The Slobacy Chapter 5.7: The Maid’s Final Straw

Hiiiii

Last time stuff, the children grew up into teens and Andrew died before he was to be married (like he was ever going to marry her anyway, he was too damn old).

Now, we go back to the Collins for one last chapter before the college chapter.

Um, guys… that chick died last chapter…

“I shall continue my friend Andrew’s late work in the garden, just like I know he would have wanted…” ~Zion

Yeah right, Zion wished a couple of garden wishes, slacked off and went back to the tv.  So much for trying to be interesting, huh Zion?

“):” ~Zion

I also changed Courtney’s hair because I was confusing her too much with her mother.

“Not sure how you can confuse me with someone who shouts “I Am He-Man” every time she walks out of the bedroom with her spouse.” ~Courtney

Why no, Courtney, I didn’t want to know that.

“Oh my father, my poor father… why did you have to die again… I can’t save you this time, oh daddy…” ~Charlotte

“What be her problem?” ~Courtney

She probably had the death of Andrew in her wish list like she’s had on and off for years.  Poor Charlotte.  I don’t blame her for her breakdown, but why at such a random time in the funeral hall?

“And what’s with the random flirting with me in the funeral hall all of a sudden, Jess?” ~Courtney

“I just think you are hot, and I would love for you to be my girlfriend, Courtney!” ~Jess

“Yeah Court, tap that!  Do it while you can before we assign you to a guy that’s probably equally as dorky!” ~Zion

“Jeez… thanks grandpa…” ~Courtney

“W-What the crap is my cousin doing?  I came in here to play kicky ball with her and she’s macking on some loser from the bus?!  WTH!” ~Zenith

Look, I’m sorry Zenith, but I see those two sudden bolts you had for your cousin.  And NO, it wasn’t going to happen anyway.

“Aw, I got me a cute little boyfriend!  I’m not sure if I’m happy about this or upset that it’s only going to last five days.” ~Courtney

“I’m going to be forever alone.” ~Zenith

I can’t please either of you.

“So dad, why do all of us eat like this?  I thought we are supposed to use utensils and keep lobster bits off of the ceiling.” ~Zenith

“Are you still on that Titanic “start from the outside work your way in” bit or some crap, son?!  This is the COLLINS household you live in remember?!  The best way to keep your food from spoiling in two seconds is to suck it all in as quick as you possibly can!  Now hush and eat your lobster!” ~Barnabas

“Like this, dad? *sucks up in one breath*” ~Zenith

“Thatta’ boy.” ~Barnabas

“Good, it’s great to see that with each generation the Collins eating habits have not weakened.” ~Barnabas

If anything, Barnabas, they are getting stronger.

“So what, you enjoy just barging in the bathroom and ‘washing’ the tub while my wife sits on the toilet?  You get some sick kick out of watching women pee or something?  You are a sick man, you know that, a sick twisted little clean freak weirdo.” ~Andrew

“Ok, THAT IS IT” ~Remington

“LOOK.  I’m tired of your people’s *@#&!  I’ve slaved day in and day out for YEARS, even longer than that damn Barnabas boy has been alive, and you can’t even respect me for that!  Do you know how HARD this job is, and you don’t care, you’ll poop in the floor and not even think about it, and you’ll do it tomarrow as well, and the next day and not think about what kind of CRAP you are putting me in!  Screw you dude!” ~Remington

“Aw man, what?  Did… the maid just get a spine all of a sudden or something?  I don’t know what to think of this… except I’m really turned on right now…” ~Andrew

Of course you would be, Andrew.

Barnabas went out at some point to go through the mail, and lo and behold, there was Nerissa, just walking by the house, I may or may not have had anything to do with it <_<

“Barnabas, is that you?!  Oh Barnabas, I haven’t seen you in forever!” ~Nerissa

“Oh wow, Nerissa!  How have you been?” ~Barnabas

“I’ve been fine, aside from the fact that you gave me a ring and I never heard from you again!  What’s the deal, Barnabas, why haven’t I heard from you?” ~Nerissa

“I’ve already explained it to you baby!  It’s this darn legacy!  I’m not part of it, but I have to be around to be a cruddy babysitter and child raiser and eye candy” ~Barnabas

(I do admit, Barnabas is the best looking thing in this house, amirite)

“But that doesn’t mean you couldn’t have called me at some point or another, Barnabas!  I would have liked to get a call once in a while, what’s kept you from doing that?!” ~Nerissa

“Oh yes, well that reminds me.  There is someone I want you to meet, Nerissa.  You see, I’ve had to take care of my son-” ~Barnabas

“SON?!” ~Nerissa

“Now before you start thinking about what you think it’s about, I want you to meet him first…” ~Barnbas

“Nerissa, this is my son, Zenith.” ~Barnabas

“OH… you had an alien son… I’m so sorry to hear that Barnabas, to know what traumatic things you must have went through…” ~Nerissa

“Eh, it’s fine, besides, Zenith is a great son, and I’ve been wanting you two to meet for a while, but I didn’t know when was going to be a good time.  But I guess it’s now or never, so Zenith, this is my lovely fiance Nerissa.” ~Barnabas

“Oh wow… you are really pretty, just like dad told me…” ~Zenith

“Aw, that’s so sweet of yo-” ~Nerissa

“I OWN A TRAIN.” ~Zenith

“…” ~Nerissa

“Why would you lie like that?!  I know for a fact you don’t own a train, why would you tell me that?!” ~Nerissa

“I don’t know why, it just kinda slipped out :(” ~Zenith

Sims get in the strangest arguements.

“Did you know I want to get to 50 dates?  Wanna help me reach my goal, you lovely man?” ~Andrew

“What, me yelling at you didn’t deter you from thinking I was even an option?  Because I was sorry about that outburst.” ~Remington

“No, don’t worry about it… if anything, it made me want you more.” ~Andrew

Just anybody these days for his LTW I guess.

“Oh Andrew!  You are my best friend ever!” ~Remington

“A friend with benefits dear Remington.” ~Andrew

“How about we act upon those benefits, shall we?!” ~Remington

“Reading my mind!” ~Andrew

“Oh… I can’t seem to get my cleaning brush ready for a round in your toilet bowl…” ~Remington

PLEASE Remington, I don’t ever want to here you compare it like that again…

“Neither can I… there’s something else going on… something sinister… let’s go see what’s going on that’s causing this…” ~Andrew

Instead of getting it on and most likely getting caught by Anna, Remington and Andrew soon realized that their actions were prevented by Zion dying on the toilet (way to go Zion, not only do you mess it up for Andrew, but you had to go out in the most dignified way you could think of, I’m sure).

“OMG why is that bitch dancing up on my bathroom foundation?!  Hey ho, get off that!  And you, other skank, move your arm or lose it!” ~Gina

Hey Gina, can’t you see that something very important is going on?

“Yes there is!  These people can’t see me wanting to take a bath and won’t get out of my way!  This is NO way to treat the heiress now!” ~Gina

Gina, you haven’t been heiress for two generations…

“Gina, can you help me right quick?  Dear… please?” ~Zion

“OMG I WANT TO BATHE HERE PEOPLE” ~Gina

“WHY ZION BAAAAW” ~Gina

“About time you noticed dear… I just want to tell you that I love you an-“~ Zion

“Ok dude you had time to talk to her while she was yelling at the hula zombies.  Let’s go, I have a schedule.” ~Death

“BAAAW MY LIFE IS OVER” ~Gina

“Glad that’s over.  Now that that random strange man is gone, me and Remington can go back to what we were doing.” ~Andrew

I can hardly say that Zion was a stranger Andrew, but then again, he was boring enough to be.

“Oh my sweet useless Zion.  He was the only one that treated me as the queen I was born to be treated… I wish you were still here with me.” ~Gina

And I wish his funeral had more mourners, but seriously, Gina was the only one that decided that she loved Zion enough to show up.

Everyone else apparently had something better to do.

“No wonder you people are always on this thing, this is great!”~ Remington

“My feet are touching the sky!  Oh man, I am so high right now!” ~Barnabas

Guys, the funeral?  Forget it…

“OOGABOOGA SORRY ABOUT YOUR LOSS” ~Silhouette

“AHHH OMG THIS ISN’T HOW YOU TREAT A WIDOW” ~Gina

“BOOOOOO SOON YOU WILL JOIN US” ~Iama

“PLEASE PEOPLE, I’M STILL GRIEVING” ~Gina

Trust me Gina.  This is how these ghosts express their consolations for your loss.

And this is how they tell you that they need better chairs.

“Humph, if I had my bed still, I wouldn’t have this problem…” ~Roulette

PLEASE, you couldn’t use it anyway, so why are you still on that crap?!

“Um, Papaya?  What are you doing here?  Can’t you see I’m in the middle of an important conversation with the maid man in the kitchen floor?  Shoo.” ~Barnabas

“But dad, he’s scaring the crap out of me…” ~Zenith

A few days before Courtney and Zenith were going to go to college, I decided that I wanted to knock Courtney’s LTW out of the way before they left.  Her’s was to max out 7 skills, so I had her buckle down ASAP on it.

“HARBLEGOOMBLEMMPH” ~Courtney

She takes after her grandfather.

“ZZZZZT OMG WHAT DID I DO ZZZZZT” ~Courtney

“SENTRYBOT DOESN’T EVEN KNOW ANYMORE D; JUST DIE” ~Sentrybot

I’m going to sell that I thing, I swear…

“ALL I WAS GOING TO DO WAS PLAY PINBALL WHHHHYYY” ~Barnabas

The sentrybot then proceeded to zap Barnabas seven times while on the porch before Gina managed to get her lazy butt out of the bed to come turn him off .  Barnabas was crying too much to do it for himself.  Yep, the sentrybot has to go.

“BOOO YOUR GRANDFATHER IS DEAD” ~Iama

“Oh, hi Iama.  Nice night, isn’t it?!”~ Courtney

“Wha-WHY DON’T YOU FEAR ME?!” ~Iama

“I don’t know really, something about the sentrybot seizing up the left half of my brain or something, I really can’t feel nothing right now 8D” ~Courtney

She then wanted a drum set after maxing her cooking, and off to skill again she went.

“Well I need something that makes me look badass so that it’s distracting from this stupid helmet I have to wear.” ~Courtney

Hey, it’s helping you skill faster so you can move on with your life.

“You were right, I maxxed creativity, and now I’m off to go to school, see you guys later!” ~Courtney

“-But why a drum set, Anna?!  Why couldn’t Courtney get something more delicate and lovely, like a violin!  That would have matched her so much better!” ~Andrew

“Look Andrew.  My child isn’t going to grow up with some girly, prancy guitar wannabe, she needs something manly to balance out this pink vomit you call a room for her!” ~Anna

Typical Anna/Andrew conversation.

Apparently Remington has been getting brave around the house lately.  A little too brave…  I knew him wanting to stay all day after work was done after he and Andrew started being “friends” was a bad idea.

“YOU.  You are the WORST culprit in this house yet!  With your constant ME ME ME and all your messes I have to deal with, I haven’t gone home before 5 since you were BORN!  Go fall in the trash compactor you spent all my time blocking from me, you stinking hussy!” ~Remington

“Sob, how can he talk to me like that!?  I thought Remington was our loyal friend!  And to think he really thinks like that about me!” ~Gina

“Knock you out… just like this!  One two one two!” ~Remington

Someone must be trying to get himself fired >:\

“Courtney, your friends at school have been worried about you, we haven’t heard from you in days!  Your boyfriend hasn’t heard from you!  Why don’t you come play with us for a while?” ~That weird kid

“Not right now, must train obsessively… so close to goal now…” ~Courtney

He might be right, go spend some time with friends you probably won’t see again, Courtney!

Meanwhile, Andrew has given up on his LTW.  And you want to know why?  Because whenever he tries to get dates now, the date meter doesn’t show up, and he doesn’t get any memories.  I was only five or so away too!  I am SO PISSED

“So Genie man, right?  You can make me perma-plat from what I heard?” ~Andrew

“Yes I can!” ~Genie

“How does that work exactly, are you going to take me out on the best date of my life or something and have it count for the rest of the dates I need?” ~Andrew

“… What, NO!” ~Genie

There, it’s done.  No more worrying about Andrew’s dates and I NEVER WANT TO SEE THAT LTW EVER AGAIN.

Courtney is now working on her last skill, something the Collins loathe the most:  Cleaning.

“What the crap, why don’t you just make her get up and do some cleaning in this house on her own?!  Trust me, there’s enough crap in this house for her to max out and then some!” ~Remington

Oh shut up, you old woman abusing tramp man.

And YES

Now go to college!

But before that, Andrew has his birthday.

“I can’t have a birthday, not with a chair here!  Somebody get this chair out of my way already!” ~Andrew

And you are an idiot.

Oh dear, that hair.

“What, I’m still the sexy red head my wife and boyfriends love.” ~Andrew

It will be taken care of when Courtney comes back from college.