sitting around looking sad.

“I go to college now?  Yes I do believe I have a brain!  Accepted?  WOO!” ~Kevin

See you in a little bit, Kev.

Meanwhile the other’s still do skill stuff.

I think Sharon got her silver badge in pottery at this point.

Leroy on the other hand only gets my attention when he does things like this.  Poor puppy.

“I WILL defend my home from you, you destructive wolf!” ~Leroy

“You bring great shame to your family.” ~Wolf

Of course he does.

But he can bathe himself and that makes me happy.

“I can turn on a sprinkler all by myself! I’m a magic dog with thumbs apparently :D” ~Leroy

“UGH, why can’t they just get a room?!” ~Noodle

Um, considering at this point, they’ve already done it in all the woohooable rooms ._.

***

For a couple of days around this time period, there weren’t a lot of sims around the house during the day hours.  Courtney worked at the same time the kids went to school, and sometimes Amin did too (and if not he was sleeping).  Barnabas was too busy sunbathing or whatever.  So I decided to just follow Remingtown around and watch to see what he does exactly during his work hours.

He starts the morning by walking all the way down to the funeral hall.  There he remembers that no one lives here, something he’s forced to do every day, and he turns around and goes back to the main house.  This wastes almost a whole hour for him.

He makes up the imaginary sheets on the bed in the master bedroom.  He then goes back to the larger wing of the house, completely ignoring the dirty bathroom next to the bedroom.

In the larger wing, he wipes down all the counters, wipes off the stove, and the sink, despite that they are all pretty clean. I guess he’s just prepping them up for a future mess or something.

Still, he ignored the puddle in front of the sink.

He takes the trash out of the trash compactor that he breaks half of the time anyway.

From there, he goes to the second floor and wipes off Aybolt with the same sponge he wipes the counters with.

“They will never suspect the maid of the sudden breakout of Ebola in this horrid little stink-brood!” ~Remington

Then he goes to Barnabas’ bathroom and cleans out the toilet.  But ONCE AGAIN, ignoring the puddles in the room.

I guess he lost his mop or something?

Then it’s to the top floor for some more bed making.

ALSO ignoring this floor’s dirty bathroom.

He finally gets down to the bathroom downstairs, where he wipes out the tub with Aybolt’s dirty sponge.

If there was a puddle in here, he’d surely ignore it too.

From there it’s back to the kitchen where Remington washes the dishes, like one or two at a time.  Considering how many plates this family goes through a day, it takes a good bit of time.

He continues to IGNORE THAT PUDDLE.

Afterwards he goes out to the hot tub patio and picks up the plastic cups, and walks back to the other side of the lot to throw them away.

ONE AT A TIME.

Finally, it’s off to the second Master Bedroom, where he walks in, promptly turns around, snickers for whatever reason, and then says it’s time for him to leave.  Not sure what about the room convinced him to quit for the day, but he didn’t go back to it the day following this one.

His routine the next day and the day after hardly differ, so that’s pretty much what Remington does all day.  I’d grade him a B- or something.

Damn puddles in the house though.

I forgot Amin’s birthday.  Poor guy had a little after-work sidewalk birthday jig like so many sims before him.

UGH

Oh Amin, you are just too old to try to be that hip anymore.

“WHY’D NO ONE COME TO MY FUUUUNERAAAAAL” ~Andrew

“AAH Grandpa HI, you scared the “Make many vases” action right out of me!” ~Sharon

It was on this night I decided to let the sims play for a few minutes on their own, since they weren’t doing anything important if they weren’t skilling, and I went to go change clothes so I could go to Walmart later and not look like a dirty hobo.

And I came back and instantly noticed someone’s icon was missing from the side bar…

And so I came back just in time to find Courtney curled up and dead in the kitchen.

“Well damn.  I didn’t see that coming at all.  What the hell she die of anyway?” ~Death

I DON’T KNOW!  If anyone should tell us, it should be YOU, Death!  It’s the reason you’re here!

“Well, all I know is that she’s WAY before schedule, and it takes a long time to make them little fruity drinks I give to all my clients.  Looks like she’s going without one.” ~Death

“Courtney?  COURTNEY?!  WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED IN HERE?!  WHY’S MY WIFE DEAD AND WHERE THE HELL WAS ANYONE TO STOP IT?!” ~Amin

“BAWWWW, I was too busy making more puddles around the house, but I came to show my deepest condolences!” ~Leroy

OH GOOD, this just keeps getting better >:\

“NO!  My wife has already been taken from me once tonight, she will NOT be taken again, even though she’s already a case of ashes!” ~Amin

*sudden butt sniff* ~Leroy

“Oh Courtney!  Why was your death so sudden?!  I’m not ready to bury my wife yet!  Sob!” ~Amin

“STOP YOUR BITCHIIIIING, YOU DIDN’T CARE FOR MY FUNERAAAAAAL” ~Andrew

“Punch him in the FACE or something!  Don’t let that buttface go around scaring people like this!  He’s already made me pee myself from here to the kitchen one time tonight!” ~Barnabas

Barnabas uses anger to cover his sorrow.

“No, Courtney!  Why?!  You weren’t hardly even 60!  And you were the happiest person in the house with a billion LTWs under your belt and over 500k points in your lifetime!  Why’d you have to be the one that dies like this?!” ~Barnabas

“I don’t know, Barnabas.  But I hope it’s just you and me at the funeral.  I just let a massive one rip and I don’t recommend other people just walking in here on it.” ~Amin

Don’t worry, no one else cared to come.

“I’m going to go be sad somewhere else in my own way now *SOB BLEH*” ~Barnabas

“My wife… my poor wife… how could this happen to you?!  How did you die?!” ~Amin

To be honest, I don’t really know.  Signs point to starvation, but I came so late in the death that I don’t know…

“Sharon!  I’m glad you agreed to meet me in the kitchen instead of going to school like you should have.” ~Amin

“Fine with me.  #MissingGymClass.  What did you need, dad?” ~Sharon

“I need an assistant to help me case the scene of your mother’s death.  I think something fishy went on here last night.” ~Amin

“Sigh, dad.  Don’t get crazy on me.  Mom was found dead cooking in here, she obviously died of starvation, and there was nothing fishy about it!  Sims in this family have died of starvation before, it’s what we do! Hell, I’m #StarvingNowFML!” ~Sharon

“NO!  I call foul play!  FOUL PLAY, Sharon!  She was your mother!  You can’t just assume it was because she didn’t eat something and killed over!  Where’s your sense of justice, Sharon?” ~Amin

“Are you even listening to yourself right now, dad?!” ~Sharon

“Either you are with me, or you aren’t!  Now how about it? You going to help me find closure in your mother’s death, or are you going to go on to gym class?” ~Amin

“I guess it won’t hurt to follow you around and watch you play detective, dad.  Fine, let’s get started then.” ~Sharon

“Alright, here’s my first clue.” ~Amin

“Um, dad?  That’s just what was in the stove when mom died.  I’m the one that even pulled it out after the fire.  It’s lobster thermidor, not a clue.” ~Sharon

“On the contrary!  When have you ever seen your mother cook, Sharon?!  Yes, she knew how, but cooking was usually done by me or Kevin or Barnabas.  And this is lobster thermidor!  She was making this for a SPECIAL OCCASION, not because she was hungry at all!” ~Amin

“Dad?  Lobster thermidor is a big booster of the hunger need.  She was obviously really craving lobster, that’s all it was!” ~Sharon

“Fine, you want to keep poking holes in this, follow me.  I have another clue I want to show you that your mother didn’t just die of starvation…” ~Amin

“You see this?” ~Amin

“Yeah?  It’s the bar.  What’s special about it?” ~Sharon

“This is where your mother usually was, right?  Where she would constantly drink?  To get rid of her hunger needs?  Huh?!  HUH?!” ~Amin

“Ok, so mom was an alcoholic.  What are you getting at?” ~Sharon

“If your mother was hungry, she would have been in here!  But she WASN’T!  There are no signs of extra glasses or bottles or anything!  She wasn’t hungery at all!” ~Amin

“Sooo… if you think she wasn’t starved, then how’d you think she died?” ~Sharon

“Murder, my daughter.  It was a killing in cold blood!” ~Amin

“But… who?!  No one was in the kitchen at the time of her death!  Now why would you go and think a thing like that?” ~Sharon

“You want to know who I think did it?!” ~Amin

“All signs point to Andrew, Sharon.” ~Amin

“OMG!  Why grandpa?!” ~Sharon

“Think!  He was on a scaring spree all last night!  He scared you, scared me, and scared Barnabas until he peed himself!  And he was in the area during the time your mother was found dead!  And he kept flying around with this suspicious evil grin on his face for the rest of the night!  Your grandfather was angry that no one came to his funeral!  He was going to get revenge on someone!” ~Amin

“But keep this between me and you… word gets out and gets back to the funeral hall… he’ll be after all of us.  I got to find a way to get more evidence against him and confront him with it in ghost court!” ~Amin

“And you think the ghost cops will lead him off to ghost prison afterwards?” ~Sharon

“Don’t try to get all smartass with me, Sharon.” ~Amin

OK, so I don’t have a lot of proof that she was scared to death.  But until we see her ghost with our own eyes, we don’t know that she wasn’t yet either.  We’ll find out soon enough, I’m sure.

“Sigh, this murder investigation makes me want to drink.” ~Amin

Poor Amin.

Amin and Courtney’s last child later grew up into a teen, and no one cared about her birthday except for one confused cashier from the toy store.

“I actually have a long list of wishes for my birthday.  AHEM…” ~Barbie

Actually, I’m too tired to type out half a book.  Shut up Barbie.

She rolled Popularity.  Kinda figures.

“Birthday party sucked.  You should have let me make my announcement and tell everyone what I wanted to wish for for my birthday!  My wishes were genuine and important!  One involved wishing my mother was back alive and home with us!  The second was for Amin to be my friend.  And yeah, I wished for a kitten…” ~Barbie

Enough.

“YOU’RE RIGHT!  Enough is enough!  Being a moody hormone riddled teenager was fun for all of four seconds!  Time for college!  I’m a child prodigy at the ripe age of 13, University of Whateverness!  You will take me instantly?!  On my way!” ~Barbie

Her sister was sent four seconds later, so now all three are in college and ready for the next chapter to start there!  Bye Barnabas, Amin, and Leroy!  See you in four sim-years!

“Well now that my sidekick is off to pursue an education, looks like you are my new Watson, Barnabas!  Good, because I was needing someone to come upstairs later and help me go through all of the paperwork and see if we can find any notes or letters or hatemail Andrew might have sent Courtney over the years and try to find the resentment that could have fueled the murder!” ~Amin

“Oh great.  Four years with a nutjob.  The next few years can’t go by fast enough.” ~Barnabas

The Slobacy Chapter 6.7: Barnabas Insert Shots

I got some nice quiet sim time in this weekend, and I got a lot of photos to work with.  So without further ado, let’s go to our opening act, the S.L.O.B., my simself’s kidnapping, and her new escape plan, underway by Linda’s own righthand alley…

“So I was thinking, since we’ve overcome so much, and succeeded with our goal thus far, that we need to take the slombies out for a nice dinner!  Destress ourselves, have a good time, the night before we brutally destroy our captive!” ~Brittany

“Yeah, I wish we could, Brittany.  But on the night before the big event, anything can go wrong.  A sudden break out, a rescue… we can’t risk all that to come undone because the slombies left guard duty for some burgers.” ~Linda

“Oh please.  You really think Sabrina’s gonna break out?  In that tight hull?  And who’d rescue her?  She’s been in there for almost a year, nothing has happened!  The girls haven’t been out in a long time.  They are so strung out from all this work (and you know what work does to slobs).  They need the relaxation, take time from beating on each other for their own kicks!  Come on!  Just a couple of hours out, come back, kill the simself, and sit down for a good old marathon of Mime Cat.  The girls are up for it!  What do you say?” ~Brittany

“Well… there is a special going on at Googycoo’s where whoever eats a whole stake the size of a plumbob gets free dinner for a week!  I was planning on going up there some time and just fart on people who were attempting it!” ~Linda

“Sounds great!  I’ll go tell the others!” ~Brittany

“Yeah!  This is going to be fantastic!  Meet you guys out front!” ~Linda

“Everyone ready to go?!”~ Linda

“Yeah! …Oh wait guys!  I forgot my purse!  Silly me!  I guess I’ll have to look for it!  You guys go on ahead, no need to wait for me!  I’ll catch up in a little bit…” ~Brittany

With Brittany’s plan underway, we’ll just switch over to the Collins and see what they’re up to…

“I’M A MOVIE STAR :D” ~Barnabas

No you aren’t.  Johnny Depp is.

“WHATEVER!  It’s MY name up in lights!  Yeah!  Barnabas Collins, Dark Shadow movie star!  I like the sound of myself!” ~Barnabas

Whatever.  As long as he’s happy and staying in his coffin.  Wait.  No he’s not.

Andrew caught the vampire love-bug too I guess.

“Oh Barnabas.  Wouldn’t it just be sexy if he bit me right here too?” ~Andrew

“It would be sexy!  I agree, husband of mine!  I would like to be a vampire myself as well!” ~Anna

The kids, meanwhile, spend a lot of time doing interesting things, trying to be interesting.

“Barnabas Collins in your shot, sexying it up for interest!” ~Barnabas

Not true, the kids are just as interesting!  In their own way…

“I make this shot sexy too!  Barnabas Collins inserts EVERYWHERE!” ~Barnabas

“Well if it isn’t Gingy Von Bitealot.  Seen a tanning salon recently?” ~Amin

“Kindly shove it, ungrateful hobo.  If you are even lucky enough to be adopted by my famous Collins family, and indicted into our Collinwood hall of fame, you’ll still have to answer to my wrath one day :D” ~Barnabas

Barnabas is too happy to have any wrath, really.  Ok, no more Dark Shadows references.  It was an ok movie.

“My, looking gorgeous every day my little flower.  I can’t wait for you to grow up so we can move out and live our lives in peace!” ~Amin

“LOL.  Actually, if you want to be with me, you’ll have to move into our house.  #Thosearetherules.  For once, Barnabas is right about that SRRY.” ~Sharon

“Oh fail.” ~Amin

“Barnabas torso in your shot making this pic more-” ~Barnabas

Sexy, I know, go do something more useful already, Barnabas!

“Wait!  Don’t forget that you might be with me, Amin!  When I grow up and get all pretty and desirable, I may be the one that chooses you for a mate!  And then WE can live together in my family home!  Can you imagine it like that?  Me, you, about seven babies and I’ll play stay at home mommy, and you can be the doctor husband that comes home and drinks because you have self esteem issues.  But that’s ok because I’ll also be a super model on the side, and who doesn’t want a super model wife-” ~Barbie

“Does your underaged motermouth sister HAVE to hang out with us too, Sharon?  Really ruining the moment over here.” ~Amin

“HEY.  You be nice to my youngest daughter too now.  She’s right.  Once she hits the age she needs to be, it won’t be pedophilia, she’ll be game!  Just befriend her and wait, dammit.” ~Old Amin

“:( I don’t have a motormouth… do I?  I mean, I like to think of myself as a social little butterfly, because I love everyone, and everyone tends to love me… I just like getting myself out there and known better, because more friends equal more fun, and if we do date down the road, it will make it easier for us to connect with each other you know?  And we can have kids quicker and enjoy our lives together longer-” ~Barbie

“Oh honey, please just shut up *farts on Barbie*” ~Amin

“EW, dad!  Don’t do that on me!  That smells like the back end of a city’s cesspool!” ~Barbie

“Oh SOB!  Oh BOO HOO!” ~Scarlett

“What’s she so upset about?” ~Barnabas

I don’t know.  Might have something to do with having front row viewing of her uncle bathing himself in the sink.

“I’ve just had a hard day, everyone insulting me, and having some piss poor needs going on over here…” ~Scarlet

“Oh come on, it’s just my weenie.” ~Barnabas

NOT helping Barnabas.

“Ooh, this sponge is still nice and warm for me!” ~Andrew

“I don’t like this family anymore.” ~Leroy

“Dance with me, Anna!” ~Barnabas

“Fine, but you have to do the smustle with me Barnabas.  Don’t make me smustle by myself here!” ~Anna

“I don’t like the smustle!  I dance to my own groove!” ~Barnabas

“DAMMIT Barnabas, dance my dance or I break your arms!” ~Anna

“Boogie oogie oogie!” ~Barnabas

I don’t think threatening harm on him is going to get him to smustle, Anna.

Meanwhile, out on the patio, Andrew’s love tub broke after it’s initial use.  No one could use it.  Hell, even the candles were still perfectly fine, there just wasn’t any way to interact with it.  Such a sad waste to Andrew’s life points.

So it was replaced with a regular one.

“You go ahead and break in the new tub, Anna!  I’m going to go make me one sexy sandwich.” ~Andrew

“Another fabulous Barnabas insert LOLOLOL” ~Barnabas

“Ah, this is a nicer tub.  It works, the jets feel fabulous, and the temperature is perfect…” ~Anna

“VAMPIRE AMBUSH!” ~Barnabas and Sunny

“MOM!  Get out of the tub!  The vampires!  They are about to…” ~Courtney

“Oh, NOW it’s a party over here!” ~Anna

Oh dear.

“Sunny?  Where’d you go?” ~Barnabas

“Oh noes, wrong person sorry about that Anna!” ~Sunny

“Oh don’t worry dear.  You won’t hear me complain at all ;)” ~Anna

“Remington, are you ok?!” ~Amin

I think Remington is really starting to overstay his welcome sometimes.

“Should I be concerned for your friend over here?!” ~George

“Don’t worry, I’m not.” ~Amin

Yes, Amin.  Let’s get all the omlette crumbs in Remington’s hair so he wakes up dirty and angry.

Also, this happens.

Considering that I don’t even think it’s winter and it hasn’t snowed in a long time…

Then again Barbie is the only one going to a public school.  Those crazy public schools.

“So then I told her, ‘your school is letting out for fear that it’s going to snow, Barbie!  No school for you!’ And she believed me!  Hahaha!” ~Kevin

“Well, I know who I should ground if that was an option for me.” ~Anna

The kids later had a sprinkler party, celebrating the fact that they finally found one of the sprinklers in the front yard that’s been around since the first generation.

“I wish I could join the sprinkler fun :(” ~Nathan

Um, you can?

Then New Amin came over and tried getting touchy feely over there with Sharon in her bathing suit I think, and Anna joined her granddaughter for some sprinkler fun!

“I’m glad you and I are playing together grandma!  I love spending time with you!  I love spending time with all of my family!  Especially outside like this!  We need to have a pool party one of these days, and play in the pool and the sprinklers and the hot tubs and throw water balloons at each other, I think that will be a blast, don’t you agree?!  Invite all our friends and all our friend’s friends, and make more friends, and have even bigger parties in the future-” ~Barbie

“Oh NO!  The little girl’s constant chattering killed her grandmother!” ~George

“Really?  I just thought that someone finally hired some sexy themed dancers!  I thought we were really about to party down or something!” ~Nathan

*Cued ‘why me, I don’t want to go yet’*

*Cued ‘oh wow, alcohol and tropical afterlife vacation’*

*Cued ‘see ya, suckers!’*

And with that, Our little Anna passed away.

“Hi!  Is this where we are burying grandma!  LOL #RIPgrandmother #Lovedmydeadgrandma #FuneralParTAYupInHere” ~Sharon

“Oh SOB WAH mama!  All I had to wear to your funeral was my wedding dress ;(” ~Courtney

“Oh, my sweet oblivious Anna!  Why couldn’t I go first before you?!  I miss you so much like a loving spouse should.” ~Andrew

“Hey Courtney. Here’s a tip.  Use it to buy some piano lessons or something because damn” ~Barnabas

After party was held in the party room with the bar to help ease the loss with booze.  Except with Courtney, who’d be in here even if her mother was still alive.

“I say here here to the latest family member to kick the bucket.  I’d say it gets easier the less I’m related to them, but… ok, it does get easier for me actually.” ~Barnabas

“Yeah!  Here’s to my… HICdead mama.  She’s… HIC… gone and lefted us lots of cash moneys, ‘n Imma gonna byHIC a couch in her memory or somethin…” ~Courtney

“Hon, you are so drunk you aren’t even holding a cup anymore.  Think you want to dial it a back a bit or something dear?” ~Amin

“HIC!  Wait’a damn minute.  Is daytime!  HIC!  Barmbus!  Blarmblaburse!  Barnbarn!  Whatever.  Why’s HIC you still out?” ~Courtney

“I can’t I just enjoy this nice morning?!  Leave me be!” ~Barnabas

“Ya know what?  Hic?  I can dance to that *jigs*” ~Courtney

“YEAH!  Finally.  Someone who lets me run free!  Bleh!” ~Barnabas

…

“HAHA!  The maid stinks!  Hic!  He’s becoming one of us!  HAH!  ONE OF US!  ONE OF US!” ~Courtney

“You know what!  I no longer care!  It feels so good to let out like this!  Yeah!” ~Remington

“FML.” ~Sharon

“I know, freedom is wonderful!” ~Barnabas

BARNABAS, IT’S DAYTIME YOU $&#^!ING MORON.

“I DON’T CARE, BARNABAS IS HERE SEXYING UP YOUR-” ~Barnabas

COFFIN, NOW.

Courtney then later had her birthday, to which no one really noticed off the bat.

“What does a girl who’s done everything she’s ever wanted in her life wish for ?  I know!  To remain sexy!” ~Courtney

“#WishFailed” ~Sharon

“I know where you sleep, Sharon!” ~Courtney

“Hi?  Oh, hi Amin!  We invited you to my mother’s party we are having right now, and you didn’t show up, but how coincidental that you called us anyway!  LMAO #FutureAwesomeHubby.  What’s that?  You wanna go on an outing with me!  Sounds FTW!” ~Sharon

“I don’t like the sound of that, Sharon.  An older guy asking a teen girl like you for an outing downtown in the middle of the night?!  You better not go out there by yourself!” ~Kevin

“Yeah, you are right Kevin.” ~Sharon

“Listen Amin.  I’ll only go out with you if you let me bring my little sister along!  You know since she’s also in the running for your affections and all that too.  Think of it as a threeway date!  TTLY AWSM, ok?!” ~Sharon

“Maybe I should tell mom…” ~Kevin

I honestly think that maybe Kevin did tell Courtney.  Because despite the fact that she wasn’t invited, she showed up with the group anyway.

“No underaged feelies going on while I’m here, ok? :)” ~Courtney

“DAMMIT.  I mean… no, yes, I mean that.  Style cramper.” ~Amin

“OOH OOH!  AMIN!  Dance with me right quick!  I love to dance!  I used to take some ballet in school, but they kicked me off.  Something about being loud and distracting to my friend ballerinas.  But I can show you some moves if you want!” ~Barbie

“Oh, sure, I’d love to dance!  They don’t call me Amin the Astronomical dancer for nothing!  Ok, no one calls me that…” ~Amin

“OMG, my sister is sucking up all of Amin’s attention tonight!  Dang.  I guess I wore no pants for nothing.” ~Sharon

._.

“No wait, I still got a shot in this!  Amin!  Quick!  Look!  Have you ever seen a fanny as cute and round and young as mine before?!” ~Sharon

“Haha, look at my daughter butt for even one second you adult pervert and I’ll cut IT off!  And don’t think I won’t because I’m such a nice old lady!” ~Courtney

“Must keep staring ahead, must not look down, must keep my member, must keep staring ahead…” ~Amin

“I Slept With My Crazy Vampire Uncle And Lived!  Tonight at 7 central on ABC!” ~Kevin

Sure, why not.

“Oh Remington.  I’m sorry I’m just not feeling it tonight with you.  We get all comfortable and cuddly in my hot tub and now I can’t stop thinking about my poor deceased wife.” ~Andrew

“As if you were ever good at cuddling anyway, Andrew.” ~Remington

“But thinking on it, I don’t want Anna looking down on me and finding out that I’ve been fondling the maid on and off for all these years.  She’ll kill me again once I go to the other side with her.” ~Andrew

“Hee hee, too late.  That’s why I’m here.” ~Death

“What?!” ~Andrew

“You’ve come to your change of heart too late, Andrew!  Anna has seen all from the afterlife, and asked me to come pick you up and take you to the other side.  She’s about to kick your ass.” ~Death

“Eep!  D-do I at least get an alcoholic beverage to numb the oncoming pain?” ~Andrew

“No.” ~Death

“UGH.  And I guess I’ll have to clean THAT up in the morning too, huh?!” ~Remington

And so ended Andrew.  Didn’t reach his LTW because of glitching, but died Perma Plat anyway, and was pretty damn good and hiding his many affairs from his wife all on his own.  He just wasn’t good enough to hide his marriage to her from Remington.  As if that needed hiding.

So the Collin’s will end this chapter on that note, but let’s go back to see how my simself’s escape goes:

“There!  Picked the lock and you are good to go!  I bought you plenty of time, but you have to get your dog and get out of here now!” ~Brittany

“Thanks Brit!  I knew you were good all along!  I will spare you from being pasted on the walls once I go home and bring back my boolprop cheats for my own revenge on Linda!” ~Sabrina

“I wouldn’t do that so fast if I were you, Brittany.  Sabrina.” ~Linda

“LINDA?!  How’d you know what I was doing?” ~Brittany

“Well first off, you don’t have a purse, Brittany.  Keeping all your money stuffed up in your sock all these years proved to me that you don’t even own bags!” ~Linda

“REALLY, Brittany?!  You shut the door back?!  You could have at least let me make a break for it, DAMN!” ~Sabrina

“To think my closest alley betrayed me like this.  No matter, you’ve extended your purpose, Brittany.  A backstabber like you is no longer a friend of mine.  Goodbye, Brittany.” ~Linda

*fart* ~Brittany

“Sorry, I just realized I don’t have this thing set to ‘kill’.  It’s just set to ‘colon pressure applier’.” ~Linda

“I sure can’t tell, I’m dying back here now.” ~Sabrina

“AHEM… Goodbye Brittany.” ~Linda

“But Linda… how could you?  You knew from the start I didn’t think this was right!  I didn’t want to be evil!  Linda!  Please!  What did you do to me?!” ~Brittany

“Dis sucks.” ~Sabrina

“LINDA!  Noooooo!” ~Brittany

And so, the S.L.O.B.’s continue their rein to victory as Sabrina’s only helping alley is now dead, and with her execution coming close…

“:I” ~Sabrina

The thrilling conclusion of this crappy subplot (and more important Collins stuffs) next time!

Eventually.

I keep ignoring the S.L.O.B.s.

The Slobacy Chapter 6.6: Amin Amin

I’ve been kinda sitting on these two chapters for a while now (this one, and the next one that will be published, eh, next year or so at this rate) and they’ve just been waiting on being written.  I guess now that school is about out, this is now a better time than any I suppose. Let’s update!

We begin this chapter with forgetting that Courtney attempted to get her children into a private school again.  Once again, he showed up, and nothing is ready for him for a visit.

Oh crap guys.  Someone!  Anyone!  Make dinner!  Anything, I don’t care right now, we should have done this hours ago!

“Don’t worry, I’m on this, don’t need to tell me, I already prepared a fabulous dinner with fish and glitter.  Because I am an awesome kid, yes I am.” ~Kevin

“No arguing with that, if you didn’t randomly cook an awesome dinner right about now, well, no one would have :D” ~Andrew

So true.  Kevin, you are too cool of a kid.

Too bad Andrew goes out of his way to make the headmaster feel awkward.

“May I ask why your housemaid is tickling your father and giggling like a schoolgirl?” ~Headmaster

“Well… let’s just say that my dad’s milkshake brings all the boys to the yard.” ~Courtney

You are NOT helping, Courtney!

“You guys had milkshakes?!  Why didn’t I get one too?!” ~Headmaster

“HAHA, I make everything all awkward and uncomfortable for your little dinner party, Kev!  Looks like there’s not going to be a fancy school in your future at all!” ~Andrew

“Haha, you screwed up your grandson’s future :D” ~Remington

“Jeez grandpa.  What have you been smoking lately?” ~Kevin

“Please Mr. Headmaster, meet my children’s stay at home nanny, my Uncle Barnabas, out of his coffin two hours early to grace us with his smokey burning presence!” ~Courtney

“Well hello Mr. Barnabas!  Pleased to meet your acquaintance to help distract me from these children’s terrible table manners!” ~Headmaster

“What are table manners?” ~Courtney

This time around, the headmaster said he would accept the kids into his school… but…

On his way home, I noticed that he glitched up and got stuck outside the house on the sidewalk.  He didn’t take his car, he didn’t teleport away after a couple hours, he just… stopped.

The next day he was still there, so I turned him into a statue in the empty corner of the yard.

I think he gives the yard a little more pizzazz.

This next little bit requires a short explanation.  See, a little while before now, I had sent someone to do some clothes shopping at a clothing store.  Upon leaving to go home, the new male slob walked onto the lot.  You know, right after my sim had just left.  So all I had was a glimpse of him, but I know he’s already out there!  And I must know who he is and what he looks like!

So I started sending the family out two at a time to find this new slob again.  Starting with Anna and Andrew.

“Alright.  Here’s a picture of the man we are looking for.  We find him, we tie him up, and throw him in the river.  Right?” ~Anna

“Ok, first, no.  And second, this isn’t a photo of him dear, we, like, have no idea what he looks like.  We are going to have to go with his outfit, it’s the only lead we have.” ~Andrew

Of course, they don’t really spend any time “looking”.  Just doing cute couple things, like this.

Aw.

“Traffic jam!  Come on you old fart, move!” ~Robert

Well.  So much for loving nature.

“SCREW THESE BUGS!  SCREW THEM!  DIE ROACHES DIE” ~Hyacinth

“Poor bugs.  Even nature lovers hate them :\” ~Andrew

Eventually they got tired and got switched out with Amin, Barnabas, and Courney.

Nothing like stripping naked and sponge bathing in public four seconds in though.

“GAH!  I knew skating in four inch heels was going to be a bad idea!” ~Courtney

“HahaBLEH, I am the skating BOSS!” ~Barnabas

“I think I broke my ankle ;_;” ~Courtney

Back to Andrew and Anna:

“Considering we have a zillion billion toys, I was going to buy something…” ~Andrew

“Hee hee, how do I cash register :>” ~Stephen

“Well, at least I’m totally smarter than George over there.” ~Andrew

“Ignoring customers on the job again I see, Stephen.” ~CJJ

“Sure am, bossman!” ~Stephen

“Good for you, bud!  Here have a raise! :D” ~CJJ

“How did this place stay in business?” ~Andrew

I don’t remember, Andrew.

Andrew and Anna ended this shift with some good old back alley hotel woohoo.

“Andrew baby, I think we are being watched…” ~Anna

“Yeah, that weird one eyed viking guy’s been watching us for twenty minutes.  Should I invite him in?” ~Andrew

When I returned from this trip with Anna and Andrew, I discovered my headmaster statue was gone!

I kinda half anticipated this though.  But he did last a good 24 hours on the lot.

Back to searching, this time with older brother Kevin.  He didn’t find squat either.

“Yeah I did!  There’s a slob!  HEY!  We’ve been looking for you!” ~Kevin

“Sup.” ~Brook

Yeah, NOT slob women please, Kev.

Barnabas’ turn:

“I found a slo-” ~Barnabas

WOMAN!  GAME!  STOP THIS!

WHY

TWO slob women this time?!  I just can’t kill them fast enough!

“If we keep flash mobbing the lots the Collins keep showing up at, you think we will stop being murdered and turned into ignored ghosts?” ~Blonde Slob

“I like that idea better!  Better than that half baked idea from that S.L.O.B. flyer I found the other day.  Stealing puppy dogs for ransom?  How barbaric is that?!” ~Other Slob Girl Who I Agree With

“WHO CARES!  Komei wants both of you to GTFO D:<” ~Komei

Komei, you bitch about everyone, go away.

Barnabas also ends his shift at the shady hotel, with this um…

Whitney, this is NOT helping save my simself from being held hostage!

“Jeez, the things they do at hotels in the middle of the night for $10 these days…” ~Edward

“Oooh, I wonder what he’ll do for $10, hee hee…” ~Whitney

“Wow, they are letting just about anybody join the vampire ranks these days, huh?” ~Barnabas

Barnabas, jeez, be nice.

And upon coming home with Barnabas, the headmaster also popped up, randomly, and announces to a unconscious Amin that he did not, in fact, find the kids up to his standards for his school.

Yeah

I was VERY ANGRY

I don’t know.  But he lied.  The kids were still accepted into his school anyway.

Oh and ignored Barbie grew up ignored.  LOL am I the only one who forgot she was still in the house?

Andrew was chosen to skill Barbie, much to Barnabas’ screams of protest from inside his nailed up coffin.

“Papa, boken bafftub!  Me wet!” ~Barbie

“No sweetie, the correct word is ‘fancy bathroom fountain!'” ~Andrew

He failed to teach Barbie anything (WHY) and went to rub his head on

Oh hell guys, COME ON.  The baby is still in the room!

When he was done with… that… Andrew then ran off to violently ass slap the maid.  Who he’s apparently back to being romantic with.  Again.

“I find this rude, disturbing, and not with my cousin Anna! >:O” ~Ivan

Then, we went back to the slob scavanger hunt with Courtney and Barnabas.

“So tell me Barnabas, why have you come to me tonight?” ~Courtney

“Well, I think my problem is the fact that I don’t have anyone to talk to during the day, and I get very lonely and depressed, and I’m willing to hurt myself for a little friendship, you know…” ~Barnabas

“Barnabas.  You are a vampire.  You need your damn coffin.  Do you really need to see a shrink for this kind of common sense?” ~Courtney

“…Yes :I” ~Barnabas

“Well here’s what I propose.  How about you get a job and pull some weight around at the house?  Trust me, work will kill that lonely feeling that I KNOW for a fact you don’t really have, Mr. I-Have-All-The-Attention-Anyway.” ~Courtney

“Well, now here’s what I’m going to propose.  No on the job, and besides, the new slob just walked right by you and is probably on his way home, Courtney.” ~Barnabas

“Yeah, screw your problems, I got to go stop him!” ~Courtney

“I’m so happy for you dad, I’m so proud you are finally getting the professional help you need!” ~Zenith

“I could twist your little neck shut, son.” ~Barnabas

Haha, new slob!  You’re mine now!

“Ew, NO!  Stinky, fugly, not attractive to me at all.” ~Courtney

Do not care about your opinion of him Courtney, it’s not important to me at all.

“I agree, loser vampire-faced wannabe, with Zion hair and a stinky attitude!  Yuck!” ~Old Guy

“Don’t worry, after a makeover I’m sure he’s going to look just fine!” Courtney

“Do I look like I give a flying $*%& about your opinions, you geriatric old prick and you hooker dressed heifer?! I think I look fine!” ~Slob

Great, another mean one.  Hopefully when he’s married in, it will all be beaten out of him.

“Why a new male slob!  Pleased to meet you!  I bet that we will be the best of friends before too long!” ~Barnabas

“Please bitch, I don’t make friends with anyone, especially some ginger vampire like you.” ~Slob

“Well then, kiss my butt too, you ass.” ~Barnabas

“Come on boys, can’t we just get along?!” ~Courtney

So we finally found our little slob man for the 7th generation heiress, and get this:

His name is freaking Amin too.

Come on game, get original with your naming!  Two Andrews and now two Amins?  You’re getting lazy.

Speaking of heiress’s, one of our little contestants grows up when the search party finally came home.

Way to look thrilled about it, Sharon.

“Why should I, I’ve been ignored all chapter, and I feel so overlooked until it’s time for birthdays… woop-freaking-doo.” ~Sharon

“Anyone care?  I’m growing up now.  Woot and whatever ._.” ~Sharon

Way to have the most solemnest birthday ever, Sharon.

She was so bored with growing up that she fell asleep.  Poor overlooked child.

“Maybe I should have cared more after she grew out of that cute baby stage… Nah.” ~Barnabas

She rolls pleasure sim, and her LTW is to have 50 first da…OH HELL NO, this is getting rerolled in college.

Does a new makeover make you feel better, Sharon?

“Nope.  Now if you don’t mind, I’d like to go sulk back into my room and write depressing poetry on my Simblr and cry into my Edward Cullen body pillow now.  #FML” ~Sharon

“Boo.  Collins over Cullens anydayYEAH” ~Barnabas

“So glad to finally meet the man that’s going to be knocking up one of my little girls with babies in the next couple of months or so 😀 😀 :D” ~Amin

Oh WOW, Amin. You hardly have met the guy and this is the topic you first pick?!  No joke people, Amin starts talking about babies the moment New Amin walks onto the lot.

“Oh I don’t mind having babies with your babies at all, Strange Man I Don’t Know Yet *creepy face*” ~New Amin

“Oh yeah person person plus!” ~Old Amin

Slobs.  There’s father material right there if I’ve ever seen it

At the same time, it was also Barbie’s birthday, so Amin gets to meet at least one of his contending future brides.

“Yum yum yum!  Old man in makeup come my way!” ~Creepy Lady

“Oh, Remington.  Here’s someone I’d like to introduce to you!  This is New Amin, he’s going to be living here in the not too distant future.  Say hello, Remington!” ~Kevin

“I’m going to destroy you so hard…” ~Amin

“Try me bitch.” ~Remington

“Oh no, OH NO, I think I broke something over here guys!  HALP, something bad’s happening!” ~Amin

Oh good.  Barbie needs more childhood trauma, like her father’s head being shoved up her colon (Oh god that was a terrible sentence)

“Sigh, I’ll go get the plunger.” ~Remington

“If this is the kind of violence I have to look forward to, sign me up definetely!” ~New Amin

“New Amin!  Quick!  Grab my hand and save me!” ~Amin

“Nah, there’s cake involved.  You’re on your own, loser!” ~New Amin

“Ok baby, enough with the world’s most awkward piggy back, time to let you down now.” ~Amin

“Da da?” ~Barbie

“Sweetie, Grandpa Andrew taught you to talk.  Now it’s time for you to act like a big girl and stop with the cute toddler act.  That was so five minutes ago.” ~Andrew

“;_;” ~Barbie

“Hi Mr. Amin!  Glad to meet you, my name is Sharon and I’m one of the girls that might be your new wife one day!” ~Sharon

“Oh YES.  This is nice, young little suga’ mama, I can agree to this!” ~Amin

“… You know, there’s nothing really in this legacy that shocks me anymore.” ~Remington

“And I’m Barbie, and I also hope to become your future wife!  Tee hee, I just started the first grade, so I’m a big girl!” ~Barbie

“Aw how cute, the short little boobless one thinks she’s going to be my future wife one day.  Too bad kid, not really all that into pre-tweens.” ~Amin

“Good, that means no competition for me then.  To Twitter: ‘Gettin me a BF finally, lil sis no chance lol ❤ 😉 #SuckItPedoBear'” ~Sharon

._.

“So I declare we go around the room and tell a little bit more about ourselves, ok?  Since I’m newest, I’ll go first.  My name is Barbie, you knew that Sharon, and I have stats of 0/10/0/10/10, I like ice cream, and mud, and sitting around all day in my PJs, and farting, and llamas, and llamas in hats, and hats in hats, and hats in TF2, and TF2 in llama hats, and frogs, and nuclear fusion, and Mr. Rodger’s Neighborhood-” ~Barbie

“Wow, this girl really knows how to talk someone’s ear off… shut up kid D:<” ~New Amin

“Yeah, I know, I lost interest a long time ago.  I’m gonna go text my friends and complain about how boring this is and tell everyone on my Simbook how uninterested I am, #AnnoyingLittleSisterROFL” ~Sharon

“Ugh, your little girl REALLY has a damn motormouth on her!” ~New Amin

“Yeah sorry about that.  Sorry you couldn’t really hit it off with either of them.  Hopefully Sharon will come out of her teen shell and/or Barbie will hit puberty soon and you could try to get to know them better later or something.” ~Amin

Our Amin really isn’t a very bright daddy, is he…

Meanwhile, the oldest sims in the house spent the majority of their lifetime reward points on stuff, and Andrew splurged and got him a little love tub 😉

“Ooh, yeah baby!  Now who to invite first, my wife or the maid?” ~Andrew

“Oh hell yeah!  Grandpa finally became FTW!  #NewHotTubYeah!” ~Sharon

“Um, you two, this isn’t exactly a… “friendly” little hot tub you know, this is grandpa’s “special” tub.” ~Andrew

“Special as in how?  For your osteoporosis or something, Grandpa?” ~Kevin

“No Kevin, not that kind of special.  I mean “special special”… as in, grandma is going to come out in a few minutes for “special time with grandpa” special.” ~Andrew

“EW!  That’s so sick grandpa!  #FoxyGrandpaFail, EW!” ~Sharon

“Intresting.  I was wondering why it was playing Barry White for whatever reason.” ~Kevin

So with that we end this chapter for the Collins.  Next chapter: more stuff.

But before I go do other things like sleep, let’s update with the S.L.O.B.s for a bit, seeing as we haven’t even mentioned them for 8 or 9 chapters.  That’s a long time for my simself to be locked up.

“Weeeh, about nine months in this damn cell and no one has come saved me yet!  I could have had a baby and no one would have noticed, weeeh!” ~Sabrina

“Psst, Sabrina, stop your whiny blubbering and come over here for a second…” ~Brittany

“BAH, what the hell do you want, you backstabbing traitor?!  I thought we were friends Brittany!  How could you let Linda do this to me?!” ~Sabrina

“Look Sabrina, I didn’t want this to happen either.  You think I really wanted to exert all this energy into capturing you and preparing you for a painful death at the hands of vengeful fart zombies?  All I wanted to do was sit around and watch tv and eat Cheetos, but Linda tricked me into thinking this was the right thing to do… I hate this just as much, Sabrina!” ~Brittany

“NO! Not listening to you anymore, this is just another trick to get me fried or tortured again, and I know it!  Bite me Brittany, I won’t listen to your lies anymore!” ~Sabrina

“Sabrina, please believe me when I say I want to help now!  I’ve been thinking and I believe that you shouldn’t have killed off the female slobs, but I know you did have a good intention, and I’m just as wrong for bringing your little dog into this and hurting you for Linda’s sick idea for revenge!  I really want out of this, and I don’t want to torture my friend anymore!  We are still friends right?” ~Brittany

“Like hell, Brittany.  Go away.” ~Sabrina

“Look, it’s trust me, or die three days from now at noon.  And at the rate you are going, you aren’t escaping from this escape-proof cell anytime soon.” ~Brittany

“FINE.  I guess there’s nothing really at stake except your trust… and I’m tired of trying to dig a hole through the cement with a shiv made out of a spoon handle…” ~Sabrina

“Well, you trust me enough to tell me that, so I guess that’s ok…” ~Brittany

“So how exactly are you going to sneak me by the horde of zombies and their queen, huh? Massive stink cloud or something?” ~Sabrina

“Trust me, distracting them won’t be hard at all.  I have a plan that will easily get them out of the way long enough to pick through this lock and run you off this lot.  All I have to say is ‘Party at Googycoos’ and they’ll be out of here faster than… well, faster than slob zombies on a regular day, I’m sure.” ~Brittany

“That actually sounds like it might work!  Well, I guess I got nothing to lose.  You stab me in the back and I’ll just haunt you for the rest of your life I suppose.” ~Sabrina

“Don’t worry, that won’t be necessarily.  I’ve gone over the scenario several times in my head and there’s no way this is not foolproof!” ~Brittany

“So don’t tell anyone!  Ssh, ok?” ~Brittany

“Can W.D. know?” ~Sabrina

“Um… sure?” ~Brittany

The Slobacy Chapter 6.5: I Didn’t Cheat, I Promise

“Hello?  Yes, I’m calling on behalf of a want that rests in the want panels of over half of this lot’s residents!  We would like to order a puppy, extra cheese, no mushrooms, olives on one side.” ~Anna

Jeez, my last update was over three four (?) months ago.  I have at least two whole chapters I’ve been sitting on and I shouldn’t do that!  I start forgetting things like who’s who and why I let someone do what they do… Or at least I should start writing things down.

So last time, Barnabas finally got himself engaged to Sunny, and our sole heir so far had barely any air time.  I think her name is Shannon? No, Sharon.  See?  I forgot.

Continuing the story from the first photo, Anna did adopt a puppy, adopted just because of his default name, Leroy.

“Glad to meet you, little puppy!  I’m your new mommy :D” ~Anna

“Wat up, B?!” ~Leroy

“Hm :I” ~Anna

“You know what really pisses me off?  The fact that this little bag of doo doo and kibble puke is going to make way less of a mess than any of you stupid people!” ~Remington

“Dude, the truth hurts, ok?  Do you really have to be that darn mean to us just because I broke your heart two or three times?” ~Andrew

I think that’s the reason he’s doing it, Andrew.

“Aw little puppy!  At least you will love me more than my own parents (but less than that crazy vampire)” ~Sharon

“Heh heh, big feet, you know what dat means, right?!  …Taller fire hydrant markings ._.” ~Leroy

“WHY are you making me sit out on this one?!  I’m always the one that teaches the toddlers the skills!  Why does Andrew get to teach Sharon?!  This isn’t fair at all!” ~Barnabas

Why are you pouting over this, Barnabas?!  You get to rest and do what you want, have your own fun, skill something, and you are complaining about not getting to teach babies stuff you’ve taught them a hundred times?  The other Collins in this house can handle one baby on their own without your help!

“Dad, am I doing this right?!” ~Courtney

“I am pretty sure you are, sweetheart!  Just keep shaking, something’s bound to fall out sooner or later!” ~Andrew

You know what, just give the kid back to Barnabas.

D: Run away, Sharon!

“Alright, here are the rules while I’m growing the kid up!  No one gets to touch the kid except me!  No one gets to coo over how cute she is, except me!  No one is to touch her cake or ask her to touch her cake without having to go through me!  No talking, no looking, and no walking too fast in here, or I will take it as aggression towards the baby, and I swear I will kick your asses” ~Barnabas

Do you always have to overreact?

“Look!  I’m a child now!  I have fingers and I’m awesome and as the only heir so far I will get all the attention :D” ~Sharon

“Alright, enough with the birthday, I have an announcement over here!” ~Courtney

“I’m pregnant again!” ~Courtney

“Well then.  I guess I better go back to my corner and continue being ignored ._.” ~Sharon

Sharon went to her room and got a makeover and isn’t really ignored.  Just does things I don’t feel like taking photos of.

Her mother on the other hand went right back to doing what she’s always done.

Upstairs, just so Kevin doesn’t get left out, I got him a little pet cage…

“Is this going to be for Bricky?!  Bricky needs a house, oh sweet Bricky Brown…” ~Andrew

“No grandpa, this cage is for my new pet!” ~Kevin

“It’s a miniature piggie!” ~Kevin

I love piggies 😀  This one’s name is Aybolt.

“Aww, my wittle baby piggie!  I’m going to love you forevah and evah and evah and feed you love and kisses 😀 ” ~Kevin

“Ok so WHY does the pig have to live in MY room then?!” ~Barnabas

“Because I just got the pig to be cute and to love on him!  You are the only one in the house that knows how to take care of and feed things in this house, Barnabas!” ~Kevin

“UGH, the education of these morons in this house *headdesk*” ~Barnabas

“Grandson, what’s the vampire complaining about this time?” ~Andrew

*Too busy snorting the pig’s face* ~Kevin

“Haha, you fail this time, Andrew!  Make out with your wife all you want, I’m so over you for good this time, you gereatric old fart! Bwahaha!” ~Remington

“What does the crazy nonworking maid mean when he said he’s over you, Andrew?  Because clearly, he’s standing right next to you, not above you!” ~Anna

Oh Anna, I hope you never ever find out.

I wasn’t paying attention.  Leroy grew up.

“Derp.” ~Leroy

I found his markings a little boring, so I spiced Leroy up a bit.

“You dyed me PINK?!  WHY?!” ~Leroy

“Now aren’t you so much fun now :D” ~Courtney

“Mommy, grandpa is getting high out in the snow again!” ~Kevin

“Honey, why does that concern you?” ~Courtney

“As for you, shouldn’t you be working right about now or something?” ~Courtney

“Dammit, if you had to do what I had to do everyday for as many years as I’ve been doing it, you would want a drink every now and then too!” ~Remington

“Gee, I hope I become as good as the generations before me, then I will have more attention and love…” ~Sharon

*five minutes later*

“Now that I’ve mastered Beethoven, what next?! Mozart?!  Haydn?!”

Kids these days.  They master skills so quickly.

Anyway, now that Sunny and Barnabas are suddenly together, Sunny comes over more often now.  GAH, these two quickly became my OTP, I swear.

“So you two started out as best friends in the world for many many years, and then over night turned into each other’s fiance?!  Just like that?!  Sounds so romantic!” ~Anna

“Not right now, great grandniece, trying to catch up for lost time romanticizing my girl!” ~Barnabas

*The boinging sound of adultry all of a sudden*

WTF, what’s going on this time?!

“WHAT?!  WHY?!  How DARE Sunny betray my love for her and cheat on me after all these years!” ~Gina

What the… you two were hardly interested in each other for all of FOUR SECONDS, Gina!  A ZILLION years ago in college!  You haven’t even kept up your friendship since then!  WHY are you complaining about her “cheating” on you?!

“Strange, what was that about, Sunny?” ~Barnabas

“I honestly haven’t a damn clue.” ~Sunny

“BITCH KNOWS why I’m upset over here!  BAW, I’m so sad and old and dead now” ~Gina

*Raunchy makeout session in front of a child* ~Barnabas and Sunny

“Mm, two romantically linked vampires.  This would make for a great teen movie.” ~Sharon

“That’s so sad!  Gina loved her first and Sunny left her for Barnabas?!  GINA’S DEAD?!  OH BAWWW SHE HAD SUCH A HARD LIFE” ~Anna

After Gina announced that Sunny “cheated” on her, suddenly the whole house realized she was dead and started grieving.  Some of them grieving for the first time for her.  Really guys?  Don’t you think that it’s a little late for that?

“Oh Aybolt!  Gina is DEAD!  And there were so many people she LOVED and CARED for and we all stabbed her in the back!  I feel so bad!  WAAAH” ~Anna

Look Anna, the pig doesn’t want to hear about your whiny change of heart.

“This is such a sad song on the radio!  It reminds me so much of how much Gina cared for everyone and loved Sunny and Sunny does THIS to her!  And now GINA’S DEAD BOO HOO” ~Courtney

“Oh Barnabas.  I love you as much as I love bringing about weird/glitchy emotions into your house :D” ~Sunny

Next thing I know, Barnabas is sleeping in a bed during the day time because, well, it’s Barnabas.

“BAM!  My very first fish ever!  And look at the size of this thing!  I’m so awesome.” ~Sharon

“ENOUGH TRYING TO MAKE MY DAUGHTER INTRESTING, THERE’S A BABY WANTING OUT NOW” ~Courtney

“But I prayed and everything!  Why another one, WHY?!” ~Remington

“Not caring, being stabbed in the heart over here lol” ~Gina

“Look, it be my last baby!  This one will be named Barbie, after one of Hugh Hefner’s first famous playboy girlfriends!” ~Courtney

“Hmm, why does all this gas seem to follow me where ever I go?” ~Amin, his only screentime this whole chapter

After the birth of Barbie, Courtney went back to her little corner of the house and did her own thing agian.

“So I was thinking, about when I move out of the house and do my own thing, mom.  I don’t want to move in with Uncle Gino, because that’s pathetic.  I want to move to a nice neighborhood, with lots of new sights and cooler people…” ~Kevin

“Son, who told you you can come in here and get into my drinks?” ~Courtney

“Well I was just thinking that maybe I could come and celebrate with you on the birthing of your newest child.  That’s something to drink to, right?” ~Kevin

“I hear that.  Pass me your glass, son.  I’ll pour you another one anyway.” ~Courtney

Kevin and Courtney aren’t the only ones with questionable sobriety levels at the moment…

“Check it out!  I’m breast feeding the baby!  I feel so motherly :>” ~Andrew

*Already scarred for life* ~Barbie

“Oh goody, a puddle rolling buddy!  Squirm with me kid, put some oomph in your thrashing!” ~Leroy

“CRY” ~Barbie

“Yeah, here you go, Barnabas.  Please take care of her, you are our only hope this time.” ~Anna

“:O YAY for MEEE” ~Barnabas

Great.

“Oh hi Auntie Charlotte.  What are you doing here at such a random hour this late at night?” ~Anna

“I just had to leave the trailer long enough to visit, and get away from all the kids.  Oh sob, it kinda sucks being so poor and I just realized I married the family stalker for cripes sake ;_;” ~Charlotte

“Yo, ’nuff of the sobbing aunt now, focus on the heir down here, yep” ~Sharon

“Oh crap, he’s in here naked D: don’t look at him don’t look at him, you are over him Remington old boy…” ~Remington

“Remington, is there any reason you are standing there staring right now?” ~Andrew

“*__* Dat ass, I mean, no” ~Remington

“Hmm, why does all this gas seem to follow me where ever I go? *swat swat*” ~Barnabas

“Hey look, I can touch my butt with my head!  I’m so talented and boneless!  Mmm… boneless pork…” ~Aybolt

I’m so random in this chapter I noticed

“SHAKE SHAKE SHAKE!  Why Aybolt!  You are just like a piggy bank!  I shake you hard enough, and you do sound like little coins!” ~Sharon

“OH GOD THIS HURTS SO MUCH *melts into a puddle of goo*” ~Aybolt

“Well with all piggy banks, there is a money slot.  Where is your money slot, Aybolt?” ~Sharon

“NOOOO, STAY AWAY FROM THAT RIGHT THERE, SQUEEEE” ~Aybolt

“Wait, maybe this is the reason my mom wouldn’t let me near small animals…” ~Sharon

“Help me old family pimp, Steffi! I want a date and I’m willing to pay several of my mom’s hard earned checks for a good one!” ~Kevin

“That’s fine.  I’ve been kinda snooping around your house for a while now waiting for someone to fiance my own house payments.  About time one of you came of age.” ~Steffi

Hey look

It’s the beginning of incest

“This is totally not your cousin from several generations back.  Trust me, she’s an easy one.  She’s always flashing her boobs and giving great panty shots!  You’ll love her!” ~Steffi

DAMMIT KEVIN

Oh wait, this is Barnabas’ and Sunny’s first woohoo.  Dang, this should have happened the night they got engaged.  A little on the late side, I suppose.

“I’d hate to love and leave him, but something is telling me that I have to go back to the college dorm now.” ~Sunny

“ZzzzHURNGAKNGfgnnumnum *sucks thumb*” ~Barnabas

“Going home, Miss Sunny?” ~Skunk

“Yep.  Something about this area seems to give off more sunlight than at school.  Oh well… *continues to walk along at a normal pace*” ~Sunny

“That woohoo with my true love last night was wonderful!  Best woohoo ever!  I don’t even care if she got rough with me, that was so frickin’ awesome!” ~Barnabas

Maybe she got too rough with you… maybe we should see someone about that arm, Barnabas?

“I have finally finished being a school teacher as my LTW for the upteenth time, hurray for me!  Another great day completing another LTW, what do I want to do now for the “rest” of my life *eye twitch*” ~Courtney

“Well, I see that you are thinking about joining the 50 first dates LTW now, Courtney, and I for one say that that is a very fine LTW to pick from…” ~Andrew

Yeah, I’m going to have to pass on that LTW for you, Courtney.  You have a zillion other LTWs under your belt, I think you can retire with that for now.

And I will wrap this chapter up and FINALLY post it with Barnabas’ butt.  Seriously.  Look at that.  He’s got it going on back there, doesn’t he…

“I wonder if it’s a good night for star gazing…” ~Barnabas

Yeah, I’m just going to lock that balcony off for a while.

The Slobacy: Cooking With Barnabas

“Hello there, today I’m going to show you how to make a baked Alaska on my first ever (and probably last, most likely) episode of Cooking with Barnabas.  Baked Alaskas are also good for the holiday season, because Alaska has snow, and snow happens during the holiday season!  Or around here, after summer because WTF Seasons related options… *makes mess all over the counter because he’s not paying attention*

Ok so our recipe calls for vanilla ice cream, white cake mix, almond extract, sugar, some salt, tartar cream, some egg whites… and I accidentally got some old cough syrup mixed in after confusing it for the almond stuff… and I forgot all the measurements… oh well, measuring is for GIRLS”

“Alright now we have the oven preheated at about 420 degrees, but since our oven’s dial is broken, we are attempting to fast bake it at 764.  That’s as low as this thing will go.”

“MY CLEAN COUNTERS, WHAT THE EFF DID YOU DO IN THE KITCHEN” ~Remington

“SHUT UP MAID MAN, YOU ARE RUINING MY SHOW”

“Now fancy baked Alaskas burn, and when sims want our food to burn, we mean “flaming fires from the pits of hell” burn.  So, I’m adding a sultry mix of 90% Jack Daniels, 5% kerosene for the sweet burning smell, and a little something I found in the fridge labeled ‘Andrew’s Fart Experiment’, and since it seemed rather old, I’m guessing it’s from the first Andrew, so I’m going to say this is going to be pretty powerful.

And now, take your fancy little dessert and drown the HELL out of it”

*spills all over the floor and on pants*

“That’s ok, it comes with the hell-drowning.  My aim is a little off and I am a little woozy, I guess I shouldn’t have drunken some of this.”

“Hee hee, I lit this match on my butt.  Maybe it’s a sign that I should go bathe or something…

Nah.”

*Psst fzz*

“Aw man, what, no big flame?!  Dang, where’s my fancy, my sparking flamey fire from-”

“OH $&#% MY BUTT IS ON FIRE”

*slams cake so hard into the wall it comes out the other side*

“NOOO, ANDREW, ANNA, SOMETHING HELP MY FEET, THEY ARE DRUNK AND BURNING”

“Dang man, why did you have kerosene on your pants?!” ~Marlene

“Yes, get it good on my butt and between my legs.  I never want to feel that burning sensation there ever again…”

“And bam, just like that, that’s now you make a flaming baked Alaska.

For more details, go to my own site’s homepage at www.NotDarkShadowsBarnabasCollins@simpage.NotARealSitePlz.com.”

“And now, my family can sit down to a sugary burnt holiday meal for the December festivities, and please ignore my aged great grandneice as she bathes in our kitchen sink through the window frame we just installed.

Merry Christmas/Happy Hanukkah/Super Duper Kwanzaa/Fabulous Cthulhu Recognition Day everyone!  I celebrate them all ^_^” ~Barnabas

The Slobacy Chapter 6.4: Show Stealers

“I just love sneaking out here when no one is paying attention to me and watching the stars, especially paying attention to the ones moving at such a fast rate towards me…” ~Barnabas

Jeez, Barnabas.  It’s almost as if you ask for it or something.

“Hey Barnabas.  At the rate you keep begging for the aliens to take you back, you are never going to get married.  No wonder Nerissa left you.” ~Gina

“Oh you are right 😦 I’m never going to find the one for me!” ~Barnabas

JEEZ, Gina.  Way to be a total bitch.

“It’s what I do.” ~Gina

“Grandpa, I can’t hear myself think!  What  happened?  Why is it so silent in my head, or is it just me?” ~Kevin

“Well, you see darling grandson, during the time that the computer has been in Sabrina’s brother’s custody, the sound cable to the speakers were “unexplainably” snapped in half, and so, sound cannot be played through the computer.  And since all the headphones in the house went missing as well, we can’t even be heard through those either.  Best to pretend that we are in a silent movie for the next few days or something.” ~Andrew

Yeah, it’s true, I played a great chunk of this chapter in silence.  Felt like I was in 1920 or something.  In order to get the same feel I got, listen to this while reading this chapter.  Or Nyan Cat, I really don’t care what you listen to.

“Hm, well I’ll be.  It’s a statue.” ~Kevin

“Yes, little boy… keep looking at that statue… *perv face* while I…” ~Remington

“Steal our newspaper?!  Why would you do that?!” ~Kevin

Jeez Remington.  Can’t you come in like you are supposed to and correctly do your job?!

While waiting for Courtney’s next LTW job, she became an artist, mostly due to the fact that she’d get the career reward almost instantly.  She can get most of them instantly, actually.

And George followed her home from work again.  I really think he’s job stalking her or something.

“So babe.  Do you think we are ever going to have any more kids?” ~Courtney

“I don’t know dear.  With the sound down, we can’t tell if you are knocked up or not.” ~Amin

And her uterus seems very resistant this go around >:I

The pool in the backyard was updated, and if you can tell me where the inspiration probably came from for putting a plant on a lily pad in the pool, you will win the internet.

To celebrate for no real good reason, the Collin’s had a pool party (minus Barnabas for obvious reasons)!

“Mm, I just love this BUTT :D” ~Andrew

Please, Andrew.  There are children in the pool too.

“Brain damage?  What that be?” ~Courtney

“I don’t know but your head just ate my whole face!” ~Amin

I don’t… oh never mind.

“I am one with the nature and the flowers and the sun.  Ah…” ~Kevin

Please don’t go tearing up the flowers.

Then I went upstairs and felt my heart drop clear out of my butt

BARNABAS!!  NOOOOOO!! WHY?!?!

“WHAT WHAT WHAT?!  I was just dropping a deuce, what’s going on?!” ~Barnabas

OH… thank sweet merciful sim Jesus. I thought you were dead.  But if you are there, who’s urn is that?

“What’s my grandfather doing on the floor in front of my bed?” ~Barnabas

Um.  I honestly have no clue.  But I hope this doesn’t happen again.  That was a little nerve racking.

“Goodnight sweet little Kevie.  Sweet dreams, because one day you will be living on the streets with your Uncle Gino as an unwanted male Collin child.” ~Andrew

Way to ruin a cute moment, Andrew.

“Yes, George.  Please eat up all that sad mess you like.  I got to go drink with the baby now.” ~Courtney

Yay, Sharon birthday and stuff.

“Did I ever get to hold that baby?!  I don’t remember holding that baby enough!  I need to hold that baby!  Poor baby, lemme hold it, gimme gimme gimme” ~Barnabas

And Sharon.  Her stats are 0/10/0/8/10.  Mm, toddlers.

As usual, Barnabas is on skill duty.

“Bawnabas!” ~Sharon

“AW, I’M SO HONORED” ~Barnabas

Whatever makes you sleep better at daytime.

“This is some foul smelling poop!  This is going to be one good kid this generation for sure.” ~Anna

Sad to see her so excited over excrement, really.

A new room was built onto the side of the house, a little art room for all the art crap just floating around the lot.

And Courney found her architecture career (again) and hey, she brought home someone other than Geor-

Oh, wait.  Nevermind.  Ugh, stop job stalking her, George, you have a spouse already!

“Ah, I dare say it’s past the time for me to go to sleep.” ~Barnabas

YOU DON’T SAY.

“Zenith?  Is that you?  What are you doing here, and how did you get into the house without anyone noticing?” ~Anna

“Eh, between you and me, I had to get away from the missus for a while.  She’s horrible when she’s hormonal, pregnancy’s freaking her out and all.  Just trying to get out for a bit.” ~Zenith

“You know, you should stay around a bit until your father is up.  He’s been wanting to call you for a while now anyway, but he just has his pride and all.  I think your visit would cheer him up a bit.” ~Anna

“Oh dear… um, ok, I guess it can’t be as bad as Nerissa’s screaming matches with the tv.” ~Zenith

“Oh, hey son!  Didn’t know you were here!” ~Barnabas

“Oh yeah… hi dad.  Oh man… this is a little awkward, isn’t it?” ~Zenith

“Ah, not at all, kiddo!  Glad you came to visit your dear old dad.” ~Barnabas

“Matter of fact, here’s a present, from the best father in the world to the greatest son in the world.” ~Barnabas

“Oh wow, dad!  This is neat!  I’m so happy you are happy with me, I half expected to walk in and you rip out my throat or something.” ~Zenith

“So what, Zenith takes Barnabas’ fiance and he just sits all moody for a couple a days and all of a sudden they are just buddy-buddy again?  Men confuse me.” ~Courtney

“I’m actually happy you are… spawning a kid yourself!  Good job, son!  Put’er there!” ~Barnabas

“Ah, thanks so much dad, this means so much that you care-” ~Zenith

“SYKE, NECK BITE, MUNCH MUNCH PAIN” ~Barnabas

“OW, WHAT THE HELL, DAD” ~Zenith

“What the crap, dad?!  I can’t go home like this!  I have to work in the MORNING and help support my family!” ~Zenith

“I know, that’s why I did it and it’s AWESOME!” ~Barnabas

“BARNABAS, STOP BEING AN ASS TO YOUR SON AND FIX HIM” ~Courtney

“Oh, how I regret ever torpedoing you in the bedroom like that, all those months ago-” ~Remington

NO, NOT HEARING THIS

“Um, well fine then, I got better things to do anyway now…” ~Andrew

Going to watch your son-in-law bathe ISN’T one of your better things to do, Andrew.

“Oh, my hubby is so cute and sexy and you think I can join you dea-OH DAD WTF” ~Courtney

“Oh don’t mind me, was just walking by and happened by up here…” ~Andrew

You seem really out of the way to just be “walking by”.

“Well, hello there, Amin!  How are you this fabulous morning?” ~Andrew

“.__.” ~Amin

“Hey, I know you!  What’s going on Zenith?!  How do you keep getting back in the house?” ~Courtney

“Ah, Nerissa threw me out again.  How hormonal over a shower curtain can that woman get?!” ~Zenith

“Well I’m honored you keep coming back here to see us.” ~Courtney

“Well, I really came back to see THESE.  Man, how I’ve missed these.” ~Zenith

INAPPROPRIATE, ZENITH.

Hold on, wait.  So much for getting kicked out.  Apparently he brought along his wife.  Great.  Two-for-one come-into-the-house-uninvited sims.  I am aware that tonight is going to be Kevin’s birthday, but I didn’t invite anyone yet!  And definitely not Nerissa!

“I FEEL SO MUCH BETRAYAL” ~Barnabas

I DIDN’T INVITE THEM, I SWEAR!

After a few minutes, THEN I invited party guests.  The first ACTUAL party guest to arrive is Sunny.

“I HATE YOUR CHOICE IN COOKIES IN THIS HOUSE” ~Nerissa

WHY ARE YOU HERE

As you can tell, it’s a vampire party.  I love these kind of parties.

“Why couldn’t I invite people I know?!” ~Kevin

Because you don’t know anyone fun.

“Hello, sexy vampire man!  *waddle waddle* I’d like to have a few moments in your coffin!” ~Nerissa

“Whoa, wait, that’s what Barnabas is flipping his crap over?  I knew Nerissa was a bit rediculous, but jeez!” ~Sunny

“Dad!  DAD!  DAD?!  *pokepokepoke*  There’s SUNNY!  Dad, remember what I was talking about earlier, with the whole “you love someone else and you don’t know about it yet” thing I was telling you about?!  The whole “named after something that starts with SUNNY and ends with SUNNY?!” ~Zenith

“:D” ~Sunny

“Um, if you want to lose that finger, you will get it off my arm, boy.” ~Barnabas

“SIGH, help me here Andrew, my dad is such a blind idiot!” ~Zenith

“Oh no!  You won’t hide behind Andrew!  This is my main man here, you aren’t going to twist him around on me so you can trick me into thinking it’s ok that you took Nerissa from me!” ~Barnabas

“OMG YOU ARE SUCH AN IDIOT, BARNABAS *COUGH COUGH* I should really go back to my prison cell before someone notices me out ._.” ~Sabrina

Kevin grew up a pleasure sim and decided that he wanted to do covers of George Michael songs.

I was about to go send Kevin up to change out of his 80s look, when I come across this beautiful scene:

“How DARE you leave such a good man for his SON!  His SON, you hussy!  Barnabas would have given you the world, and you couldn’t wait, you had to move on to his CHILD!  Oh if you weren’t pregnant right now, I’d REALLY give you a piece of my mind and a piece of my boot in your a-” ~Sunny

Sunny.  I love you forever.

“Is it really true?!  You stood up to my ex fiance and made her cry?!” ~Barnabas

“Yep!  Sure did!  Can’t see what you saw in that horse faced woman anyway!” ~Sunny

“I can’t believe it!  That was so awesome!  You are so awesome!  I mean, I’m so happy you told her off I could just… I COULD JUST…” ~Barnabas

“WHAT’S GOING ON OVER THERE” ~Sabrina

“ASK YOU TO MARRY ME!” ~Barnabas

“OHMAHGOD BARNABAS, ABOUT TIME, I MEAN-” ~Sunny

“Oh Barnabas, I will marry yo-” ~Sunny

“OH MAH GOD ‘WAS THIS?!  Is this an ENGAGEMENT RING?!” ~Andrew

DAMMIT GO AWAY ANDREW, DON’T RUIN BARNABAS’ RANDOM MOMENT

“I’m sorry about that, Sunny!  Just ignore him, what were you saying?” ~Barnabas

“She was going to say YES!  I know because that is ONE BIG rock!  About time you finally moved on from that other crap infactuation of yours, I really think this one is a keeper-” ~Andrew

“GET OUT OF THE WAY, ANDREW” ~Barnabas

“Oh Barnabas!  I’m the happiest little girl in the whole world right now!” ~Sunny

“I’m the happiest man in the world!” ~Barnabas

“And I’m the happiest best friend!  OMG guys, GROUP HUG” ~Andrew

“I SWEAR I’M GOING TO PUNCH YOU, ANDREW” ~Barnabas

“CAPTAIN MOMENT RUINER, AWAY!!” ~Andrew

“Jeez, about time.” ~Sunny

“Ah, about time my dad finally realized his soulmate.  I thought I was going to have to resort to taping her to his forehead or something.” ~Zenith

“NO BARNABAS!  I… I LIKE YOU TOO!  PLEASE DON’T DO THIS TO ME!!” ~Sabrina

DAMMIT SABRINA SIMSELF, DON’T YOU START NOW TOO

And then they went through their ‘Crush-Love’ relationship statuses after the engagement.  When I said Barnabas didn’t have any clue, I really meant he had no damn clue.

“Dad!  Congradulations!  What did I tell you, huh?!  I knew you and Sunny were a better match than you and Nerissa anyway!” ~Zenith

“You are right son!  All those things you were telling me earlier all of a sudden make sense! No wonder I’ve pined over Sunny the whole time, even though I was with Nerissa, I loved Sunny!  It makes so much sense now!” ~Barnabas

“So will you stop biting me and ruining my career and homelife with Nerissa?” ~Zenith

“Haha, nope :D” ~Barnabas

*Still trying to haul Barnabas away for herself* ~Sabrina

Oh, go sit down simself before you throw out your back or something.

“UGH, congradulations, Sunny.  You took the last hot man in town for your own selfish self.  Good job, you bitc-” ~Sabrina

“Oh excuse me?  What were you saying again, mortal people person? *flashes teeth*” ~Sunny

“OH, um, nothing… nothing 😦 congradulations, nice ring, oh…” ~Sabrina

“Congradulations on such a great party, Kevin!  Probably one of the best nights of my life!” ~Barnabas

“But… the party sucked.  It was my birthday and almost no one payed attention to me.” ~Kevin

“… Well I had a lot of fun so shut up >:I” ~Barnabas

“Ok everyone, party is over, you are all too noisy and-WTF are you doing?!” ~Demi

“W-wife?!  What are you doing, why are you naked?!” ~Zenith

And that’s all.  Barnabas finally got his relationship with Sunny and Kevin grew up and virtually no attention was paid to the heir Sharon at all.  I am such a bad simmer.  Until next time.

The Slobacy Chapter 6.3: Remington’s Feelings

“Honey, have you seen the baby anywhere lately?  I think he might be hungry, so I was going to go give him a bath.” ~Anna

“Honey, I think you need your queues checked out, don’t you?” ~Andrew

“Aren’t you worried about him?” ~Anna

“Babe, he’s in his crib right now.  If you are so worried, just go in there and keep an eye on him for a while, ok?” ~Andrew

“Ok, I’ll be here watching the kid. *THUNK*” ~Anna

“You do that, sweetie.” ~Andrew

Hey, two chapters in 24 hours!  Yay for me!  Maybe we will see more progress by the end of next year or something.

Last time there was one baby, a boy, Kevin.  But we need girls.  So, what will the Collins do about that this chapter?

“BABYBABYBABYBABYBABY GIMME GIMME GIMME YOU AREN’T DOING IT RIGHT” ~Barnabas

OMG Barnabas, why don’t you go call your own son or something?!

Oh dear, random fight on the porch.

“You HORRIBLE bird freak of a man!  You trampled MUD through this house after I was done slaving on it all day and you DARE ask me to a game of RED HANDS?!  Why don’t you take your red hands and go shove them up your-” ~Remington

I’m going to guess that he’ still isn’t over his anger about Andrew…

“But I play basketball.” ~I think Percy or something

“Well then, bring your cute little athletic booty my way.” ~Remington

Jeez, bipolar much?

“VERY BIPOLAR, GET OVER HERE *headlocks Percy*” ~Remington

“THAT will teach you to get me all hot and heavy and all that!” ~Remington

“I don’t understand what happened D:” ~Percy

“*busts in through door* HEY GUYS, WHAT’S GOIN’ ON” ~Baron

“Hello.  Please stop fighting on my back porch or I’m going to have to call the cops. ” ~Andrew

“SCREW YOU.” ~Remington

“GUYS!  GUUUUUUYS!!  COME IN HERE!  IT’S IMPORTANT!” ~Barnabas

“OMG what, what’s going on?!” ~Andrew

“It’s KEVIN’S BIRTHDAY 😀 😀 😀 ” ~Barnabas

“… I’m going to stab you with a fork, Barnabas.” ~Andrew

Kevin is 0/10/0/9/10, and, sigh.  Barnabas has him again.

“YES, I am the best baby taker-carer-upper there has ever BEEN” ~Barnabas

He reminds me of my dog.  Poor thing isn’t happy unless he has a toy with him at all times. Kevin is that toy.

“Dada!  I escaped the vampywre’!  We pway now?” ~Kevin

“Mmhmm, that’s good, kid.” ~Amin

Complained the whole time he couldn’t play with Kevin and once he can, he ignores him.  Typical slob.

“Mmm…. *pulls wedgie out of butt* … oh… OH NO THE KITCHEN IS BURNING AHH!” ~Courtney

HOW, you have ten cooking skills!

While watching the fire burn, I saw that the candle flames from Kevin’s cake are still burning on the counter.

“Hi, how are you this fine morning?” ~Little Fire

“MURDEROUS” ~Big Fire

“OH NO WHERE IS KEVIN OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD HE’S PROBABLY SCARED AND ALONE AND HUNGRY AND NEEDS SNUGGLES MUST SAVE KEVIN” ~Barnabas

GET BACK IN YOUR COFFIN, THIS DOESN’T CONCERN YOU.

“What in heaven’s name is wrong with that boy’s pelvis?!” ~Anna

“I’m teaching him to dance!  Oh man, he’s going to be a child prodigy!  I’m so proud of him!” ~Barnaba

“I’m on something-night, ya know my hips don’t ‘wie and something dada da da” ~Kevin

No, Kevin isn’t going to grow up a belly dancer, Barnabas, get that thought out of your head now.

“Say Barnabas!  Come on, Kevie, you can say it!” ~Barnabas

“Bawnabas!” ~Kevin

“OH, this feels my heat with such warmth as a father…” ~Barnabas

Please stop brainwashing the kid.

“This is what I think of your father’s affections, Barnabas… *farts on Barnabas’ head*” ~Andrew

Ah yes well Barnabas is a farthead, I do agree.

“YOU WILL NEVER BE AS GOOD OF A COOK AS I WAS” ~Zion

“But I’ve already maxed necessary skills and I just got the new job recently!  I’m already about two promotions away from my goal!” ~Amin

“Oh… I’m sad now…” ~Zion

“Hey Amin, man, I’m going to call it a day and OH how awkward *sweats and stinks out of nervousness*” ~Old Cook Thing

*Loud, harp sound of new Love status*

Ok, what now?

“I knew I could never be mad at you, Andrew, my love!” ~Remington

“Baby, I was never mad at you 😉 “~Andrew

Well jeez, let’s just get back on that boat, shall we.

“Yeah, they’ve been kinda lapping it up all morning, with their making out over Mime Cat and heavy breathing…” ~Barnabas

WHY do you try to kill yourself, Barnabas DX<

“Hey Kev.  How are you doing today, boy?” ~Amin

“GO AWAY DADDY, I NO WANNA PWAY NOW, I SO SWEEPIE!” ~Kevin

“What?!  My… my son actually recognized me and called me DADDY?!” ~Amin

“This is the proudest moment of my life…” ~Amin

Good for you, glad Barnabas couldn’t exactly ruin the kid.

“BUT DADDY I SWEEPIE!!” ~Amin

“Exactly!  And that is why you need a bath, despite the fact that you are already clean!” ~Amin

“No stupid, the kid is TIRED.  That means he needs a bottle.” ~Andrew

Both of you losers are idiots.

“Oh FINALLY!  A new nooboo to finally love (if we can keep Barnabas away from it long enough)” ~Courtney

Yay, another chance for heiress!

“Yes, this calls for a celebration!” ~Courtney

Not THAT kind of celebration.

“Uncle Barnabsbus… HIC… tell me again about the time you were… HIC all probed up and stuff and thingsHIC” ~Courtney

“WHAT?  HIC… WHY?  Are they BACK?!  Where are you you $*@&@ I’m gonna… HIC… kill you $*@(! HIC #(@&!!” ~Barnabas

Drunk Barnabas is not a happy Barnabas ._.

UM, what’s this?

*Pops through curtain* “HEY BOY! HIC!  I’m gonna like HIC help you bath and stuff and things… HIC!” ~Barnabas

“EXCUSE me, I was in here bathing myself just FINE until you popped in.  Can you leave me at peace, PLEASE?” ~Kevin

And birthday for Kevin.  Um… *jazz hands*

And this is child Kevin.  Eh.  He’s an ok kid.

“My child is a PRODIGY!  I want him to go to the most upclass snootiest private school you can muster!  Five o’ clock tomorrow?  I won’t forget!” ~Courtney

“I love you SO MUCH, son!” ~Courtney

“I love you too, mama!” ~Kevin

“Yeah whatever, don’t care.” ~Barnabas

Yep, pretty much as soon as Kevin grew out of his cute stage, Barnabas was no longer interested in the kid at all.

“Um, Uncle Barnabas?  Can I have my bed to sleep in now, please?” ~Kevin

“Um… nah, I’m kinda made up here.  Can you go sleep in the coffin or on the couch for now or something?  Shoo.” ~Barnabas

See?

“OMG GURL, nice boobs today, wife!” ~Andrew

*boinging noise of Adultury*

“DAMMIT I KNEW I SHOULDN’T HAVE FORGIVEN HIM!! UGH *ground pounds trash*” ~Remington

“YOU #*@&@* PRICK AND HUSSY I HATE YOU FOREVER NOW!” ~Remington

“Dear, why is the maid always smacking on you when you are with me?  Do I get something on your face when I kiss you?  Because I swear I thought I brushed my teeth.” ~Anna

Ah, well.  It was either going to happen to one end or the other.

“Aw… um…” ~Andrew

“I just want to bash your head in with a baseball bat.” ~Andrew

“Oh try me skank, I’ll break you like I break the trash compactor.” ~Remington

Jeez, play nice children!

“YEAH!  New LTW of wanting to get to the top of the education career! On my way to be a professor at a college heavily pregnant, in my PJs, and barefoot!  What can possibly stop me today?” ~Courtney

OH DEAR, awkward pause moment.  Hi Kevin.  I see you are entertaining Nocturne.

“Entertaining me alright!  WOO!” ~Nocturne

Sigh.

“Um, grammpa?  DO YOU MIND?” ~Kevin

“Why I don’t mind at all!  Almost everyone has seen me pee anyway that it’s not such a big dea-” ~Andrew

“NOT YOU, ME!” ~Kevin

“Promotion!  I’m AWESOME!  They just loved my neon green PJs today, I was the talk of the campus!” ~Courtney

“Yes… well… You are going to have to try pretty hard to impress me.” ~BJ

OH GOD I FORGOT THE HEADMASTER!  No one has a dinner fixed!  Someone QUICK, make something!  Distract him with a tour!  SOMETHING!

“Is this… dinner… any good at all?” ~BJ

“Oh it’s um… HURK… wonderful D:” ~Barnabas

“What?  Aw man, why does that guy get lobster and I’m stuck with cold burned chili?” ~BJ

“Ah well, George has been a friend of the family for years now, he kinda deserves his lobster.” ~Barnabas

Way to not impress BJ, Barnabas.

“Oh dear.  Is this part of the entertainment tonight?!” ~BJ

“OH HURRGH UGNNG DAMN” ~Courtney

Nothing like a woman giving birth on the floor to ensure your child’s future in a good school!

And this is little Shanon Collins!  Named after Gary Coleman’s ex, the woman who was apparently throwing the hissy fit last year over the will and his remains and the estate bla bla bla despite being an ex, so she’s a good fit for the name scheme.

“Ta da!  I had a baby!  Wasn’t that a great show?” ~Courtney

“That was as a matter of fact, Mrs. Collins!  Unfortunetely it wasn’t good enough, so screw your family and their future at my school.” ~BJ

Eff you too BJ, you are the worst headmaster to have to entertain anyway, you overzealous ass.

“Oh, who’s the new nooboo, Courtney?” ~Andrew

“Oh, just someone that ruined Kevin’s chances at a good school, is all, dad.” ~Courtney

” 😦 ” ~Shanon

“Um, S-Sunny?  Hey, glad you were home!  Say, I got a message earlier that you were losing friendship with someone in the family, and I panicked because I just saw you recently and I thought that ‘what did I do wrong, we are friends’ and I wanted to talk to you and- oh you meant Anna.  That’s good, that’s good.  But anyway, would you like to still, um, c-come over and hang out or something tonight?” ~Barnabas

This might be intresting.

“Oh, nice house, Barnabas!  A fence, a yard, this is a nice place, you have no idea how much I like your lot, man.  Anyway.  So what did you want me to come over for specifically again, Barnab-” ~Sunny

“SUNNY!” ~Barnabas

“WHA-” ~Sunny

I swear, they are still just best friends, they aren’t even romantic sims, and Barnabas greets her like THIS.

“Oh g-golly I d-didn’t really-I don’t kn-know what that was about at all…” ~Barnabas

“Whoa man.  Wow, that was new!  Dang… are you sure you don’t know what that was for?” ~Sunny

“No, I have no clue, best friend :D” ~Barnabas

“OMG JUST SCREW AND GET IT OVER WITH” ~Iama

“What was that?  Sounded like the wind, or an angry spirit from the beyond screaming something about screws and Hummers… what do you think that was, Sunny?” ~Barnabas

“…Oh, um… huh?” ~Sunny

OH GOD SUNNY, EYES UP.

“YOU IDIOT!  You KISSED her and you don’t know what THAT WAS ABOUT?!  STUPID!    YOU are NO decendant of MINE!” ~Iama

“WHAT?!  KISS?!  I don’t-NO, me and Sunny are just friends even if she is insanely hot!” ~Barnabas

“Sigh, my mother is still an embarassment.” ~Silhouette

“Courtney, I don’t understand your uncle.  It’s like he likes me and he knows it, but he can’t recognize those feelings or something… I mean, I like him too… but why is he so blind?” ~Sunny

“You have to understand, Barnbas is dumb.  Oh and the whole “one woman his whole life that went to his son” crap.  Romantically messed up and crazy, three to four generations might do that to a guy.” ~Courtney

“So what can I do to try to get through to him?” ~Sunny

“I don’t know, try what he did to you when you first came here when you leave?  Give him a little “thought fodder” if you know what I mean?” ~Courtney

“Barnabas, I have to go home now… *SMOOCH*” ~Sunny

” O___o” ~Barnabas

“Oh… wow… jeez, what was THAT about?” ~Barnabas

“Sigh, he really is an dull witted.” ~Sunny

Yeah, he’s slow.  Anyhow, what will happen next time?  More babies?  More Barnabas?  More Barnabas with babies?  Will Amin get his LTW before Courtney gets her, oh jeez, FOURTH?

Until then.