The Slobacy Chapter 5.2: Reversed Relationship Roles

Ah, would you look at this, I’m updating!

Let’s see, last time Anna Nicole came back from college eager to find out who her new husband would be.  In the end, the new slob was hard as hell to find, and in the end, he was unattracted to Anna because she was wearing makeup!  The nerve of him.

“Mom, I need a makeover, I’m trying to impress this guy I met the other day!” ~Anna

“Oh thank goodness, I thought you were going to chase women forever and end our legacy because of it.  Ok dear, what would you like?  A new bouncy hairstyle?  Nice peach flavored lipgloss?” ~Gina

“No, I want you to take all my makeup off.  I want to go all natural from now on.” ~Anna

“…Really?” ~Gina

“Um, ok then dear, I’ll take it all off if you want then!” ~Gina

“Hey, have you guys seen a doggie running around here?  I was walking her and she got away from me and ran off somewhere.” ~Zombie

Oh Jesus.

“Oh, goodness, I forgot how… manly you looked under your makeup.” ~Gina

“You sound like that’s a bad thing mom!” ~Anna

“Well, if you like yourself like this, then I’m proud of you.  Go forth and make us some babies dear!” ~Gina

“Um… ok mom!” ~Anna

“I’m glad you could come over today Andrew.  So… what do you think?  I removed all my makeup, so hopefully you like me now looking like this… so, like what you see?” ~Anna

“NO!  Like I said before, no makeup!” ~Andrew

“But… I don’t understand!  I’m not wearing any makeup at all!  I don’t understand what’s going on!” ~Anna

“NO!  Not you!  ME!” ~Andrew

…Wait let me try something.

“My, two strange requests in two days!  First my daughter would rather look like her father, and now this guy wants me to make him look like Liz Taylor!  You do know that I’m not THAT skilled, right?” ~Gina

“Just don’t worry that much about it and add some highlights to my hair while you’re at it.” ~Andrew

“So you think this will really help me finally catch up with my cooking career?” ~Zion

“Sure will!  Nothing says 5 star chef like a license in stomach surgery!” ~Barnabas

“Is it really ok if I manage to pull out a whole hamburger from his intestines?” ~Zion

“If you are putting food in your customers, then you must be able to take it out in one piece, this way you won’t waste money, AND you impress the rest of your living customers!  That’s lesson number one, Grasshopper.” ~Barnabas

“Gah!  I’m losing him!  What do I do, Barnabas?!  He’s flatlining!  What do I do now?!” ~Zion

“Wow, you are really horrible at this.” ~Barnabas

“Um, I found a toy horse in his stomach, what the crap?!” ~Zion

“Oh, so THAT’S where I put my horsie!  I was wondering where he ran off to!” ~Barnabas

“Hey Andrew.  Looking… like a chick actually.  So, what do you think of me this time?” ~Anna

“I think you are really sexy, Anna!” ~Andrew

It was strange.  Andrew didn’t want anything to do with her before HIS makeover, but now that he has new makeup on himself, he’s two bolts with Anna now!  I guess he really didn’t care if Anna had makeup or not, he was just unhappy that HE himself didn’t have makeup on?  What a drag drama queen.

“What I really like about you, Anna, is your custom hairstyle you got going on!” ~Andrew

“Ok?  Technically it’s in the brown hairstyle catagory, but I’ll go with that!” ~Anna

“Oh ’em gee!  This is so much fun, Anna!  Weee!” ~Andrew

“OW! Dammit Andrew!  Just because we swapped gender roles, doesn’t mean you still don’t hit like a man!  What do you have in your pillow, bricks?!” ~Anna

“Oh ick, what an ugly table.” ~Gina

I don’t think it’s the table you should concern yourself with.

“Gina?!  There’s a cake in here!” ~Barnabas

“Yeah, I know, that’s why I’m making the drinks.” ~Gina

“I’m so happy you could all come here and watch my amazing birthday!  It just goes to show you how much you all love and care for me, and just how much of an important person I am…” ~Gina

“Yeah yeah, just blow out the candles already.” ~Sabrina

“WOO, cake!” ~Scarlet

“Yeah!  I love cake!” ~Sabrina

“Ah, the liquor must be over here, goody!” ~Charlotte

And, old Gina.  Yay.

Moving on because I could care less about Gina right now:

“So Andrew!  I’m so happy we finally figured out what we needed to be together!  So what do you think, would you like to move in with me?” ~Anna

“Why, I would love to!” ~Andrew

“Oh, will you look at that.  Looks like another slob jerk to clean up after.” ~Remington

Honestly, it can’t be that bad Remington… I mean, it is your job after all…

“Oh Gina.  I don’t care how far you sag down.  I just want you to know that you will always be number one and my true love in my book!” ~Zion

“Oh Zion!  That means so much to me!  I mean, I know I’m number one, and will always be the best heir no matter how much my daughter and her “girlfriend” tries to be better than I was!” ~Gina

“WOOO! I’m Lady Gaga over here, yall!” ~Andrew

*fart* ~Andrew

“Ew, Andrew!  That’s so gross!  Take that to the bathroom or something!” ~Anna

“I disagree!  That was awesome!  I give it two thumbs up!  That should have been made into a movie!  I would watch it!” ~Zion

“Welcome to our clan, man!  I’m Andrew, Anna’s grandfather, and it’s always nice to see a new face in our house!” ~Andrew

“Thanks!  My name is Andrew too!  So glad to be here!” ~Andrew

“…WAIT, WHAT?!” ~Andrew

“Yeah, my name is Andrew too!” ~Andrew

“Oh hell no!  Go change your name right now, I won’t stand for this!  I’M the only Andrew in this house!” ~Andrew

I see we are going to have some problems between these two already.

“My dad and son-in-law can bicker all they want somewhere else.  Mime Cat is on and so help me if they interrupt it…” ~Gina

Speaking of angry women, Roulette is back from the dead, angry, dispite the fact that she shouldn’t be.

“You got rid of the bed with the canopy!  I LIKED the bed with the canopy!” ~Roulette

Roulette, the last bed you slept in was the round one in your bedroom.  I don’t know why you are so upset over your daughter’s bed, a bed you haven’t slept in in a long time!

“I don’t CARE!  I liked ALL the beds in the house!  I want it back! GAH!” ~Roulette

“YOU!  DAMMIT BARNABAS WHERE’D THE BED GO” ~Roulette

“AHHH! It’s my SISTER AND HER UGLY FACE!” ~Barnabas

“$&#^$ YOU BARNABAS!” ~Roulette

“Hello, table for two please?” ~Anna

“Oh, you must be on a date!  Well, all our tables are available, how about I stick you all the way in the booth in the back, instead though?” ~Hostess

“Oh mah gawd, you must be a couple!  Well welcome to Googycoo’s where fun and food come together for pleasure!  What would you two lovely love birds like?” ~Blake

“I think I’ll have a spagetti, and what will you have Andrew?” ~Anna

“I like spagetti, I think I’ll have a spagetti too!  It’s like we were MADE for each other, Anna, only after the makeup problem was straightened out though.” ~Andrew

“Well, here you go, two spagetties, is there anything else you two would like?” ~Blake

“Um, we are good right now, but are you ok?” ~Andrew

“What are you talking about sir, I’m feeling great right now!” ~Blake

“Well, I’m talking about… you know… that thing you are doing right now…” ~Andrew

“HE’S REFERRING TO HOW YOU JUST CUT YOUR LEGS OFF WITH THE TABLE, SIR” ~Alvin

“How embarrassing…” ~Anna

“Well dinner was good, don’t you think so Andrew?” ~Anna

“Yep.  It was great, but I hope you don’t mind me in the car later, spaghetti tends to make me gassy.” ~Andrew

“Everything makes you gassy, Andrew.  Come here for a second.” ~Anna

“Oh?  What do you want?” ~Andrew

*wet sloppy making out noises* ~Anna and Andrew

“Yep, and with that, I’m outta here.” ~Alvin

“Andrew, these past few days have been great.  I always thought that my heart was with Regina, but I think I can finally move on and say that I truely love you, Andrew.  I want to give you something.” ~Anna

“Is it what I think it is?!” ~Andrew

“Oh EM GEE!  You… you went to JARED’S!” ~Andrew

“Well, not exactly.” ~Anna

“Oh, I recognize it… this is from the discount shelf at Walmart…” ~Andrew

“So, do you like it?!  Will you marry me, Andrew?!” ~Anna

“Oh, I will, Anna!  This is the greatest day of my life!” ~Andrew

“I’m so happy!  Come here my love, I must tell you something really important now!” ~Anna

“Oh Andrew…” ~Anna

“Yeah?” ~Andrew

“When I count to three, make a run for it out of the backdoor…” ~Anna

“…What?” ~Andrew

“FREEEEDOM!” ~Anna

“How dare you dine and dash lady!  I’m calling the cops!  *takes the time to look up the number*” ~Hostess

Anna and Andrew actually managed to escape Googycoo’s that day without getting caught and upon returning home, found this going on in the front yard.

*fart* ~Marina

“Oh dang, she’s so hot!  I don’t think I’ve seen another woman as sexy as her since my dear Roulette passed away!” ~Andrew

“Hey baby, how ’bout you and me-” ~Andrew

“EW! GROSS! Don’t touch me!” ~Marina

“Oh what?! What did I do wrong?!” ~Andrew

“Oooh, rejection sucks.” ~Ravi

You didn’t need her anyway Andrew, she should die soon anyway…

“BABY MAKING!” ~Anna

“OMG I WANT TO BE A MOTHER” ~Andrew

… Let’s just take care of the wedding first, guys…

“Why do we need bushes in the yard?!  It’s just another thing we have to take care of!  This sucks!” ~Gina

It’s just for one day, gosh.

“And you replaced the trees with cacti!  Who has ever heard of cacti at a wedding before?!” ~Gina

Oh shut up, the trees weren’t in season, and I wasn’t going to have barren trees at a wedding!

“No way I’m going to let a little pansy girl man like you marry my daughter!  You aren’t even worthy of the Andrew name!  How dare you even call yourself a slob!” ~Andrew

“I don’t understand why my grampa-in-law hates me so much! I can’t help what my mother named me!  I am so miserable on the day of my wedding…” ~Andrew

“I hate that boy.  Just like I hate having to get a new glass everytime I want to drink something out of the fridge.  I wanna drink out of the carton for once, dammit!” ~Andrew

“Oh honey, don’t let what my dad told you get to you.” ~Anna

“It’s not.  It’s just that I wanted to wear a wedding dress down the aisle, but the people at the online CC bridal shop told me that dresses didn’t come in my size or shape…” ~Andrew

“You look great in your little pink tux anyway.  You don’t need a dress, dresses are overrated anyway.” ~Anna

“Thanks babe.” ~Andrew

They had a cute little wedding with most of the guests being well behaved.

“I’ve always wanted to walk down the aisle of my wedding *starts humming the bridal song* oh look it’s my FATHER-IN-LAW” ~Andrew

Well, that’s one way to end a wedding.

“Zion, I can’t stand that new kid my granddaughter married.  How can you not stand him?!  We have to figure out how to get rid of him.” ~Andrew

“You know what you should do to get rid of him?!  Make him play sports!  Get it?!  Because we are slobs, we hate playing sports!” ~Zion

“… You aren’t funny, and this is why you are so overlooked.” ~Andrew

“I know ;_;” ~Zion

The party ended when Ulyss brought the flu into our house.  Thanks dude.  I really need that again.

“So you’re the new guy huh?!  OOGA BOOGA BOOGA WELCOME TO MY HOUSE” ~Roulette

Moving on…

“So you ready to try for a baby, Andrew dear?!” ~Anna

So let’s see how the new beds go as far as woohoo…

Oh hell.  That looks pretty painful.

“I thought I was supposed to be on top?!” ~Anna

“I don’t know, but since I’m techinically the biological male in this relationship, shouldn’t I be bent like that?!” ~Andrew

I can understand Anna not knowing what to do since she was never with a man, and I’m not surprised with you Andrew.

“AGAIN?!” ~Barnabas

UM

I DIDN’T MEAN THIS

“PLEASE STOP THIS!  I DON’T WANT TO GO BACK INTO SPACE AGAIN!” ~Barnabas

Dammit, Barnabas, if you get pregnant, there will be no room for a spare!  Resist, Barnabas, resist!!

“No point resisting this time, buster!  We’re BACK, and we brought REINFORCEMENTS!” ~Alien 1

“HOLD HIM.  I’LL GET THE CATTLE PROD” ~Alien 2

“Ooh, he’s got a pretty mouth… Now where did I put that probe…” ~Pollination Technician

Sigh.  So while they waited for the return of Barnabas, Andrew and Anna sat down for a little snack.

“Do you think this chili tastes a little bit like skunk butt?” ~Andrew

“Well you are the idiot who decided to eat four day old chili while I was making fresh food, you dolt *hobble gobble*” ~Anna

“AH!  HE BIT ME!  THROW HIM OUT THE POD BAY DOORS.” ~ Pollination Technician

“Ow!  That hurt…” ~Barnabas

“Why does that thing have to be so loud!” ~Andrew

“I don’t know but it’s destroying my ear drums!” ~Anna

“Thanks for your CONCERN, GUYS.” ~Barnabas

“Not only do I hear a lullaby, but I feel a horrible burning sensation all over… what did those aliens DO to me?!” ~Barnabas

The aliens screwed up my last spot for a spare for heirship, but that burning sensation might be from the sun coming out.  Time for bed, Barnabas.

“Haha, he’s mpreg now!  Hahaha!” ~Andrew

“WAAH!  Why can’t I be mpreg too?!  I wanna be the one to have the baby!  It’s not fair!” ~Andrew

“Remind me to kick your ass after three days, Andrew.” ~Anna

So that’s it for this chapter.  With no slot for spare, will a single heir have to do?  What will it look like, or be like?  Will I update sooner?  We’ll find out next time.