The Slobacy Chapter 5.5: Cribs Everywhere!

Well howdy there.  As we return to the Collins, we left them off with a glitch that was slowly killing my babies, and one sim that refuses to get better while quarantined off to the side.

*Downs milk with way too much expertise* ~Andrew

After about three days of watching Andrew, I slowly realized, however, that he wasn’t even sick in the first place!  And being quarantined for so long with other sims that WERE sick, not to mention making out with one of them constantly, didn’t get him sick either.  So I ended up cursing him out for being useless and taking up so much precious time doing nothing, and sent him on his way.

“Oh!  Stinky!  Well, this is awkward…” ~Barnabas

“Don’t call, don’t come by and see me no more, and after all we have done together, Barnabas!  I just don’t think this relationship was even going to go anywhere.  And you even got a kid now?!” ~Stinky

“…” ~Barnabas

“Forget it, our relationship, what we had, is OVER.  I’m out!” ~Stinky

…Ok, I don’t want to know what that was about…

But let’s go back to what the Collins are best at, however.  Making glitches.

“Good gracious, Anna!  That’s not how you put a baby in a crib!  Hand her over to me, and when I figure out how to get out of this chair, I’ll take her downstairs to the other crib instead!” ~Gina

“HAHA!  You can’t put her to sleep!  You are doomed to do this FOREVER!” ~Andrew I

“Oh man, I peed myself for waiting on Courtney for so long!  This isn’t right!  Anna, give me the baby already!” ~Andrew II

WHY CAN’T I HAVE A NORMAL GAME

“Ok, now that all the crazy people are gone my love, night night sweet Courtney!  Maybe the social worker won’t take you away by the time morning comes…” ~Anna

“OH SOB!  WHY WON’T MY BABY SLEEP, I TRY TO BE A GOOD FATHER FOR HER” ~Anna

“That’s because this totally a bad crib for her.  Let me handle this, I’ll, like, take her to the crib upstairs, that one matched her personality better anyway!” ~Andrew

“How about none of you handle the baby, and you let me take care of her and GTFO!” ~Barnabas

“Hey!  Soooo… I got her out of the stupid pink crib because she didn’t fall asleep instantly like she’s supposed to, but I can’t take her to the better one downstairs!  Why is life so hard?!” ~Zion

“I really don’t understand, Zenith.  Why do I still live and put up with these morons!  I’m a powerful creature of the night, I could be out doing something important and great instead of having to listen to them fight over where they are going to put Courtney…” ~Barnabas

“Holy crap, I don’t understand!  Why is she back in this room while the crib is downstairs in Barabas room again!  And WHY DO I HAVE THE FLU AGAIN *is re-quarantined*” ~Andrew I

“Hey!  It’s me, Anna, come to take my daughter back downstairs if everyone would get out of my way!” ~Anna

“I REALLY HATE THIS HOUSE ZENITH” ~Barnabas

Finally I got fed up with them and locked Courtney in a bedroom so she could actually get some SLEEP.

“I don’t understand this DOOR!  Why is it locked?!  The better crib, IT’S UPSTAIRS!” ~Zion

I hate you so much right now, Zion.

“This DOOR?!  WTF is wrong with the door!  My baby!  She needs the BETTER CRIB!” ~Anna

“Yeah honey, I’ve already asked about the door.  I can’t figure it out either.” ~Zion

Every now and then I take Courtney out so that they can feed her, but it doesn’t take long for them to all jump on TEH BABY AND HER NEEDZ FUR CRIBS NAO

“Why you in my way Anna!  The baby, it totally needs to be put to sleep in the pink crib right now!” ~Andrew

“But I stink!  And she stinks!  And she’s starving!  She needs the OTHER CRIB” ~Anna

I can’t even recall how Courtney made it to her birthday.  I’m 99% sure that I didn’t cheat, but it doesn’t sound probable, not with the HELL this househole was putting me through.

“… Does this mean she’s no longer sleeping in a crib?” ~Zion

YOU AREN’T INVITED TO THIS BIRTHDAY

“HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY DAUGHTER!” ~Anna

“Yeah, happy birthday, Courtney!  Say, you look a little tired… ready for a nap?” ~Gina

I’m not kidding when I say Gina automatically tried to put Courtney to bed.  I hate her freaking guts so much right now *CAKE TWO*

And she has a lot of Andrew in her I think.

“Yay!  Now I can actually SLEEP!  In a BED.  SCREW OFF ALL OF YOU PEOPLE” ~Courtney

PREACHING THE TRUTH

However, since Courtney is no longer a toddler, the Collins have turned to the only other innocent baby in the house to torcher with their crap.

“Come on little Zenith, there’s a nice pink crib with your name on it” ~Andrew

WHY WON’T YOU JUST DIE, ANDREW

“Stinky stinky for a long time, Zenith!  For once, I don’t think you are sleepy!  But it is bathtime, get in the tub!” ~Anna

“You may not think he needs a nap!  But I DO.  Hand the baby over, Anna.  He doesn’t even smell that ba… PHEW, ok, maybe he does.” ~Andrew

I gave up for a few months, as you can kind of tell, and went back to college, did stuff, betrayed the Collins with the Secksies, and then came back to the sims 2 and found that the glitch finally fixed itself.  All it needed was a nice good long hiatus from me ;_;

“Woo!  Dance party in the living room over HERE!” ~ Barnabas and Zion

“Yum, that was a good bottle!  I think I’m getting a little sleepy now though guys…  Daddy?  Zion?  … Anyone??” ~Zenith

“Oh my beloved Steffi!  I knew the well would never replace your shining face!  Deep down, you are the only woman I think I will ever truly have feelings for!  Are you sure we can’t just go down to a nice quiet restaurant and have a nice romantic thing go on?” ~Andrew

“No.  Money for a John.  Or you get shanked.  NOW.” ~Steffi

“Daddy, I green!” ~Zenith

“Yeah, I know, you were born that way son.” ~Barnabas

“No, I radiate green!” ~Zenith

“Sigh, I know son.  I know you are green.  I see it everyday and am reminded of my horrible traumatic ordeal I had to go through…” ~Barnabas

“:D” ~Zenith

“Daddy look!  I walking!  I walking, daddy!  Catch me, daddy!” ~Zenith

“OH GOD THE SUN *walks up to coffin*” ~Barnabas

“Daddy?…  DADDY?! *faceplant*” ~Zenith

Quality parenting, Barnabas has always had it.

“Sigh, congrats on your 25 milestone date, yadda yadda yadda, I’d still do the “get 25 get one free” date thing going on if so many of my boys would have stopped trying to escape from me during that special I had.” ~Steffi

“Dammit Steffi!  Like, why can’t you see the REAL reason I keep calling you over here!  I’m tired of all those stupid men you keep trying to set me up with!  I want YOU, Steffi!  It’s the beautiful, wrinkly old gypsy I fell in love with!  Not the men!” ~Andrew

“Whatever *OCD polish*” ~Steffi

“That’s it!  I’m THROUGH. *goes to bed*” ~Andrew

“… Didn’t he want a date or something though?” ~Steffi

Andrew doesn’t know what he wants -_-

“Aw, my sweet sweepy wittle Andrew-boo!  He looks all grumpy from whatever he came in from doing last night.  Ah well.” ~Anna

“Hello?  Yeah he’s asleep, come on over before he wakes up though.” ~Anna

Oh, who could she be calling now?

“Do these pants make my butt look big?” ~George

“… Am I at the wrong address?” ~Regina

I doubt it.

“Hey, Regina!  Long time no see!  How are your studies at college going for you?!” ~Anna

“Oh you know!  I pretend to go to school and stay a freshman for the rest of eternity, the usual!” ~Regina

*Sudden wet making out sounds*

Go figure, Andrew isn’t the only one cheating on his wife, it also happens to be the other way around still.

“Ah, look at me!  Check me out and my mutated 8 activity points!  I got in the pool all by myself because I wanted the workout!  *lazily drifts in water*” ~Courtney

“Cake?  I got out of the pool for cake?  I spent four hours in the pool working all that fat off just to put it back on again?!” ~Courtney

Quiet time, Courtney.  It’s time for Zenith’s birthday, which literally no one really cared about.  Zenith is important too, you guys!

OMG THE CUTE

I AM IN LOVE

“We is going to be best friends FOREVER!” ~Zenith

“You are my buddy!  I love my cousin Zenith!” ~Courtney

Aw, the sweetness.  It fills my heart with blood to watch these two get along so well.

“This is the biggest amount on money I can spend on you today, Steffi!  You are breaking us really fast, you know!” ~Andrew

“Yeah but… do you think it’s ok if she watches you do this like that?” ~Steffi

“Who?” ~Andrew

“Daddy?!  What’s another word for INFIDELITY” ~Courtney

“Don’t worry about that right now hon, and remember that this is our little secret, between you and daddy, ok?!” ~Andrew

“Don’t worry dad, I can’t tell mommy, I don’t have the ability ;(” ~Courtney

Meanwhile the sentrybot is at it’s shenanigans again, and by that I mean it kept wanting to shock the guy in the pool, but the pool would get in it’s way.  So the sentrybot would complain like a regular sim would and would go back to his port.  Didn’t even know sentrybots could talk…

“Oh my sweet little daughter!  I love dancing with you!” ~Andrew

Aw, dispite watching her father pay off other men to date him, Courtney really is a mommy’s girl.

“…Like, don’t you mean “daddy’s girl?” ~Andrew

No.

“BLEH!  You call that dancing?!  That isn’t dancing!  Where’s MY child, I’ll show you what REAL dancing looks like!” ~Barnabas

“Wee!  Isn’t this fun, son?!  This was the place that I conceived you at!” ~Barnabas

“Yay!” ~Zenith

“I can’t believe I came all the way up here and heard all that.” ~Courtney

Thanks Barnabas, for traumatizing my heir some more.

Meanwhile downstairs, Andrew was getting his own little alien lovin’ going on in a sense.

“Are you sure this is how you kiss on your planet?” ~Andrew

“Sure is, now dig your teeth a little more into my brain, yeah, that’s it…” ~Nepoleon

Andrew sure knows how to pick some winners.

“Wee!  Deep down, I’m still a child at heart!  Go kite, GO!” ~Barnabas

“WAAAH WHY DOES NOTHING EVER WANT TO GO RIGHT FOR ME” ~Barnabas

Bi-polar much?

“GAH!  My EYES!  What has been seen will NEVER be unseen!  Soap!  I NEED EYE SOAP!” ~Zenith

“Hey, I can’t help it ok?  I chickened out halfway through the hormone treatment, if you should know!” ~Anna

“I DIDN’T WANT TO KNOW” ~Zenith

HURRAY FOR CENSORSHIP

I do not think one normal sim has come out of that well once.

“Oh Pickles!  You are just so handsome and sweet!  And you even smell like pickles!” ~Andrew

“… And you taste like pickles too… *munchmunchmunch*” ~Andrew

OMGWTF STOP EATING THE FACES OFF OF MY PLANTSIMS

“Yay for fun!  Zenith plays the coolest rendition of Mary Had a Little Lamb!  Don’t you, Zenith?!” ~Courtney

“I really do try!” ~Zenith

*three skill points later*

“Um, ok, that’s enough Zenith, I think you’ve skilled a good bit for today…” ~Courtney

“Are you kidding, I think I’m a natural at this *goes from Mary Had a Little Lamb to Beethoven*” ~Zenith

I really think Andrew has found one that he really likes.

“I’m having so much fun being out here with you, Pickles.  You, like, get me.” ~Andrew

“And I like being here with you too, Andrew.  The sun is so much stronger out here than it is in the house!” ~Pickles

Meanwhile, it hasn’t even been three sim hours…

“Ok, you really got to stop that, Zenith!  Seven creativity skills in three hours?!  You can’t show up the actual heir like this!” ~Courtney

We may have a little prodigy on our hands 😀

“Oh… wow you have black hair!” ~Gina

“Yeah, it’s kinda embarassing.  It grows under my leaves and I try to hide it with a strategic hairdo.  Why, is some of it showing?” ~Pickles

“… Uh, no, not at all!” ~Gina

With that, Gina sent Pickles home before Andrew could see and Andrew hasn’t heard from him since.

Not like he cares.

“Oh Barnabas…  you know where my bedroom is any time, big boy!” ~Andrew

“STUDYING CLEANING, SO MUCH MORE IMPORTANT” ~Barnabas

“Let’s have some fun, this beat is sick!  I wanna take a ride on your disco stick!” ~Courtney

“WAAH!  My granddaughter doesn’t know what she’s listening to on the radio these days!  Our children are getting ruined and it’s so wrong!  Why can’t we just have the good old stuff from our days?!  WHY?!” ~Zion

Because in your day, Zion, you were still listening to the SAME THING.  Idiot.

“Come on honey, let’s go listen to some good old Frank Sinatra and do a nice, wholesome, less slutty dance.” ~Zion

“What?! NO!  Go away grandpa, I like my booty dance, thank you very much!” ~Courtney

“My granddaughter hates me!  She hates me!  My life is a mess, no one loves me, and I’ll never get to my LTW because cooking is so boring!” ~Zion

And so, Zion has the first mental breakdown in my game.  THANKS A LOT, ZION.  I had a good thing going.

“Well, you do look like a mess, Zion.  Can I ask what the problem is?” ~Therapist

“No one loves me and no one pays attention to me.” ~Zion

“Well, that’s your fault dear.  You really are a boring person.” ~Gina

No one asked for your opinion, Gina.

“Come on, Zion!  Snap out of it!  Get your crap together!  And get out of my way, because I need that damn stove now!” ~Gina

“Let’s see, a nice hypno-therapy should break you out of your little trance, and you will be back to normal before you ever saw your granddaughter booty grinding in the kitchen.” ~Therapist

“Lady gaga chicken therapy booty butt cheeks…” ~Zion

“What the HELL are you talking about, Zion?!  WHO are you talking to, there’s no one there!” ~Gina

“Sigh. My husband is an idiot.” ~Gina

Eventually Zion got his crap together and I spent the night giving him everything he wanted, which at that point was his wife I guess.

“Why do grandma and grandpa have to make those sick noises in the living room, mama?” ~Anna

Next time, more birthdays, and I don’t know, I’m almost caught up with myself now.  YAY, about time.

So let’s go back to see what’s happening to my simself right quick.  I don’t update as frequently with them as I’d like to, considering it started as a nice, good short story about why I murdered all the female slobs, and it turned into my simself’s kidnapping because Linda has twigs in her butt.  Go figure.

“Come on, Brittany!  Make her suffer!  Why can’t you figure that thing out already?!” ~Linda

“Look Linda.  I’m trying, ok?!  You know as well as I do that I’m not even a real scientist!  I don’t know how this stupid thing works!” ~Brittany

“Well, you aren’t going to get it to work, I maxxed out all my skills years ago!  This lie detector doesn’t really affect me anymore now!” ~Sabrina

“What the crap does that mean, that you’re immune now or something?!” ~Linda

“Well, yeah.  I’m creative, which means my lies won’t get me fried.  I’m actually quite the genius in this thing!” ~Sabrina

“Now you are just bragging!  Brittany!  Amp the juice up on this thing!” ~Linda

“Dammit Linda, I already told you, I can’t!  I’m not a scientist!” ~Brittany

“Why don’t we just give up already, Linda?  We are holding her hostage for crip’s sake!  This isn’t right, and we aren’t getting anywhere with this, so why don’t we just stop while we are ahead?” ~Brittany

“You better listen to that man there *lie detector dings the truth* after all, I am a salmon *ding* and salmon swim downstream to escape the wrath of stupid slob women like yourself *ding*Pluto is a planet *ding* sauerkraut is delicious*ding*” ~Sabrina

“Oh, a smartass, huh?  Well, I know what to do with you now…” ~Linda

“OW, WTF?!  WHY DOES THIS HURT?! I THOUGHT I WAS PERMA-PLATINUM!” ~Sabrina

“Not anymore!  I sucked all the happy out of you when I first caught you, Sabrina!  How does it feel?!  Good and painful?!  Because it should be!  Bwahaha!” ~Linda

“That was actually kinda funny.” ~Brittany

“Yeah well, it’s not enough to kill her.  But that’s fine with me, because it would have been too easy.  Just go turn off the switch and lock the door to her cell, I’ll think of the best possible way to make her suffer later…” ~Linda

“Oh man, W.D… I thought I was going to die…” ~Sabrina

“How are we supposed to get out of here, W.D?  There are guards and bars, and the floors and walls are solid concrete.  No digging out of this stuff.” ~Sabrina

“Well, you got to figure out how to get out of here!  We are going to die!  Don’t you know that?!  Hurry up and come with an escape plan before we get executed or something!” ~W.D.

“… You know, I’m still a little unused to the idea of you talking…” ~Sabrina

“OH, um, WOOF WOOF WOOF!” ~W.D.

“That’s better… I think…” ~Sabrina

So with my simself getting tortured for the crimes against the slob women, what will become of me and my dog?  Find out next time 😀