I got some nice quiet sim time in this weekend, and I got a lot of photos to work with. So without further ado, let’s go to our opening act, the S.L.O.B., my simself’s kidnapping, and her new escape plan, underway by Linda’s own righthand alley…
“So I was thinking, since we’ve overcome so much, and succeeded with our goal thus far, that we need to take the slombies out for a nice dinner! Destress ourselves, have a good time, the night before we brutally destroy our captive!” ~Brittany
“Yeah, I wish we could, Brittany. But on the night before the big event, anything can go wrong. A sudden break out, a rescue… we can’t risk all that to come undone because the slombies left guard duty for some burgers.” ~Linda
“Oh please. You really think Sabrina’s gonna break out? In that tight hull? And who’d rescue her? She’s been in there for almost a year, nothing has happened! The girls haven’t been out in a long time. They are so strung out from all this work (and you know what work does to slobs). They need the relaxation, take time from beating on each other for their own kicks! Come on! Just a couple of hours out, come back, kill the simself, and sit down for a good old marathon of Mime Cat. The girls are up for it! What do you say?” ~Brittany
“Well… there is a special going on at Googycoo’s where whoever eats a whole stake the size of a plumbob gets free dinner for a week! I was planning on going up there some time and just fart on people who were attempting it!” ~Linda
“Sounds great! I’ll go tell the others!” ~Brittany
“Yeah! This is going to be fantastic! Meet you guys out front!” ~Linda
“Everyone ready to go?!”~ Linda
“Yeah! …Oh wait guys! I forgot my purse! Silly me! I guess I’ll have to look for it! You guys go on ahead, no need to wait for me! I’ll catch up in a little bit…” ~Brittany
With Brittany’s plan underway, we’ll just switch over to the Collins and see what they’re up to…
“I’M A MOVIE STAR :D” ~Barnabas
No you aren’t. Johnny Depp is.
“WHATEVER! It’s MY name up in lights! Yeah! Barnabas Collins, Dark Shadow movie star! I like the sound of myself!” ~Barnabas
Whatever. As long as he’s happy and staying in his coffin. Wait. No he’s not.
Andrew caught the vampire love-bug too I guess.
“Oh Barnabas. Wouldn’t it just be sexy if he bit me right here too?” ~Andrew
“It would be sexy! I agree, husband of mine! I would like to be a vampire myself as well!” ~Anna
The kids, meanwhile, spend a lot of time doing interesting things, trying to be interesting.
“Barnabas Collins in your shot, sexying it up for interest!” ~Barnabas
Not true, the kids are just as interesting! In their own way…
“I make this shot sexy too! Barnabas Collins inserts EVERYWHERE!” ~Barnabas
“Well if it isn’t Gingy Von Bitealot. Seen a tanning salon recently?” ~Amin
“Kindly shove it, ungrateful hobo. If you are even lucky enough to be adopted by my famous Collins family, and indicted into our Collinwood hall of fame, you’ll still have to answer to my wrath one day :D” ~Barnabas
Barnabas is too happy to have any wrath, really. Ok, no more Dark Shadows references. It was an ok movie.
“My, looking gorgeous every day my little flower. I can’t wait for you to grow up so we can move out and live our lives in peace!” ~Amin
“LOL. Actually, if you want to be with me, you’ll have to move into our house. #Thosearetherules. For once, Barnabas is right about that SRRY.” ~Sharon
“Oh fail.” ~Amin
“Barnabas torso in your shot making this pic more-” ~Barnabas
Sexy, I know, go do something more useful already, Barnabas!
“Wait! Don’t forget that you might be with me, Amin! When I grow up and get all pretty and desirable, I may be the one that chooses you for a mate! And then WE can live together in my family home! Can you imagine it like that? Me, you, about seven babies and I’ll play stay at home mommy, and you can be the doctor husband that comes home and drinks because you have self esteem issues. But that’s ok because I’ll also be a super model on the side, and who doesn’t want a super model wife-” ~Barbie
“Does your underaged motermouth sister HAVE to hang out with us too, Sharon? Really ruining the moment over here.” ~Amin
“HEY. You be nice to my youngest daughter too now. She’s right. Once she hits the age she needs to be, it won’t be pedophilia, she’ll be game! Just befriend her and wait, dammit.” ~Old Amin
“:( I don’t have a motormouth… do I? I mean, I like to think of myself as a social little butterfly, because I love everyone, and everyone tends to love me… I just like getting myself out there and known better, because more friends equal more fun, and if we do date down the road, it will make it easier for us to connect with each other you know? And we can have kids quicker and enjoy our lives together longer-” ~Barbie
“Oh honey, please just shut up *farts on Barbie*” ~Amin
“EW, dad! Don’t do that on me! That smells like the back end of a city’s cesspool!” ~Barbie
“Oh SOB! Oh BOO HOO!” ~Scarlett
“What’s she so upset about?” ~Barnabas
I don’t know. Might have something to do with having front row viewing of her uncle bathing himself in the sink.
“I’ve just had a hard day, everyone insulting me, and having some piss poor needs going on over here…” ~Scarlet
“Oh come on, it’s just my weenie.” ~Barnabas
NOT helping Barnabas.
“Ooh, this sponge is still nice and warm for me!” ~Andrew
“I don’t like this family anymore.” ~Leroy
“Dance with me, Anna!” ~Barnabas
“Fine, but you have to do the smustle with me Barnabas. Don’t make me smustle by myself here!” ~Anna
“I don’t like the smustle! I dance to my own groove!” ~Barnabas
“DAMMIT Barnabas, dance my dance or I break your arms!” ~Anna
“Boogie oogie oogie!” ~Barnabas
I don’t think threatening harm on him is going to get him to smustle, Anna.
Meanwhile, out on the patio, Andrew’s love tub broke after it’s initial use. No one could use it. Hell, even the candles were still perfectly fine, there just wasn’t any way to interact with it. Such a sad waste to Andrew’s life points.
So it was replaced with a regular one.
“You go ahead and break in the new tub, Anna! I’m going to go make me one sexy sandwich.” ~Andrew
“Another fabulous Barnabas insert LOLOLOL” ~Barnabas
“Ah, this is a nicer tub. It works, the jets feel fabulous, and the temperature is perfect…” ~Anna
“VAMPIRE AMBUSH!” ~Barnabas and Sunny
“MOM! Get out of the tub! The vampires! They are about to…” ~Courtney
“Oh, NOW it’s a party over here!” ~Anna
Oh dear.
“Sunny? Where’d you go?” ~Barnabas
“Oh noes, wrong person 
sorry about that Anna!” ~Sunny
“Oh don’t worry dear. You won’t hear me complain at all ;)” ~Anna
“Remington, are you ok?!” ~Amin
I think Remington is really starting to overstay his welcome sometimes.
“Should I be concerned for your friend over here?!” ~George
“Don’t worry, I’m not.” ~Amin
Yes, Amin. Let’s get all the omlette crumbs in Remington’s hair so he wakes up dirty and angry.
Also, this happens.
Considering that I don’t even think it’s winter and it hasn’t snowed in a long time…
Then again Barbie is the only one going to a public school. Those crazy public schools.
“So then I told her, ‘your school is letting out for fear that it’s going to snow, Barbie! No school for you!’ And she believed me! Hahaha!” ~Kevin
“Well, I know who I should ground if that was an option for me.” ~Anna
The kids later had a sprinkler party, celebrating the fact that they finally found one of the sprinklers in the front yard that’s been around since the first generation.
“I wish I could join the sprinkler fun :(” ~Nathan
Um, you can?
Then New Amin came over and tried getting touchy feely over there with Sharon in her bathing suit I think, and Anna joined her granddaughter for some sprinkler fun!
“I’m glad you and I are playing together grandma! I love spending time with you! I love spending time with all of my family! Especially outside like this! We need to have a pool party one of these days, and play in the pool and the sprinklers and the hot tubs and throw water balloons at each other, I think that will be a blast, don’t you agree?! Invite all our friends and all our friend’s friends, and make more friends, and have even bigger parties in the future-” ~Barbie
“Oh NO! The little girl’s constant chattering killed her grandmother!” ~George
“Really? I just thought that someone finally hired some sexy themed dancers! I thought we were really about to party down or something!” ~Nathan
*Cued ‘why me, I don’t want to go yet’*
*Cued ‘oh wow, alcohol and tropical afterlife vacation’*
*Cued ‘see ya, suckers!’*
And with that, Our little Anna passed away.
“Hi! Is this where we are burying grandma! LOL #RIPgrandmother #Lovedmydeadgrandma #FuneralParTAYupInHere” ~Sharon
“Oh SOB WAH mama! All I had to wear to your funeral was my wedding dress ;(” ~Courtney
“Oh, my sweet oblivious Anna! Why couldn’t I go first before you?! I miss you so much like a loving spouse should.” ~Andrew
“Hey Courtney. Here’s a tip. Use it to buy some piano lessons or something because damn” ~Barnabas
After party was held in the party room with the bar to help ease the loss with booze. Except with Courtney, who’d be in here even if her mother was still alive.
“I say here here to the latest family member to kick the bucket. I’d say it gets easier the less I’m related to them, but… ok, it does get easier for me actually.” ~Barnabas
“Yeah! Here’s to my… HICdead mama. She’s… HIC… gone and lefted us lots of cash moneys, ‘n Imma gonna byHIC a couch in her memory or somethin…” ~Courtney
“Hon, you are so drunk you aren’t even holding a cup anymore. Think you want to dial it a back a bit or something dear?” ~Amin
“HIC! Wait’a damn minute. Is daytime! HIC! Barmbus! Blarmblaburse! Barnbarn! Whatever. Why’s HIC you still out?” ~Courtney
“I can’t I just enjoy this nice morning?! Leave me be!” ~Barnabas
“Ya know what? Hic? I can dance to that *jigs*” ~Courtney
“YEAH! Finally. Someone who lets me run free! Bleh!” ~Barnabas
…
“HAHA! The maid stinks! Hic! He’s becoming one of us! HAH! ONE OF US! ONE OF US!” ~Courtney
“You know what! I no longer care! It feels so good to let out like this! Yeah!” ~Remington
“FML.” ~Sharon
“I know, freedom is wonderful!” ~Barnabas
BARNABAS, IT’S DAYTIME YOU $&#^!ING MORON.
“I DON’T CARE, BARNABAS IS HERE SEXYING UP YOUR-” ~Barnabas
COFFIN, NOW.
Courtney then later had her birthday, to which no one really noticed off the bat.
“What does a girl who’s done everything she’s ever wanted in her life wish for ? I know! To remain sexy!” ~Courtney
“#WishFailed” ~Sharon
“I know where you sleep, Sharon!” ~Courtney
“Hi? Oh, hi Amin! We invited you to my mother’s party we are having right now, and you didn’t show up, but how coincidental that you called us anyway! LMAO #FutureAwesomeHubby. What’s that? You wanna go on an outing with me! Sounds FTW!” ~Sharon
“I don’t like the sound of that, Sharon. An older guy asking a teen girl like you for an outing downtown in the middle of the night?! You better not go out there by yourself!” ~Kevin
“Yeah, you are right Kevin.” ~Sharon
“Listen Amin. I’ll only go out with you if you let me bring my little sister along! You know since she’s also in the running for your affections and all that too. Think of it as a threeway date! TTLY AWSM, ok?!” ~Sharon
“Maybe I should tell mom…” ~Kevin
I honestly think that maybe Kevin did tell Courtney. Because despite the fact that she wasn’t invited, she showed up with the group anyway.
“No underaged feelies going on while I’m here, ok? :)” ~Courtney
“DAMMIT. I mean… no, yes, I mean that. Style cramper.” ~Amin
“OOH OOH! AMIN! Dance with me right quick! I love to dance! I used to take some ballet in school, but they kicked me off. Something about being loud and distracting to my friend ballerinas. But I can show you some moves if you want!” ~Barbie
“Oh, sure, I’d love to dance! They don’t call me Amin the Astronomical dancer for nothing! Ok, no one calls me that…” ~Amin
“OMG, my sister is sucking up all of Amin’s attention tonight! Dang. I guess I wore no pants for nothing.” ~Sharon
._.
“No wait, I still got a shot in this! Amin! Quick! Look! Have you ever seen a fanny as cute and round and young as mine before?!” ~Sharon
“Haha, look at my daughter butt for even one second you adult pervert and I’ll cut IT off! And don’t think I won’t because I’m such a nice old lady!” ~Courtney
“Must keep staring ahead, must not look down, must keep my member, must keep staring ahead…” ~Amin
“I Slept With My Crazy Vampire Uncle And Lived! Tonight at 7 central on ABC!” ~Kevin
Sure, why not.
“Oh Remington. I’m sorry I’m just not feeling it tonight with you. We get all comfortable and cuddly in my hot tub and now I can’t stop thinking about my poor deceased wife.” ~Andrew
“As if you were ever good at cuddling anyway, Andrew.” ~Remington
“But thinking on it, I don’t want Anna looking down on me and finding out that I’ve been fondling the maid on and off for all these years. She’ll kill me again once I go to the other side with her.” ~Andrew
“Hee hee, too late. That’s why I’m here.” ~Death
“What?!” ~Andrew
“You’ve come to your change of heart too late, Andrew! Anna has seen all from the afterlife, and asked me to come pick you up and take you to the other side. She’s about to kick your ass.” ~Death
“Eep! D-do I at least get an alcoholic beverage to numb the oncoming pain?” ~Andrew
“No.” ~Death
“UGH. And I guess I’ll have to clean THAT up in the morning too, huh?!” ~Remington
And so ended Andrew. Didn’t reach his LTW because of glitching, but died Perma Plat anyway, and was pretty damn good and hiding his many affairs from his wife all on his own. He just wasn’t good enough to hide his marriage to her from Remington. As if that needed hiding.
So the Collin’s will end this chapter on that note, but let’s go back to see how my simself’s escape goes:
“There! Picked the lock and you are good to go! I bought you plenty of time, but you have to get your dog and get out of here now!” ~Brittany
“Thanks Brit! I knew you were good all along! I will spare you from being pasted on the walls once I go home and bring back my boolprop cheats for my own revenge on Linda!” ~Sabrina
“I wouldn’t do that so fast if I were you, Brittany. Sabrina.” ~Linda
“LINDA?! How’d you know what I was doing?” ~Brittany
“Well first off, you don’t have a purse, Brittany. Keeping all your money stuffed up in your sock all these years proved to me that you don’t even own bags!” ~Linda
“REALLY, Brittany?! You shut the door back?! You could have at least let me make a break for it, DAMN!” ~Sabrina
“To think my closest alley betrayed me like this. No matter, you’ve extended your purpose, Brittany. A backstabber like you is no longer a friend of mine. Goodbye, Brittany.” ~Linda
*fart* ~Brittany
“Sorry, I just realized I don’t have this thing set to ‘kill’. It’s just set to ‘colon pressure applier’.” ~Linda
“I sure can’t tell, I’m dying back here now.” ~Sabrina
“AHEM… Goodbye Brittany.” ~Linda
“But Linda… how could you? You knew from the start I didn’t think this was right! I didn’t want to be evil! Linda! Please! What did you do to me?!” ~Brittany
“Dis sucks.” ~Sabrina
“LINDA! Noooooo!” ~Brittany
And so, the S.L.O.B.’s continue their rein to victory as Sabrina’s only helping alley is now dead, and with her execution coming close…
“:I” ~Sabrina
The thrilling conclusion of this crappy subplot (and more important Collins stuffs) next time!
Eventually.
I keep ignoring the S.L.O.B.s.
Theslobacy's Blog 