The Slobacy Chapter 6.1: The Hobo Hipster

“Ah, I’ve always wanted an in-bath fountain.” ~Barnabas

Oh dear, it’s almost been half a year since I’ve been in the Collins house.  I’m accustomed to things being broken and messes being in every room of the house, but I forgot how unacceptable these slobs make this lot.

After a quick cleaning of the house (Remington!  Do your $&#^ing JOB!)… um, well that was it really, the Collins went back to normal.

“That was too much work.” ~Andrew

I didn’t make you do a damn thing!

“So dad, how has the family been since I left?  Still banging the maid?” ~Courtney

“What?!  Who are you?!” ~Andrew

“Um, it’s me, your daughter, Courtney?  I just got back from college?” ~Courtney

“Oh I can’t remember a damn thing anymore, its totally been six months since anything happened.” ~Andrew

Yes, and we are filling in that time whole with a nice big sorry and the next spouse!

“Holy crap woman, your FACE!  What schoolbus ran into that?!” ~Slob

I could say the same thing, you KOREY CLONE.

This is, UH, Amin.  Just going to go ahead and say it while I remember, he has 0/5/0/4/4  and he wants to become a big time cook like Zion was.  The only difference is that Amin is STOCK full of skill points.  I think his lowest skill is only level five or something.  He shouldn’t take too long.

“Yeah dog.  Get a good whiff of that, why don’t ya…” ~Amin

“UM…” ~Courtney

“Yeah, I’m going to go inside before this get’s bloody…” ~Courtney

“What do you mean?” ~Amin

“GRRRRRR…” ~Dog

“Glad to see you finally got that dog off your genitals, Amin!  That was a really graphic attack on you in the yard a little while ago (I must be missing some photos).  Anyway, I’m Courtney, and I will soon be your new wife!” ~Courtney

“Um, NO?” ~Amin

“But you have too… :(” ~Courtney

Amin never wanted to talk to Courtney about anything.  That and they have no chemistry with each other at all, considering Courtney’s interests are conveniently black hair and stink.

Maybe he just doesn’t have enough hair or something.

“Oh dear, I feel particularly broken today…” ~Andrew

Then somehow, these two got into the house without me noticing.

“Oh, you look so much like your handsome father, how about we go out sometime, baby?” ~Pickles

“Um, my father isn’t Andrew, he’s more like my brother in law, you weirdo.” ~Scarlet

“Besides, I’m married!  See?” ~Scarlet

“OMG GIRL, he went to JARED’S” ~Pickles

Just so long as you two find the door when you are done.

I had Courtney give Amin a slight makeover, hoping it would jar her intrest in black hair.

“There you go Amin!  You look so much better with that hat covering up your massive bald spot!” ~Courtney

“Gasp!  Now I really do look like a grungy hobo-hipster!  Thank you Courtney!” ~Amin

“I still can’t stand the sight of you though!  Jeez, stop following me around already!” ~Amin

“But WHY NOOOOOOT?!” ~Courtney

And the makeover didn’t do squat.  Something of her’s must really offensive to him or something…

*Breaks out into a dance of All The Single Ladies* ~Pickles

“But… he DID put a ring on it D:” ~Scarlet

Aren’t you two supposed to be gone now?!

“Disregard husband sucking face with another man in the living room, acquire wealth!” ~Anna

So long as everyone in the family is happy I suppose.

“Nothing like getting an early morning buzz with you girls, isn’t that right?!” ~Gina

“Sure is nice!” ~Courtney

In other news, the women are slowly becoming all around drunks.

“She is totally and completely disgusting and revolting :D” ~Amin

“Where’s that angry white dog when I need her?” ~Courtney

“I think I know why you don’t have any intrest in me at all Amin!  You are like my father!  You prefer to swing the other way!  Right?” ~Courtney

“…What?  No!  What about me said I was gay?!” ~Amin

“No, not gay per se, you just want to be the woman of the relationship!  Daddy always told me that there was nothing like being the one wearing the heels in the house while mom chopped the firewood and stood in front of the toile-” ~Courtney

“I’m going home now!” ~Amin

I did NOT let you in the house, Dawson!  What is this, does this house LOOK like a community lot to you?!

“Why are you complaining about me so much, I just came to escape the kids in the comfort of your bar.  It’s the vampire that’s been up for about an hour that you should worry about!” ~Dawson

“I’m starving to DEATH, time to get DRUNK! *arm pops off*” ~Barnabas

WTF

“Oh Amin!  You are just so cuddly, you know that?” ~Courtney

“I said NO, Courtney!  Stop touching me all the time, you are making me uncomfortable!” ~Amin

“But I thought we were finally getting somewhere…” ~Courtney

“LOOK AMIN!  It’s a BATH!” ~Courtney

“OH NO, WHERE?!” ~Amin

“I didn’t see any ba-” ~Amin

“SKABLOOSH!  HAHA!” ~Courtney

“Haha, Courtney!  That was actually really funny because that was kind of like a bath, and I’m going home now.” ~Amin

“:D… ):<” ~Courtney

“…Yeah so I asked him if he preferred to be the woman in the relationship and he stormed off the lot!” ~Courtney

“What the crap, Courtney?!  You don’t bring up a man’s masculinity like that!  Why would you ask him if he’d prefer to wear the heels in the family, it’s amazing you even got him to come back to the lot!” ~Barnabas

“So wait, not all men wear heels?” ~Courtney

“I know your father has that girly tendency, but have you ever seen me frolicking around in a dress and clogs before?!” ~Barnabas

“Well, no, but I just figured you were weird like that…” ~Courtney

“…” ~Barnabas

“Wait, why the crap are you calling me when you could just come upstairs and talk to me in person?” ~Barnabas

“Oh my cheese you are right *CLICK*” ~Courtney

And then she didn’t get to talk to Barnabas about her situation because I LOCKED HIS ASS IN HIS COFFIN D:<

But then lady luck smiled on the Collins, when one night Amin called Courtney out for an outing on the town.  The outing started with Courtney blinding herself with roach poison and Amin arguing with the trashcan.

But like magic, Amin suddenly started accepting all interactions with Courtney.  Yeah, take advantage of the situation, GO!

“Oh hi Nerissa!  I finally got me a man!  That and I destroyed my ankle.” ~Courtney

“That’s good for you dear!  Just wait until you are as heavy and pregnant as me now!” ~Nerissa

“Oh sweet Arceus you are heavy *spine snaps*” ~Amin

“OVER HERE.  YOU STUPID DIMBO CASHIERS.  I WANT TO BUY MY CRAP OVER HERE.  STOP IGNORING ME LIKE THAT!” ~Guin

“You have got to be kidding me.” ~Caterina

“Hello there.  I would like to make a purchase please?” ~Courtney

“You will serve her but not ME?! THIS IS $&%*#@!!  WHY DON’T YOU TAKE YOUR CRAP GOODS AND SHOVE THEM UP YOUR… COUNTER!” ~Guin

“What’s her problem?” Amin

“I don’t know, but if she gets me fired for that stupid antic, I’ll go apeshit on her face.” ~Caterina

ABOUT TIME.

I say that this outing is probably the best one so far for me.

And when the pregnant woman pees all over the floor, I think it’s time to go.

“I WANT TO MAKE A PURCHASE HERE PLEASE.” ~Amin

“You have GOT to be kidding me!” ~Caterina

Yeah.  It’s time to leave.

“Yawn, you old biddies are so boring, so gross.  I can’t wait for you to finally just die and get out of my way…” ~Remington

“Oh… UM…” ~Remington

*Runs in the opposite direction until he smacks his face into the wall*

“Oh well, this is so sad.  I’m going to miss having you around Anna, but you have been getting kinda old and in the way lately…” ~Gina

“Sigh.  Mom, I think he’s here for you.” ~Anna

“What?!  NO!” ~Gina

And then no one grieved at the passing of Gina.  Then again, I don’t blame them, I’m not grieving either.

“My mother is finally going!  Huzzah, am I right?” ~Anna

“This really is a day for celebration!  I’m going to actually go do the dishes now!” ~Remington

“Ok, into the corner for all eternity you go, Gina Collins.” ~Death

“This is complete BULL-” ~Gina

Good bye Gina.  Don’t let the afterlife hit you on the butt on the way out.

“Why yes, mama passed away earlier this morning.  I know, the old bat was due any day now anyway…” ~Anna

“What?!  My niece Gina is dead?!  WHY?!  BAAAAW!” ~Barnabas

At least someone cares.

“Sniff, sniff… alright, who’s going to do Gina’s eulogy?” ~Barnabas

…I take that silence as no one.

Gina finally joins her dead husband, in being the only urn that doesn’t float.  Goodbye generation 4.

“Oh… I wish Gina was here right now, she would have loved that food… SOB!!” ~Barnabas

Jeez, get over it already.

“Ok Courtney, I’m here, what did you-” ~Amin

“BAM.  Accept you sexy hobo hipster of a man, you.” ~Courtney

“Aw, isn’t that just sweet of my daughter.” ~Anna

“Oh Courtney!  Of course I will marry you!” ~Amin”

“SUUUU EEEEE!  HERE FISHY FISHY!” ~Anna

“Thanks mom for ruining this romantic moment…” ~Courtney

Oh look the guests have already arrived.  Aren’t they just convenient!

“Ew, you are one of the 87 guys that woohooed with people in my bed D:” ~Joy

“Come on, Amin.  We go get married now!” ~Courtney

“Already?  But I was trying to fuse my face with your computer monitor!” ~Amin

“NOW AMIN, I’m TIRED of waiting on you!” ~Courtney

“You know, this isn’t a half bad wedding shindig you set up, babe.  Even if your parents are showing up in their neon bright pajamas…” ~Amin

“My baby is getting married!  *does a jig in the middle of the aisle*” ~Andrew

And so Amin and Courtney were wed at a lovely little ceremony.  The only thing wrong was the song they chose to go down the aisle with.

Someone left Mime Cat running while the wedding was going on, so that was the soundtrack that played during the ceremony.

Well played, Collins…

The reception consisted of Courtney getting as hammered as she could off of the fruit punch, and Zenith getting as embarrassed as she was drunk over Anna and Andrew making out in the middle of the aisle.

“I now remembered why I moved out in the first place…” ~Zenith

Yeah, because it had nothing to do with your father wanting to kill you over his ex fiance, I’m sure.

“Dayum, I never realized how hot you were before, Remington!  You know what would be hotter?  You and my husband getting together later on for me and-” ~Anna

ANNA!

“Yes well, so long as that weird Amin kid ends up in the mix.  I’m not a big fan of three-” ~Remington

ENOUGH, MOVING ON NOW.

“Joy!  What are you doing using the toilet while my husband is taking a bath?!  Do you not have any shame?!” ~Courtney

*Ignoring out of revenge* ~Joy

“-And then she thought she was going to ignore me, so I chunked her out of the window just now, underwear around the ankles and everything!” ~Courtney

“HAHA!  That’s my girl!” ~Anna

“Haha!  I don’t know what we are laughing at!” ~Travis

“Don’t you have a school to streak naked through somewhere?” ~Courtney

As Amin and Courtney merge together into Amintney in the limo, we bring this chapter to a close.  Next time there might be babies, OR WILL THERE?!

“Of course there will be babies, seeing how far inside I am in my wife that I’m wearing her own bra…” ~Amin

STOP THAT.